by Ryan Michele
“Austyn!” Ryker’s voice comes from the doorway, one of JK’s assholes behind him, gun to his head. Another one who touched me. Knowing that, fury bubbles inside me. “Are you okay?”
God, how did he find me? And so quickly? I don’t want him anywhere near this man, and now he has a gun to his head. I love him. Really love him. And now I’ve done this to him—falling for JK’s words. The gun to his head is on my shoulders. Fuck me.
“Yeah.”
“Fuck. Emery, you, too!”
“I’m okay,” she says, but it comes out croaky.
I stare into her eyes. It takes her a moment, but then the fear begins to go deeper inside her and the fight begins to come out. We can fucking do this shit—three against two. True, Ryker and Emery each have weapons trained on them, but I’m not going to focus on that. Only on how the hell to get us out of here.
“Aw, isn’t this just pathetically precious?” JK says as Ryker is brought further into the room. The asshole behind him kicks his knees out, making him fall hard to the floor with a thump.
“Fucker, you’ll pay for that,” Ryker growls.
JK laughs. “Nah. By the time your little friends come, we’ll be finished here.” His focus comes to me.
Thoughts of how I’m going to get us all out of this race through my brain. Each idea shittier than the next, considering the gun is at Ryker’s temple and probably why he hasn’t moved much.
“Let Emery go,” I demand of JK, who’s deep chuckle fills the space.
He takes the blade and places it along Emery’s waist. “How far should I go in? Should I just go surface, or go really deep so she remembers me for the rest of her fucking life?” He scrapes the blade along her belly, and I’m thankful of the shirt taking the brunt of the cut. It’s in shreds, but who cares? It hasn’t cut into her belly yet.
“Stop! What do you want?”
JK’s eyes come back to mine. “For you to fucking die!”
From the way he holds Emery, I can’t get a good shot, so I take a step to the right. He counters it, then pushes the blade into her flesh, making blood ooze out. I still.
“Please don’t do this!” Emery cries out.
JK’s eyes still on mine, he asks Ryker, “Your little whore’s pussy is delectable, isn’t it? You know, it was the luck of the draw that I got the little Ravage MC princess in my hunt that night.”
Bile rises from my stomach, burning my throat as I force it down.
“Shut up!” I scream, the gun wavering as tears form in the corner of my eyes. I try to stand strong, but his words are cutting me to the quick.
JK’s smile widens. “Oh, you mean your little boy toy here doesn’t know that you murdered my baby?”
“I’m sorry,” I say softly to Ryker, who says nothing, though his eyes turn cold.
Fear slams into me hard.
Emery whimpers in the background.
“That virgin pussy was enough, but then you had to go and kill my baby!” JK screams. “For that, bitch, you will die!” With the knife now at Emery’s throat, he begins to dig in and dig deep.
The gun is steady in my hand, the weight of it not giving me a bit of comfort. The cold of the metal, the unforgiveness of its mold, it matches the way I feel inside. Hardened steel, molded and made by the hands of men, the firearm gives me no fear. It only feeds the burning need for retribution in my soul.
Aiming it at him, thoughts of how I got to this place rush through me. The choices that were stripped, the consequences of actions and life that were altered and changed forever. All of it weighs heavily on me, but my strong shoulders bear it.
Being a warrior is in my blood, carried through me from my parents. Eye for an eye is our motto. They would expect nothing less from me.
The blood pumping through my veins was once a life source. Now, my sole focus and the fury that courses through me is fueled by vengeance with every beat of my heart.
Ryker looks up at me, eyes blank.
“Bye, Ryker.”
I eye Emery, darting them to the left quickly. Even with tears streaming down her face, she catches it, moving fast as she lunges. I take that as my opportunity.
Without a second thought or a moment of hesitation, I pull the trigger, sending off several rounds into JK’s chest. He jerks back, the arm with the knife flying upward. Then JK’s body falls to the ground with a hard thump.
The gurgling sounds coming from him make my stomach roll. Blood seeps from his lips, pooling on the floor as he turns on his side and begins to cough. For good measure, I put a bullet in his head, thanking my mother for her target practices. When he stops moving, I turn my attention to the rest of the room.
Ryker is moving fast, subduing the man behind him. He rips the gun from him and pulls the trigger.
As blood squirts from the guy’s neck, the man reaches up, trying to stop the flow, his eyes wide with fear. He collapses on the ground, and then Ryker steps forward and puts a few more shots into him until the man stills.
