by Andi Jaxon
Feeling him rubbing against me, skin to skin is almost more than I can take. Blood thrums through my veins, hardening every muscle in my body, my fists ball into the sheets. Finding his rhythm, I push back into his thrusts, wanting to feel him move inside of me. It’s not long before he tenses and freezes, waking up and realizing what he’s feeling isn’t just a dream. His hands on my hips flex and release as he tries to regain control over himself.
Ben releases my hips and drops onto his back, throwing an arm over his eyes. Turning toward him, my thigh sliding in between his, I kiss my way up his chest. This may have started while he was asleep, but I’ll be damned if he’s ashamed now that he’s awake. Spreading his thighs with my knees, my tongue and lips explore his chest, groaning when his hips move against mine. My lips capture his, our tongues twisting and sliding together in a dance all our own. Ben’s thighs cradle my hips perfectly, our bodies connected from hip to lips, still soft from sleep.
My lips capture his whimpers, sparking the fire in my blood to burn hotter, my need for him climbing. Moving together, our cocks are trapped between us as we grind against each other. Pulling my mouth from his, my forehead drops to his shoulder. “If you tell me to stop, I will.” It will kill me, but I’ll walk away from him if he’s not ready.
“No, please,” he breathes against my ear, and the whimper in his voice almost does me in. Forcing my eyes to meet his, I need to make sure he’s thinking this through. I don’t want him to regret this later once the lust has cleared.
“Ben, look at me.” It takes a minute, but the deep obsidian of his eyes meets mine. “Do you want this? Do you want me to fuck you?”
Lust glazes over his features, and for a split second he freezes, before jumping into action. Both hands grip my ass and press me into his stomach, the heels of his feet digging into me. “Fuck me.”
Reaching for the bedside table, I rip the drawer open and blindly search for lube, knocking stuff over in my impatient search. Finally finding it, I sit back on my knees and pop the top of lube open. Breathing hard, Ben’s eyes lock on mine as a lube covered finger finds the tight muscle of his ass.
“Relax, babe. I’m going to make you feel good.” The tension in his body lessons, my finger pressing inside to just the first knuckle. Holding my finger still, I let him get used to the sensation and pressure. Ben’s back arches off the bed with the slightest movement from my finger, the taut ring squeezing me so tight. It’s not long before a second finger is added, pumping slowly into his ass.
“Please, I want to feel you.” His whine makes my dick ache, and a pearl of precum leaks from my tip.
“Do you want me to wear a condom? I won’t be offended if you do.” I don’t want to, I want to feel him skin to skin, but I’ll wear it if he’s more comfortable.
“No, just you.” Flipping open the lube once again, I make sure my length is slick and lean over him, lining my cock up with his hole. My dick is thicker than my fingers, and he tenses against the intrusion. “Take a deep breath for me and relax. Do you trust me?”
His eyes catch mine, and he nods, biting on his lip in nervousness. With some force, my tip slips in before he clenches around me, a deep groan rumbling my chest. Dropping to my elbows, I crash my lips to his, slowly pushing the rest of the way inside of him. Ben wraps his arms around my neck, ravaging my mouth with nips, licks, and sucks, all the while I’m pumping slowly in and out of his ass. Sliding my forearms under his back, I grip his shoulders, pressing our bodies together, slick with sweat as I take his ass for the first time.
The grip on his shoulders changes the angle, and from the change in Ben’s moans, I’m sure my dick is stroking his prostate, turning the already pleasurable act much more intense. “Fuck,” he whimpers in my ear. “Alister, please.” My pace increases, pumping faster and harder into his tight, hot ass. My balls draw up, and a tingle starts at my lower back, I’m ready to cum deep inside him.
His back bows seconds before hot spurts of cum coat my stomach as my orgasm rocks me hard, making me thrust roughly and filling him with me. We lay there breathing hard, trembling from the physical and emotional force of our orgasms.
