by Emily Conrad
The moon turned the wooden steps to the lakefront into gray shadows. The stairs ended in matted grass. A few feet later, an old pier reached over the water, thirty or forty feet long and wide enough for a car, but occasional dark gaps warned him of the structure’s frailty.
A woman sat out at the end. She looked over her shoulder at him and then turned away again.
Thank God. Gannon sent two texts, one to security and one to Adeline, both with the same four words: Found her. She’s okay.
He illuminated his cell phone’s flashlight and stepped onto the pier. The wood didn’t give, so he proceeded, the sound of lapping water surrounding him as he left the shore and its crickets behind.
“Let’s get you someplace safe.” He or security could wait with her at a hotel until her people arrived.
Harper didn’t move.
He reached down to help her up, but she pulled away.
“Leave me alone.”
“You know I can’t do that.” She was lucky she hadn’t fallen in. Could she even swim? And maybe that was the point.
“You keep insisting you can.”
“That’s why you’re out here? To prove otherwise?”
“No … Though I’m sorry about that post. I didn’t realize how seriously everyone would take it. When I saw, I took it down. I guess I crossed the line. Believe me, I don’t want to die. Not ever, and certainly not on a night when all I’m thinking about is how messed up I am.”
He did believe her, but his relief was tempered by the pain in her voice. He couldn’t just leave her here. He looked back toward shore. The only way to force her to leave would be to pick her up and carry her. The attempt would end with one or both of them in the lake if she fought him, which, in her mood, she probably would. He made sure his phone was securely in his pocket and then sat next to her, their feet off the end of the pier.
“I’ll never be perfect.” Her voice brimmed with melancholy, like the haunting notes of a low register wind chime.
Gannon waited for the theatrics to kick in.
“Your girlfriend told me I needed to quit doing all kinds of stuff if I wanted to be a Christian, and I can’t, so why not show everyone how awful I can be?” In the moonlight, he couldn’t judge the details of her face, but her speech was as clear as ever, and he smelled the wet, muddy scent of the lake, not alcohol. Their theory she’d been drinking had been wrong. She was sober. “But I didn’t want that, either, because you’d never even look at me again. So I went out for the most boring night of my life, then found out it didn’t matter. You wouldn’t let me back in, anyway.”
A decision he wouldn’t rehash, though rejecting her as he had tonight meant he might never have another chance to share his faith with her. His hope. “What did Adeline tell you to change?”
“Doesn’t matter. I can’t live like a puppet, even for you. Anyway, why would I? You never loved me. You’ve only loved her. Right?”
There must’ve been a true but kind way to answer, but before he found it, she continued.
“There’s nothing I can do. There’s never anything I can do.” Her posture curved, and she kept her gaze down and away instead of checking his reaction so she could adjust her act accordingly.
Harper English had broken.
John’s warning rang in his mind. Even if she appeared to need him, he couldn’t be Harper’s hero. As soon as he took on that responsibility, she’d pull herself together and infiltrate his life again. Had he already gone too far in seeking her out? He and Adeline were friends. Period. So this decision didn’t depend on what Adeline needed or wanted.
It was about him.
About whether he could trust God with Harper or felt he had to do all the work himself. About acknowledging that enabling Matt and Harper with his energy and friendship would never make up for the wrong he’d done Fitz.
He’d tried to take on the role of hero to earn his redemption instead of accepting it as a gift. In the process, he’d saved Matt from a confrontation with Officer Cullen that could’ve led to an arrest before Matt had made any more poor choices. What would continuing to save Harper cost in the long run?
He sent another message to security, asking for someone to come take over, and then tried to make the best of the time he had.
“Jesus Christ loves you, Harper. He wants what’s best for you, and He’ll never fail you. Following Him does involve changing—constantly, for all of us—but He doesn’t leave us to figure that out without His help. If you want a relationship with Him, it’s got to be about you and Him, not you and me, because there is no you and me. The only thing that’s permanent for any of us is God.”
That last part was as true for him as for Harper. Adeline had labeled him a friend, but she might not even allow that to continue. Not when she realized he would never stop waiting for her to love him the way he loved her.
As he got to his feet, he prayed for the next right step.
“I did it to myself. Not the first time—I did fall in your apartment—but the second time.” Harper didn’t turn from the water, but she motioned at her face. “Everyone cared so much when they thought someone attacked me. I thought it’d make you care.”
How could she say that like he hadn’t come through for her time and again?
But he never would’ve let her come to Havenridge without those injuries, just like he wouldn’t have ventured to this park if not for her post. She wasn’t herself tonight, and he couldn’t guess what she would’ve done if no one had found her. Maybe nothing. Maybe something awful.
Gannon could still recall the sound of Fitz’s mom sobbing at the funeral.
“I do care.” His voice had thickened. “There is help and there is hope, but you have to decide to take it.”
She didn’t reply.
Despite standing right behind her, he couldn’t reach her. She needed a better hero than he’d ever been.
“Your assistant and Karina are coming to spend time with you. I’ll make sure you’re not alone tonight, and I can put you in contact with a local pastor tomorrow.”
Still nothing.
