He was right. Once friends became lovers, the vibe was never really the same again. After this, he would no longer be just Luis, Graci’s older brother. She would know him in an intimate way, and every time she looked at him, she would think of it. But at this point, she would think of him that way anyhow—naked and kissing her and touching her all over.
“I think it’s already too late. We’re halfway over the cliff. May as well finish the jump.” She took the condom back, finished removing the foil, and rolled it down his shaft.
The heat and pulsing life of his erection beneath her hand woke an answering rhythm inside her. The tropical beat of the last song they’d danced to echoed in her mind and seemed to guide her now as she lifted up and settled herself onto him. It was deep this way, sitting on him rather than lying down. Tara moaned softly as he filled her—and then filled her even more, locked together at that single point. Except that wasn’t true. They were joined at more than one point. Her arms were around him and his hands clasped her hips, and their gazes were joined as firmly as their bodies.
Tara rose up and down on him, his hands on her hips helping guide the movement. She focused on the green-and-gold flecks in his brown eyes, playing a private game of “don’t blink.” The growing tension in the pit of her belly expanded with every glide. Forcing herself not to close her eyes somehow enhanced that tension.
A smile played over Luis’s lips. He got her game and played along, keeping his gaze pinned on hers. On her next downward stroke, he thrust up and hit a place so deep within, it made Tara gasp. Her eyes unconsciously closed, then popped open again.
“No fair,” she murmured.
“All’s fair in love, war, and dancing.”
“You always were a cheater.” She gave a little twist of her hips that startled a pained groan from him—and made him blink.
Luis smiled then, a brilliant grin like he used to give, and flipped her onto her back, pinning her beneath him without ever breaking their connection. He pressed down her arms on either side of her head, his fingers clasped with hers, and he began to move on top of her.
The sudden display of dominance was a huge turn-on. That infant tension within her stretched and grew and matured to full-blown desperation as he rammed harder and faster. She wanted, needed, had to have more, and just a little more, and more again. So close. Almost there. Her body balanced on a razor’s edge until one final stroke nudged her easily over. She flew, soared, tumbled down a delicious slope and landed in a crumpled heap at the bottom.
Luis’s quiet groan followed her down. The way he stopped moving inside her let her know he had achieved his pinnacle too. Tara lay, eyes closed, gasping erratically, as she waited for her heart to slow.
What was sex besides a little thrashing and grunting followed by a moment of pure bliss? The actions weren’t too impressive, but feelings made all the difference. And not only feelings of physical pleasure. Sometimes emotions simmered under the surface, churned up like mud swirling in clear water. Tara wasn’t sure exactly what she felt at that moment, but it was more than the satisfied aftermath of sex. Something had muddied her pool, and she found herself wanting to cling to Luis and ask him to spend the night.
She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.
After a few more moments of heavy breathing, Luis pulled away and rolled off her. He lay with an arm flung over his head, chest rising and falling.
Tara glanced over at him, trying to read his thoughts in his eyes and failing.
“So… Now we did that too.” She echoed her words after their kiss.
“Yes, we did.” He exhaled a long breath.
“Regrets?” she asked.
“None.” He looked at her. “You?”
“Nope.”
Were they going to talk about where they went from here or what it meant? Apparently not. But after another minute, Luis nudged Tara onto her side and cuddled up behind her. She relaxed into his arms. Discussing things was overrated. Better to enjoy the simplicity of this moment and let the future take care of itself.
Chapter Five
On any other day, shopping with Graci would have been cause for celebration, not only because Tara enjoyed seeking out a great deal, but also because Graci rarely wanted to go. She was more likely to march into a department store at the mall and choose something off the rack that looked pretty much like all the other dresses in her closet. It was Tara’s duty to drag her friend to the sort of vintage shops she preferred and help them both find something unique.
But today Tara was in a foul mood. Period cramps made her want to curl up under a heating pad and watch hours of bad TV. Searching for something special to wear to Bree’s wedding had never sounded less appealing. Graci was into it, though, so Tara spackled on a smile and got in her car.
“No thrift shops,” were the first words out of Graci’s mouth. “Let’s just go to the mall.”
“Okay.”
Graci’s eyebrows shot up. “No argument? Are you feeling all right?”
“Yeah. Cramps. But I’m good to go.”
“We don’t have to. We could go another day. Want to just have lunch, something light, like soup? Or we could hang out at my place. I feel like I haven’t seen or talked to you in weeks.”
Tara smiled. “Because you’ve been too caught up in your new boy. How’s everything going with Neal?”
Graci didn’t just smile, she glowed, her face illuminated from within.
“That good? Graci liiikes the sex. Guess it was worth the wait, huh?”
“It was. I mean, is. I’m glad I waited. I don’t think Joey would have given me such a…good first time. And second and third and fourth…” Graci giggled. Not just laughed—giggled. It was wonderful to see her so happy. That douche Joey had left her a self-doubting mess. Neal had brought out the joy in her again.
“You really like him,” Tara said.
“I love him.” Her tone became very serious. “I think about how I felt with Joey all those years and it was nothing—NOTHING compared to what I feel for Neal already, even though we’ve only been dating a short time.”
