“What about living in the moment? Asking for exclusive rights to you as we head for different continents tomorrow doesn’t seem spontaneous.”
“No, but I want you, even when you’re far away. I think of you even in moments when we’re not together. My moments can still be yours no matter where we happen to spend them.”
Elise nipped at her ear and gave a little growl. “I’ve never considered myself a possessive person, but I like the idea of owning your moments.”
Corey laughed. “You know you only get mine if I get yours.”
Elise pushed up onto an elbow and ran her gaze over Corey’s bare chest and stomach. “I suppose that’s a fair trade.”
“Yeah?” Corey asked, as giddiness washed over her.
“Yeah.” Elise repeated, rolling over until she hovered above Corey, arms extended, legs intertwined. “You have yourself a deal. Think we should seal it with a kiss?”
Corey grinned before lifting her head to meet Elise’s mouth. She couldn’t think of a better way to spend that moment.
Chapter 15
January 12, 2018
Altenmark
Zauchensee, Austria
“You’re good?” Paolo asked.
“Good.” Elise nodded.
“Good,” he parroted. She should probably give him more to work with, but she couldn’t find a better word. She simply felt good, from the bottom of her legs all the way up to her brain. She didn’t have a single complaint, physical or emotional. And she knew today’s course well. She’d had back-to-back top three finishes here before she’d wrecked, and she’d had top of the pack times in practice all week.
“Do you want to know the standings?” Paolo asked as she slid into line.
She shook her head and pulled down her goggles. “I’m going to ski the best race I can. It doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing.”
He put his hand on her forehead the best he could with her helmet on, and she shook him off. She supposed his concern was warranted. She hadn’t felt much like her old self since leaving Lake Henry two weeks earlier, but she’d certainly seen the old results returning. Two days earlier, she’d finished in tenth place in the downhill race on this mountain, her best result of the season, and one to put her right on the bubble for the team. Now she had her chance to better even that in the Super-G. More impressively, though, she hadn’t fixated on those results or the team. “I can’t control the other racers’ results, and I can’t control the committee.”
“And this makes you . . . happy?” Paolo asked, sounding confused.
She laughed, a bright, genuine shot of laughter that caused several heads around her to turn. Most of her colleagues had probably never heard that sound from her, especially this close to her starting time. “Yes, I guess it does make me happy, which is funny, right? Normally not being in control makes me angry.”
“And yet you’re more relaxed than usual ever since Christmas,” he said with a slow smile. “You’re in love with her?”
“What? God. Why would you say something like that to me right before a race?”
His eyes went wide and his tan complexion turned gray. “What? I thought you were happy, and she made you relax and helped you feel better. And you trust her if you take her advice. Plus, I think you had a lot of sex.”
“Why would you say anything about love?”
“I don’t know, maybe because happiness and trust and being your best and physical attraction all with the same person—”
“Stop,” Elise said, suddenly tense in ways she hadn’t been for weeks. “I cannot have this conversation right now. I’m about to start one of the most high-stakes races of my career.”
“I’m sorry,” Paolo said gravely. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought you knew.”
“There’s nothing to know,” she snapped.
“Okay.” He held up his palms. “We can talk about something else.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about anything.”
“Fine. I’ll stand here quietly.”
“No, go on down. Meet me at the finish line.”
“What? I stay with you at the top. You can’t fire me now.”
More people inclined their ears toward them while working hard to appear studiously disinterested. Elise dropped her voice. “You’re not fired. I need to clear my head, and I can’t do so with you hovering over me. I’d rather have you down-mountain to cheer me on.”
“I’m not a fan. I’m your coach. I’ve been here day and night for almost two years. I didn’t let you push me away then. I’m not going to let you push me away now.”
Elise took two slow, deep breaths, then clasped him on the shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes. “Paolo, thank you. I know I haven’t said it enough, but I mean it. I wouldn’t be here without you, but this moment is mine. There’s no more coaching you can do.”
