by Annie Lyons
I was only aware of my hand moving through the air as it made contact with Caroline’s face in a stinging slap. She clutched her cheek and glared at me in fury, looking as if she might be about to retaliate.
‘That’s enough!’ shouted Guy, pulling us apart with help from Pamela and Doly. ‘Both of you. You’re angry and you need to stop.’
‘Oh, piss off, Guy!’ said Caroline. We gaped in surprise because Caroline rarely swore. ‘You’re just feeling guilty because you’ve found out that we share a father. You don’t have to do the protective-brother routine on my account.’
‘What?’ I asked, stunned.
‘Oh yes,’ said Caroline. ‘Seeing as we’re having a cards-on-the-table moment. I’ve found out that my father was leading a double life and Guy here was the result.’
Everyone stared from Caroline to Guy. ‘Wow,’ breathed Pamela.
‘Yes, wow indeed. Well if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back home now. My dementia-ridden mother needs me and my husband has decided to give up the chance to earn a decent living in the city by becoming a baker, so it really is all go. Apologies to any of you if I have been overbearing or a bossy cow, as Natalie so charmingly called me. I have obviously failed somewhere, when all I was trying to do was help. Goodnight.’ She swept from the room, leaving us staring at one another in awkward silence.
‘I don’t think there’s much point in carrying on tonight,’ sighed Guy. ‘Let’s clear the chairs away. We meet here on the morning of the Final, okay?’
I approached Guy. ‘Are you all right?’ I asked.
He nodded. ‘You?’
I looked sheepish. ‘Infuriating as she is, I shouldn’t have slapped her.’
‘You were both out of order but for the record, I’d want you on my side in a fight,’ he smiled, putting a hand on my shoulder. ‘You know where I am if you ever need to talk, okay?’
‘Thanks.’
I walked home with Doly, desperately wanting to know what she thought. I trusted and valued her opinion. ‘You must think I’m a nightmare,’ I said after a while.
She caught my eye and smiled. ‘You are just having a difficult time at the moment. I think Caroline is too.’
I hugged her. ‘You are wise and kind. I’m glad you’re my friend.’
‘I’m glad you’re mine too,’ she said, patting my hand. ‘I meant what I said earlier. All will be well. For you and Caroline.’
I smiled. I hoped she was right.
After I’d picked up Woody, we returned home to find Dan sitting outside the house in his car. ‘Dad!’ cried Woody, rushing towards him. Dan caught him in a tight embrace and spun him round. ‘Are you coming in?’ he asked, staring up at his father.
Dan glanced over at me and I nodded. ‘Let’s have a cuppa. Woody, go and put on your pyjamas and Dad can tuck you in.’
As Woody scooted up the stairs, Dan turned to me in the hall. ‘Thank you. I’ve missed him,’ he admitted.
‘He’s missed you too,’ I said.
Dan stared at me. ‘Are you okay?’
I raked my fingers through my hair. ‘Yes, no, maybe. Does that answer your question?’
He smiled. ‘Sort of.’
I filled the kettle and turned to face him. ‘Our priority has to be Woody. Whatever else is said or done, he comes first.’
Dan nodded. ‘Absolutely.’
‘We need to find a way for you to do this, to be here to see him after school or at bedtime.’
‘I really want that, Nat. It’s been torture not seeing him. I’ll do whatever I can to make it right for Woody,’ he said. ‘And for you,’ he added, reaching out to touch me on the arm.
I pulled away gently. I had to learn to stand on my own. ‘I know you will,’ I replied. ‘Why don’t you go upstairs and chivvy him along? You know what he’s like about cleaning his teeth. He’ll be up there all night if you let him.’
‘Some things never change, eh?’ he smiled before disappearing upstairs.
Some things never change and some things change forever. All you can do is look to the future, to keep going towards it, keep reaching. I stared out into the dark garden and despite everything or maybe because of everything that had happened over the past few months, I felt a hint of something new inside me. It was hope. It was only tiny but it was there all the same and that was enough for now. As long as I had Woody and that grain of hope, I would survive.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
CAROLINE
I ended the call, placing my phone on the kitchen counter. I poured myself another coffee and carried it into the living room. Matilda and my mother were watching cartoons. Actually, to be more specific, Matilda was watching and my mother was staring. I sat down next to her. She raised her head slightly as if acknowledging my presence. It felt warm and comfortable. Oliver appeared in the living-room doorway.
