Yearning swelled through her, a need to fall into his spell and let him sweep her away from her life, from the memories, from the terrifying thought of losing her home. For a minute, for a day, for however long it lasted, she knew that Jason could fill that emptiness inside her, and she knew she could fill his.
His hand grew heavy around the back of her neck, asking her to yield, to allow him to pull them together.
“I can’t,” she whispered, even as her body succumbed to his unspoken request, letting him tug her against him. Her breasts touched his chest, and electricity leapt through her, a sudden pulse of desire so intense she felt her blood burn through her veins.
Jason’s eyes darkened, and she could feel the steady beat of his heart against her chest. “I came here to find you,” he said, his voice rough with emotion that plunged straight into her heart. “I knew it the moment you walked into my restaurant.”
Astrid swallowed, fighting to stay above the swell of desire and need trying to consume her. “I don’t even know you. You’re a stranger—”
He brushed his lips across the corner of her mouth, and Astrid closed her eyes, her body soaring at the tender intimacy of the touch. Dear God, how long had it been since a man had kissed her like that? As if she were a treasure that he planned to spend the entire night cherishing, inch by inch by inch?
“We’re not strangers,” he whispered as he kissed the other side of her mouth. “Can’t you feel the connection of our souls? As if an invisible thread has been pulling us together and we finally were able to find each other? It’s like our souls have been incomplete, and now they’ve found the part that was missing.”
Astrid squeezed her eyes shut and gripped Jason’s shoulders as he trailed a row of the most delicate kisses along her jaw. “I don’t believe in that kind of thing,” she whispered, unable to keep the emotion out of her voice. Dear God, the words he was saying were so beautiful, she wanted to cry. How could there be someone saying those kinds of things to her? And sounding like he meant it? She wanted it to be real, to be able to open her eyes and discover that this man, with all his depth and his passion and his fire, really meant it, that something had happened to her to make this really be true. But it wasn’t. She knew it wasn’t. She didn’t live in a fantasy world anymore. She knew better than to delude herself. “Life is just a series of incidents you survive—”
“Fuck that.” Jason pulled back, and she opened her eyes to see fire blazing in his. “I won’t live like that anymore. I fucking won’t. And you shouldn’t either.”
She stared at him, and for the first time in forever, she felt a breath of hope. “I don’t want to,” she whispered. “I want the magic and the fairytale.”
He grinned, a wicked smile that plunged right to her soul, and she knew in that moment that Jason was her magic. He was her fairytale. He was her moment.
His smile faded, and raw desire flashed in his eyes at her expression. His fingers tightened on the back of her neck, and his other hand slid down her back and wrapped around her lower back. One quick tug, and her hips were against his, the hardness of his erection pressing into her belly.
She swallowed, and she knew this time, she wasn’t going to stop him. She needed this man. She needed to be touched by a man who saw her pain and answered it with his own. She needed to be kissed by this tormented male who was so desperate for what she could give him.
He wanted nothing from her, nothing but to find relief from his demons, which was exactly what she needed too.
This time, he didn’t ask. This time, when he lowered his head, she knew it wasn’t going to be a demure kiss on the corner of her mouth. This time, he was going to unleash all that depth inside of him into the kind of kiss she’d been waiting for.
And she was ready.
Chapter Five
The moment his lips touched hers, Jason knew he was lost to Astrid, to the kiss, to the passion that exuded from her.
He couldn’t keep the kiss gentle. He couldn’t be the refined suitor. He couldn’t offer the restraint he’d always shown when he kissed a woman. Everything was lost the moment he kissed Astrid, everything that had defined him his entire life. Gone was the discipline, the focus, the dignity. In its place was a raw, untamed passion that tore through him like an inferno gone mad, and it felt unbelievable.
Astrid’s body was warm and soft against his, her breasts crushed against his chest, her kiss just as fervent as his. He could taste her need, and he knew that she burned for it as much as he did, as if he was the very same relief for her that she was for him.
