by CK Dawn
I scared her. She screeched and fell over, bounced off the bed and landed on her butt on the floor. "Konstanz! What are you doing still awake?"
The sun was just peeking over the horizon and I could barely make her out in the dim light. No bruises this time, no cuts or gaping wounds. That was a relief. Her clothes were torn, though, still the same ones she'd been wearing the day before.
"I couldn't sleep. How was work?"
"It was—it was long. Go to sleep. You have class in four hours."
"Navi," I rolled over onto my side so I could face her. "You…you would tell me if…" I didn't even know how to ask her. I wasn't even sure I knew what I wanted to ask.
She pushed herself to her feet and pulled off her boots. "What's wrong, K?"
"Is your job dangerous, Navi?"
She paused mid-boot-half-off-her-foot. "Yes…" she said slowly. Never mind the fact that I had spent hours stitching her back up and I already knew her job was dangerous.
"More dangerous than regular probation officer jobs?"
She was quiet for a long time, watching me in the twilight while I watched her back. Finally she answered, so quietly I almost didn't hear her. "Yes."
"That's why you don't tell me details? Because it could get you in trouble?"
Her face was hidden in shadows but her voice was infinitely sad. "No. I don't tell you because it could get you in trouble."
"You're protecting me with your—" lies "—secrets?"
She crossed the floor on her knees and knelt next to my bed, smoothing my hair away from my face. "I would tell you everything if I could, K. I know it doesn't seem like it, but I don't like keeping so much from you. You, of all people. But I don't have a choice. And it kills me every. Single. Time."
I could hear it in her voice, just how much it hurt her to lie to me. She didn't want to. And it hit me then—her secrets, her isolation, it made her miserable. She was isolated, in a world completely her own, fighting whatever she fought all by herself. And she was so, so lonely.
"You don't have to be alone," I said without meaning to. "I'm here, Navi."
Pretty sure there was a tear tracing its way down her cheek, but she made no move to brush it away. "I know, K."
I wasn't sure she did know. She held the weight of the world on her shoulders, and it was slowly killing her. She went to take a shower and then went to class and I stayed in bed and stared at the ceiling because I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't let her do this. Not alone. No wonder she was always half-broken hearted.
Bryson
"Look, I know we aren't friends," I said as soon as Bryson showed up for dinner the next night. Navi was cooking, so I pushed him outside and shut the door.
"What the hell, Konstanz? We parted on okay terms yesterday." He scowled, crossing his arms over his chest.
I waved my hands through the air. "That doesn't make us friends."
He quirked an eyebrow but I continued before he could explain. "Anyway, we've gotta work together for Navi. She's…work is rough right now. She needs support. She needs sleep. She does not need someone trying to seduce her all the time or someone else asking all the questions."
His eyes narrowed. "I don't try to seduce her, and I definitely don't ask all the questions. I gave that up. She never gave me the answers I wanted."
I shook my head, shoving my hair out of the way but my fingers just got tangled. Dang baby fine hair, anyway. "I'm the one that does the asking. Right now, can we just focus on getting her through this rough patch at work?"
He shrugged. "Fine. Not like I was making a lot of progress anyway."
I jabbed a finger in his chest. Yeah, he was, like, seven inches taller than me, but it didn't matter. "And no more mention of Alec at all. Got it? No girlfriends, no bar scenes, nothing."
"So I guess telling her he said he'd never liked brunettes was a mistake?" He winced.
I threw my hands up, nearly ripping my head off because my fingers were still caught in my hair. "Why on earth would you think that was ever a good thing to say?" Seriously, his stupidity amazed me sometimes and I thought long and hard about strangling him right there on the front porch.
"I—I'm not sure…" he ran a hand through his perfectly styled hair and stared at the ceiling. "She makes me crazy. You know, before her I was completely normal. I didn't say stupid things, I didn't pout, I wasn't desperate."
"Yeah yeah, she's powerful. Blah blah blah. Do it again and I'll kill you while you sleep. Do you understand me?"
He smiled, which I wasn't expecting, and reached up to gently untangle my fingers. "You're ripping all the pretty curls out," he said.