Tara listened intently. Graci sounded so sure, but she’d once been sure about Joey too.
“How can you know what you’re feeling will last?” she asked. “I’ve been ‘in love’ a few times. Bad choices every one. So, how can you be certain you’re not fooling yourself?” Tara hastened to add, “I’m not saying I don’t think Neal’s right for you or anything like that. This is purely a theoretical question.”
Graci focused on the traffic in front of her, but from her expression she wasn’t really seeing it. “Because…when you know, you know. As simple as that. I had doubts at first. You saw me floundering all over the place last month. But once I gave in to what I already knew deep inside and realized that Neal felt the same way, all those doubts disappeared. It was just so…simple.”
“Huh. Interesting.”
Graci gave her a sideways glance. “Why? You sound like you’re thinking about someone in particular. Maybe that football player?”
“God, no. Dre is a friend. That’s it.”
“But there is somebody. I can tell by your voice. Who is he?”
“Nobody. It’s no one. Maybe a guy in the cast, but it hasn’t gone anywhere yet,” Tara lied.
Another cramp knotted her abdomen and a different sort of discomfort tightened her chest. No calls or texts over the past couple of days. She and Luis had agreed to keep this thing casual before they parted, but Tara hadn’t meant that casual. However, she hadn’t contacted him either, so she had no room to complain.
“Tell me. What’s he like? What do you like about him?” Graci circled the mall parking lot, searching for a space.
“He’s a smart-ass. We laugh at the same things, and that’s important to me. I like a man who gets my sense of humor.” Tara considered Luis. “But it’s more than surface stuff. I mean, he really gets me and he’s not afraid to tell me what he thinks or challenge me if he thinks I’m wrong
about something. Not that he’s combative or anything.” She paused. “Underneath, he’s quite vulnerable. He has some issues, and I feel like I can empathize, and maybe, I don’t know, support him while he’s dealing with this stuff.”
“Not Alexander-type stuff?” Graci referred to the addict Tara had unfortunately lived with for a while in New York. “Because you know you can’t save someone like that. You learned that already.”
“No. Nothing like that, ever again,” Tara promised. “Nothing bad. Just some trauma he’s been through.”
“Well, that’s good. Sorry to jump all over you, but after Alexander…”
“I know. I lived it.”
“So, what else do you like about him?” Graci put the Alexander subject behind them.
Tara thought. “This guy is…different from other men I’ve been with. He’s a good friend, and I don’t want to lose that. But things are shifting between us and now that we’ve gone there, I don’t think we can go back, you know?”
“You moved out of the friend zone. But you’re afraid it won’t work out, and then you’ve lost a friend.” Graci braked and turned into a narrow parking space.
Tara nodded. She messed with the clasp of her purse, unable to look her friend in the eye. “It feels like this one could get serious, and that’s a problem.”
“Does it have to be? Do you think you like him more than he likes you?”
“Maybe.” She remembered the way she’d practically levitated after they’d had sex and Luis held her in his arms. But a few hours later, she’d awakened to him kissing her and telling her he had to leave. He’d promised to call. She’d said that was fine but not to feel obligated.
We’ll keep it simple. No strings. They were her own words, but now she was anxious because he hadn’t contacted her.
Graci drummed her fingers on the steering wheel. “If I learned anything when I was trying, and failing, to keep things casual with Neal, it’s that it’s better if you admit to the truth, both about what you feel and who you are as a person. I thought I could do casual and learned I couldn’t. That’s not me.”
“I’m not sure what I feel,” Tara said. “And I sure as hell don’t know what’s in this guy’s mind.”
“Then you need to find out. It might be simple miscommunication. Maybe he’s thinking about you too. Maybe you two just need to talk.”
“Maybe,” Tara repeated. Would Graci so happily dispense relationship advice if she knew who Tara was crushing on? Maybe it wouldn’t bother her, but Tara simply couldn’t bring herself to tell the truth. Not yet. Not unless there was a need to.
“Let’s go shop.” Graci unfastened her seat belt. “Are we going to be able to buy anything here that will look chic enough for an LA wedding?”
“It’s not Paris, Graci, just California. But, no, probably not, which is why you need to let me take you thrift shopping, so I can pull together something vintage and completely unique. I know your sense of style. I promise I won’t go too far outside the box.”
“Fine. New Graci is up for trying a more daring style. Vintage chic it is.” Graci buckled her belt and restarted the car.
***
“Can I come over?”
No preamble. No how have you been this week? No sorry I haven’t called or maybe let’s talk. Just something that sounded suspiciously like a booty call.
“I guess.” Tara glanced at her bedside clock. It was almost three in the morning. “Do you know what time it is?”
No answer.
“Luis?”
But he’d already hung up.
Cursing a stream, she got out of bed and went to brush her teeth and primp at the mirror. It was too humiliating that she worried about her appearance. She should pick up that phone, call him back, and tell him she’d changed her mind. Three o’fucking clock in the morning! Was she a hooker?
But before she could work up a good fume and think of all the mean things she wanted to say to him, her doorbell rang. That was really fast. He’d already been on his way or maybe waiting outside the building. Tara buzzed him up.
