by Paige Toon
‘Thanks for looking after me last night, mate,’ he says.
‘Yes, thank you for looking after my fiancé!’ Molly looks up at them cheerfully.
‘Alright, mop-head, see you later.’ He ruffles her hair. ‘See ya, Luce.’ He glances back at me. And then he’s gone, and I feel empty inside.
Chapter 7
‘Do you want to come to the shop with me today?’ Molly asks.
‘No,’ I reply. ‘I think I’ll go into the city.’
It’s Monday morning and Sam is making himself breakfast while Molly and I unload the dishwasher.
‘Why don’t you meet me for lunch?’ Sam asks.
‘Ah, that’d be nice,’ Molly encourages me.
‘Okay, that’d be great.’ I smile, a little uncertain.
Sam and I used to feel relaxed in each other’s company years ago, but we might not be as comfortable these days without Molly around. Maybe it’ll be good to spend some time with just him. Build our friendship back up on purely platonic terms.
It’s hot and stuffy on board the speedy Jetcat to the city and a baby won’t stop crying. I’d give anything to be standing with Nathan on a green and cream ferry looking over the railings at the seals.
I still can’t stop thinking about him. This crush, or whatever the hell it is, shows no signs of weakening. It strikes me at that moment that I haven’t had a single crush on anyone in three years, and now someone has come along just when I needed a distraction from my fears about my boyfriend. I wonder how many more hours I’ll get to spend with Nathan before I leave.
Before I leave. Only six more days left and then I’ll be heading home on another dreaded flight. Home to James. Home to our flat. I usually love the thought of going home to our flat. Well, I usually love the thought of going home to my boyfriend, but let’s not get into that now. Or maybe we should. I need to get some perspective on things, much nicer though it would be to bury my head in the sand and ignore it all.
James was my first proper boyfriend. Even though we met when I was twenty-two, I really hadn’t had a boyfriend before him. Just a couple of flings. I’d lost my virginity to someone called Dave in my first year of university, something I intensely regretted afterwards. I was drunk and it wasn’t love. But I had stubbornly resolved to make it work, even though Dave and I had nothing in common. It ended when I saw him snogging another girl in the corner of the student union and I made a right spectacle of myself by throwing his pint of beer over him. I was devastated at the time. He was devastated I’d wasted his pint. To be honest, he was a bit smelly and had terrible dress sense. I probably just needed someone to take my mind off Sam.
Molly wrote more often than Sam. He was never good at writing–only talking. And gardening…Over the years, my friendship with Molly strengthened while Sam and I drifted further apart. There was nothing I could do. Sam used to confide in me when he and Molly had a bust-up. Now I’d gone, he only had Molly to confide in.
I think it was James who finally cured my Sam obsession. Because it was an obsession. I remember once going round to Sam’s house to find him listening to moody music in his bedroom–the very room I’m staying in now. I asked him if he was okay. I could see he was anything but. He told me that at the school disco the night before he’d seen Molly cosying up to a guy in the year above us. I’d seen it too. At the time, instead of feeling sorry for Sam, I’d been hopeful that maybe she’d find someone else and leave him free and single for me. But I tried to reassure him.
‘She does love you, you know.’
‘I don’t know, Lucy. She’s so hard to read sometimes.’
‘I could talk to her if you like?’
‘No, it’s okay. I don’t want you brought into this.’
I’m already in on this, I thought. If only I could take myself out of it.
He took my hand and said, ‘What a shame you and I aren’t into each other, Lucy.’ I squeezed his hand tighter, silently screaming: I am into you! I’m in love with you! ‘But we’re too much alike, aren’t we?’ he continued.
I had to look away to stop him from seeing the pain in my eyes.
I remember now that Nathan’s door had been ajar and I peeked in as I walked out of Sam’s room. He seemed so young back then, skinny legs sticking out beneath his shorts. He had his hair long then too, in contrast to Sam, who always kept his short. He was sitting strumming on his guitar and I could see his lips moving as he mouthed the words to a song I couldn’t hear. He looked up, startled, then shouted at me: ‘Close the door, Lucy!’
‘I’m not listening!’ I shouted back. But he slammed the door in my face.
