I nodded, holding my unsteady arm out to Jens to make the cut.
Jens’s hand was weak from blood loss and pain, but he was determined. He took off his shirt and wrapped his hands in it, so my blood didn’t stain him. He placed the tip of the blade to my arm, but paused too long. “I can’t do it. I just can’t. I don’t know if it’s the vakt or what, but no. Can someone else do it?”
Linus and Tucker both looked away, but Foss was never one to back down from taking care of business. “Hand it over.”
I didn’t want Foss to cut me. I didn’t want Jens to do it. I knew that causing me pain would hurt them, and I couldn’t have that. I snatched the blade from Jens and plunged an inch of it into my forearm without hesitating.
Jamie jumped in surprise, as did the others. Foss withdrew the knife as Jens held the cup under the oozing wound, his hands covered. “I said I would do it!” Foss shouted.
“I know, but I didn’t want to make you. I don’t like when you hurt me, so now you don’t have to.” I didn’t meet his eyes, but focused on the sparkly red blood that was half an inch deep in the cup now. Tucker made to wrap up Jamie’s identical slice, but I stopped him. “No. If his clots, mine does too, so give it a minute. This isn’t enough blood. Jens was right; we’ve got one chance at this. We have to get it right.” A large star birthed out of my cut, drawing gasps from everyone in the room.
Foss reached out with his shirt and dabbed at the whole star. He lifted it up to examine the magnificence, and then without discussing it, smeared the beauty from his hairline to his temple, and all the way down to the middle of his cheek.
“No!” I screamed, and Jens almost dropped the cup. “Foss, no! Now you’re scarred! Why would you do that? Wipe it off! Maybe you can still wipe it off!”
Foss postured, looking almost liberated. “No. The chief got respect by wearing the blood of a siren he’d killed when they were all slaughtered. Everyone follows his rule because of his siren blood scars.” He looked down at the cup, as if debating if a thin smear of stars down his face was enough to send a message. “I’m coming back from the dead. I won’t start from the bottom. I’ll go back to my rightful place as the power of the East. This will help.” He looked down at me. “From now on, the story we tell is that after Olaf’s attack, we ran away to kill Pesta. After that, you were welcomed home by your kingdom.” His jaw clenched in determination. “I’ll be welcomed with open arms by mine.”
I was livid, my white fingers shaking. Jens had to hold my arm over the cup to keep it still. “My blood isn’t a tool to build a kingdom on! You should’ve asked me before you went permanently damaging your face like that!”
Foss’s voice was clear and calm. “Jens damaged his face for you with his vakt tattoo. He wears one of your stars, too. How is this any different?”
The streak of silver stars in the red smear blinked out at me, mocking me with their permanence. “I never asked Jens to do that. You shouldn’t have done it, Foss.”
His shoulders were straight, and he looked like a Viking with the blood on his face. “It’s done. Now I’ll carry you with me wherever I go.”
Jens spoke through gritted teeth. “I swear, Grimen, I’ll murder you where you stand if you keep talking like that!”
“Where I stand, or where you sit? Take it easy, cripple. You look about a week away from retiring.”
Were Jens not holding a cup of blood, I knew he would’ve tackled the man in a hot second. “I’ll never retire! You can live your whole life waiting for me to step aside, but I never will! Suck on that!”
“Knock it off, guys,” Linus ordered, not sure on all the politics of what just happened. “Pissing contest tomorrow. My sister’s turning white as a sheet while you two bicker like idiots. Get it together!” He clapped his hands twice like a soccer coach.
I’d had enough drama.
So had Jamie. The prince had been quiet, but his patience had reached a head. “Look, what we’re about to do is more important than your plan for your kingdom, Foss, or your plans for Lucy, Jens. This is a big thing we’re trying, and I’d like a little civility from all of you.”
Foss dipped his head in acknowledgment, and Jens nodded, though both still looked ready to pounce.