When she opened the door, her anger evaporated. His hands were jammed in his pockets, shoulders hunched. Rain slicked his hair and shone in beads on his coat. He looked like a half-drowned rat. But it was the look in Luis’s eyes that put a hot pin in her balloon of annoyance.
Lost. In pain. Adrift. Even someone not adept at reading emotions in an expression could see that. This man needed a hug, and, without another thought, she gave it to him. Tara held out her arms, and he stepped into their circle. The wetness from his coat soaked through her T-shirt and sweats. He was cold. She felt it in the press of his wet cheek against her neck and in the slight trembling in his body.
After a few moments of silently holding him, Tara stepped back and helped him out of his coat. She tossed it aside and, taking his hand, led him to the couch. She wrapped a blanket around him and went to get a towel for him to dry his hair.
“I’ll make coffee,” were the first words she actually said to him.
He shook his head, and raindrops scattered. “No. I’ve had too much already.”
“A drink?” she asked.
“Just water.”
“Looks like you’ve already had enough of that,” she teased. “Have you been swimming in the river?”
One corner of his mouth quirked up, but that was all the smile he could manage.
Tara went and got both of them a bottle of water from the fridge, then she came over and plopped onto the couch beside him, wrapping another throw around her shoulders.
She waited until after he’d had several long swallows before she asked, “What’s up?”
“Nothing really. Just having a hard week.”
“Your boss?” She coaxed another weak smile out of him with a crack about Hugo, who was always good for a laugh.
“Not this time, though he does drive me nuts.”
“Stuff from over there?” she asked, feeling as if she were walking through mines herself as she searched for a delicate way to get him to open up.
He nodded. “It’s over, but as much as I try to put it behind me, it’s not really over.”
“I get that.” She hesitated. “Are you seeing someone, like a therapist?”
“Went a couple of times. Not anymore. There’s nothing they can say or do. I just have to work through it.”
“But not alone. Aren’t there groups of vets who get together and talk about what they’re going through? Or your family,” she continued. “They might—”
“Not my family. I don’t want to worry them. I can deal with it on my own.”
Except you’re here, so clearly you know you can’t. “Okay,” Tara soothed. “I get it. No family. Maybe you don’t want them to know how close you came sometimes?”
“Yeah.”
She sensed that he really needed to talk about those close calls and the other things he’d experienced during his tour, but she also knew Luis was stubborn. If she prodded too hard, he’d shut down and get no help at all, not even the little bit of comfort she could give him.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she said casually. “But I’ve got ears. Any time you’re ready.”
He looked at her with those warm brown eyes she’d always loved, but which now started a fluttering in her stomach. “Thanks.”
They sat in silence a few moments longer.
“Do you want to lie down? Either here or in my bed? No sex. Just sleep.”
He shook his head. “Too much coffee. I couldn’t sleep.”
“Watch some TV?”
“Yeah.”
She flipped on the set and they were immediately bombarded by horrific scenes in a war movie. “Um, maybe not this one.” Tara glanced at him as she changed the channel.
Luis smiled. “No. I’d love me some Private Ryan about now. Can’t get enough of the drama.”
“Here we go. This is what you need, something light and funny and brain-dead, but with heart.”
She’d stopped on Dumb and Dumber. If that movie couldn’t rouse a smile or two, nothing could.
She settled in beside Luis, shoulder to shoulder, to watch Jim Carrey’s road-trip antics. Maybe twenty minutes passed before Luis’s voice woke her from a doze.
“I’m sorry I didn’t text you this week. I meant to, but I didn’t know what to say.”
“That you had a great time and couldn’t wait to see me again was one possibility. Or that we made a mistake you don’t intend to repeat. Either one would have been better than silence.”
“I know.” He paused. “You didn’t call me either.”
“Fair enough.” She sucked in her bottom lip and let it go again. “So…which is it? The former or the latter?”
“Both. I had a great time. I wanted to see you again. But I don’t know if we should do this. I have some baggage you’re not going to want to deal with.”
“Call me Bellhop. I can deal.”
“Then, I’m not sure I can deal with getting involved with anyone right now, but especially with you.”
“Why not me? I’m easygoing. I’m not needy. You know that.”
He chuckled, a ghostly whisper of his old hearty laugh. “But maybe I am right now. I don’t want to get clingy, and I think I might with you.”
Wouldn’t mind it, she thought, but what she said was, “Cool beans. We’ll keep it light, then. Friends, like we always were. No benefits. We did that, went there, know what it’s all about, so we can lay it to rest.”
His forehead furrowed. “Yes. That’s probably best.”
“Look, I’m wiped, and I have a morning shift at the diner. So, enjoy my couch, friend. I’m going to crash.” Tara rose and gave him a little finger-wiggling wave. “Night.”
“Good night. Thanks for being here.”
Luis smiled up at her, and Tara wished like hell he would join her in bed. Just lying together would be really nice and might help him to sleep. But the line in the sand had been drawn, and she wouldn’t cross it. He’d have to be the one.
“If you need more water, you know where the fridge is.” She smiled again, a really fake one like she’d used in the mattress commercial, and headed toward her bedroom.
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