by Anne Mercier
“Our name's getting out there,“ I reply with a smile.
“Connections to Jesse Kingston don't hurt either,“ someone says from behind us. I look around but can't see who said it.
“What did you say? Who said that?“ Fuck that. We've been working our asses off to get recognition. Yeah it helps to be on tour with Falling Down, but if we hadn't toured with them we'd have toured with Burners and the amazing Lucian Cordero, and they're second runners to Falling Down.
“That shit right there?“ I say with a sneer. “Pisses me the fuck off.“
“Don't let it get to you, Luce,“ Sera says.
“I'm going to shower quickly. I'll be back and then we can celebrate with some rum,“ I lie.
“Rum, baby!“ Sera says with a laugh. I shake my head and make my way to the bus with Mike following behind. I'm not sure why they called in Russo security, part of my personal security team at that, but I'm sure it has something to do with the size of the crowds and their rowdy attitudes.
“Hiya Gio,“ I greet as I reach the bus.
“Hey Lucy.“
“I'm going to grab a quick shower.“
They both nod. “We'll wait for you here, Lucy.“
“Thanks guys.“ I give them a forced smile and head inside. I can hear Falling Down's music all the way out behind the stadium and I can't help but turn my forced smile into a real one.
I strip off my sweat-saturate clothes and take a seat on the lid of the toilet. Nausea rolls through my stomach as it's been doing the past three days. I'd been able to control it and keep it at bay so Jesse didn't freak out thinking I'd gotten the same thing as Sera, but now that we know I'm pregnant I won't have to hide it too much—at least from Jesse and Xander.
I take a sip of vitamin water and immediately regret it. Oh shit.
I stand up, flip the lid and vomit. And vomit. And vomit. Tiny baby, please don't make mama sick. I know you're in there and I'm working to stay hydrated and eat healthy for you so you grow strong.
There's a soft knock on the door as I catch my breath from heaving.
“Lucy?“ Misty asks.
“Unh.“
“Are you alright?“
“Unh.“
I rest my head against the coolness of the porcelain rim, my naked ass on the cold linoleum floor.
“Can I come in?“
“Unh.“ I hope she's not expecting more. I just don't have it in me.
She opens the door cautiously and eyes me warily.
“Oh no. You're sick now too?“
I close my eyes and nod a small nod.
“Goodness.“ She reaches for a washcloth and wets it with cold water then blots the sweat from my brow and face. “We should try to take your makeup off. Do you have to go back out for the after party?“
I nod again.
“We can leave your eye makeup on but get the rest of this off before you shower.“
“K,“ is all I manage.
She bites her lip.
“Remover is in there,“ I tell her, pointing to my small cosmetic case. She grabs the bottle and some cotton balls and begins cleaning off my face. When she finishes she just looks at me.
“Peppermint Life Saver.“
“What?“ she asks.
“Can you get me a peppermint Life Saver, please? I dropped the one Jesse gave me on stage.“
“Right away.“
She leaves the bathroom and I pull myself up on shaky limbs. When I look in the mirror my coloring looks a bit green. Well, that's pretty much how I feel. I turn the water on and Misty knocks again before entering.
She unwraps the candy and puts it on my tongue. “I brought you some ginger ale to sip. Also, try not to make the water too hot. The heat will make the nausea worse.“
I nod. “You are a godsend, Misty. Thank you so much.“
She nods. “Anything you need.“
“Sorry for flashing the goods at ya,“ I tell her with a little smile.
She laughs. “Nothing I haven't seen before,“ she tells me as she cups her own breasts. Now it's my turn to let out a laugh.
“I'll find you something comfortable but appropriate to wear while you cool down.“
I thank her again and take a sip of ginger ale. Amazingly, it doesn't make me want to immediately vomit. That Misty, she's a freaking genius.
I wash my hair, not giving a rat's ass how I look. In all honesty, it was nearly as wet as if I had showered anyway so who's going to be able to tell? It'll just smell a hell of a lot better. I soap up a washcloth and wipe my forehead, cheeks, and chin, then rinse the cloth and wipe my face clean. Gross. Seriously gross.