My heart felt like it was beating too hard, and when I looked, half the cup was filled, but the trickle was starting to clot. Jamie was pale next to me, so I knew I had to look like death. I sliced the wound a little more with the blade, filling the cup with renewed vigor from the fount. When Tucker and Linus questioned me, I shook my head. “We need a whole c-cup of siren blood to lift the Depravity of Man c-curse and Jamie’s c-curse. I can’t do this twice. Best g-get it over in one shot.”
Jens gave it twenty more seconds, and then ruled the bloodletting over. “It’s enough. That’s more than a cup, which was all we needed.”
Tucker wrapped Jamie’s arm, and then moved carefully to mine. “You’re doing great,” he said quietly. I knew that voice. It was the pacifying tone the nurses used on Linus when more was required of him than he was capable of doing.
I took the bandage from Tucker and did my best to wrap it myself, not wanting anyone else to try their luck at bathing in my blood. My fingers were stiff and cold, but somehow I managed the feat. “Thanks, Tuck.”
Jens reached for the shirt that held the berries in my lap and handed Jamie a fistful. “Let’s end this.”
Jamie was contemplative before he tipped the berries into his mouth. Syster, if this works, I just want to say thank you for letting me escape into your mind when my curse couldn’t be controlled. Thank you for walking through life with me. I’ll treasure your thoughts and your heart, and if this works, you’ll still be in my heart. You’ll still be my syster.
I leaned my head against his shoulder, my breath shallow. I was halfway between passing out and bawling my eyes out. I love you, Prince Charming.
And I love you.
At the same time, we silently wished for the bond to be severed. I felt no different, but I knew we’d just done an important step.
Shall we? He spoke like we were about to embark on a stroll across the street, not make history and break laws of nature.
I quickly downed as many berries as I could, grabbing another handful as the vibrantly purple blueberries hit my stomach.
They felt like high fructose corn syrup on steroids. My stomach was instantly revolted by the too-sweet tang that couldn’t be properly digested. Jamie’s face soured, and as soon as the last berry was gone, he laid down on the bed. “Jens, hand me the knife.” He extended his shaking arm.
“No way can you do this,” Jens ruled. “I’ve got it. A neat little scar, and I know just where to put it.”
Jens moved to Jamie’s side of the bed as Jamie removed his shirt. Through the hair on Jamie’s chest, you could just make out the emblem that had been burned on us. Jens looked like Christmas had come early, while Foss groaned in defeat.
Jens shrugged, his glee apparent. “Hey, it’s directly over their hearts. Not my rule. Blame Havard. If the dude was still alive, I’d send his sweet albino cheeks a muffin basket.”
“Get out, guys,” I ordered, pointing to the door. My stomach was roiling. When no one moved, my tone shortened. “I have to take off my shirt, so out you go.”
Linus was the first one to obey, shoving Foss and Tucker through the door and shutting it tight. I’d really missed having a brother.
I rolled onto my side away from Jamie after I removed my shirt, so he didn’t have to see anything his weak pulse couldn’t handle. My hands covered over my black bra as best I could.
I felt the slice of the blade dig into Jamie’s chest, and I grabbed the sheet up around me to keep my obnoxious blood from spilling all over. I felt like a wuss when Jamie’s only sound was an intake of breath, but mine was a light shriek of pain. Judge me all you want; getting the thin skin over your chest bone cut open hurts like a vixen.
“I’m sorry, guys. It’s almost over.” Jens handed Jamie the ed
ge of the sheet to hold against his cut, and then moved to me, knocking Foss’s ring out of the way. His expression was torn between grave and lustful. “Probably a bad time to tell you that you have fantastic—”
“Yes. A very bad time,” Jamie answered for me. “Finish it, Jens.”
I rolled onto my back, and Jamie respectfully closed his eyes. That’s the thing about a good brother.
I covered my face with my hands and groaned. “Why do all our almost sexy moments have to be so gory? When this is all over, please take me to London.”
“You got it, Basil Cubbington.” He poised the knife over the scar without the same hesitation he’d met my arm with when he couldn’t drive the blade through. The dainty X he drew over Foss’s ring’s burn mark felt like a three-foot wide hole in my chest. I screamed as my stomach churned.
