My Fearful Symmetry

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My Fearful Symmetry Page 22

by Denise Verrico


  The elder drew back and held me at arm’s length. “I would have voted Kurt’s way in any case, but if you consent, you have my solemn pledge that you will be forever cherished, my friend.”

  “There’s something you should see before you lay out triple my weight in gold.” I turned my back to him and lowered the choga, moving my hair aside to show the mark on my shoulder. “If you no longer want me, I’ll understand.”

  His voice went cold. “Who did this to you?”

  “Giulietta.” I didn’t tell him why. She’d cut off my bits if I ratted them out to anyone.

  He smoothed my hair back over my shoulder. “You’ve displaced her as the most celebrated Immortyl beauty, that’s why she did it. I’ve always found her cruel and petty. So she meddles in politics now—woe to us all.” He pressed his lips to my disfiguration. “This mark couldn’t diminish you. It’s a testament to your courage.”

  I turned to meet his eyes. “I’m still in love with Sandhya, but I swear I’ll do my best to make you happy.”

  “The heart is capable of expanding to admit others, Cedric.” His fingers brushed my cheekbone. “I am content with your terms—so long as you’re by my side—last and most precious of the adepts.”

  “When?”

  “I must obtain the gold to transfer your bond first. Contracts must be signed and ceremonies observed in the ashram. A period of isolation and separation from Raj must be observed before it becomes effective. This is the rule of your order, to assure you have not made a mistake in your change of vocation.”

  “What a load of rubbish. Kalidasa makes the decision.”

  He took me by the shoulders and stared into my eyes. “Cedric—I also want you to be certain. I don’t want you to feel as if you’re trapped. You must come to me of your own free will.”

  “I can’t stand to be around either of them anymore. She’s his wife for fuck’s sake.”

  He observed my agitation with a shake of his head. “Mortal ties should be severed when taking the blood. It should be required in the code. I wanted it so, but the others struck it out. Come and sit with me.” He sank down on the bed, extending his hand. I sat next to him. “You’ve fallen into a pit of intrigue and decadence. Immortyls have embraced many practices I do not approve of. This rising tide generated by Kurt will sweep the past away and cleanse us of this decay. This is why I’m voting in his favor and will urge the others to do so, so that someone like you can become whatever he is capable. There is so much I want to teach you, my dear, young friend.”

  I was so very weary of it all, wanting to go, yet thinking of a million reasons why I didn’t. My head played tug of war with my heart. Every moment in Sandhya’s company was agony, but then again how would I survive apart from her? The last thing I wanted was another delay.

  Despite the conflict inside me, I practiced my art to the best of my ability, leaving Li Cheng well contented. He presented me with a set of black silks embroidered all over with tigers, before he sent me off before sunrise. Walking back to the ashram, I pondered my fate, forcing myself to be pragmatic. Going into Li Cheng’s service would be a better situation all around. I enjoyed his company and his bed. No longer would Sandhya’s presence torment me. He’d bestow all of the material things I wanted, enough at least to make me forget what I lacked in freedom. I’d be safe, no matter what political winds blew.

  But Cedric lad, wherever did you get the idea your destiny allowed for safety?

  * * * *

  The next evening, most of the adepts assembled around the sacred spring after devotions to limber up. Graceful bodies stretched under Sita’s direction in the moonlight. Sandhya had vanished as soon as prayers were completed. Marco and I sat a ways off from the others and talked as we exercised. Avijit sauntered into the garden, giving himself airs and waving a sheet of paper under everyone’s noses. He announced that Kurt had composed a piece of music for him, as the rebel had no other suitable tribute to give. The adept showed it off as if it was the bleeding Holy Grail.

  Marco reached over to grasp his ankles, casting a jaundiced eye on his longtime companion’s infatuation. “Ah, there he is—the favorite of the dead man. Is this his last will and testament?”

  Avijit hugged the paper to his chest. “Do not even joke like that.”

  Marco’s chin rested on his knees. “They might just decide to cut his throat and throw him to the tigers.” He sat up and tugged at his lover’s silken trousers.