He looked to the stairs and spotted a member of the security team descending. When the bodyguard reached the end of the pier, he paused, apparently waiting for Gannon’s direction.
Okay, God. I trust you. Be the hero.
He motioned the guard to move in and walked back to shore alone.
Gannon trudged toward his room. A sniffle drew his eyes to the top of the stairs.
Adeline stood on the landing, a laptop hugged awkwardly to her chest. She still wore the sweats she’d had on when he’d last seen her, but now she sounded like she was crying.
“What’s wrong?”
She shook her head and tightened her grip on the laptop. “I’m going to see Tegan.”
“Is she up?” What time was it, anyway? Still dark out the great room windows, but he’d lost track of the hour and wouldn’t take his focus off Adeline long enough to check his phone. He took three more steps and stopped two shy of the top. When he touched her arm, she tucked her chin and looked away.
“What happened? Something with Olivia? Or Tim?” Gannon was on a roll tonight. So what if he had to fire one more person?
Shaking her head again, she sidestepped to the other end of the staircase and descended the first step. “It’s nothing you can fix, Gannon.” She took another step. “It’s the way things are.” Her socks padded against the stairs as she found a rhythm and stuck to it, leaving him alone and in the dark.
Everything in him screamed to go after her, get the story from her, and find a way to fix it.
Trying to fix everything had gotten him in trouble with Harper and with Matt.
God, isn’t Adeline different?
Apparently not, or he wouldn’t feel this conviction that he needed to let God handle this one.
This was what the better lover song had been about—letting God care for Adeline instead of trying to himself—but he’d tried that.
Tried it
for eight years, since the funeral.
Not only had he not gotten over Adeline, but God hadn’t done the things Gannon had asked in that song. Adeline had lived all those years without God breaking through her barriers and flooding her with love.
Of course, now that Gannon had returned and tried to break through those barriers himself, she’d rejected his love too.
Maybe she would reject all love. Maybe that wasn’t something he could fix.
He had to trust that God would heal her. In His own time, in His own way.
Tonight, that way wasn’t Gannon.
29
“Adeline, can we speak with you, please?” Despite the polite wording, Joe Cullen’s request rang in her ears like an order from a police officer.
She turned, the skirt of her favorite maxi dress brushing her legs.
Olivia, who squirmed at Joe’s side, appeared as uneasy as Adeline felt.
Adeline glanced over her shoulder.
When she’d gone to the kitchen of Havenridge this morning for coffee, Gannon had asked if she’d mind him and John joining them for the service. They’d driven separately but had all sat together until the service ended.
After the closing, the guys had stepped away. Adeline had assumed they wanted to make a quick exit, but instead, they were crossing the sanctuary.
John ran interference by greeting those who approached, leaving Gannon relatively unhindered as he made his way toward Pastor Drew. The men shook hands, but she couldn’t hear their conversation, leaving her to wonder why Gannon would seek out Drew.
She could, however, guess the line of questioning Joe wanted to put her through.
If only Tim had attended, he could handle this. By saying the wrong thing to Joe, she could cause trouble for Matt or the band. Then again, Gannon had trusted her to look out for Olivia and her family. If Matt got in trouble for what happened last night, it would only be because he had it coming.
“Sure, Joe. Should we step in the office?”
He gestured for her to lead the way.
She flipped on the light and held the door for Joe, who had his daughter’s arm as if he were escorting an inmate into a cell. Only after Adeline closed them in did he release her.
Olivia chewed the inside of her bottom lip, forcing her mouth into a fish face. Her eyes focused on her dad before aiming somewhere near Adeline’s knees. “Sophie and Amy and I were at your house on Friday night.”
“I know. You helped with the porch.”
“Yes.” Her face lit up until she saw her dad watching her like a prison warden. “But we came back later a couple times. We were, um, well, we wanted to fit in, you know? So we were smoking.”
“Fit in with who? Matt?”
Olivia shrugged. “We didn’t know the cigarette butts would start a fire. When we saw it, we tried to put it out, but it was too late. We ran, but I bumped that ladder.” Olivia’s blue irises lifted to meet Adeline’s eyes. The girl’s entire face was red, and moisture had accumulated on her lower lashes. She gripped both of Adeline’s hands. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to wreck your house. And it was stupid to run away because I could’ve killed you.” With a sob, she leaned into Adeline’s shoulder.
Adeline hugged her, too stunned to do anything else.
Joe sighed, shook his head once, and dropped his own gaze.
Olivia sniffed loudly. “My dad says it’s up to you if you press charges or not, but that maybe you’ll let me and Sophie and Amy pay you back.”
The fire was bad. Running, worse. But Adeline felt awful for the teen who cried in her arms.
“I spoke with the other parents.” Joe’s no-nonsense tone continued, and his arms remained crossed, though the creases around his eyes softened. Pity was starting to take over. “I’m going to cover the repairs. The girls can pay me back as they earn the money.”
Olivia stepped back and held both of Adeline’s shoulders. “I won’t ever do something that foolish ever again. I promise. I broke the law and that could follow me forever. And that would be fair.” She gulped. “The laws are there for a reason, and I’m going to follow them from now on. I’m nearly an adult, and my actions have consequences, so I’ll make restitution.”
