“Then this obviously works for the both of us.” It actually put an end to their continuing debate on sealing their vows. In her zeal to satisfy her father’s demands, she had forgotten about the possibility of becoming pregnant. While she loved children and wanted a slew of them, she would never intentionally raise a fatherless child.
“Anything more I need to know about your father?” he asked.
She thought a moment. What could she say about her father? While he was a good man, she and he had been at odds most of her life. He accused her of challenging him straight from the womb, though he also defended her many times.
She answered him strangely, or perhaps she was looking for an answer herself. “I believe he loves me, though he rarely shows it and more often than not I think he prefers when I’m not around.” She shook her head slowly. “I never truly understood my father. He seems a good man, many speak highly of him, but when it comes to me he seems…”
“You don’t really know, do you?” he asked when her silence remained.
“Not really,” she said regrettably. “And I believe my refusing to wed Harken McWilliams broke my father’s patience.”
“Then you admit you have tried your father’s patience on a regular basis?”
“Without a doubt,” she said with a hesitant smile that grew with the memories of her many adventures or misadventures.
“Somehow I believe my sympathy should go to your father,” Cullen said with a scratch of his head.
“I suppose I gave him a wee bit of trouble,” she admitted.
“Wee?”
“Maybe more,” she said with a laugh, then regaled Cullen with tales of her youth, starting with the time she was five and first learned to climb trees—big trees, to everyone’s dismay—though it took her a good many months to learn how to climb down.
Cullen laughed. “So you managed to scale these large trees with ease, but it took you longer to learn to climb down, leaving your father to forever rescue you?”
“Yes, that’s right.” She grinned, proud that she had accomplished such a feat, even if descending them took more effort and time to learn.
“Your father rescued you every time?”
“Every one of them.”
“Even though he warned you each time not to do it again and you did, he still climbed the trees to get you down?” Cullen asked.
“Yes,” she assured him.
Cullen yawned and stretched out on his blanket. “That takes more than patience. That takes love.”
Sara sat silent, digesting his remark. She had always thought her father angry with her after rescuing her from the trees. She had never given thought to the fact that he had never refused to rescue her or sent someone else to do it. He had always come for her himself.
She yawned and laid down on her blanket to think about her father.
Hours later Sara jumped up out of sound sleep, her eyes as round as full moons, her body trembling. With a terrified glare, she quickly scanned the surrounding area.
Cullen joined her, her abrupt actions having woken him though she hadn’t made a sound.
“What’s wrong?” he whispered.
She pressed a hand to her heaving chest. “I believe a nightmare.”
He went to her and slipped his arms around her trembling body.
She quickly grabbed hold of him, her arms going around his waist and hanging onto him for dear life. He was warm, solid and real, and she had no intention of letting go.
A sharp owl hoot caused her to jump, and she dug her face into his hard chest and was relieved to hear the solid, steady beat of his heart. He wasn’t afraid, which was good, very good, because she was terrified. She wasn’t one to frighten easily, and yet the dream had left her shaken to the core.
“Want to tell me about it?” he asked.
She was relieved he didn’t let go of her. She didn’t want him to. She wanted him right where he was, with her arms tight around him.
She shook her head.
“All right, but remember it was only a nightmare. It wasn’t real. You’re safe.”
She nodded and didn’t dare tell him that her dream was real, all too real.
“Why don’t you sleep beside me tonight.”
“Yes. Yes,” she repeated, bobbing her head.
Cullen continued to hold her tight as he lowered them both to his blanket, placing her closer to the fire and then wrapping himself around her. She didn’t object. She welcomed every part of him, from the leg he threw over hers, to his chest pressed firm against her back, to the arms that circled her with strength.
“Sleep,” he whispered in her ear. “You’re safe.”
She nodded, but doubted she would sleep a wink. She didn’t want to. She didn’t want to chance returning to the dream. It had frightened her so badly, and worse, left her with a fear she didn’t think would subside anytime soon.
She tried to chase the dream out of her head but the memory of it kept returning to haunt her. In it, she’d been running in the woods with Cullen, Alexander tight in his arms. Soldiers were everywhere and she knew they would soon be caught and killed. She had to do something. She had to save them. She had promised Alaina she would keep her son safe.
A man suddenly appeared in front of the three of them, sword in hand. Cullen had no sword, no way of defending him and his son. Without thought, Sara jumped in front of father and son and screamed for them to run as the man drove the sword deep into her stomach.
The last thing she remembered was seeing Cullen and Alexander fleeing to safety. She had saved them.
Had it been just a nightmare, she wondered, or a vision of the future?
Chapter 20
They woke early and left camp with the first light of dawn. Cullen followed Sara, the extra horses behind him in single file, attached by a rope to keep them from wandering off. Sara had spent a fitful night in his arms, getting little sleep, as did he from her constant restlessness. The sleepless night didn’t disturb him as much as did his concern for her. He had wondered over her dream. Why had it upset her so much? And why wouldn’t she speak to him about it? She spoke to him about everything. The woman rarely lacked for conversation. Even her silence spoke volumes, because it warned him that something bothered her.