  “You behave like a child.”

  Marco reached out and grabbed the piece of music. “I suppose you’ll play this ditty in his chamber before they drag him off to die?”

  Avijit snatched it back. “Get your filthy hands off, slut. You aren’t fit to handle it.”

  I stood on one leg, stretching the other up behind my back, “Ah Avijit, where’s your legendary sangfroid? Adepts aren’t supposed to fall for those they serve.”

  Avijit’s painted eyes narrowed in downright hatred. “They are not supposed to fall for their fellow adepts either.” He stalked off toward his room, clutching his tribute to his chest.

  Marco sank back on his elbows. “After all these years, he treats me like dirt.”

  The harem mentality sickened me as much as the intrigue. “Trust me. He’ll be back in your arms as soon as Kurt’s gone.” I set my foot on the ground and reached for my choga that I’d draped over a bench. Donning the robe, I settled the silk folds around me.

  Marco grinned, tossing back his glossy hair. “And why wouldn’t he?” He took a cleansing breath. “Tonight will be a bore, waiting around until they’re done with the trial.” He fell into a Hatha posture and stretched his muscles. “Where you off to so soon?”

  “To attend Lord Liu when he wakes. He likes to start the night off with a bang—so to speak.”

  He chuckled and took to his feet, reaching for his garment. Cerulean brocade flowed from his shoulders. “I’m going to miss you around here, brother. Better head off as well. Papa Hippopotamus likes a nice massage after he bathes. My hands are the best—so he says.” He spread long capable appendages out before him. “I’ll walk with you.”

  A thought struck me. Maybe there was an alternative to my predicament. “You and Avijit ever think of running away together?”

  He pressed a finger over my painted lips. “Don’t even think of it. The last boy who tried it—they gelded him as an example.”

  “Ouch.”

  “You’re going to a better situation, my friend. I’d jump if Liu offered for me.” He clapped my shoulder. “You’re still young. I see how you look at Sandhya, but no woman is worth losing your balls. Forget about her and move on.”

  “I know it’s hopeless. I’m glad to go.”

  “Fucking mess, isn’t it? That’s why they discourage us from feeling anything.” He leaned closer to me. “Did you see the blonde with the Russian’s household? Che bella! I’ve been trying to get a word with her. Maybe show her the sights…”

  I remained silent, bored with Marco’s small talk. We parted company at the chief’s wing. I made my way to the guest suites, where I stopped the serving girls assigned to Li Cheng’s quarters, ordering them to bring his repast in a half-hour’s time. At his door, I nodded to his guards to admit me. Slipping into the apartment to his chamber, I disrobed to rouse him in his preferred manner. After helping him bathe and dress, I served the meal the girls brought in. He invited me to join him at the table.

  Liu set down his cup. “Tonight after the trial, I will be entertaining certain elders here. Will you arrange for refreshments to be served and play guitar for us? Something soothing would be in order. There are bound to be heated words.”

  “Of course, I’d be glad to.”

  He chuckled. “You are the enticement I am offering to get them to come.”

  That distressed me. “I won’t have to—”

  “I wouldn’t demean you so.” He reached his hand across the table to grasp mine. “They may admire the masterpiece but not touch. You will n
ever be degraded again. Will you accompany me through the gardens to the council chamber? I want a measure of serenity in my mind before the fray.”

  I rang for the girls to clear away the meal and tidy up. Li Cheng rose and offered his arm. We walked arm-in-arm through Kalidasa’s private gardens toward the chamber. Li Cheng paused to admire the lush vegetation. The chief elder’s pet birds called to one another, kept awake by artificial light. It must have driven the poor things mental. I wondered if they slept by day like us.

  “These gardens are savage yet beautiful in their way. I prefer more order, but these spotted orchids are irresistible.” Li Cheng bent to savor their scent. To think of this powerful Immortyl as a fancier of flowers made me smile. He looked up, observing my humor. “You find my passion for gardening amusing?”

  “You’re a dichotomy, Li Cheng.”

  He straightened up and took me into his arms. “An elder is forced to endure so much ugliness, which is why I prefer to surround myself with great beauty.”

