by L. A. Witt
I nodded. “No problem.”
He got up and stepped into the kitchen, apologizing again as he hurried out of the room.
As soon as he was more or less out of earshot, Mom faced me. “He’s lovely, honey. Not just to look at, either.”
“I know he is. He’s amazing.” And I still can’t believe we’re doing this.
Mom’s smile faltered, and she cut her eyes toward the kitchen where Adam was talking on the phone. “That boy needs to eat more, though.”
“Mom.” I kept my voice quiet, but with an edge of sternness. “Don’t.”
She faced me. “But he’s so thin.”
“I know, but it kind of comes with the territory of his job,” I whispered. “He eats. I promise.”
“Let him be, Geri.” Dad patted her leg. “Some boys are just slim. You know that.”
Scowling, she watched the kitchen doorway for a moment. Finally, she gave a little nod that made Dad and me both relax. She’d keep her thoughts to herself.
Mom meant well. She would never openly tell a slim person they needed to eat or anything, just like she’d never harp on an overweight person to lose a few pounds, but by virtue of dating me, Adam was basically her son now. And if there was one thing Mom did like clockwork, it was worry herself senseless over all her kids. I didn’t get enough sleep, my older brother smoked too much weed, my younger sister worked too many hours—it was just how our mom was. My last boyfriend had been too stressed. The one before him had needed to put on more sunscreen before he took his pale skin outside. Hell, she even fretted over Lola, and she’d nearly had a coronary when Lola’d had a deep scratch on her muzzle from getting too close to a neighbor’s cat.
I loved that she instantly cared so deeply about anyone in my world, and that she didn’t hesitate to pull Adam into that bubble. As of today, she was going to worry about Adam as much as she worried about the rest of us.
Dad glanced toward the kitchen and lowered his voice. “You sure you can handle this kind of thing? I mean, he’s a package deal with the reporters and all that.”
“Yeah. Of course.” I leaned back as casually as I could and draped my arm across the back of the couch, hoping the movement masked an uncomfortable shiver. “I’m not thrilled about that part, but if it means getting to be with him…” I smiled.
My parents did too, but concern lingered in both their expressions.
“He knows you’re not big on being the center of a bunch of attention, right?” Mom asked.
“Oh yeah. And he gets it. That’s part of why we’re keeping things quiet for now. To avoid all that.”
Mom and Dad exchanged looks.
“But what happens if you’re together for a while?” Dad asked. “You’re not going to be able to hide behind closed doors forever.”
“I can’t imagine you’d want to hide forever,” Mom said. “Just… I’m worried about what will happen when you decide not to. There’s always going to be a lot of focus on Adam, and there will be on anyone he’s with, too.”
I tried for a reassuring smile. “Of course. And we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” And I’d try like hell not to think about it until we did.
My parents didn’t press, and a moment later, Adam returned and sat down. “I’m so sorry about that. My poor assistant is working herself to death again.”
Mom tilted her head. “Doesn’t she know it’s Sunday?”
He laughed dryly. “I reminded her of that twice, believe me. She enjoys it, though, and she still takes plenty of downtime.”
“But is everything okay?” I asked.
“Oh yeah. Just a bunch of scheduling stuff for the next two weeks. Someone wanted to reschedule an interview, and the only way to do that was to shuffle around four other things.” He shook his head. “I don’t know how she does it, but she always makes everything line up.”
“Must be a miracle worker,” Mom mused. “I can’t even keep my own doctors’ appointments straight.”
Dad grunted with amusement.
Mom cuffed his elbow, but even as she scowled, her eyes were sparkling with laughter. Typical day in the Stewart household.
I glanced at Adam, and he smiled back at me. Funny how this did feel like a typical day in my childhood home. It was just like bringing any other boyfriend over to meet my parents. The fanboy in me had vacated, and Adam really was just… Adam.
And somehow that left me even more starstruck than the moment he’d mentioned me in his speech.
Chapter 25
Adam
I hadn’t expected to be this comfortable with Brian’s family. At first, I hadn’t been. My guard had gone up as soon as we’d pulled into their driveway, and it stayed up even while I’d met and chatted with his parents.
Little by little, though, that defense had eroded. I still wasn’t entirely sure about touching in front of Brian’s family, but I followed his lead. By the time dinner was ready, I’d relaxed enough that the casual affection with Brian felt almost as easy and normal as it did when we were alone. Almost. Part of me still expected someone to get on our cases or order us apart.
They never did, and by the time dinner was over, I could breathe and wasn’t so edgy. In fact, I felt ridiculous for ever being that edgy.
In fact, I was disappointed when Brian looked at his phone and sighed heavily. “Damn. We’d better get going. I have to get to the airport.”
Geri deflated. “So soon?”
“Yeah.” He pocketed his phone and grimaced apologetically. “My flight’s not for a few hours, but I’m flying out of San Diego, so we need—”
“San Diego?” Brian’s dad said. “Why in the world would you go that far?”
“It’s, um…” I sheepishly said. “It’s so people don’t see us. LAX and even Burbank are crawling with photographers.” Turning to Brian, I took his hand. “I don’t want him getting mobbed just for being with me.”