I held on to my feelings for Sam for years, through all the letters from Molly telling me about how she was comforting him in the wake of his parents’ deaths, right through to just a few years ago when you could sense their relationship had reached a whole new level.
I never told James how I felt about Sam, but I did tell him about our friendship. I think I did a pretty good job of making out how purely platonic it was from both our sides, and then after a year or two I began to believe it as well. Sam was just a high-school crush. I know it’s deranged, but I’d enjoyed the teenage angst and feelings of unrequited love, and leaving Australia so suddenly had only served to draw out those feelings for longer.
‘Lucy!’ Sam exclaims, as he appears down the path in the Royal Botanic Gardens wearing beige shorts and a beige long-sleeved shirt. He has a straw hat on his head, green gloves on his hands, and big black boots on his feet. His legs are much hairier than they used to be. He looks kind of cute. Definitely not fanciable.
‘Hi, you,’ I reply, as he leans down to give me a kiss.
We walk back the way I’ve come. ‘I hope it’s not this windy on Saturday,’ he muses.
‘I was thinking the same thing.’
A little, red trackless train drives past, pulling three carriages full of people. ‘That’s what you’ll be arriving in on the Big Day.’ Sam grins.
‘Really?’
‘Yep.’ He laughs. ‘Didn’t Molly tell you?’
‘No, she didn’t.’
‘I hope I haven’t ruined the surprise. Don’t tell her I’ve told you, just in case.’
We walk back out past the Opera House and down the steps to the lower pavement, which is bustling with busy bars.
We choose one and take a table just outside the doors, where we’re sheltered from the wind. Sam goes to place our order, waving aside any attempts to force payment on him.
‘I want your advice,’ he says, once he’s seated again. He takes a small red box out of his pocket and pushes it towards me. I open it up carefully.
‘Wedding present for Molly,’ he tells me. ‘You think she’ll like it?’
It’s a silver bangle, studded with tiny diamonds.
‘It’s beautiful,’ I gasp. ‘Are these real?’ I point at the diamonds.
‘Yep,’ he confirms.
‘Sam, she’s going to love it.’
‘Phew. So glad you think so.’
‘She told me about your proposal,’ I say after a moment.
‘Did she?’
‘Yes. So romantic in the glasshouse…’
‘…in amongst the Australian tropical rainforest…’
‘…with the city looming overhead.’ I smile.
‘Did she tell you about my wet trousers?’
‘No!’ I laugh.
‘Goddamn sprinkler system. I knelt down on the platform and got soaked through.’
‘Well, at least you knelt down. Good boy! Your mother would have been proud of you.’ I immediately take a sharp intake of breath. Should I have said that?
He smiles sadly. ‘I wish they could have been here.’
‘I know you do. Me too.’ I look up into his big brown eyes and see they’re filled with tears.
‘Bloody hell, Luce, look what you’ve gone and done now.’ He laughs, brushing them away.
‘I’m so sorry.’ Reaching across the table, I squeeze his
hand, tears pricking my eyes.
‘Thanks,’ then a moment later, ‘Right! Change of subject, please!’
So we sit there, drinking our drinks and chatting about old times until finally Sam’s due back at work. He kisses me goodbye, then embraces me in a big bear hug, rocking me sideways for a few seconds before standing back and holding me by my arms, looking down at me.
‘Why don’t you move back?’ he says. ‘We miss you.’
‘I miss you guys too.’
‘But seriously, why don’t you? James can come too!’ he suggests chirpily.
‘Nah, he can stay put.’ I giggle. ‘I’ll move back and marry your brother instead.’
Sam throws his head back and laughs heartily. ‘See ya tonight,’ he says, turning away.
Oh, if only he knew…
Three hours later, worn out from swerving around the hoards of Japanese tourists, I return to the ferry dock, if not exactly laden down with shopping bags, with at least a few nice purchases. I found a pretty white skirt in Country Road, a funky bead necklace in Witchery and even a couple of silly boxing kangaroo pens for my work colleagues, Chloe and Gemma.
The return Jetcat ride seems quicker than the journey over and soon I’m disembarking onto Manly Wharf. With the sun beating down, the last thing I feel like is a twenty-minute walk up the hill, but the prospect of having the house to myself for an hour and resting out in the garden on a sunlounger with my book, is too tempting. I spot a café and order a small cup of vanilla ice-cream to make the journey pass quicker, and then start the trek back to Sam and Molly’s place.