Chapter Thirty-One
BEN -
The hot water scalds my skin, but I take a few minutes to enjoy it and remember the feel of Alister on my skin. The memory of him inside of me sends a shiver over me and goosebumps cover my skin. We laid on the bed, wrapped around each other for a few minutes. I’ve never experienced anything like this before, the physical release was mind-blowing, but the emotional connection, the care he took to make sure I was okay and comfortable, was more than anyone has ever given me.
Shaking the thoughts away, I don’t remember the last hot shower I had—it’s been years. Being here is a mind fuck, I don’t understand why he would let me in. A few days ago, I came on his stomach and told him I didn’t want to see him anymore. The hurt in his eyes almost made me take it back, to beg him to forgive me. The day kept getting worse, ending with me wandering the streets, drenched, freezing, and homeless.
But, I had sex with Alister Bennet.
A smile breaks out on my face that I can’t stop, not that I want to. I know I should keep him at arm’s length, I’ll get my heart broken when he realizes he can do better than me, but I’m not strong enough. I’m not strong enough to walk away again, I tried, and ended up in his bed. At what point do I get what I want? What I deserve?
Scrubbing cum off my body with Alister’s body wash, No. 63 scents the steam. I like smelling him on my skin, and I feel more confident, protected. The steam has filled the small room and guilt sets in for using so much of the hot water. Rinsing the suds off, I shut the water off and grab my towel. The towel is so much softer than I’m used to, fluffier or something. Wrapping it around my hips, I go back into Alister’s bedroom and find the bed has been made and clothes have been set out for me, his clothes. He’s taking care of me. No one has ever done that for me before. I’ve had to beg, take beatings, for everything I’ve ever had.
The white V-neck t-shirt is huge on me, but it’s comfortable, and the grey lounge pants have a drawstring to keep them up. Otherwise, they would be at my ankles. Wearing his clothes reinstates how skinny I am, how underweight I am.
Shaking my head to clear it, I leave the bedroom in search of Alister. I want to give this a chance. I want to know what it’s like to be able to touch someone, simply because I want to. To know what it’s like to know I don’t have to be alone, that I can share my day with him, relax with him.
Hearing noise from the kitchen, I peek around the corner to see Alister at the stove. He’s so comfortable here, in his element, confident in his movements. I stand off to the side where he’s not likely to see me and watch him for a few minutes, enjoying the way his muscles move under his shirt. My dick is hardening again, the soft fabric of the lounge pants doing nothing to hide it.
Entering the room, I wrap my arms around his waist and lay my cheek against his back. For the first time in my life, I’m touching someone because I want to. I took the first step, I touched him first. The steady thump of Alister’s heart beats in my ear. A warm hand covers mine on his stomach.
“Hey, breakfast is almost done. How are you feeling? What would you like to drink?” This moment is so normal, and something I’ve never had.
“I feel good, thanks. I think I’ll have coffee.”
Turning in my arms, he faces with me with a raised eyebrow. “Oh yeah? This morning is full of firsts for you.”
Up on my toes, I press my lips to his, a gentle, easy kiss. A thank you. His arms are loose around me, content at the moment. Dropping back down, I smile at him, a real smile I can feel to my soul. “That’s another first.”
Cocking his head, he looks at me. “What is? We’ve kissed before.”
“But I haven’t been the one to start it. I touched you first. I’ve never done that with anyone else before.” I’m slightly embarrassed by my revelation, but he knows I’m not experienced. “Though, techni
cally, I’ve had sex before. It just wasn’t with a man.”
“Really?” He turns back to the stove and plates our breakfast. “I would like to hear the story if you don’t mind sharing it.” Handing me the plates, I take them to the table while he makes me a cup of coffee. Seating us across the table from each other, he brings in the steaming mugs, cream, and sugar. I haven’t had coffee often, but I know I hate it black, so I add cream and sugar to my cup before tasting it.
My eyes close as my hands wrap around the hot cup, the sweet, creamy drink warming me from the inside as it slides down my throat.