He opened his mouth to protest, but she cut him off.
“You’re an amazing coach, but you’re so much more. You’re my best friend. When I cross the finish line this time, for better or worse, I want a friend there to greet me.”
His smile once again returned, and his eyes glistened in the Austrian sun, but instead of saying anything, he simply pulled her into a big bear hug. His long, strong arms held her so tight she felt a little pop in one of the tight spots in her back. Then standing back, he blinked away a few tears and laughed. “Okay, you win. I’ll go. I better hurry, though, because I think you will ski fast today.”
She smiled and shook her head as he jogged off as best he could in the snow and crowd of ski equipment. She watched him go as the realization that she was alone now slowly sank in. God, what had she been thinking? Who starts a race without a coach? Who decides to change a routine right before a big race? Who gives up on everything that got them to the top in the moments before trying to secure her position there?
In the moment. She’d acted in the moment. A few deep breaths helped her heart rate return to normal. She made a slow turn to take in the scenery. A beautiful, sunny day in the Alps spread out like a postcard photo before her. Jagged peaks cut in gray and capped in white spread as far as she could see, and the hustle and bustle of a crowd stirred brightly below. The air smelled crisp and clean, and the sound of conversations whirred all around her amid clicks of boots and the swoosh of skis over thickly packed snow. Every sense heightened as she inched closer to her turn in the starting gate. She felt more present than she had in years.
She closed her eyes to picture her path down the course, but all she saw was Corey’s face smiling up at her, her eyes dancing with mischief, her skin and hair golden against the fresh sheet of snow.
God, was she in love with her?
No, they simply shared a mutual attraction, perhaps one bordering on infatuation. She couldn’t deny their tremendous chemistry in the bedroom. And yet she did miss her in more areas than the physical realm. She thought of her a lot, and not just at night or during down time. She remembered her words on the slopes, in the gym, and apparently even at her most important moments. And what had Paolo said about trusting her? Elise had told her everything about her childhood, her fears, and her insecurities. She also couldn’t deny Paolo’s point about Corey making her better, both on and off the slopes. Was that the point he’d tried to make all the way back in Argentina? Had he seen her falling even then?
Her chest tightened and her stomach felt jittery, as if she’d made an unexpected drop on a thrilling slope only to land perfectly safe on the other side. Is that what love felt like? Thrilling and unexpected and yet fluid? Instinctual?
She slid into the starting position almost on autopilot, her form as natural as the emotions swelling in her now.
Beep
Beep
Beep
The countdown came like a heart rate on a hospital monitor. Then she was off, falling, flying, whirling around corners and rocketing over jumps. There were times her skis didn’t touch the ground, and others when it merely felt
that way due to the lightness in her chest. She moved with the mountain, her whole body surrendering to the racing of her heart as it begged to soar higher and faster. She curled in on herself, wanting to form a perfect little ball, to pull even her limbs into the exuberance radiating from her core. Turn after turn raced by, but instead of pinning her down, each one only drew her forward as if even the fall line recognized it had nothing on the fall occurring inside of her.
She crossed the finish in what seemed like seconds, and even through the rush of blood in her ears and the spray of snow she threw up as she stopped, she felt the crowd vibrating around her.
Tossing off her goggles, she searched for Paolo’s face in the crowd and heard his voice above all the others.
“Fifth place,” he screamed, “top five!”
She needed a few seconds to process his comment through the haze, but she turned to check the leader board. Sure enough, she’d taken over the fifth slot, and what’s more, no other American skier had turned in a faster time.
She kicked off her skis and pushed through the crowd of fans and reporters until she and Paolo fell together in another hug, one that made the hug they’d shared up top feel tame. They squeezed and rocked. He picked up her long frame and twirled her around as if she were no bigger than a child, and when he finally set her down, he cried. “You’re an Olympian again. You did it! I know you are on the team now.”