  Leaves rustled behind us. Raj entered the clearing. My master bowed. “Lord Liu, forgive the intrusion, the Exalted Father would like word before we convene.”

  “Of course, excuse me,” Li Cheng said to me. “I will see you in my chambers when we adjourn.”

  I reverenced him. He departed, leaving me standing in the garden with my master. I hadn’t been alone with Raj in weeks. He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against a tree. “You must be happy, working your way up from alpha’s bed to elder’s in a year’s time.”

  In my present state of mind, I had no tolerance for Raj’s belittling. With my fate decided, there was nothing to be lost by voicing my opinion. “You really don’t want me here—or Giulietta doesn’t at least.”

  “Fuck her, jealous cunt.” He moved toward me. “The fact is, I rather like shagging you, but politics is politics, so off you must go, darling. Still—until the contract is signed and the gold delivered—you’re mine. If you don’t mind I’ve got an itch for you.”

  He grabbed my arm. I tossed him off. “Sod off. I’m in Li Cheng’s service at present.”

  Raj jerked me back by my hair. His arm wrapped around my neck and put a chokehold on me. “No matter whom you serve, you’ll always be a pathetic whore.”

  He pushed me down by the shoulders. Despite my height, he was heftier. I jumped up and popped him one the nose. Blood sprayed all over his white shirtfront. He knocked me to the ground and kicked me hard, again and again. I covered my face to protect it.

  “Stop it!” an American voice cried out. Raj stepped back. I uncovered my head. Kurt’s counselor strode through the trees, putting his body between my master and me. “Leave the kid alone.”

  Raj looked at the Yank like he smelled of dog shit. “How I choose to deal with my property is none of your damned business.”

  “Damage him permanently and what kind of price will he fetch then? Gossip is you’re selling him off to Lord Liu for his three times his weight in gold—as if a price could be set on a person.”

  Raj struck a casual pose, dabbing at his nose like it didn’t matter. “Don’t scoff at our ways, fledgling. You’re an attorney? So am I. You understand very well the monetary value one individual has over another. An adept of the ancient arts is not only exquisite to look upon but highly skilled—thus the price tag. Fortunately, they also don’t bruise for long.” Raj just walked away, leaving me huddled on the ground.

  “Are you all right?” The Yank extended his hand to help me up. “My name is Chase Powers.”

  I ignored him and got to my feet on my own, examining my spoiled tiger embroidered silks as if I’d merely stumbled over a loose stone. “Bugger—rather liked this set.”

  He looked on me with this pitying gaze. I resented it. Shardul was the most celebrated adept in the world, didn’t he know? Li Cheng was paying thrice my weight in gold to obtain my services. I didn’t need anyone’s pity, least of all his. “What you looking at?”

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  I tossed my head a little. “Fine, thanks.”

  “You’re bleeding.”

  “A scratch.”

  “Come back to our rooms—I’ll clean you up.”

  “I can take care of myself.”

  “Obviously,” he said, in that nasal, American way.

  “You don’t understand anything, mate.”

  The counselor shook his flaxen head. “I understand better than you think. He’s a sadistic creep, and you’re just a kid.”

  “Good thing I’m getting away from him then, isn’t it?”

  “No one has a right to buy or sell you.”

  “I’m in service to Kali Maa. She determines where and whom I serve.”

  “Or maybe it’s whoever stands to benefit most from the sale? If you really want to get away from all this, we’ll take you in. Kurt will help you.”

  I tossed off a bitter laugh. “Your fearless leader is in grave danger of losing his head over his little rebellion. I know how to save mine.” I slipped off my headband and shook out my hair. Like the rest, the American couldn’t look away. “I give it to Lord Liu, and I get to keep it.”

  “You’re no better than livestock to them. When you finally realize it, you’ll have a place with us.”

  “I’m doing just fine, thank you.” Giving my most graceful bow, I swept away toward the ashram, proud of my bravura performance. But alone in my room where no one could see, I sank down on my bed and sobbed like the miserable, scared kid he said I was. Only Raj could demolish my composure like this. Why did he still have this effect on me?