A young mother jogs by in a navy-blue tracksuit, pushing her pram as she goes.
A minute later I hear the footsteps of another jogger behind me and move over to the left of the pavement to let them pass.
‘Lucy!’
It’s Nathan.
‘I thought it was you.’ He slows down to join me on the pavement. ‘Where have you been?’
‘I’ve just been into the city to see your big brother and do some shopping.’ My heart beats faster in my chest as I look up at him. ‘I’m not looking forward to the walk home, though.’ I motion up the steep hill with my ice-cream spoon.
‘Come back to my place if you like and I’ll give you a lift.’
‘Really?’ I feel stupidly ecstatic.
‘Of course.’
We turn round and head back into town towards the beach. He walks slowly, laid-back.
‘Not surfing today?’ God, I fancy him.
‘I went out this morning. Good waves. You should’ve come,’ he answers.
‘I would’ve done if you’d asked me.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’ How can he not tell?
We cruise along the street in his battered station wagon and up the hill towards Sam and Molly’s house. Nathan pulls up outside and turns off the ignition, cutting short the Aussie rock song that was blaring out of the stereo.
‘Want to come in for a cuppa?’ I ask him hopefully.
‘Why not?’ He unbuckles his seat belt.
I can barely keep the smile from my face as we go into the kitchen. I put the kettle on, while Nathan gets a couple of mugs out and pours in some milk, before chucking a couple of teabags on top.
‘Ew!’ I laugh. ‘You’re supposed to put the milk in afterwards.’
‘Try it. It’s better this way,’ he says confidently.
‘But the tea won’t brew properly,’ I argue.
He reaches over and plucks out one of the teabags before tipping the milk down the sink. ‘I’ll prove it to you.’
‘Okay, you’re on.’
The kettle boils and I pour water into both cups.
‘That looks disgusting.’ I snigger, looking over at his watery, milky concoction.
‘You’ll eat your words soon, Luce.’ He grins, stirring his teaspoon around.
‘Good colour,’ I observe, a minute later.
‘Especially compared to your scummy one,’ he says.
Hmm. Mine does look a bit scummy.
‘Well?’ He eyes me questioningly as I take a sip from both mugs of tea.
In response I pour the contents of mine into the sink.
He smacks his hand down on the counter, victoriously. ‘I told you!’
‘Yeah, alright, alright, don’t be a bad winner.’
He leans across me and flicks the kettle switch back on, chest so close to mine that we’re almost touching. I breathe in, then take a step back.
‘Right, I give up, I’m going to sit down.’ I try to keep an even tone to my voice.
He joins me at the table with a brand-new cup of tea. I offer him a TimTam and we do the routine where we dip our biscuits in and suck out the insides. Mine breaks off and plops into my drink.
‘Oh, I hate it when that happens,’ I moan. He starts laughing and passes me another one.
After a while the front door opens and Molly appears.
‘Hello!’ she cries. ‘What’s so funny? Ah, TimTams,’ she says, clocking the packet.
‘Want one?’
‘Yes, please. I’ll be back in a second.’
‘I should probably be getting off.’ Nathan stands up.
‘Okay,’ I respond sorrowfully.
‘So when do you want to go to Oceanworld?’ he asks.
‘Seriously?’
‘Yeah. What are you up to tomorrow?’
‘I can’t tomorrow–we’ve got to go and buy shoes.’ Damn.
‘For the wedding?’
‘Yeah. With Andie.’
‘May the force be with you,’ he says, grinning.
‘Why, is she a nightmare?’ I whisper.
‘Who’s a nightmare?’ Molly asks, coming back into the room.
‘Er, Lucy’s…tea!’
I smack him on the stomach.
‘Oof!’ He clutches himself.
‘I’m off, Molly.’ He turns to me. ‘How about Wednesday?’
‘What’s happening on Wednesday?’ Molly asks nosily.
‘Nathan and I were thinking about going to Oceanworld. Are we doing anything then?’
‘No, no, I don’t think so.’
‘Cool. Wednesday it is.’
‘You two get on well,’ Molly says, when he leaves.
‘You think?’
‘Oh, yes. You can tell how much he likes you.’