Lust raced through him at the realization that she needed him, that the kiss wasn’t a one-sided, empty routine offered only to appease him. God, no, Astrid’s fingers were clenched in his hair, her mouth as desperate as his, her body burning with the same heat that was searing his veins.
He slipped his hand beneath her tank top and spread his palm over the bare skin of her back. Electricity seemed to burn his palm, and Astrid trembled against him. Her response was intoxicating, the way she welcomed his touch and deepened her kiss when he gripped her hips, the way she whispered his name so frantically against his lips, the way she tore his shirt out of his jeans and slipped her hands beneath the fabric.
“Jesus, Astrid,” he almost lost his footing on the rock at the feel of her hands on his bare chest. God, it had been so long since he’d been touched like that, since a woman had run her hands over his skin as if she couldn’t get enough. She was the light that he’d been searching for, the one that would tear through the blackness trying to consume him. She was the passion that had died from his soul so long ago, before Lucas had died, back when his marriage had started to decay, before his wife had died while he stood there and let her go—
“Shit!” The guilt and the loneliness flooded back over Jason, tearing him away from the respite Astrid had given him. Son of a bitch. He didn’t want to go back there. He couldn’t go back there. He wouldn’t survive it.
Suddenly, the kiss with Astrid wasn’t enough. The kiss, the clothes, the skin. He needed more. He needed all of Astrid. He needed to bury himself so deeply in her that the past wouldn’t be able to destroy him. She was his beacon, his guide to get where he was struggling so hard to go, and he was losing his grip on her.
With a growl, Jason scooped her up in his arms and tumbled them both off the rock onto his lawn. He didn’t let them land on their feet. He took them all the way down to the earth, trapping Astrid beneath him without even breaking the kiss.
The grass was cool and damp on Astrid’s back, the soft blades like nature’s blanket cradling her as Jason lowered himself on top of her. His body was heavy and hard, his kiss relentless and intoxicating, his shoulders rippling with muscle beneath her fingers. He was all male, so strong and powerful, and he seemed to know exactly how to kiss her, how to touch her, how to ignite the part of her that made her a woman.
It had been so long since she’d been with a man, and it felt so unbelievable to be held and kissed with such passion, as if his entire soul was burning for her. And she knew it was. Maybe it was just for this moment, for this connection that had brought them together, but she had felt the depth of his pain and his need for her, and she knew that every kiss and every touch was real, that his need wasn’t a lie, that Jason was as desperate for her as she was for him.
Not just for sex. But for her.
Tears filled her eyes, and warmth seemed to blossom in her chest, chasing away years of aching loneliness, loss and guilt.
“God, Astrid. I need more.” He broke the kiss, his dark eyes riveted to her face as he tugged her tank over her head. “I feel like I can’t breathe without you.” Then he was on her again, tearing off her bra between kisses, as if he couldn’t stay off her long enough to disrobe her.
Then his mouth closed on her breast, and she gasped, shocked at how amazing it felt, by the intensity of her body’s response to him. It was as if he had the magic key to her soul, and his every touch and every kiss triggered
another level of response from her. Her body felt out of control, twisting and writhing as he grazed his teeth over her nipple. Never had it been like this before. She’d always been in control with a man, too much control. Never had anyone been able to wrest her away from her mind and thrust her into a haze of desire and lust, of feeling so intense that reality seemed to disappear, until all that was left was skin and desire and passion and him.
This wasn’t sex. This was Jason. Somehow, someway, this stranger from New York had reached into her soul and found a way to call to the depth of who she was. He’d taken her away from the noise of her mind, from the ache of her heart, and carried her into a world of magic and passion.
Need pulsed at her, a need so deep she couldn’t even name it, but Jason seemed to understand. Without words, without an acknowledgment of what they both needed, he unfastened her jeans and tugged them off, his dark eyes fastened on her as he ditched his own pants.