I wash my body and turn the water off. I reach for the towel and note Misty already brought my clothes as well as comfy shoes. I'm seriously in love with that woman. She takes such great care of us and she's incredibly sweet. I just hope that asshole brother-in-law of hers didn't get as far as I'm afraid he did.
I run a wide-tooth comb through my hair and put in some mousse. Scrunch up my curls and leave it to hang free. I've found a new appreciation for cotton panties and bras on this tour. There's a time and place for Victoria to reveal her secrets. On stage sweating in front of tens of thousands of fans isn't one of them. Hell to the no.
I put on the black leggings and pink Blush tank with black lettering and a huge BFD sign on the back. I slip my black boots on next and take a look in the mirror.
Not too bad, really. Good enough.
I exit the bathroom and finish up the ginger ale.
“Were you able to keep it down?“ she asks.
“Yeah.“
“Good. I'll give you more and put it in a darker glass so they all think you've got an alcoholic beverage.“
I eye her carefully and she eyes me back. “How do you know?“
She shrugs. “I just figured for as passionate as you and Jesse are, whether or not you're using birth control, there is no way a new life wasn't going to be created out of your love.“
“Oh shit,“ I say and start crying.
“Oh no! Please don't cry. I won't tell anyone,“ Misty panics.
“It's not that,“ I wail. “It was so sweet what you said and my hormones are crazy. One minute I'm happy, the next minute I'm pissed off, then I'm crying.“
“Aww Lucy, this is normal.“
“It is? I'm not just a freak?“
She snickers. “You're not a freak.“
I nod and she wipes my face, fixing my makeup smudges.
“There. You're all set and from the sounds of it, they should be done soon.“
I nod again then hug her close. “Misty, I'm so glad you're here with us.“
“Me too. Thank you for saving me.“
Jesus. I can only imagine the kind of hell she's been through to say something like that.
“No thanks needed. You're family now.“
She nods.
“Have you heard anything from your sister?“
“No, but then I dropped my phone out the window on the highway after we left. Ben got me a new one today.“
“Good. If you need anything and I mean anything just come to me, okay?“
She nods.
“Promise me.“
“I promise.“
“Okay. Now, let me put on this fake veneer and sign the worst signature in history with my broken hand. Ha!“
Misty laughs and I snort.
She hands me the ginger ale and my pain medication.
I lift a brow.
“Better now than to have Jesse scold you when you get back.“
“True that,“ I agree. “You want to come with?“
“No, no thank you. Maybe after I get more comfortable with this.“
“I hate to tell you, Misty, you never get comfortable with this. I'm certainly not, but we'll give it a little bit before we let the hyenas meet your sexy ass.“
She snorts.
“Alright. I'll be back,“ I use the worst Arnold imitation ever and laugh at myself as I step off th
e bus. Gio and Mike roll their eyes. “Yeah, yeah,“ I tell them.
Mike strolls toward the building with me as the fans behind the barricades scream and yell—and it's not all nice. There's a lot of profanity directed at me. “Whore Kingston“ seems to be a popular chant.
“Wow,“ I murmur to Mike and he frowns. We're nearly to the door when it happens and, for as alert and jumpy as we both are, neither of us are expecting it.
I hear my name called. Not as they normally do. You know, Lucy, Lucy Kingston, Lucy Russo. No, this one is Luciana Antonia Russo—no Kingston. I turn to see where the voice came from when something large, sharp, and solid connects with my forehead and down I go. My glass flies up in the air to break right next to me. As I brace my hand, a large piece of said glass gets embedded into my hand but I don't feel it. Hell, at this point I'm not feeling anything. Everything's in slow motion with an aura of darkness closing in on my vision. My hand slips and my body hits the pavement. Then my head bounces a couple times, like once wasn't enough. I've still got a pinpoint hole of vision as I lay there. My eyes scan and that's when I see him. The same guy from earlier in the day. The one who disappeared before I could point him out to Damian.