‘Shouldn’t you be getting dressed?’ he asked. ‘We’re due to meet the others at the hall in half an hour.’
‘I’m not going,’ I said, taking a sip of my coffee and staring at the screen. A blue cartoon cat was dancing with what looked like a goldfish wearing green socks. It was rather amusing. ‘What is this?’ I asked.
‘The Amazing Adventures of Gumball,’ laughed Matilda as the sock-wearing fish broke into song. ‘It’s really funny.’
‘Caroline, are you okay?’ asked Oliver, frowning at me.
‘Never better,’ I declared, crossing my legs and curling my hands around my mug. ‘It’s a relief not to have to go to the Choir Finals, to be honest. I think we would have embarrassed ourselves.’
‘O-kay,’ said Oliver, not sounding very sure. ‘And you are giving up be-cause …?’
‘Because,’ I said with a breezy smile, ‘I have just had a call from John Hawley at the council. They’ve already met and decided to sell the hall to the property developers.’
He moved towards me and knelt beside the sofa, placing a hand on my shoulder. ‘I’m so sorry, darling. You’ve worked so hard. I know things have been stressful lately, what with finding out about your dad and your worries over my job. You must be disappointed.’
Don’t be nice to me. Please don’t be nice to me.
‘It’s fine. It’s absolutely fine.’ My voice was starting to crack and I had an urge to run away, to escape the kind words and compassion. I sensed my mother turn to me and felt her frail hand rest on one of mine.
‘Caroline,’ she said.
I turned to face her, looking beyond the woman I thought I’d known, to the mother I knew now. I saw the weight of the past in her eyes but also a softness, a longing to help.
‘Oh, Mum,’ I sobbed. ‘I’m sorry. You must have been so lonely and sad. I wish I could make it better. I wish I’d known.’ I felt her place a bony arm around my shoulder and I rested against her, fearful that I might crush her but comforted by the embrace.
‘Caroline,’ she repeated, pressing me to her with surprising strength. ‘My Caroline.’
Oliver reached down to kiss the top of my head and suddenly Matilda noticed what was happening. ‘Ooh, group hug,’ she proclaimed, wrapping her tiny arms around us all. We sat like this for a while, in an awkward family embrace, but it felt wonderful too – spontaneous and wonderful.
The doorbell rang. ‘I’ll get it,’ said Oliver, heading down the hall.
Moments later, he reappeared with Natalie and Guy at his side, the former looking a little sheepish and the latter frowning with concern. My mother started to get agitated as soon as she saw Guy.
‘It’s all right, Mum,’ I said, squeezing her skeletal shoulder. ‘You don’t need to worry about that any more.’
My mother frowned but seemed reassured.
‘We were worried that you weren’t going to come,’ said Natalie, staring at my pyjamas. ‘And it seems as if we were right.’
‘Mummy says there’s no point in going because the council are giving the hall to those other people,’ explained Matilda.
‘I thought you were watching the
television?’ I said in surprise.
She gave me a sage look. ‘I can multi-task,’ she explained. ‘I’m a girl.’
‘Like mother, like daughter,’ laughed Oliver. ‘Now why don’t we go into the kitchen?’ he added, giving me a meaningful look. ‘Natalie, Guy, can I get you a coffee?’
They both stared at me for a moment, like children waiting for their mother to allow them a treat. I rolled my eyes and stood up. ‘Come on then,’ I said, walking out of the living room, gesturing for them to follow me to the kitchen.
I sat down at the kitchen table. Guy and Natalie exchanged glances before taking their places opposite me. Natalie regarded me for a second before speaking. ‘I am sorry for slapping you the other night and for the things I said. I was angry but that’s not an excuse. It was wrong of me.’
I wasn’t used to people apologising unprompted and it caught me off guard. I could see that she wanted my forgiveness and I realised that I needed hers too. I took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry for saying what I did about your husband. It was cruel and also not true.’
She smiled with relief. ‘Well, I’m glad we got that out of the way. And for the record, I am truly sorry about what happened with Tim and the impact it had on the campaign.’
I sighed. ‘In truth, I think the council had made their decision a long time ago so it probably didn’t make the slightest bit of difference.’