Astrid caught her breath as she watched him. His body was lean and well-muscled, no wasted fat, just raw, hard male. His chest was dappled with hair, his quads rippling with muscle. Jason grinned as he lowered himself back onto her. “Every man dreams of being looked at the way you just looked at me.” He cupped her face, and she saw something flash in his eyes. Vulnerability. Naked, agonizing vulnerability. “Thank you, Astrid.”
And this time, when he kissed her, it was more than passion. It was more than lust. There was a tenderness that made her throat tighten. How could this man feel as empty as she did? How was it possible there was someone else who seemed to understand how she felt, who seemed to need her as much as she needed him? She didn’t understand how she could have found the man who understood, who lived in the same hell she lived in.
“Kiss me,” Jason said, his mouth hovering over hers. “Kiss me, sweet Astrid. Let me take away your shadows.”
She couldn’t stop the tears this time as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Damn you, Jason. No one is supposed to notice my shadows.” And no one had ever offered to take them away.
“Kindred spirits, my angel. We’re kindred spirits.” Then he shifted his hips, sliding his knee between her legs, and she knew he was going to make love to her. Right then. In the grass, beneath the setting sun, on the shore of the lake that had saved her spirit so many times.
“Look at me,” Jason whispered as he slid his arms beneath her shoulders, bracing himself on his elbows so he wasn’t crushing her, but so his weight was heavy and protective. “I need to see into your eyes.”
Astrid met his gaze, and her heart tore at the depth of pain she saw in Jason’s eyes. “Yes,” she whispered.
“Yes,” he agreed, his words still hovering in the air as he slid inside her, an effortless entry that was so perfect, so amazing, so right. Jason swore under his breath as he began to move. “God, Astrid,” he said. “How is it that this can feel so right?”
“I don’t know,” she gasped. Ripples of desire spread through her belly, cascading along her limbs as he thrust again. “But please don’t stop.”
He laughed, a deep, throaty sound that brought a surprised smile to her face. “Hell, no, woman. No chance of that.” And then he thrust again, and again, moving faster and faster until she couldn’t think of anything but Jason, of how he was everything she’d needed for so long. Until her body was screaming with need, and still she wanted more.
He kissed her again, so deeply it felt as if he were trying to bind them together forever. Astrid held onto him fiercely, losing herself in all that he was, in how he made her feel, in the desire and need racing through her. In the depth of the connection to this man in her arms, in the gift of this moment that he’d given her.
Then he thrust again, and the orgasm exploded through her, seizing her in a relentless spiral so intense she screamed.
“God, Astrid.” Jason lurched on top of her, his body going rigid as he came with her, joining her as the orgasm consumed them both, tearing them from the shadows that haunted them and catapulting them both over a precipice into a place of safety, of connection, of life.
*
Trapped in Jason’s arms, cradled against his chest, buried in the strength of his body, Astrid was afraid to move. She was terrified that she would never feel this way again.
Never had she felt safe in a man’s arms. Content, yes. Sated, sure. But never safe.
But as they lay together, their hearts slowly easing back to their normal rhythms, the sounds of nightfall beginning to come alive in the woods around them, Astrid felt like the world couldn’t hurt her anymore. She felt like she didn’t need to pretend to be strong or funny when all she wanted to do was cry. Jason had somehow sensed her pain, and that had brought them together.
But at the same time, she’d seen the appreciation in his eyes when she’d first appeared in his store armed with her outrageous scarf and flippant attitude. He’d seen all the facets of who she was, and he’d still craved her so badly that she’d felt his need all the way in her soul.
Jason Sarantos made her feel safe. For the first time in her life, she knew what it felt like to really trust a man all the way down to his soul, and it was unbelievable. She tightened her arms around him and pressed her face against his shoulder. “Thank you,” she whispered. “That was beautiful.”
“Astrid.” Jason propped himself up on his elbow, his dark hair tousled as he peered down at her. His face was shadowed now, the sun almost set completely behind the mountains on the other side of the lake.
She smiled and smoothed his hair, the intimate gesture coming naturally before she had time to question whether she had the right to do it.