“Damn that was sexy.” Alister’s voice startles me. “I didn’t mean to make you jump.” He chuckles.
My cheeks flush. “It’s really good.”
“I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” He takes a bite of his eggs and watches me while he chews.
“How long have I been here?”
“Well, it’s Thursday, so about two and a half days.”
I’m stunned. Two days? “Why did you let me stay? Why did you have Alex bring me here in the first place?”
“Well, I told Alex to bring you here because you were in trouble and I wanted to help. And you’ve been sick. I wasn’t going to leave you unconscious somewhere.”
I don’t have a response, because I can’t wrap my head around him helping me in the first place. People aren’t nice to me without a reason, except Kristen.
“So, care to tell me about the girl?” Alister’s voice brings me back to the here and now.
Thinking of Kristen makes me smile and feel guilty at the same time, I shouldn’t have talked to her like I did the other day. I need to call her. “Her name is Kristen, and she’s been my best friend since I was about nine.”
“That’s a long time. Does she live locally?”
“Not anymore, she got accepted as a transfer student to Cal Poly about a year ago.”
“Cal Poly? That’s damn impressive. How did you meet her?”
“I was the new kid at school, and for some reason, she took pity on me. I’ve always been skinny, and she is the image of perfection. Blonde with blue eyes, looks sweet and innocent, but once she opens her mouth you know she’s not. She never went through that awkward stage either, she always looked good. Her family is loaded, you can see it from a mile away, but she decided I was her best friend my first day.”
“Sounds like a good friend to have.”
“She was, is. I was always bullied until Kristen threatened to get everyone’s parents fired from their jobs. Her father has a lot of power so everyone believed she could do it. When we were freshmen, we dated. I was pretty sure I wasn’t into girls, but my foster parent was crazy, and if he thought I was gay, it would have been bad.” I don’t want Alister to know how bad it was growing up, and I don’t want him to pity me. “So, being the awesome girl she is, she agreed to date me all through high school. We would purposefully get caught making out, trying to make it believable. Well, at one point, we decided to give sex a shot. We were both virgins, and she said she would rather lose it to me, her best friend, than to some jackass.”
I’m pushing my food around my plate, nervous at his reaction. I don’t want to look at him, but I want to know his reaction at the same time.
“Ben.” Taking a deep breath, I look at him and see him smirking at me. “We all go through it. I had a girlfriend in high school.”
It’s nice to talk to someone who went through the uncertainty, the fear of being judged.
“I hope I get to meet Kristen someday.”
I can’t help but laugh, if only he knew. “I’m pretty sure she knows more about you, then you do.”
“Huh? What does that mean?”
“Before she transferred, she was given an assignment in one of her journalism classes to research a professor on campus. They were not allowed to talk to the professor they were doing a mock-up article about, but had to find out as much information as they could by asking associates, Google, former students, stuff like that. She picked you.”
“Me? Why on earth would she pick me? I’m not that interesting.”
“Because you’re the hottest teacher we have, you’re never seen with anyone in a dating situation, and you don’t wear a ring. Girls are obsessed with you.”
He chuckles and sits back in his chair, taking a drink of his coffee. “Just girls? Have you seen my ass? It’s pretty awesome.”
A smile lifts my lips, laughing at his ridiculous question. “I’m pretty sure I saw it, once.”
He drains his cup and stands to take his dishes to the kitchen, stopping, he gives me a pointed look. “Eat.”
I scoop up a big bite of eggs and shove it in my mouth, making a big show of eating. The smile he flashes me has my heartbeat increasing, because he’s the most attractive man I’ve ever seen.
“I have to get ready for school. Do you want to walk with me?”
“I don’t have any clothes to wear. Mine are all wet.”
He nods, thinking. “Shit, I’m sorry. I forgot all about them. Do you have morning classes? We can toss your clothes in the washer and dryer, but you won’t make it to campus until the afternoon.”