She nodded, taking a sip of the coffee Oliver had just placed in front of her. I noticed Guy watching me. We hadn’t spoken properly since our meeting at the coffee shop but I had done a lot of thinking. I liked Guy. He was a good man and if you had to choose a half-brother, you could do a lot worse. Matilda wandered into the kitchen.
‘Tilly, the grown-ups are talking,’ warned Oliver.
‘I know,’ she grinned. ‘It’s always so interesting when grown-ups do that.’
Everyone laughed. ‘Tilly, why don’t you go back in with Nanny?’ said Oliver.
‘No, it’s all right, Oliver,’ I said. ‘Matilda, I have something to tell you.’
‘Oh yes,’ she said, approaching the table. ‘Is it exciting?’
I eyed Oliver, who smiled at me. ‘Yes, it is, actually. It’s a bit complicated to explain but I’ve found out that your Grandpa had another son, and that son was Guy.’ Matilda stared at Guy in amazement. ‘Which means that he is officially your uncle.’
Matilda punched the air in delight. ‘Yesss! This is so cool. I’ve always wanted an uncle. I mean, I’ve got an aunt but I really wanted one of each, and you’re my music teacher, which makes it extra cool and everyone at school is going to be so jealous. Thank you so much, Mummy, Uncle Guy,’ she cried, rushing from me to Guy and back again, giving us tight hugs of glee.
‘First thing you have to realise about Tilly,’ observed Oliver, ‘is that she has a LOT of words.’
Guy laughed, wiping away an escaped tear. Matilda stared up at him. ‘It’s very emosh, isn’t it, Uncle Guy?’ she said, hugging him again.
He looked over at me. ‘Thank you,’ he said. ‘Really.’
I nodded, feeling a little teary myself. I glanced at Natalie, who was weeping uncontrollably. ‘I’m sorry!’ she cried. ‘But this is just so lovely!’ I shook my head and laughed.
So this is what a perfect moment actually feels like – emotional, noisy and incredibly wonderful.
‘What about today then?’ asked Guy, looking serious.
I looked down at my pyjamas. ‘Is there any point?’
Guy and Natalie exchanged glances. Natalie stood up. ‘Today it’s my turn to be the bossy cow,’ she said with arms folded.
I stared up at her. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, Caroline Taylor, that one thing you have taught me during this whole messy, fantastic experience is that we never give up. Ever.’
‘I know, but—’
‘Uh-uh-uh,’ she interrupted, holding up a hand to shush me. ‘There are no buts today. We may not be able to save the hall but we can bloody well go down singing. So you’re going to get up those stairs, get dressed, brush that perfect hair and come with us to the Albert Hall. Okay?’ Her mouth twitched into a smile. ‘Sorry, I find it difficult to be serious.’
‘I’ve noticed,’ I grinned.
She gave me a look of feigned outrage. ‘Get up those stairs and get dressed, young lady! We’re not leaving without you!’
Matilda giggled. ‘Yeah, Mummy, get up those stairs!’
I laughed. ‘Okay, okay, I’m going.’
‘Yay!’ chorused Matilda and Natalie, high-fiving each other. Guy gave me a beaming thumbs-up. Oliver put an arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek.
‘I’m glad you changed your mind,’ grinned Natalie. ‘I couldn’t face Danielle on my own.’
‘That’s what I thought,’ I smiled, before disappearing upstairs to change.
I never fail to be awe-struck by the Royal Albert Hall. Everything from its perfect dome shape, its terracotta façade and mosaic frieze to its location in the heart of London with Hyde Park on the opposite side of the road, makes it a thing of true beauty. I had goose-bumps as we made our way through the glass doors into the plush red-and-gold interior. This was the epitome of elegance and class. Kings, queens, world leaders, rock stars and classical musicians had all walked through these doors, and now it was our turn to perform here. During the train journey I had broken the news about the council’s decision to the rest of the choir. No-one seemed that surprised. Pamela had patted my hand to reassure me.
‘Never mind, ducks. It was a long shot and we did our best. Now let’s just enjoy today, shall we?’
I replied with a grateful smile. She was right of course. Today was all about our choir and the singing.