“I do, too, but I might actually know something even more shocking.”
“What?” he called.
She smiled so widely her cheeks hurt. “I’m in love with Corey.”
January 14, 2018 - Vallnord-Arcalis Andorra
Corey threw her helmet across the hotel room and got such a sense of satisfaction at the loud crack when it hit the wall, she grabbed a three-ring binder and hurled it, too. It hit the door to the bathroom with a hollow thud, then clattered to the floor, a few papers fluttering behind it. She then reached for the next item on the table, but Holly caught her hand so tightly her nails bit into Corey’s skin and cut through her red-tinged rage.
“Not my laptop, Core.”
She clenched her teeth and tried to jerk away, but Holly held tight, so Corey kicked the desk chair.
“Whoa,” Nate called and grabbed her around the waist. “No kicking.”
“I need to blow off steam,” Corey shouted, but the anger had already started to ebb.
“Then go to the gym or punch some pillows,” Nate said, “but your legs are not expendable mid-season.”
“Why? They aren’t doing me any good lately.”
“At least you made the semifinals,” Tigger said, flopping onto the couch. “That’s better than you did on Friday.”
“Not helpful,” Holly said to the kid. “Don’t you have a race to get ready for?”
“No, I’ve got three hours before the finals. The coaches told me to get off my feet, so I came to check on Corey. Glad I did, too.”
Both Nate and Holly loosened their grip on Corey to stare at her in disbelief. Corey used the opportunity to send the TV remote careening across the room until it bounced off the bed and smacked into the end table on the other side.
“Damn it, Corey,” Holly said.
She sighed and straightened her shoulders. “I’m done now.”
“Do you always throw things after a loss?” Nikki asked as if she intended to take notes.
“No,” Corey said, “but after two losses in three days . . . still no, actually. I’m frustrated. And tired. I’m sleeping like shit, and I’m sick of getting boxed out.”
“Sorry,” Tigger looked at the floor.
“Don’t fucking apologize. It wasn’t even you the last two times.” Not that it couldn’t have been. Tigger had been on fire all weekend, with a second-place finish in the first race and a prime chance to win later that day. Added to her second-place finish right before Christmas, she’d blown past Corey in the overall tour standings. Corey’s only solace was she hadn’t had to face her on the course yet, thanks to being seeded in different heats all week. “Simple math. You’re racing well. I’m not. I’m fucking depleted.”
“Hey, Tigger,” Holly cut in. “I know you’re supposed to be resting, but would you mind running down to your room and getting Corey some of the blue Gatorade you guys had in there? That always helps her recharge, and blue is her favorite.”
“Sure.” She hopped up and headed for the door. “I’ll be back in, like, five minutes. I’ll get some ice, too. Then you can relax because we’ve got, like, three weeks off before the Olympics.”
The older three exchanged a quick look. Nate finally shook his head. “We fly out tomorrow for a quick stop at Lake Henry before the X-Games.”
“I thought everyone was skipping the X-Games because it’s between when they announce the Olympic team and the actual Olympics. Why risk an injury?”
“Because it’s the X-Games,” Nate said. “Those are our people.”
Nikki cocked her head to the side as if trying to consider the logic.
“Never mind the schedule right now,” Holly said. “We need the Gatorade, STAT.”
“Right,” Nikki said.
“Wait.” Corey stopped her again. “If you’re not going to the X-Games, where are you headed?”
“Northern Italy. They’re having training camp, and the ski team will be nearby so we can get all of our Olympic stuff together, passports and physicals and uniforms. I hope they’re nice. Do you think we’ll have berets this year?”
They all stared at her. Corey understood the other two were probably annoyed, but the comments triggered something different in her. Hope? Envy? Time off and time with the ski team, the two things she wanted most, given to someone who wouldn’t properly appreciate them.
“Right. Gatorade. I’m on it.” And off she went.