“You can get dressed and go. I’ll figure it out.” My eyes drop back to my plate. I don’t want him to think I need him to solve my problems for me.
The sound of the plate on the table has my head lifting in confusion. Alister grasps my cheeks in his hands and kisses me hard, ravaging my lips. His teeth nip at my bottom lip until I open for him and groan when his tongue dances with mine. I melt under his intensity. Pulling back, he waits to speak until my eyes meet his. “Don’t brush me off. I want to help. I want to know you’re taken care of, that you’re okay, and the only way I can know for sure is to take care of you myself.”
“Why? Why do you care so much?” My insecurities are choking me. I know I’m ruining this moment, but I can’t stop it.
“I’m not sure why it’s so important to me, but it is. You’re in my head all the time. ‘What are you doing? Have you eaten? Are you okay?’ Those thoughts are constantly running through my brain.” His thumb caresses my cheek softly. “You’re important to me, Ben.” He lays a kiss on my forehead before walking into his bedroom to take a shower.
I locate the washer and dryer and dig through the pitiful number of things I own, dropping the wet clothes into the drum. It’s hard not to think of my life as pathetic when everything I own fits into a few bags. How long will it take for Alister to kick me out? How long before he’s bored with my inexperience and tired of my insecurities?
“What are you thinking so hard about?” Cinnamon and nutmeg fills the air in the hallway as he exits his room, clean and dressed for class. He stops beside me, his hand on my lower back.
“How long it’ll take for you to get bored with me.” I regret the words the second they leave my mouth. Shame heats my cheeks and my head drops to hang from my shoulders.
Turning me to face him, I resign myself to the conversation he’s going to want. “Why would I get bored with you?”
A humorless laugh is forced from me. “Why wouldn’t you? I’m inexperienced, homeless, and basically a walking insecurity. Why would you want to be around the walking definition of depression? I suck the life out of everyone around me, and my only friend moved to a different state to get away from me!” I slam the lid of the washer down and storm down the hallway, but don’t have anywhere to go from there. Standing in the living room with my hands on my hips, I’m angry and frustrated.
I don’t know how to do this, how to be normal. I don’t know how to interact with people or be in a relationship. The only thing I’m good at is being a whipping boy, a punching bag.
Alister’s footsteps come down the hallway and stop behind me, but he doesn’t touch me this time, for some reason, and that hurts. “I don’t know what you’ve been through, but it doesn’t define who you are. I know your life is a mess, your apartment flooded, you’re trying to graduate, you’re dealing with the emoti
ons that come with your first gay experiences, but I’m a patient man. Lean on me, talk to me, just be with me, and the rest will fall into place.
“Don’t worry about trying to find a new apartment. You can stay here. If you want your own space, I can make up the spare room for you, but I like having you in my bed.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out, the exhale brushing my neck. “I’m heading to campus. I can wait to leave campus until you’re done with classes, if you want. All you have to do is tell me what you want, what you need. I’ll happily give you anything I can.”
His body presses against me, and his arms wrap around my waist. One hand flattens over my heart, and his lips brush the base of my neck, then he’s walking toward the door. “There’s a key on the kitchen counter and my cell phone number.” He doesn’t wait for a response, just shuts the door, leaving me to deal with the fact that I’m an asshole.
Chapter Thirty-Two
ALISTER -
This morning didn’t go as I had expected, both in good and bad ways. Sex with Ben was so much more than it’s ever been with anyone else, so much better, every touch more pleasurable.
The more I learn about him, the more I want to know. I know growing up was hard, he wouldn’t have the trust and confidence issues he has if his childhood was good, but just how bad was it? It will probably break me to hear his story, to know the struggles and pain he’s endured, but I know it has made him the person he is today.
A notification on my phone grabs my attention, bringing me back to the present. Grabbing the device, I notice the time and hurry to get to class. Power walking to the classroom, I open the message from an unknown number.
Unknown: I’m sorry I lost it this morning. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.