These had to be the vestiges of the lecture Joe had given. He uncrossed his arms. His frown seemed sad but not angry, as if he would hug Olivia if she turned to him now. She continued to wait for Adeline’s verdict.
“Paying for the repairs sounds sufficient to me. But, Olivia …” Adeline sighed. Was she, so in love with Gannon, one to talk? Yes. Because she’d said no to him, and that had ended up helping Olivia immensely. “Fame doesn’t make a person more valuable, and it doesn’t make people happy. If anything, the money and power result in a lot of temptation. You need to be grounded in God before you go chasing anything else. Look at everything you did to try to get close to Matt. It was dangerous and unhealthy and could’ve altered your whole life—and not for the better.”
Olivia nodded vigorously, but only time would tell if she truly understood.
Adeline opened the office door, and Olivia and Joe filed out past her.
Once they’d gone, she closed it again.
What she’d said to Olivia had been for the girl’s sake, but it rang true to her own situation. She’d been living a quiet life, but not a life where she let God fulfill her. She wasn’t grounded. Gannon was, but that wouldn’t be enough for both of them. They’d never be happy together if she expected Gannon to do for her the things only God could.
The door clicked, and she stepped out of its way.
Tegan stuck her head in. “Everything okay?”
Gannon had been right last night that Tegan was sleeping, so Adeline had waited to catch her up on everything until this morning. Adeline wouldn’t have to say much to convey her latest realization—she needed space from Gannon if she was going to get right with God. But if she put that developing conviction into words, it’d be that much closer to being something she had to act on, and soon.
So, she nodded, though she felt as if the whole lake were damming up behind her eyes. Once she reconnected with God, maybe she and Gannon could try again, but he’d already made it clear that his visit to Lakeshore was a unique opportunity that wouldn’t be repeated. Next time wouldn’t be like this.
If he’d even allow a next time.
Tegan maneuvered around the door. “You sure?”
She nodded again. “Olivia and her friends were smoking in the yard. They caused the fire, and they’re going to pay for the damage.”
“Oh. Wow.”
“Yeah.” Adeline shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket. Maybe there was no putting this off. “Knowing that, I suppose we can move back home.”
Tegan studied her. “Let’s not rush into it. The restoration company hasn’t even started on extracting the smoke smell, and as long as the band’s in town, you’re a celebrity too.”
Grateful, she sighed. She could stay a little longer, then.
Gannon and John sat in chairs opposite Tim’s desk.
Tim looked at his computer screen, shook his head, and frowned. “It’s not feasible in Wisconsin. Sanders is an easy fix for Saturday, but he’s still going to need rehearsal time. He can come up here, but Philip Miller leaves for Europe on Thursday. He won’t be back for weeks. If he’s your top pick for replacing Matt long-term, the sooner you hear what he’s got to offer, the better. Unless you want to push back the recording schedule.”
Which would also push back the tour. A nightmare.
Gannon’s phone buzzed. He pulled it out and skimmed a text from Drew.
After the service that morning, he’d asked the pastor to meet with Harper, but apparently, she’d already skipped town.
“Are we interrupting something?” Tim asked.
Shaking his head, Gannon placed the phone screen-down on his leg. “Can Miller make it up here before he leaves?”
“Already asked. He’s a single dad, so he’s got to figure out childcar
e anytime he travels. An audition is going to have to be in the next couple of days in LA or not until October.”
Gannon didn’t have to look to know John was watching him. Firing Matt had been the right decision, but finding a replacement meant returning to LA.
It meant leaving Adeline still broken.
Tim rolled his chair closer to the desk and folded his hands on the surface, elbows spread wide. “Unless you two have a solution in mind you haven’t told me.”
John seemed to understand the solution Tim envisioned because he laughed and picked up a beat with his thumbs.
Tim didn’t look amused. “Fans might mutiny.”
Gannon didn’t follow. “Over what?”
John continued to drum his fingers against the chair’s armrests. “Bringing Addie back on.”
Gannon looked to Tim. He’d never told him about Adeline’s role with the band, and those days were so far behind them, it’d been ages since anyone had asked for details about who’d come and gone prior to their first record deal.
“I did my homework as soon as I heard you mention Fitz.” Tim picked up a tablet and passed it across the desk. “And I’m not the only one who’s been asking where this thing with Adeline Green came from.”
An article covered the screen. The bold title read, It’s Complicated.
He skimmed the predictable chatter about how often he and Adeline had been seen together. But then the story took a turn that made him read with care.
Exactly how does world-famous rocker Gannon Vaughn end up with small-town hotdog vendor Adeline Green? It’s all about history.
Awestruck was originally a four-member band hailing from Fox Valley, Wisconsin. As high school seniors, front man Gannon Vaughn and drummer John Kennedy started the group with classmate Gregory Fitzwilliam on second guitar and none other than Adeline Green on bass.
“She was really good. Completely one of the band,” says Heather Wolski, a high school friend of Green’s.
But more than music was in the air.
“I always thought Adeline and Gannon would end up together,” Wolski admits. “But she dated Fitz.”