When the door closed behind her, Holly sighed and turned to Corey. “I like the kid, I do. Most of the time. But can you stop telling her you’re depleted?”
“Why?” Corey asked. “It’s true. I haven’t been able to get my legs right for weeks. Nate, you know I’m right.”
“Yeah,” he admitted, sinking into the chair she’d recently kicked. “You’re getting boxed out because you’re getting beat through the first two-hundred yards every time.”
“You’ll do better at the X-Games,” Holly said. “It’s your second home.”
“Maybe.” Corey tried to muster some excitement she didn’t feel.
“Maybe what?”
“Maybe I’ll do better or maybe I won’t. Maybe it’ll be nice to be stateside, or maybe I’ll be so freaking jet-lagged I won’t enjoy myself. And what if I do win? Will it bolster my confidence when I know I’ve only beaten the B-team, because all the legit Olympians are getting ready for the big show?”
“Whoa,” Nate said. “Slow down. Are you saying you don’t want to go to the X-games? That’s your jam, dude.”
“It’s been my jam for fifteen years,” Corey admitted. “I have enough X-game medals to pave my driveway. What more do I have to prove there? Especially against the scrubs?”
“You want to go to Italy and train for the Olympics? That’s never been your bag. Those people aren’t even snowboard people. I’m not calling bullshit. I’m just saying it doesn’t sound like you, Core.”
“No, it sounds like Elise,” Holly cut in, her voice cold. “Don’t think I didn’t do the math there, too. She’ll be in Italy, so you want to be in Italy. I had the same instinct about wanting to see Paolo. I get it, but I never thought you’d let a hot date keep you from the X-Games. Would she make the same choice for you?”
She rolled her head from side to side, trying to ease the tension building in her neck and shoulders. Elise had factored in, of course she had, and of course Holly had called her out. That’s one of the many reasons she kept Holly around. Sisters could say the things coaches and even friends didn’t dare to.
“I doubt it,” Corey finally said. She wanted to believe otherwise, but she knew more about
Elise than ever now, and she understood what kind of toll a sacrifice like that would take on her. “With the progress she’s making right now, I don’t imagine anything would pull her off course.”
Holly didn’t look smug at her victory. Her eyes grew sad. “Then I think you have your answer.”
“No. I don’t, because she and I are in two difference places right now. She’s in the middle of a comeback. I’m in the middle of a tailspin. Asking her to leave a race right now would kill the momentum she’s built, but I feel like I’m on a demonic carnival ride and maybe hopping off is the only way to save this season.”
“Your season started off fine. It only got out of control when you started caring more about getting back to her than winning races.”
“You were there, Holly,” Corey said. “The season started well because I was happy and rested and in good shape. It went well before the travel and the daily beatings took their toll. I know no one wants to admit this, least of all me, but I’m 30 years old now.”
“And what?” Nate inserted himself back into the discussion. He might not have wanted to touch the relationship talk, but he clearly intended to reassert his role now that they’d moved on to coachable topics. “You reached some age where reporters start asking you about retirement and you roll over?”
“You know I don’t care about the reporters. I care about getting beat out of the gate. I care about not having the power in my knees to double-jump rollers. I care about needing twice the recovery time as the kid.”
“Your first race of the year you were every bit as strong and sharp as you’ve ever been.”
“I was also as rested as I’ve ever been, and more rested than any race since. Listen to what I’m saying here. I’m not throwing in the towel. I’m as good once as I’ve ever been, but I can’t go on benders anymore and expect to magically pull out wins at the end of them. We had two races in three days. Now you want me to fly to New York for two days, then fly another three time zones to compete for three days, then back to New York for intense workouts for a week, then go to the Olympics. For what? Another X-Games medal to match the ones I’ve had since I turned eighteen? To try to prove myself against people I should already know I can beat? To make the political statement, or to try to delude people into thinking I haven’t slowed down when everyone can see that I have? To pretend I’m not frustrated, or in pain, or—”
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