It was over before I knew it. Jens had the sheet pressed to my chest, holding it there and building unspoken heat between us. He was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen, and I couldn’t believe that he loved me. He leaned forward to kiss my lips, but then stopped short, his eyebrows lifting in alarm. “The berries!” He shouted over his shoulder. “Someone bring me two buckets! Now!”
Foss came barreling in seconds later with two large bowls from the kitchen. He tossed one to Jens and brought the other to Jamie.
“They have to throw up, or they’ll die! Hurry, Jamie! Now!” Before I could brace myself, Jens shoved two fingers down my throat.
Of course the sexiest moment we’d shared in who knows how long ended with me vomiting on Jens’s hand. Why wouldn’t that happen? It just seemed to be my luck. I heard Jamie ralphing into his bowl, and beneath my disgust, I was relieved.
When Linus burst through the door, I wanted to hide the sight from him. He’d seen too much of the bathroom floor and uncontrollable barfing. I tried to wave him off, but my brother surprised me by doing something that made tears jerk out of me as the vomit shot into the bucket.
Linus wrapped his arms around me from behind and held me while I puked, just as I’d done for him in the hospital too many times to count. I sobbed at his soothing tone that sounded every bit like mine had when he was the one bent over a toilet. “We’ll get through this together. It’s one bad night. Tomorrow will be better. I’m here. I’m here.”
My cry was a mournful sound that broke my resolve to buck up when I heard the pitiful wail in it. “It’ll never be over!” I cried in between chunks. I wasn’t talking about just the vomit. The unending problems of Undraland felt like they would never come to an end, that I would be swept up in their drama for life, forfeiting what was left of mine to them.
Linus was calm and I was freaking out. He was the yin to my yang. “That’s just not true. I know it feels like that, but this is not forever. I’m here, Loos.”
There’s a kind of comfort that stops your tears, and the kind that makes them fly out of you with renewed vigor. Linus hadn’t been here for two years. Him telling me that he was now here were words I’d needed, and at some point had given up hope that I’d ever hear again.
My words came out a jumbled whiny mess. “I can’t do this! I lived without you for so long! I was all alone without you! How could you up and die like that?” More puke thrust from me, muting any further childishness on my part.
Linus chuckled. “Because I’m a selfish prick. That’s why.” He held me tighter, and I felt his heartbeat on my left, and Jens’s on my right. They held me together, and I needed every second of it. “But I’m not going anywhere now, Loos. I’m here, and you’re stuck with me singing Safety Dance for the rest of your life.”
I wanted to laugh, but I was mid-barf.
Jens called over his shoulder. “Tuck! Get some water for them.”
Just as when we’d first laplanded after we’d killed that stupid Werebear, Jamie and I emptied our stomachs until there was nothing left. It was the perfect bookend to the whole unfortunate thing.
I sobbed through a breath, and before I could form words, I passed the smack out in Jens’s arms.
That’s the thing about a good man. He holds your hair while you puke and catches you when you fall. He loves your brother and doesn’t hit on you when you’re in pain. I loved Jens, and even in unconsciousness, I knew we belonged together.
10
Free
When I awoke, daylight was shining through the window, poking in under the drawn curtain. The room didn’t smell like puke, nor did I. When I felt the space next to me, Jamie was gone.
Christmas morning glee lit up like a decorated tree inside of me, and I poked around in my head for Jamie.
Nothing. There was no response, even when I shouted for him in my mind. In fact, the door to our shared hallway in our brains was gone – erased, like it never existed. No door, no wall, and no hallway at all. I had my mom’s wall at the back of my mind to keep me company, and whatever else I was now free to imagine at will.
Since I was alone and there was no one to judge me, I wept. A year of never having a thought completely to myself was a heavy burden I didn’t comprehend the full weight of until it was lifted. The suddenness of my liberation combined with the blood loss and puking my guts out, making me feel lightheaded. I touched my chest to slow my breathing, and felt a bandage stuck there under my black shirt (which I realized upon closer inspection was actually one of Jens’s).
Something familiar tugged inside of me, and my heart sank. It was an emotional swing from Jamie, though I couldn’t make out any specific communication coming from his end.