I glowered for several long seconds, waiting for an answer. He smoothed the hair back and met my eyes. "Yes. I promise. I will be the best friend-zoned guy you've ever met. Biggest cheerleader. Wahoo. Can we go eat now? I skipped lunch and I'm starving."
I eyed him for several more seconds before I finally nodded. "Fine. But I'm watching you."
He chuckled as I swung the door open. "Oh, I know. All five feet of you."
"I’m 5'5"," I snarled.
Navi smiled, looking up from her pan. "You never assume a girl's shorter than she is, Bryson. It's like weight. You just don't go there."
Reese shrugged. "I could care less how tall everyone thinks I am."
"That's because you don't have to fight tooth and nail for every inch," I responded. Reese shrugged and went back to her book.
"What's cooking? Do you need help?" Bryson passed me, dropping his jacket on the hook, and went to the cupboard to dig out dishes.
"Mac and cheese from the blue box. My specialty." Navi grinned. Domestic was not one of her strong points but she could rock peanut butter sandwiches and mac and cheese like nobody's business.
He set the table, keeping his hands obediently to himself, and Navi dished up dinner, throwing in a vegetable at the last minute. Because health and food pyramid.
"So what are we gonna do tonight?" Terrie asked. She was barely dressed in what I think was a slip.
Reese barely looked at her before pointing sternly back toward the hallway Terrie had just emerged from. "No."
Terrie gave Bryson a wicked grin and backed away, disappearing into the hall's shadows. I peeked through my lashes to see if Bryson was drooling, surprised at the jealousy that stirred in my stomach. I was literally trying to help Bryson hook up with my best friend. Why did I care if he noticed Terrie?
He didn't though. He was watching me, instead, one eyebrow raised in amusement. Something fluttered, replacing the jealousy.
Wait, what?
Nope. Nope. Just nope.
"Sorry about that. She's not a freak unless there's a guy in the house." Reese dished broccoli onto her plate while simultaneously rolling her eyes and tapping on her phone. She paused, considering her words. "Well…she's not quite such a freak. She's always messed up."
Navi smiled fondly toward the hall Terrie had disappeared through. "She's just in need of more attention than a house full of girls can give her."
Terrie flounced back in with teeny tiny shorts under her slip shirt-thing and stuck her tongue out at Reese. Reese's grip tightened on her fork but she said nothing. "So Bryson," Terrie smiled sweetly. "We sure have been seeing a lot of you recently." Bryson had been to our house many times, and Terrie's interest had grown with his increasing vulnerability. She was like some rabid beast sensing a wounded animal.
It was terrifying, really.
"Yeah. Konstanz and Navi have really taken this lonely boy under their wings." He winked at me and I studiously ignored the butterflies.
Because no.
Navi just smiled and jabbed at her broccoli with too much enthusiasm, oblivious to Bryson's wink or my traitorous butterflies. Butterflies I was determined to feed to the birds. . "This lonely boy just shoved our wings up without really asking our permission," I practically snarled.
Navi choked on her broccoli. While Bryson pounded her on the back, he kept his eyes on me, an u
nreadable expression on his face. I couldn't tell if it was amusement or maybe a tinge of anger, but with Navi hacking and coughing, there wasn't time to clarify.
I ate quickly and escaped, claiming I had a paper to work on. Which I did, but that wasn't why. I was confused—about my actions, my words, my reaction to Bryson. To my vanity mirror, I hissed, "You're trying to hook him up with your best friend."
Navi padded in, exhausted and barely coherent. "You left before they decided what they're doing tonight, so they decided without you."
"You're not going?" I asked.
"She has to work. Big surprise." Bryson leaned against the doorjamb and crossed his arms over his broad chest. I gave him a pointed look and he cleared his throat. "Which I wholeheartedly support."
Smooth. I rolled my eyes.
So did he, apparently as disgusted with his stupidity as I was. He cocked an eyebrow at me. "So? You in?"
"I have a paper to write."
"When's it due?"
"Next week."