“Oh,” his parents both said.
“Like I said—occupational hazard.”
Geri scowled. “That’s terrible that people stalk you like that. I can see why you’re keeping things a secret.”
“What happens if people find out?” Colin asked.
I shifted uncomfortably, stealing a glance at Brian. “I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
Brian shuddered, but didn’t say anything.
We could have let the conversation linger, but we really did need to hit the road. SoCal traffic was both predictable and unpredictable—predictably terrible, but could get unpredictably worse. If Brian was going to make his flight, we had to go.
We tried to help to clear away the dinner dishes first, but his mom herded us out of the kitchen. “I can handle the rest of this. You boys go get your shoes on.”
We didn’t argue, and I followed him into the utility room so we could put on our shoes. Colin came in to say goodbye. He shook my hand and gave Brian a tight hug. I found myself feeling like an idiot for being so wary of the man earlier. Years of my own father’s homophobic bullshit had left an impression, though, and it had taken the better part of this visit to fully accept that Colin Stewart didn’t see a damned thing wrong with his son dating me. How surreal.
“You boys drive safely.” Colin turned to me, his expression serious but warm. “If you get tired on your way home and don’t think you can make it all the way to Topanga, you stop back in here, you hear me?”
I nodded, and my voice was thick when I said, “Yeah. Thank you.”
The seriousness faded, and he smiled as he gave my shoulder a firm squeeze.
A moment later, Geri came in. “Here, honey.” She pushed a Tupperware dish into my hands. “Take this with you.”
“I…” I looked down at the dish. “Thank you. You don’t have to—”
“Don’t argue with her,” Brian said, almost groaning. “Or she will sneak it into the car while you’re not looking.”
His mom huffed. “I will not!”
He shot her a look.
/> She lifted her chin, almost suppressing a smile. “I only do that with my own kids.”
“And he’s dating me, so…” He rolled his hand like do the math.
She laughed. “That’s true.”
Chuckling, he looked at me. “Consider yourself adopted into the fold as long as we’re seeing each other.”
“Really?” I asked.
Brian nodded. “Really.”
“Oh. Well. Thank you.” I took the Tupperware from her, and I tried not to let it show that my throat was getting a little tight. There was no way in hell I could ever bring a boyfriend home to meet my parents, and my parents would never have called a boyfriend of mine an honorary family member, least of all after a single afternoon together. And after being estranged from my own family for so long, being so quickly and easily accepted into his like this—as if there was no reason for them not to pull me in—hit some emotional spots that I hadn’t realized were this raw. It made me miss… not my toxic family, but the feeling of being part of a family. Of being in the presence of a family who wanted me to be a part of it.
Brian’s mom hugged me and kissed my cheek. Then she stuck a Post-It note to the lid of the dish. “You’re always welcome here, honey, even if Brian’s not in town. Just give us a call or come to the door.”
I looked down and realized she’d handwritten a couple of phone numbers on the note. That lump in my throat was getting harder to hold back, but I managed as I smiled at her. “Thank you. I’ll keep that in mind.”
We headed out into the garage, and Brian asked, “You driving or am I?”
“I can drive. You’re the one who has to deal with airport security, so you might as well relax for this part.”
“Works for me. It’s your car anyway.” He tossed me the keys. “Next time I want to drive the other one.”
I slid into the driver’s seat. “Yeah, we’ll see. Don’t think I didn’t notice some of those rolling stops.”
“I beg your pardon?” He shut the passenger door. “Those are called California stops, and we are in California.”
“Uh-huh.” I turned the key.
“What? It isn’t like I speed.”
“Much.”
“Pfft. Says the guy who was driving like a bat out of hell when we left San Diego.”
“Um, yeah?” I started backing out of the garage. “The sooner I got you home, the sooner I’d have you naked.”
“Well, damn. Can’t argue with that.”
Hopefully oblivious to our conversation, Brian’s parents waved at us from the driveway. We waved back, and then I put the car in drive and headed for the main road. Neither of us said anything for a while. In fact, we were almost to the freeway before Brian finally spoke.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Today was just a lot to get my head around.”
“How so?” He laced our fingers together. “Meeting a boyfriend’s parents?”
“Meeting a boyfriend’s parents who are totally okay with me being their son’s boyfriend. It’s just so weird. Your parents don’t even blink over you being gay or about us being together.” I shook my head. “Adopting me into the fold? I know you guys were kind of joking about that, but…”
“Not as much as you might think,” he said softly.
“That’s…” I exhaled. “So alien to me.” I squeezed his hand. “Thanks for taking me to meet them. It was really nice, being around your family. Especially since we didn’t have to hide, you know, us.” I swallowed. “That never would have happened with my family even if I was still talking to them.”
“Obviously they don’t deserve you, then.” He kissed our joined hands. “My mom’s not kidding, by the way—call her any time.”
I smiled and tried to swallow my emotions again. Part of me suddenly wanted to get back in touch with my parents and tell them this was how a family should treat a gay son and his boyfriend. Only a small part of me, though. The rest was all too aware of how toxic those people were, and that it didn’t start or end with me being gay. I would never voluntarily subject myself to that crap again, and I sure as hell wouldn’t put Brian in their crosshairs.