He leaned his head into her touch, as if he wanted it as much as she did. “Come inside,” he said. “Let me make you dinner. Stay the night.”
She blinked, startled by the offer. “What?”
“Stay with me tonight.” His gaze searched hers, and she saw such yearning in his eyes that her heart tightened.
She realized she wanted to say yes. She wanted to pretend that this was forever, that she’d found her way to this beautiful life and this perfect man…
“I want to get to know every inch of you.” He touched her cheek. “I want to know the secrets hiding in your eyes. I want to hold you until dawn—” Then he grinned slightly sheepishly. “Or maybe until just before dawn. Noah wakes up at seven, so it’s probably best if I’m done ravishing you by then.”
“Noah?” Astrid said blankly, coldness creeping over her limbs as reality began to intrude.
“My son.” He raised his brows. “He’s a good kid, Astrid. You’d like him.”
“Your son.” Anguish suddenly coursed through her, the pain of memories she’d tried to forget. She pressed her hand to her eyes, fighting off the surge of tears, the sudden onslaught of grief so intense that it seemed to wrest her breath right from her lungs, her heart from her chest. The surge of emotions was so sudden and unexpected that she had no time to brace herself against it, to head it off before it consumed her, sucking her down into the abyss.
“Astrid?” Jason caught her wrist, his fingers closing around her arm. “What’s wrong? What did I say?”
“Nothing. God, nothing.” She struggled out from under him, suddenly feeling so raw and exposed. How had she fallen into the trap of deluding herself that this was more than a dream, even for a moment? It wasn’t. His son. His son. Tears blinded her as she lunged for her clothes, yanking them back on frantically, desperate to get away from Jason and his son, and the dreams that he’d reawakened inside her.
“Astrid!” He leapt to his feet and grabbed her arm, concern etched on his face. “Talk to me. What’s going on? What upset you? Did I do something?”
“No, it’s not you. It’s—” She looked up at the house looming behind Jason, and suddenly the truth seemed to hit her in the face. The Mercedes. The beautiful house. His son. This wasn’t her world. This wasn’t her man. Of course he didn’t love her, not on any level, and the magnitude of their incompatibility would
become all too vivid if they tried to pretend that there was something more between them.
He’d needed her in that moment, as she’d needed him. To take it further would be to strip the moment of meaning, to tarnish it before it had even settled. She needed what he’d given her, and she had to pull herself together before the costs of their moment crushed the respite it had given her. “I can’t do this.”
“Do what?” His fingers tightened on her arms almost desperately. “You can’t stay with me tonight? See me in the morning? Is it my son? Is that the problem? That I have a kid?”
She stared at him, so much emotion welling in her throat that she couldn’t risk speaking, or she would snap. All she could do was shake her head. “I can’t,” she managed to say, her voice cracking with the strain.
“You can’t.” Slowly, Jason released her arm, and his face became shuttered. Gone was the warmth, the openness of his pain, the genuineness of who he was. In its place was cool reserve, that same distant expression she remembered so well from her ex-fiancé when he’d walked into her hospital room while she was fighting for her life and told her that since their son had been stillborn, there was no reason for him to marry her.
The utter lack of emotion on Jason’s face was exactly the same as Paul’s expression when he’d told her that since he didn’t have a son to protect, there was no way he would burden his family with the ignominy of who Astrid was and the legacy she brought with her. He’d turned and walked out, and his expensive cologne had been the last she’d ever seen of the first and only man she’d ever managed to trust.
And suddenly, here, with Jason, the shields protecting her heart were cracking, and it was too much. She had to survive, and feeling this kind of pain would never let that happen. “I can’t do this.”
Jason’s face hardened. “I can see that.”
“I—” Guilt coursed through her for causing him distress, and she touched his arm. “It was beautiful, Jason. Truly beautiful.” She stood on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his whiskered cheek. “I wish I was the woman who could have that forever,” she whispered.
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