She had been silent since they left camp. Something definitely preyed on her mind. He told himself not to worry about her. Sara had made her choice, and she would keep their bargain. There was no need for concern.
All last night, however, she had remained cradled in his arms, burrowing deeper against him during fitful episodes. She sought his comfort and protection, and he had been glad to give it to her. Actually, he felt an overwhelming need to protect Sara, just as he had when the mercenary had chased her.
Then, while he’d known that she could hold her own, he had been enraged that she would need to defend herself even for the short time it took to get to her. He wanted her safe and secure. But then, he’d wanted the same for Alaina.
Not for the first time, that he compared his feelings for Alaina with those he had for Sara startled him. He told himself that it meant nothing more than wanting to make sure he was there to defend a friend.
It comforted him to think of it that way, since he did count Sara as a friend. Friends, especially good ones, weren’t made easily, though Sara was the exception. Their friendship might have begun out of necessity, but it had flourished and deepened out of respect.
He knew that Sara would help him regardless of the circumstances. It relieved him to realize that, for if anything should happen to him, he knew she would see to his son’s safety. She would even get Alexander to his Burke if he asked it of her.
Cullen realized then that it wasn’t going to be easy saying good-bye to her. Strangely enough, he would miss her.
“If we keep this pace, there’s a good chance we can reach my home by nightfall,” she said with a quick turn of her head.
“Are you sure you don’t want to spend the night alone, just the two of us, a
nd return home in the first light of morning?” he asked. She would know he was asking if she’d changed her mind, and telling her that there was still time and the choice remained hers.
“I want to get home as soon as possible,” she answered, and gave her horse a nudge.
He didn’t catch a smile or a frown as she turned her glance back to the trail ahead. Was she ambivalent about her decision? And why did he continue to concern himself with her choice?
He kept telling himself it was because he wanted her protected before he left her behind. He had agreed to that from the beginning, and wanted to fulfill his end of the bargain. A nagging voice, however, told him that he wanted to make love to her. That he wanted not just to give her that one night of love she ached for, but that he himself ached for. And it disturbed him, that by wanting to make love to Sara he was betraying Alaina. It left him feeling guilty.
How had everything become so complicated? It had all been simple when he started his journey. Find his son and return to St. Andrew Harbor, where his half brother would have a ship waiting to take them to America.
He would have never dreamed that a woman would enter his plans and send them astray. He hadn’t wanted another woman. Hadn’t wanted to feel anything for another woman. His hurt was too new and raw. Yet Sara had somehow managed to enter his heart—as a friend of course, nothing more.
A friend you want to bed.
Damn that voice and damn his betraying thoughts and feelings. Sara’s decision was best for them both. He should be grateful she had more sense than he did. He would play the loving husband, annoyed husband, distant husband, whatever kind of husband Sara wanted and be done with it.
“Be done with it!” he mumbled harshly.
“Did you say something?” Sara asked with a quick glance at him.
Was that a tear at the corner of her eye? She had turned around so fast he couldn’t quite be sure and it damn well disturbed him.
Sara just wasn’t the type to cry.
“I didn’t say anything,” he answered. “Are you all right?”
“Fine,” she called out much too cheerily.
She hadn’t conversed with him all morning and now this false cheeriness in her voice. What was going on?
“We should stop to rest the horses and ourselves,” he shouted.
She turned after brushing her hand at her eyes and he grew even more suspicious.
“Later,” she insisted.
“Now!” he demanded. “Isn’t there a brook nearby? I seem to remember stopping at one with my father.”
“Yes,” she answered reluctantly. “It meanders through much of the hillside in these parts, the water cold and clear.”
“Just what we need,” he said, and directed the horses off the trodden path. He knew Sara would follow, albeit grudgingly. He wanted to know what troubled her and he was determined they wouldn’t take another step until she shared her concern with him.
The horses drank at the brook while he placed a blanket near the water’s edge. Sara laid out some bread and cheese, though appeared uninterested in the light fare. Cullen was famished, their morning fare inadequate.
“You’re not hungry?” he asked, reaching for the bread and tearing a piece off.
“Not really,” she said, sitting crossed-legged on the edge of the blanket and staring at the babbling brook.
“Tell me what’s troubling you,” he demanded so sharply that she whipped around to face him. “And don’t bother to tell me it’s nothing. I know better.”
“Do you now?” she asked curtly.
He nodded. “You being silent means something is troubling you, so tell me and be done with it.”
She let out an agitated sigh and shook her head. “I don’t have to share my upset with you.”
“But you do,” he insisted with a soft smile. “You see, somehow I’ve grown concerned for your well-being. Maybe it’s because I’m your husband and I take my duties seriously. Maybe it’s because I consider you a good friend and I don’t want to see you hurt, or maybe I care for you and want to help. Whatever it is, I don’t intend to budge from this spot until you share it with me.”
