by Paige Toon
‘I love you, Lucy,’ he says, running his hands over my naked body.
‘I love you too. I want you. Don’t make me wait any longer.’
He gently eases me back onto the bed so he’s above me and kisses my lips, passionately. I pull him into me, gasping and arching my back as he does so.
This is as close to him as I’m ever going to get, I think. And it’s perfect.
Afterwards I cry, and he holds me tight, understanding that my tears are nothing for him to worry about. When they’ve stopped falling he kisses me again. I want to make love to him for the rest of my life.
The following morning we wake up together and lie there for a few minutes just staring into each other’s eyes.
‘Will you play your guitar for me one day?’ I ask eventually.
‘I don’t know about that.’
‘Please…’
‘Alright. I suppose I might do.’ He smiles.
‘Thank you,’ I say happily. ‘Hey, we should go to Newquay one day. Take you surfing.’
‘That’d be cool,’ he agrees.
It’s Christmas morning and we’re all in the living room, drinking hot chocolate and looking at our presents. We can barely see the carpet, it’s so covered with wrapping paper. Yesterday the snow had finally thawed enough for our drive around Exmoor. And then this morning Nathan took me outside and showed me his car. Well, my car. He’d tied red ribbons to the tiny wipers on the front headlights. But that wasn’t my only Christmas present; he also bought me a silver bracelet from the local jeweller’s so I can wear my Concorde charm.
As for what I got him…
Over the last couple of days I’ve been sneaking away to use Tom’s laptop and type up all the jokes that Nathan and I have told each other–as best as I can remember them. I presented Elephant Jokes and Other Stories to him this morning and he seemed genuinely touched. We’ll add all the crappy Christmas cracker jokes to it later.
But I’m not a total cheapskate. I also managed to find us a couple of last-minute flights to Venice and that is where we’ll be for New Year’s Eve.
Nathan’s phone rings. ‘Sorry, I’ve got to take this,’ he says to my family. ‘It’ll be my brother.’
‘He’s been waiting for him to call,’ I explain as Nathan heads into his room across the landing.
After ten minutes or so, he reappears and calls to me from the doorway. ‘Lucy? It’s Molly. She wants to talk to you.’
Oh, my goodness, this is it. I take the phone from him nervously and head upstairs to my bedroom.
‘Hello?’
‘Lucy! What’s going on? I tried to call your phone and it’s dead and then Nathan says he’s with you but he wouldn’t tell me anything else!’ Molly squeaks down the line. Cheers for that, Nathan, I grin. Leave me to do your dirty work.
‘Lucy!’
‘I’m here,’ I say.
‘What’s going on?’ Molly demands.
‘Okay.’ I take a deep breath and then calmly speak. ‘Nathan and I, well, we’re together.’
‘What?’ she exclaims.
‘Molly, please, don’t say anything. Don’t laugh, don’t snort, don’t make any funny jokes. I’m in love with Nathan and I have been for ages. I fell in love with him in Sydney.’
Silence.
‘Molly?’
‘Bloody hell!’ she erupts. ‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’
‘I couldn’t. I thought you’d laugh. I thought you wouldn’t approve. I didn’t think you’d understand.’
‘Lucy, of course I would have understood. Well, maybe not at first,’ she concedes. ‘But you’re my best friend. You could have made me understand.’
‘I know. But…Oh, I don’t know, Molly. It’s been very confusing, that’s all.’
‘What happened to James?’ she asks.
‘Well…’ I fill her in, as succinctly as I can. We can talk in more detail some other time, but right now she’s ringing Nathan’s mobile.
Finally she says, ‘Shit! If you marry Nathan we’ll practically be sisters!’
I squeal with laughter at the thought.
‘We’ll have the same surname,’ she cries. ‘It’ll be like one big triumphant Wilson family.’ I’m still laughing, loving the idea.
‘Speaking of family…’ she says, and tells me what I already know about her pregnancy. I feign surprise, which isn’t hard because I’m still over the moon. She’s had her twelve-week scan now and all the signs are good; the baby appears healthy.
‘I’m so pleased for you two.’ I smile.
‘Well, you’d better come back for the birth,’ she insists. ‘If not before…’ It’s a loaded comment and I don’t feel like I can ignore it.
‘I don’t know what I’m going to do yet, Molly. But if I do decide to come back to Australia in the near future, you’ll be the first to know.’
That night, up in my bedroom, after we’ve all returned home from a Christmas pint down the pub, Nathan helps me out of my coat before turning his attention to my jumper, followed by my jeans and T-shirt.
‘You’ve got so many layers on,’ he groans. ‘This would be so much easier in Sydney.’