It hadn’t broken. For all the effort, it hadn’t worked. I sobbed openly, too weak to sit up.
Jens was in the room in the next minute. “Hey, Mox. You’re awake! You alright? What’s wrong?”
I could barely make out the words. “It didn’t work! I can still feel Jamie.”
Jens looked confused, but chose his words carefully as he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me to sitting up against the headboard. “What do you mean?”
I pointed to my heart. “I can’t hear his thoughts, but I can feel him. He just had a burst of energy. Like, happy energy or he’s running or something. I can feel it still!” I was weaker than I anticipated, and my hand dropped to my side. “Why didn’t it work?”
Jens brushed my hair out of my face, and despite what a mess I was, that brief action made me feel beautiful. I leaned into his touch as he spoke softly. “Babe, Jamie’s on his way back to the Other Side. Might already be there, for all we know.”
My muscles stiffened. “Wait, what? Where are we?” I looked around, confirming that we were still in the small wooden house in Fossegrim.
Jens smiled. “Tucker’s taken Jamie back to be with Britta. If I’m calculating correctly, she’s still got another few weeks before the baby’s due. He should make it back in time for the delivery.” He kissed my forehead. “We did it, Loos. You’re not bound to Jamie anymore.”
I searched his face for signs of a lie. I went to our shared mental door and flung it open, but beyond it, there was a brick wall. I couldn’t get through to him, nor could he reach me. “But… but I can feel him still. I can’t hear him, but he’s in there.”
Jens thought on this. “That sounds like how I can feel your swings. When you’re in danger, I get this pull in my gut. When you’re happy and not worried about anything, I can feel that, too. Not words, but feelings. Is it kind of like that?”
I nodded. “If that’s the worst of it, I’ll take it,” I decided, making my peace with it then and there. I’d earned the right to keep a little part of Jamie, and was grateful he could probably feel my happiness on his end.
I peeled back the bandage, grimacing at the scar. It was tiny, the smallest X that was directly across Foss’s emblem and no bigger.
Jens grinned, unapologetic. “I think it looks perfect. The most beautiful scar I’ve ever seen.”
“I’ll bet. How’s your leg?”
He bent his knee for me with no pause for a wound. “Awesome. Havard really di
d a number on me. There’s a mark still, but the inside stuff is completely healed. I don’t even feel a sting unless I touch it directly. Love these enhancements.” He took in my dropping eyelids and slumped posture. “How are you feeling? Are you ready to eat? A lot’s been happening since you decided to catch up on your beauty sleep.”
The moment he mentioned eating, my stomach screamed at me like a gurgling creature searching for small animals to devour.
That mental image made me think of Circhos. I missed my Circhos, my Thomas Jefferson, and felt a stab of guilt I would never absolve myself for when I thought on my hand in killing the sweet monster. “I’d love something to eat, thanks.”
Jens kissed my hand and left to grab me food from the kitchen. I wasn’t expecting more than the usual apple and hard bread, but when I saw scrambled eggs and water, I nearly leapt at the sight. “Whoa! Where’d you get all that?”
“I’m amazing. Also, the owners of the house have a few chickens out back.” He handed me the fork, and I was grateful I had the strength to feed myself. Not much more than that, mind you, but just enough.
Jens situated the blanket to make sure it covered my feet. I friggin’ loved that man. “Where’s Clara Barton?”
“Tuck’s got her. Won’t be parted from her, actually.” He inhaled deeply and set about catching me up. “So Tuck took your kanin and ported Jamie to the gate. The plan was that Jamie would turn them invisible and they’d sneak on through. Then they’d go to Britta.” He ticked off major points on his fingers. “Linus is taking a nap on the floor out there. Dude eats like you wouldn’t believe now. No joke, he wolfed down an eighteen-egg omelet this morning, and was whining for more like three hours later. Something’s off. I don’t mind it, but he’s never full, and he eats for four people. Weird.”
I shrugged. “If that’s the tradeoff for bringing him back to life, I’ll take it.”
Linus at Large: An Undraland Blood Novel Page 7