He left his position in the doorway and came in, grabbing my hand when I went to thunk myself down at my desk. "Come with us, K. I don't want to go without you."
Something warm slid through my bones and left them weak. Navi hid an amused smile behind a curtain of hair like she could see exactly what was going on. "I—"
"Please?" He hit me with puppy dog eyes, and I was loath to deny him. I was the nice one. That would be rude, right? And I was never rude.
Except for lately.
"Okay. I just gotta change."
Three
Bryson
Navi, of course, ditched us to go to work, but Konstanz agreed to come out that night. Which was a relief because those other girls they roomed with? They were weird. Terrie wouldn't keep her hands to herself and Reese was slightly terrifying.
I left the couch and Terrie's hands and went to wait in the kitchen, randomly washing the dishes because Navi hadn't had time to do it and it kept me from fidgeting anxiously. Hurry up, Konstanz.
Navi breezed out, waving, formidable as usual. "Thank you for doing that, Bryson," she said, dropping a kiss on my cheek as she flew out. It was the most I ever got from her.
My attention was still on the front door, so when Konstanz came out it was like everything moved in slow motion. My gaze jerked from Navi's retreating form, moving inch by inch across the room and landed on her best friend. Suddenly, I couldn't swallow.
Couldn't breathe, really.
She'd changed from her scrubs to a short skirt, thigh high black boots and a corset-style top that accentuated her curves and my mouth ran dry. My hands, drowning in dishwater, clenched uselessly at the bubbles.
Damn, she was gorgeous.
Probably the only person I'd met who could hold a candle to Navi.
Or blow Navi's candle completely out.
She raised an eyebrow and I realized my mouth was hanging open. "Are we going?"
I couldn't respond. Yes, I'd been a bit distracted by Konstanz lately. Ever since our talk yesterday, actually, I'd been unable to get her out of my head. When I'd gone home to an empty house because Navi had left for work, I'd barely noticed. And yes, I'd seen Konstanz all dressed up the first night I met them, and at our party, but I'd been so focused on Navi I'd barely registered that she'd had friends, let alone gorgeous ones.
But damn.
"You look good," I murmured, my voice catching.
"Thanks."
"Nice, Konstanz." Reese apparently approved. "Let's go. I'll drive." She snatched a set of keys off the ring by the door and Terrie fell into line behind her. I wasn't entirely sure she wouldn't get us kicked out of the club in that outfit, but whatever.
"I'll actually drive myself." I grabbed my jacket off the hook and Reese looked over her shoulder at me like I'd insulted her greatest ancestors.
"I always drive."
"I'll ride with Bryson," Konstanz said brightly, breezing past Reese and Terrie. I'd given her an escape I hadn't even known she needed.
Go me.
She paused by my door but I didn't unlock it until I got close enough to open it for her. "Thanks," she said softly as she slid easily into the low slung seat. She looked good against the leather. Like she belonged there, her long hair tumbling around her. It was light brown, silky waves that my hands itched to run through. My whole body responded to her like I was an out of control hormonal teenager, and I had to force myself to shut her door and walk calmly to my side like the adult I was.
"It's just Konstanz," I muttered. "It's not Konstanz I'm in love with. Remember Navi? She's who I'm trying to get here."
Nice pep talk, but suddenly I wasn't so sure.
I needed a drink. That was all.
I had a drink. I had many drinks. With each one, I had a harder time keeping my hands to myself.
And off of Konstanz.
Her skin was so smooth, her hair was so soft. That smile nearly did me in every time. She spent the majority of the night with me on the dance floor, because the second I let her out of my sight, five guys were lined up for her attention. And I couldn't stand it. I didn't want them to feel her skin or her curves pressed against them while they danced. I didn't want them to brush her silk-like hair away from her cheek. And I didn't want her smile to land on their lips.
She didn't seem to want those things, either, and spent the evening at our table hiding behind me or dancing with me. In my arms.
And it felt right. So right.
I'd danced with Navi before. I'd sung with Navi before, but there always seemed to be a wall to climb with her. With Konstanz, there was no wall. She smiled, she was fun, and she seemed to even like my presence. The more time I spent with her, the less I could even remember Navi's name.