“You don’t have to feel any such way for me,” she said with a dismissive wave of her hand at his face.
He shrugged. “Regardless, I do, and that’s that.”
She puffed her chest and looked ready to protest.
“Don’t bother arguing with me. It only wastes time.”
Sara deflated fast enough, her shoulders slumping. “It’s the dream.”
“Tell me,” he offered gently.
Her reluctance remained obvious as she shifted uneasily from side to side and dug her fingers deep into her unruly red curls.
He dusted bread crumbs off his hands then reached out, locking his fingers with hers, and simply waited. He noticed then that her eyes bore signs of tears, so contrary to her confident nature, and it annoyed him that she had grown so very upset and chosen to suffer alone.
“Let me help ease your hurt, Sara,” he urged.
“It’s nothing more than a nightmare that haunts me,” she insisted, dismissing his help.
“Share it with me and perhaps we can make sense of it together.”
He watched the play of mixed emotions flash across her face, questioning whether that was a wise choice. Until finally she seemed to surrender, the faint lines around her narrowed eyes fading, her tight jaw relaxing and her taut chest softening with a sigh.
“The dream seemed so real,” she said.
“I’ve had a few of those myself.”
“You have?” she asked anxiously.
He nodded. “It was madness, but I dreamed I was rescued from Weighton prison by a young lad.” He shrugged. “It turned out to be a young woman in disguise.”
He meant his story to ease her concerns, but it appeared to disturb her, her face growing tense once again.
“Then your dream did come true.”
He realized that hers hadn’t been a dream, but a nightmare, and she obviously feared it coming true. He moved closer beside her and slipped his hand from hers to drape around her shoulder and draw her against him.
“It can’t be that bad. Tell me.”
She snuggled against him, slipping into the crook of his arm. “Soldiers surrounded you, me, and Alexander.”
He didn’t like it already, but remained silent.
“There was no way out and you carried no sword. A man appeared wielding a large sword. He charged at you and Alexander. I jumped in front of you both and screamed for you to run as he ran me through with his sword. I watched you reach safety before I…”
Cullen felt a jolt to his heart and his gut. It took a moment for him to compose himself before he chanced speaking. Otherwise, he knew he’d use endless oaths to make her understand how that would never happen. He’d never let her give her life for him.
“That would never happen,” he said.
“How do you know?”
“I would never allow you to give your life for me,” he said bluntly.
“It was my choice.”
“It was a rash decision in a moment of panic,” he corrected.
Her mouth dropped open and her eyes rounded. “It was a decision made out of necessity. How else would you and your son have survived?”
“I would have found a way,” he assured her firmly.
“I couldn’t be sure of that,” she argued. “My first thought was for yours and Alexander’s safety.”
“And what of your own?”
“It was expendable.”
He pulled away from her, shaking his head. “It most certainly isn’t.”
“At the time I thought it was.”
“You were wrong,” he near shouted.
“My nightmare, my choice!”
“A foolish choice,” he said, shoving his face in hers.
“I save you and your son’s life and you tell me I’m foolish?”
“You will not give your life for me,” he ordered s
harply.
“I will if I want to,” she said, her nose pressed to his.
“You will not. I will not allow it. I will keep you safe.”
“What if you can’t?” she asked softly, and pressed her cheek to his before kissing his lips gently.
Instantly, the memory of Alaina dying in his arms flashed in his mind and overpowered him with raging grief, leaving him momentarily speechless. He had to find his breath, his wits, and his courage to speak.
He squeezed her chin between his thumb and forefinger. “I will. Never ever doubt that I will not keep you safe.”
“And what if I say the same to you?”
He released her chin and ran his hand down to caress her smooth neck. “Enough nonsense. You had a nightmare, no more. You have nothing to worry about. I will see to our safety. Trust me.”
“It isn’t you I don’t trust.” She shivered. “The man in my nightmare was pure evil, and I knew he would stop at nothing in his hunt for you.”
“It means nothing,” he said with a reassuring massage to her shoulder.
“What if Alaina’s father hunts you? It would be only a matter of time before he arrives at my home. Then what?”
She had a point, and one that had silently plagued him since they left the abbey. He was almost certain the Abbess would alert Alaina’s father of the babe’s miraculous resurrection and the subsequent details. It was only a matter of time, as Sara had said.
The earl would find them and he would want them dead.
“You and Alexander are not safe here for long,” she said. “I figure you have a month or two at the most, since it will take time for a letter from the Abbess to reach the earl and then he needs to discover our whereabouts, which won’t be too hard. Two months, and that’s taking a chance. We need our marriage to end fast.”
He squeezed her shoulder lightly. “Then let me make sure our vows are secure before I must leave you.”
Sadness rushed across her eyes, though she smiled. “For a man who first objected to our bargain, you are now quick to seal it.”
He took her lips in a hot, hungry kiss, savoring it before ending it all too soon. “That’s before I got to know you.”
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