  Marco pushed through the door. “The trial’s begun.” He pulled away my torn choga. “What the hell happened to you? Liu isn’t into the S&M scene all of the sudden?”

  “Raj kicked the piss out of me when I refused him.”

  “Bastard.” My friend ran some water and wet a cloth. He sat next to me and wiped Raj’s blood from my face. After this, he slathered a cooling salve over the marks on my body.

  “I’m supposed to entertain later at some gathering Li Cheng’s putting on for these elders he’s trying to persuade.”

  “You’ll be fine. They’ll be hours yet.”

  “Apparently, I’m to be the main attraction.”

  “No.”

  “Just to sing and look pretty while they play politics.”

  Marco lay back on the bed. “Dull.”

  “Dull is fine with me. I’m looking forward to a month of seclusion and celibacy when all this is done.”

  He laughed as if he didn’t believe it. “Bullshit.” He cocked his head to the side. “Christ, here comes Sandhya. You can hear her freaking bells a mile away.”

  He jumped off the bed just as the door opened. She scrutinized us. “Cedric is consecrated to Lord Liu. I hope you haven’t been distracting him?”

  He bowed with a flourish. “Principessa—you have nothing to worry about. It’s just that your lord has been using him as a football.”

  Distress creased her face. “Good grief, he didn’t? Let me look to your wounds.”

  I couldn’t bear those soft hands on me without reciprocating and pulled away from her. “I can look after myself!”

  I regretted the wounded look in her eyes. She stepped back and sighed. “Very well. I was going to fill you in on the details of your seclusion, but no doubt Marco is equipped to explain the rituals.”

  Marco shrugged and pulled a face. “I leave the religion to you, bambina.”

  She shook her head after he left and shut the door. “No respect since Kalidasa made him chief servant. I hope you will continue to honor Mother Kali even when you have left us. Fortunately, Xin Yan is properly reverent, even if she assigns our lady a Chinese face.”

  “And what if I prefer to give her a living one?”

  “You have the opportunity of many lifetimes. No one could care for you like Lord Liu. No lover will treat you with the respect and honor you are due as our Mother’s devotee.”

  “
I know that—but I’m not in love with him.”

  “Love is duty and honor to something larger than our selfish lusts.”

  “You’re a poor liar, Sandhya. You love me—every bit as much as I love you.”

  “And you know where my duty lies.”

  “Raj never loved or honored you like I do. He’s incapable of loving anyone. You say your soul is joined to his for eternity? I’ve got news for you. He doesn’t have one. He’s a fucking sociopath like most of them. All he cares about is power and money.”

  She said nothing.

  “Don’t worry,” I went on. “In a month, I’ll be gone. I won’t trouble you again. Tell me about this seclusion nonsense.”

  “When the contract is signed, you will enter a secluded place for one cycle of the moon, where you will meditate, fast from solid food and eschew sexual union. You will drink only blood infused with herbs to bring on vision, during which you will pray for Kali Maa’s guidance. When your time is through, you will make your declaration of her will and a ceremony of cleansing and separation will be observed in the Ashram. Afterward, you will go to Liu Li Cheng and share with him in order to be reborn to your new master.”

  “No matter what happens, I’ll never forget you.”

  Pain fluttered over her face for an instant. “I truly wish you every good thing.”

  She let herself out. I cursed and kicked things around my room. It didn’t really make me feel better. After my tirade was done, I helped myself to a wee drop of opiate from the adept’s chest, not too much as I had to work later. I felt much better after that and cleaned up, repainting and changing into fresh silks. Making my way to the kitchens, I ordered refreshments for Li Cheng’s little soiree, arranging for three lovely girls to serve the food and drink. In the cellars, I chose wines and pointed out mortal urchins to the dog in charge. These would be drugged, cleaned up, and offered to the guests. This part I despised. The argument that they would earn better karma by dying this way never convinced me. The dosage I administered was just enough so they didn’t fight, yet not so much that it knocked the Immortyls flat when they drank from them.

 

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