But surely, that was the alcohol, right?
"Konstanz! Karaoke, now!" Reese bellowed in typical Reese fashion as she breezed by.
Konstanz tipped the last of her water past her lips and set down her cup. "Nope."
"What do you mean, nope?" Reese was clearly not used to being told no, which made no sense because Konstanz said it all the time.
Konstanz waved her off and Reese, bewildered and annoyed, tugged Terrie up on stage.
Konstanz smiled down at her cup, so adorable it made me ache. I pulled her between my legs while I sat on a stool and held her there, relishing the warmth of her back against me. "Why don't you go up there?"
My mouth was dangerously close to her ear. I could almost feel the skin of it between my teeth, if I leaned a little closer…
"I don't sing in front of people."
That dragged me out of my alcohol-induced haze. "What? Yes, you do. You did the first night we met."
She shrugged and her hair shimmered off her shoulder and across my hands. I almost died. "Only with Navi. And she's not around anymore."
The pain in her voice startled me. She was so super supportive all the time that I hadn't realized at what cost. Slowly, I turned Konstanz to face me, my hands lingering traitorously on her hips. "You miss her."
Her soft green eyes stared at the buttons on my shirt. I leaned down to catch her gaze and she almost smiled. "Yeah," she said. "I miss her a lot. I know it's not her fault. She doesn't want to work so much. But there are so many secr—" she hesitated and looked away. "I just don't feel like I'm part of her life anymore. Maybe I never was."
I'd been so wrapped up in my own pain at Navi's indifference that I had completely overlooked Konstanz's. I'd watched the girl I'd fallen hard for hook up with my roommate, break my roommate's heart, and completely reject me when I tried to step in, but Konstanz had lost her best friend.
"Hey. I'm here. And you've got Reese and Terrie. You're not alone."
She smirked and glanced over her shoulder. "Yeah. They're great."
They weren't great. Especially at singing. Not without Navi, who sang like an angel.
I gently tugged Konstanz's chin back toward me. "Well, you've got me."
She rolled her eyes. "Until you eithe
r give up on Navi or get Navi. Then you'll be gone, too."
Her words hit me hard. They packed a punch. I'd have to give up Konstanz if I hooked up with Navi. How had I never realized that? "It's not going to happen."
She raised one perfect eyebrow, a smile playing around her lips. "That you'll get her or give up on her?"
"That I'll be gone," I answered slowly. "I'm not going anywhere." I didn't know if it was the alcohol or the strange mix of emotions I'd felt since the day before—maybe longer—I was so confused. I didn't…I didn't know what I was doing, but my mouth acted of its own accord and I leaned toward her.
She backed up, hand planted firmly on my chest. "What are you doing?"
Play it cool or lay it all out there for her?
I eyed her, trying to decide which would go over best.
Probably neither.
"Look." I raked a hand through my hair, wondering where my buzz had gone. "I don't—I'm a little conflicted right now."
She crossed her arms over her chest and arched an eyebrow. I was starting to realize that was just her reaction to most of the things that came out of my mouth.
"I can't stop thinking about you, okay? The first thing in my head when I opened my eyes today was you. Not Navi."
Her eyes widened but I couldn't stop. "The last thing I remember before I fell asleep last night was you. Not Navi. I've wanted her for so long, but now I keep seeing you and I don't know—I don't know what to do."
Her eyes narrowed and her mouth turned down.
Clearly, I should have lied.
"You don't know what to do? You mean, you can't pick between us? Are you serious with this?"
I opened my mouth, but no words came out. Blame it on the alcohol. Blame it on the music. Say something!
"I'll make it easy for you. I don't want a boyfriend. Holy crap, Bryson. I've seen how this whole mess tore up you and Navi and Alec. Do you honestly think I want to go through that? Hell no I don't. I'll be your friend. I'll be Navi's friend. But that's it. I'm not looking for love and I'm definitely not going to jump through hoops to try to beat my best friend for your attention."