by TJ Seitz
was still there. He bought Wally a coke from the vending machine, asked him how he was doing and thanked him for all he did at the store.
Wally sensed that he was pretty shook up and seemed glad that no one was hurt.
They talked a few minutes about what happened and Ken told Wally that he should be getting home. It was after midnight.
Grashole spent the next six months pestering Wally about what the girls’ tits looked like with their shirts off. Wally told Mitch he spent too much time around the meat cutters (who had a perverted warped sense of humor) and refused to tell him anything other than that he saw nothing because it was so dark; which was a lie.
What Mitch did not know would not hurt him.
Nothing to do on a Friday Night
Wally’s older brother Festus also worked at the store part-time.
Fes was nineteen years old. He dropped out of high school in eleventh grade and worked overnights in the bakery; making donuts, rolls, bagels and bread.
Fes was about six foot-one and weighed one hundred and sixty-five pounds.
The man-child was basically all muscle and ego. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on his body because his hobbies were working out at the gym and boxing.
His short cropped hair and eyes were brown. He had yellow teeth from chewing tobacco.
During the summer he would often wear clunky, untied hiking boots with white socks, red gym shorts and a black waiter’s vest, that he stole from a job he worked about three days. The outfit showed off his lean physique.
He had a reputation of being mean to bullies and never losing a fight so no one ever said anything about his unique sense of fashion.
Festus and Wally’s room was disgusting. Their mother insisted that the boy’s always keep the door closed so that the smell was contained and she didn’t have to look at the pigsty.
All flat surfaces in the room were covered with little paper Dixie Cups from the bathroom that Fes used to spit chew in, dirty dishes, cassette tapes and crumpled candy wrappers. The brown Berber carpet was stained with ground in mud and green modeling clay.
Two metal folding chairs were in the center of the room. Donut glaze crusted jeans and sweatshirts were draped over the backs of the seats. Solitary socks, torn t-shirts and other breeds of dirty laundry that never made it into the hamper were scattered all over the floor.
Posters of Bo Derek, Debra Harry, Kiss and a Conan The Barbarian were Scotch-taped to the pine paneling. The walls were peppered with dents from all the bb’s the boys randomly shot at each other for fun.
Five or six mini-crossbow bolts were stuck in the door and window frames.
The place reeked of unwashed sheets, tobacco juice and rancid chicken soup.
Wally poured a jar of Nana’s homemade broth on his brother’s mattress about four years ago to get him back for something. Festus was away for several days at the time but never noticed or said anything when he returned. The smell has lingered ever since.
A cheap brown K-mart blue light special telephone was mounted on the wall next to their bunk bed. The unit had an extra-long cord attached to the handset so the person using the device could walk around or lay on their bed to talk and not be restricted.
Laura shoplifted the phone when she was at Perinton Square Mall with one of her girlfriends.
She gave it to Wally because she did not like the color. It sat on the desk in Wally and Fes’ room for months before they did anything with it.
Festus eventually bought some wire from Radio Shack and ran a line to their bedroom. The brothers enjoyed the novelty of being able to call and talk to their girlfriends without having to go downstairs to the kitchen or den.
The phone was a short lived amenity for the boys. Their mother removed it at the end of the summer when she received a $365 bill from Rochester Telephone.
Festus apparently called a couple 1-900 numbers and the conversations he had were charged to the phone bill. He adamantly denied any wrongdoing and said that he thought they were toll free1-800 numbers he saw on TV for buying body building magazines, like Iron Man, not phone sex.
It was Friday night. Fes and Wally were hanging out in their room. There were still a few hours left before Fes needed to be at the store.
The brothers were playing Video Pinball on the Atari 2600 system attached to a twelve inch black and white TV. The game system and television set were set up on a cheap sheet metal shelf that Wally anchored to the wall with screws to prevent it from falling over again.
“Hitch a Ride” was playing on the Sears record player. Boston was one of the five albums the boys still owned that were not scratched beyond usage. Those were The Eagles Greatest Hits, Days of Future Past, Pieces of Eight and Dr. Demento’s Mementos.