As we made our way through the entrance, I noticed Pamela grab Doly’s hand with an excited yelp and Natalie gave me a grin that said, ‘We’ve arrived.’ Guy and I made our way over to the organisers. We were told that we would be singing last and they directed us to the choir seats behind the stage.
‘That’s good,’ said Guy. ‘The last slot is the best one.’
As we made our way back down the stairs to the others, I heard a familiar voice. ‘Caroline! Darling! You made it.’
‘Hello, Danielle,’ I said, turning to face her but moving away before she could air-kiss me.
‘How are you?’ she said with emphasis. I noticed that her group had gone to town today. They were wearing matching red, white and blue trouser suits with white roses in their button-holes. She noticed me looking. ‘Do you like it?’ she said, taking a step back. ‘We’re tapping into the “Land of Hope and Glory” theme,’ she grinned with smug satisfaction.
‘Very patriotic,’ I observed.
‘Danielle!’ barked one of her fellow singers. ‘Small problem with the running order,’ she said, handing over a piece of paper. Her face was pinched and mean.
Danielle pursed her lips in annoyance before giving me a practised smile which didn’t reach her eyes. ‘Excusez-moi, Caroline. I just need to speak to the organisers.’
I turned back to the group. ‘Right, shall we take our places?’ I said.
‘How was the witch?’ asked Natalie as we made our way up the stairs.
‘Witchy,’ I smiled.
‘Good luck, Mum,’ cried Woody from the entrance hall.
‘Yes, break a leg!’ giggled Matilda, who was standing next to him.
Dan, Oliver and my mother were with them. Oliver had suggested that we bring her. I’d had my reservations but he had waved them away. ‘I’ll put the wheelchair in the back of the car and make sure she’s okay. I promise.’ She seemed impossibly small propped up in her chair but she was beaming from ear to ear as Woody and Matilda took turns to help push her.
We waved and smiled at them before making our way up the stairs. ‘How are things?’ I asked Natalie as we reached the door to the concert hall.
She gave a considered nod. ‘Better. As long as Woody’s okay, I’m okay. Let’s just say I�
�ve readjusted my focus in life.’
‘I’m glad,’ I smiled.
‘It’s lovely that your mum was able to come,’ she observed.
I nodded. ‘Yes, yes, it is.’
‘Excuse me, Mrs Taylor?’ said a voice beside me.
‘Yes?’ I replied, turning to face a woman in her fifties, whom I recognised as one of the organisers of the event.
‘There’s been a mistake in the running order,’ she smiled. ‘You’ll now be the penultimate act, rather than singing last.’
Oh, really? How suspicious. ‘This wouldn’t have anything to do with the Dulwich Darlings, would it?’ I asked with narrowed eyes.
‘I couldn’t possibly comment,’ she said with a firm smile. ‘All acts will be treated the same, regardless of their place in the running order.’
I shrugged. ‘Well, we never thought we’d get this far so I don’t think we’ve got anything to lose.’
‘Good luck,’ she said before turning away.
If the outside of the building made me tingle with excitement, the inside of the concert hall made my heart leap with joy. It was jaw-droppingly huge, beautiful and inspiring.
‘Bloody hell,’ declared Jim as we reached our seats. ‘This is something else.’
‘Ooh, I hope my vertigo doesn’t kick in,’ cried Pamela, closing her eyes.
‘You will be fine,’ assured Doly in a soothing voice. ‘We are not too high.’ Pamela took hold of her hand and nodded.
‘Could I just have everyone’s attention please,’ said Guy. We all looked up at him. ‘I just wanted to wish you all the best of luck. You are a truly amazing bunch of people and it has been my absolute pleasure to work with you all. We may not have been able to save the hall but whatever happens, we have done a remarkable thing and I, for one, do not want this to end.’
‘Hear, hear!’ cheered Jim.
‘So,’ smiled Guy. ‘Sing, be proud and, most importantly, enjoy.’
We all clapped and cheered as he sat down. The concert hall was starting to fill now. I spotted Matilda and my mother sitting with Oliver and the others in one of the lower rows reserved for wheelchairs. Oliver gave me a cheerful thumbs-up and Matilda waved with enthusiasm, doing her best to point me out to my mother. I wasn’t sure if she could see me but for a second, I felt as if we locked eyes and she smiled. I felt a wave of pure love for them all, wishing that I could wrap them in my arms and keep them safe forever.