He's grinning as the crowd goes crazy, security begins to surround me, and Mike's on with nine-one-one. I try to tell them it's him. I'm able to point my finger, but only in my mind. I commit his image to memory. The grey eyes. The short, blonde hair. The crooked nose and thin lips. His features are sharp and angular and he's got a scar on his jawline. I know him somehow. He sees me watching him and he frowns. I narrow my eyes at him and his lips thin. I wink and send him a grin just before I give in to the blackness.
“LOST SO MUCH BLOOD…“
“…pregnant“
“baby is going to be…“
Everything is in fragments as I try to surface. Where the fuck am I and what happened? Why does my entire body ache…again? What did I do this time? I try to remember what happened, but the memory is just out of reach.
I try to open my eyes as I hear Jesse calling my name. “Open your eyes, baby. Lucy, come back to me. You can do it. Fight.“
I am fighting. I'm fighting so damn hard but I can't get my eyes open. I can't move my fingers, toes, arms, or legs and I start to panic. My chest hurts. Oh God, it hurts. I can't breathe. I'm cold, so damn cold. Why are hospital waiting rooms always so hot but all the patient rooms so cold? Don't they know we need the heat? Fuck the guests waiting. Keep us warm.
I can't stay awake anymore, it hurts too much. Sharp and … darkness.
“There is no hope unmingled with fear, and no fear unmingled with hope.“
—BARUCH SPINOZA
“WHAT THE FUCK happened?“ I shout as I run into the emergency room.
Damian turns to me with a grim expression.
“Fuck.“ I grab him by his shirt. “Tell me she's okay. Just tell me she's okay.“
He takes a breath. “We're not sure yet.“
“What happened? How the fuck could this happen with the extra security? They're so far up my ass I can spit for them, but Lucy gets hurt? Are you fucking kidding me?“
I know I'm being irrational. Shouting isn't going to help but motherfucker. That's my wife in there and she's carrying my baby.
“Christ.“
I walk up to the nurse's station.
“My wife was brought in. Luciana Kingston.“
“Yes, sir. They've got her in back and are working on her now.“
“I need to see her. Please.“
“I'm sorry, but no one can go back there while they're working on her.“
“What do you mean by working on her? Can you get one of the people who are 'working on her' up here? There's some really fucking important information they need to know now!“ I'm gripping the edge of the desk so tightly I'm surprised it's not ground to dust. The woman scurries away and within minutes the “no admittance“ door opens. A nurse with a fuck-ton of blood over her scrubs comes out and I gulp.
“Mr. Kingston. What information?“ she asks, all business.
“My wife—“ my voice cracks. I swallow. “My wife is pregnant. Please,“ I say, grabbing the sleeve of her top when she turns to go back in. “Is she…?“
“We're stabilizing her now. We've got the best doctors on staff in there. We'll take as much care with the baby as we can. But if it comes down to your wife or the baby—“
“My wife,“ I tell her, cutting her off. I can't live without Lucy. “My wife.“
She nods. “It may not come to that, but if it does.“
I nod. “Always Lucy.“
She nods again. “I'll be back to update you as soon as possible.“
“Thank you,“ I whisper and then I collapse to my knees, my fingers thread into my hair and I pull hard. I hear an anguished cry, like an animal being beaten within an inch of its life and when Xander puts a hand on my shoulder, I realize it's coming from me.
“Jesse,“ Xander helps me up. “She's going to be alright.“
I nod, swallowing hard. “She has to be. I can't…“ My voice cracks and tears run unchecked down my face. I don't give a fuck who sees it. I just… don't. “I can't, Xan. Without her…“ I shake my head.
“I know, man. I know. She's tough. That little shit is a fighter and she won't give up so don't you give up either.“
“Yeah,“ I agree, wiping the tears from my cheeks.
Sera and the rest of the bands come running through the door.
“Jesse?“ she asks, and I don't have any answers.
“They're working on her,“ I whisper and Sera lets out an anguished cry much like mine. I reach for her and pull her into my chest, clinging to the one other person in the world who understands how impossible it will be to survive without Luce.