All stereo equipment in the room was stacked on a piece of plywood that was placed over four cinderblocks. Only the radio and record player worked at the moment. The 8-track player broke a couple years ago. The compact cassette player would work fine as soon as someone made a concerted effort to untangle the audio tape currently stuck in the cradle from the inner workings of the contraption.
Speakers were mounted in each of the room’s four corners. Their mother was always yelling at them to turn the volume down. They usually ignored her until she cut power to their room by removing the fuse from the box in the basement for a few hours.
The boys were also shot-gunning cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer while they each took turns playing the game. Festus bought a 12-pack earlier that day. He was still legal to buy beer for a few more months. The State was going to raise the drinking age to twenty-one at the end of the year
There was a store employee party being thrown that evening.
Dave worked evenings in the meat department. He cleaned equipment.
His parents were gone for the weekend and left him and his older sister home alone. They decided to celebrate and invited their friends over.
Wally was not invited to the keg party. Laura was out of town visiting relatives in Williamsport, Pennsylvania. Festus had to work so attending the gathering did not matter to him one way or the other.
The boys were getting bored and the effects of the beer were kicking in. They started pestering each other for things to do that were more fun than watching TV or playing video games.
Wally spontaneously suggested, “Fes, we should make a crank phone call to Dave’s party.”
Festus’ face lit up. He then handed Wally a phone book and said, “I dare you to do it Butt-munch! I’ll give you five dollars if you do it!”
Wally looked up Richards (Dave’s last name), checked it against the street he knew Dave lived on and dialed the corresponding number he found.
Wally had no idea what he would say if someone actually answered the phone, but figured he could pull something out of his ass in the spur of moment;
Phone: “Brrrrring…….Brrrrrring…….Brrrrrrrrring.”
Cathy: “Hey Dave! The phone’s ringing. Is it OK if I answer it?”
Dave: “WHAT?! I CAN HARDLY HEAR YOU! THE MUSIC IN THE OTHER ROOM IS TOO FUCKING LOUD! EVERYONE SHUT UP AND TURN THAT SHIT DOWN! I CAN’T HEAR WHAT CATHY’S SAYING”
Cathy: “SOMONE’S CALLING!!!!”
Dave: “ANSWER THE PHONE!!!”
Cathy: “HELLO!”
Wally: “Yes, this is Officer Stedenko of the Fairport Police Department. We received complaints from your neighbors that there’s underage drinking going on at this address and a policeman is on their way to check ID’s.” (click…)
Cathy: “HELLO! COULD YOU REPEAT WHAT YOU SAID? WHO IS THIS? DID YOU SAY OFFICER WHAT? HELLO? HELLO? SHIT! They hung up. DAVE!!!!! I THINK THE COPS ARE ON THEIR WAY OVER TO ID EVERYONE!!!!!
DAVE: “WHAT?!!........”
Wally and Festus were in tears laughing afterward.
Festus did not think Wally would have the balls or quick thinking to come up with wha
t he did. Fes reluctantly gave up his five dollars in the end.
According to the chatter in the break room the next day, Dave freaked out, ordered the music to be turned down. He then insisted that all the underage drinkers to go into the basement and quietly wait for the next three hours.
Dave’s sister Molly though continued socializing with the college aged attendees.
The older guests all thought the call was a hoax but none of the younger party-goers believed them, even with supporting facts.
Upon hearing the few details of the call that Cathy could provide, such as the caller being from the Fairport Police Department and the officer’s name being Stedenko they assumed it was a ruse.
The location of the party was in the jurisdiction of the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office, not the Fairport Police Department. Officer Stedenko was a character from a popular 1970’s Cheech and Chong Skit and police don’t call to warn people that they are coming.
The inexperienced crowd would not listen to reason so their wiser peers didn’t bother wasting their breath after their initial explanation. They all laughed amongst themselves about the cleverness of the prank, playing on the nativity of the underage kids so that the joke would not affect anyone who knew better.
While the legal guests continued celebrating upstairs and in the garage, the rest of the crowd sat silently in the dark basement until it became obvious they were hoodwinked.
The police never showed up.
Dave became very angry at that point and was determined to figure out who pulled the stunt. His