As I got on the freeway, Brian said, “I promise they won’t tell anyone about us, either. Our secret’s safe with them.”
At that, my heart sank again.
“What’s the matter?” he asked.
Apparently I wasn’t hiding it very well, so I didn’t pretend it was nothing. “I just hate that we have to keep this so quiet. I want us to be able to go out, tell our friends about us—that kind of thing.”
“Me too.” He sounded tired all of a sudden. “Cameras and being the center of attention—that scares the hell out of me. But keeping everything quiet is… I mean, I’ve even been avoiding my friends lately because I still don’t want to tell them, but I don’t want to keep it from them either. It’s…” He sighed. “To be honest, it’s kind of like being in the closet all over again.”
I winced. “Jesus. I’m sorry.”
We exchanged glances, but neither said anything. What was there to say? Secrecy was the name of the game unless we wanted our business all over the internet. Coming out as gay had meant my sexuality coming up in every single interview for two solid years. Even now, interviewers still asked about it. Sometimes it was about how it felt being an openly gay actor in an industry—and world—that still didn’t quite know what to do with me. Sometimes it was about whether I was seeing anyone or if it was true that there was something happening between me and some guy who’d been spotted in my proximity.
Just someone snapping a picture of me with Brian, just catching us in a moment where it looked like we were sharing some more-than-platonic affection, had set the internet on fire. If it ever came out that we really were dating…
Then people will see what a gorgeous, amazing man I have.
“We don’t have to keep this a secret forever,” I whispered.
“I know.” He patted my thigh. “One thing at a time, though.”
Assuming someone doesn’t find out about us before we’re ready to be found out.
But I kept that thought to myself.
~*~
“Hey.” Vanessa nudged my knee. “Earth to Adam?”
I shook myself and sat up, my couch creaking with the motion. “Sorry, what?”
She studied me. After a moment, she put her tablet on the coffee table. “What’s wrong? You’ve been on another planet since I got here. In fact, you’ve been out of it for a while now.” She inclined her head. “Talk to me.”
Well, if there was anyone I could talk to, it was her. She was paid to be my assistant, but we were also close friends and confidantes. We’d talked through her last breakup and before that, her divorce, and there were few people I could trust like I could Vanessa.
And if I didn’t talk to someone about it, I was going to lose my ever-loving mind.
So, leaning back and staring up at the ceiling, I released a long breath. “It’s this thing with Brian.”
“Yeah?”
I gnawed the inside of my cheek. Where to start? It had been three weeks since Brian had left LA, and tomorrow I was heading up to Seattle, and while I was excited as hell to see him, I was nervous too. “I have no idea what I’m doing.”
“Of course you don’t.” She said it like it was the most obvious thing anyone had ever said. “You haven’t been seeing him all that long.”
“True. But I’ve never had a boyfriend before. This is… okay, at the risk of sounding like a drama queen, this shit freaks me out.”
Vanessa nodded, patting my arm. “I know it does. For what it’s worth, new relationships freak everyone out, no matter how much experience they have. Hell, I think I freak out about them more now than I did when I was younger.”
“Really?”
“Oh yeah. Because now I know how capable I am of screwing them up, and how easily nice guys can turn out to be… well, David.”
I frowned. Her ex-husband had been a piece of work, and I’d
been thrilled the day she’d finally kicked his ass to the curb where he’d belonged. Everyone who’d known the couple in their early days insisted he really had been an awesome guy in the beginning. I’d only ever known him as David the D-bag who needed his ass kicked.
I couldn’t see Brian doing a one-eighty like that, though. Maybe that meant I had blinders on. I had no idea. All I knew was that him turning into a jackass was pretty low on my list of reasons to be scared shitless about dating him. I was more worried I would do something stupid. Or that some aspect of my lifestyle—probably the aspect involving lenses, flashes, and compromised personal space—would scare him off. All that public attention had almost driven me out of Hollywood a few times, and acting had been my dream career. Brian wasn’t getting anything out of this deal except me, and we both knew he hated the prospect of being in a fishbowl.
Maybe I was just worrying over nothing, but damn it, all this relationship stuff was completely foreign territory for me. It scared the hell out of me. In fact, though I couldn’t wait to see him tomorrow, I was still nervous. Really nervous. More than I’d been the first time I’d gone to Seattle or when he’d come to me after that article had broken.
I rubbed a hand over my face and sighed. “I’m probably overthinking all this. I’m just worried, you know? Plus I feel like this is already my second chance with Brian. The stars had to align pretty damn well for us to meet again after I was too stupid to ask him out five years ago. So… I’m just…”
“You’re scared that if you do one thing wrong, you won’t get a chance to fix it.”
I nodded.
She grimaced. “Walking on eggshells like that must be miserable.”
“It is.” I paused, then quickly added, “Not miserable like I want to stop seeing him. I just need my brain to calm its tits.” My shoulders sagged. “And goddammit, it would be so much easier if we didn’t have the damn press lurking around. Brian tries to say it’s not stressing him out, but I know it is. It’s stressing me out.”