“She's going to be okay,“ she sobs. “She'll be okay.“
“Sera,“ I whisper. “She's pregnant.“
Her head flies up, her gaze locks onto mine. “Oh God.“
I swallow and feel a tear slip from my eye.
“It'll be alright,“ Xander keeps saying as if repeating it over and over will make it so. “It has to be.“
I meet my brother's gaze across the room and his expression is as grim as mine. My baby sister, Janalee, hugs into him. She hasn't met Lucy yet. Jesus. She hasn't met my wife. No, not my wife—my life.
“I won't make it if she doesn't,“ I whisper.
Sera nods. “Me neither.“
“They asked, if it came down to it, if Lucy or the baby—“
Her head snaps up again. “Lucy,“ she interrupts.
I nod. “That's what I said. You know if she makes it through this but the baby doesn't…“
“Not to discount this baby, but Jesse, there'll be other babies. There is only one Lucy,“ she affirms.
“I know that and you know that.“ But convincing Lucy of that if it comes to that, well, that's going to be one hell of a battle.
Sera nods.
“We'll cross that bridge when we get there, if we get there,“ she whispers.
I nod.
“Why don't you two sit down before you fall down?“ Ethan directs us to the chairs in the corner. Some stupid talk show is on the TV.
Xander sits next to me and looks around the waiting room. “A junkie and a homeless dude walk into an emergency room…“ he trails off.
I nod. Yeah. Can't even come up with a joke when it's right in front of your face when your future hangs in the balance.
Sera leans against me, holding tight to my shirt. I'm a sweaty fucking mess. We'd just gotten done with the show when Gio came busting through the back door and I knew. I knew the minute I saw the ambulance lights flashing that it was Lucy. I felt it when I was on stage. It was like someone sucker punched me to the gut in the middle of our last song and I couldn't catch my breath. The guys all gave me looks but I couldn't do anything but shake my head. Now I know. Now I know why.
I don't know how long we're sitting there before Cage comes hurrying
in the double doors. Fury unlike any I've ever known flows through me but Sera beats me to it.
“Where the fuck were you?“ she yells at him.
“Sera—“
“Don't you try to placate me you son of a bitch. Where were you when security was all up Jesse's ass but leaving Lucy wide fucking open? One security guard out back with mobs of fans along the barricades? Are you fucking stupid?“ She shoves him, hard.
He looks at me.
“Dude. Better not…“ Ethan warns.
Cage looks at Damian. “What the fuck happened? Where was her detail?“
“Mike said they were there when she went on stage and when she came off the only one still there was him. Gio was at the bus with Misty but the others were fucking gone, man,“ Damian explains with barely checked rage.
“Who.“ It's neither a question or a statement but rather a threat.
Damian stares at Cage and Cage nods.
“They fucked up. This is going to be a massacre when I get off the phone with Giovanni Russo,“ Cage says with a cold smile.
I have no idea what they're talking about but Sera tenses up.
“What are they talking about?“ I ask.
She shakes her head. “Not here.“
“Where better?“ I ask. “The fucking morgue?“
She flinches but meets my gaze. “The Manzini's.“
“What?“
“The motherfuckers who killed my parents,“ she whispers. “They saw we were on tour and were making threats. Cage, Damian, and Grandpa Russo arranged for more security. Apparently some of the security wasn't really security.“
I run a hand through my hair. “Jesus fucking Christ.“ What the fuck is going on? Is this shit real? “Shit like this only happens in movies,“ I murmur aloud.
“No, Jesse. Shit like this happens in our family. It happens all the time. It just hasn't been this close to us because we haven't been this exposed,“ she corrects.
“Whoa,“ Xander whispers.
I look around the room. It's empty except for all of us. Someone cleared out the strangers.
Cage meets my gaze. “I've got a phone call to make.“ He doesn't look away.
My jaw hardens, my fists clench. “Tell Mr. Russo I'd really like it if he could come to Denver.“