‘Was that the case when you were with Amy?’ Oh, shit, did I just say that out loud? I don’t want him to think I’m a bunny boiler.
‘Ah, Luce…Does the thing with Amy still bother you?’ I never told him it bothered me in the first place, but he just seems to sense these things. ‘Because you can ask me anything you want and I’ll tell you honestly,’ he says.
Just him saying that suddenly makes me feel like I don’t need to. Oh, I might take him up on it one of these days but, right now, he’s said the very thing to reassure me. It’s secrets and silence that I can’t stand.
‘It’s okay.’ I smile. ‘But thank you.’
‘Right! Let’s get these last layers off, then.’ He grins.
Afterwards, lying in the crook of his arm, I stare up at the ceiling feeling a confusing mix of emotions. I’ve never felt so euphoric. Having him here, in Somerset, with my family…But we’re going to lose all this and that devastates me. A few tears silently make their way down my cheeks.
‘Hey,’ he says softly, and bends down to kiss them away. I turn to face him.
‘I want you to see England in the spring, in the summer. If you stay, we could come here whenever we want. We could go surfing in Cornwall. We could get a flat together and travel to Europe on weekends.’
‘But if you come home with me,’ he counters, ‘we could buy a house by the ocean and do it up. We could go surfing every day. And we’ll be close enough to see our niece or nephew grow up.’
‘Oh, God, I can’t bear it! I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want you to leave. It’s too soon! But I love my job, and moving to Australia right now…’
He looks at me sadly. ‘If I stayed, it wouldn’t be forever, Luce.’
‘But if you stayed, even for six months, I might be ready then. I can’t bear the thought of you going in just over a week.’ Tears spill down my face and he wipes them away.
‘I love you, Lucy. I really, really love you. You and I are meant to be together, no matter what. I know it. But I’m worried about you. If you come back to Australia with me, you’ll never be truly happy. A part of you will always be in England, and likewise if you stay, I think a piece of you will always be in Sydney. Your heart will always be torn between two countries, two sets of friends and family…’
Suddenly a sense of calm settles over me and I feel I can see clearly for the very first time.
‘My heart is here, with you,’ I say, resting my hand on his beautiful chest. ‘As long as I’m with you, everything else will fall into place.’
Lucy in the Sky
Epilogue
The sky and the long bank of clouds melt into one another, blue into paler blue. To my left, Nathan sleeps beside me, his head turned towards mine, mouth slightly open. I can almost hear his breathing as I watch the gentle rise and fall of his chest. I
take his right hand with my left and he stirs, turning away. The bright morning sunlight hits the aeroplane wing and it bounces off, sending a white shaft piercing through my window. The ring on my finger sparkles, like a star in a midnight sky, a wave on a sunlit ocean, a diamond solitaire.
A diamond.
And this time, I smile to myself, I know it’s real.
Acknowledgements
First and foremost I would like to thank my editor, Suzanne Baboneau. I never thought I’d enjoy the whole writing process as much as I have and that’s to a large extent down to you. Thanks to Julie Wright for her brilliantly crap jokes and to everyone at Simon & Schuster for their tireless efforts and enthusiasm. Above all, thank you to Nigel Stoneman, friend first and now my publicist, and without whom this book may never have happened. You are such a Hornbag.
Thank you to all my friends and colleagues at heat, but especially Mark Frith: officially the Best Boss Ever. Thank you to Giulia Cassini for her help with all things Italian (and, to some extent, Russian…), and to Lauren Libin for inspiring the ‘Mockah Chockah’ madness and who still insists we could make it a hit. (No, Lauren, no.) And thank you so much to Freya North and Clare Pollock for their invaluable advice regarding all things publishing.
Thank you to all my friends and family on both sides of the world, but especially Bridie Tonkin, whose love and encouragement since childhood literally blows me away. Thank you to my brother, Kerrin Schuppan, who I’ve always known was a genius, not least when he came up with the title and some great ideas for my book. Love you, mate. Thank you to my mum, Jenny Schuppan–a friend as much as a parent–for everything, including driving me around Sydney while we worked out where Lucy and her pals lived and partied! And thank you to my dad, Vern Schuppan. I wrote a whole book without getting writer’s block and now I simply cannot find the words that will do justice to your and Mum’s love, support and encouragement over the years. You’re my inspiration and I’m so proud of you both.
Last but not least, thank you to my husband, Greg Toon. I can’t believe you actually read a chick lit book for me, let alone gave me such incredibly helpful advice. You know your opinion means more to me than anyone’s. Love you, MC.