‘Really?’ I ask hopefully.
‘Don’t worry, I mean platonically.’ She laughs.
‘Oh, of course.’ I join her in the ridiculousness of it all.
The next day we’ve got the dreaded shoe-shopping trip, and even though I’ve been warned, I can’t wait to meet Andie.
My excitement is short-lived.
‘No, I don’t like those ones!’ Andie is squealing at Molly and throwing down the twelfth pair of children’s shoes she’s tried on that afternoon. The sales assistant shakes her head in mild disgust.
‘I told you, I want to go to the zoo!’
‘Well, you’re not going to the zoo until we’ve found you some shoes!’ Molly replies in utter frustration. She turns to me. ‘I am never having kids.’
I grin. ‘You say that now…Look, these ones are pretty.’ I pick up a sparkly pink pair.
‘No, they’ve got to be white or silver, Lucy.’
‘I want these ones!’ Andie screams.
I look at Molly and mouth ‘Sorry.’
‘Well, you can’t have those ones!’ Molly snaps.
‘But I want these ones!’ she cries.
‘Oh, for fu—pity’s sake.’
Fifteen minutes later a jubilant Andie skips out of the shoe shop wearing bright pink sparkly shoes. She has refused to put her old ones on again.
‘Zoo!’ she screams happily.
‘No, we’ve got to get Lucy’s shoes first.’
‘Zoo!’ she shouts. ‘Zoo, zoo, ZOO!’
People on the street are starting to stare. Molly gets out her mobile phone and speed-dials a number.
‘M
um, can you come and take her? She’s driving me nuts.’
A pause.
‘No, we haven’t even got Lucy’s shoes yet.’
Pause.
‘No, I’m not doing this, Mum! She’s being a brat!’
Pause.
‘She wants to go to the frickin’ zoo!’
Pause.
‘Frickin’ isn’t a swear word, Mum. You’re getting confused with fuck.’
Ten minutes later Molly’s mum turns up and bundles Andie into the back of the car.
‘Are you taking me to the zoo, Mummy?’ we hear her say through the open window as the car drives off. I start to laugh.
‘It’s not bloody funny. My mum lets her get away with everything.’
‘Come on,’ I tell her. ‘You need a drink. Hell, I need a drink. We’ll get my shoes after that.’
Chapter 8
‘Did you know that the Giant Cuttlefish has green blood, three hearts, tentacles and the ability to change colour and shape?’ I ask Molly and Sam the following evening at dinner. I keep remembering these titbits of information from my day with Nathan at Oceanworld.
‘I had no idea,’ Sam says, amused. We’re eating fresh prawns out on the porch.
The aquarium was phenomenal. A massive circular tank surrounds you as though you’re in a bubble, with enormous stingrays hovering above you like spaceships. I didn’t even know they grew that big.
There was one dodgy moment when Nathan found a Wheel Of Fortune-style wheel and span it to see what the chances of a shark attack were compared to other nasty deaths. It landed on boating accident, narrowly missing out the largest wedge, which was aircraft accident. Luckily a nearby tank of crayfish reminded me of a joke so I told him that to take his mind off it.
‘Listen, I’ve got a joke for you!’
‘About bloody time. Bet it won’t compete with the quality of my elephant jokes, though.’
‘Shut up and listen, smartarse. Kevin the crab and Lottie the Lobster Princess were madly in love. And then, one day, Lottie scuttled over to Kevin in tears. “We can’t see each other anymore,” she sobbed. “Why not?” gasped Kevin. “Daddy says that crabs are too common,” she wailed. “He says you’re the lowest class of crustacean and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk sideways.” Kevin was mortified, and edged away into the darkness to drink himself into a state of aquatic oblivion. That night the great Lobster Ball was taking place. Lobsters came from far and wide, but the Lobster Princess refused to join in with the fun, choosing instead to sit by her father’s side, inconsolable. Suddenly the doors burst open, and Kevin the crab strode in. The lobsters all stopped their dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his throne. Slowly, painstakingly, Kevin the crab made his way across the floor…and all could see that he was walking FORWARDS, one claw after another! Step by step he made his approach towards the throne, until eventually he looked the King Lobster in the eye. There was a deadly hush. Finally the crab spoke. “Fuck, I’m pissed.’”