This is all surreal. I want to cry and curl into a ball. I want to disappear into nothing. Instead, I rush toward Emery, whose hand is at her neck, trying to stop the blood flow.
“Is it deep?”
“Part of it is.”
Fuck!
I pull off my shirt and place the fabric against her neck. “Put pressure on it.”
Ryker sweeps Emery up into his arms then grabs my arm. “We need to get the fuck out of here. I took out one of the guys before that asshole found me. I don’t know how many more are here. The guys are about five out.”
Sucking in much-needed air, I follow him and Emery through the room. We pass by JK, who now lies in a pool of blood, his eyes looking straight up, sending a shiver down my spine.
He’s gone. Officially gone. Too bad it wasn’t soon enough.
Gun fire can be heard from outside.
Ryker sticks his head out. “They’re here.”
Relief washes over me for only a moment.
It’s all over. All of it.
JK.
Ryker and me.
He knows now. The dirt and grime. He knows all of it, and I don’t feel one bit relieved.
It’s all over.
Everything.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Virgin pussy? My baby? Fucking hell.
Austyn gave her virginity to a man like JK? That doesn’t make sense. Even if she didn’t know who he was, she’s not that kind of woman. She has to care about someone to get to that level. It took her how long to finally let me in, and I’m supposed to believe she gave herself to JK?
Austyn lies curled up in a ball on the bed in my room at the clubhouse. I haven’t been here in a long-ass time and the room smells like it, but Austyn says nothing.
Emery is patched up and physically fine. Emotionally is another story, but Angel and GT are taking care of her. Austyn wouldn’t leave Emery’s side until GT finally told her that she needed to go lie down and he had Emery.
As I sit on the bed next to her, her body jolts. Reaching out, I caress her hip as she begins to cry. With her knees against her chest, I form myself to her body as she starts to shake.
We don’t talk. We simply lie there while she cries.
It takes hours before she calms enough for me to speak, and I hate to even ask this, but I need to know more about what he said.
“It was his baby?”
When she begins to sob again, I hold her tighter.
“Yeah …”
“Why? Why would you have sex with a man like that?”
Her body stops shaking and begins to vibrate. “You think I let him? No, I didn’t let him, Ryker.”
Anger heats me from the inside out, boiling like hot lava out of a volcano. She didn’t let him. Let him. He took it.
“Please tell me what happened.” My voice is so low. I don’t trust myself not to scare the shit out of her with the fury I feel.
“I don’t want to.” She shakes her head into the pillow.
“
It’s already out now, Austyn. Release yourself from all of it.”
She cries more, and I hate it, but I need to know what happened. If she didn’t give herself freely, that’s the underlying reason she pulled away from me. Why she thinks she dirty. Why she’s been through hell longer than anyone, including myself, realized. It makes sense now, and I fucking hate it. She needs to say the words, get it out there and in the open.
Her entire body shudders, almost as if she’s having a seizure, as prickles form on her skin. I wrap her tighter in my warmth and wait.
“You don’t want to hear this,” she says softly between her broken cries. “You don’t want this vision in your head, Ryker. It’ll change everything.”
Kissing the top of her head, I promise her, “Nothing changes. Not one damn thing between you and I. Swear it.”
Austyn takes her time, probably sorting out in her head how she wants to tell me this, knowing it’s under protest, just like the last time. But JK already spilled it. She needs to wash herself clean of it once and for all.
“I met Jill in Spear at Club Cam’s. She’s an old friend, or I thought she was, from school. She wanted to go out and let loose. I was fine with that. I didn’t have much to do and Emery was away at school. So, I went. We drank and danced. She ended up going home with a guy, totally ditching me. I went out front and called a cab to come get me.”
She begins to shake, and I give her a reassuring squeeze. Then she blows out a deep breath.
“While I was waiting, JK approached me, asking me for a cigarette. We ended up striking a conversation. This is where it gets a little hazy.
“I was poked with something sharp, and my entire body felt … different. So different. He led me to a car, but I can’t remember if I protested. Then he took off and I closed my eyes because I felt nauseous. When I came to, I was strapped to a bed.”
My body begins to tremble. Locking it down proves difficult. Heat fills me like a fire with too much gasoline on it, expanding out of control. It’s like one of those wildfires that’s so intense it’s hard to control. For Austyn’s sake, though I do, at least on the outside.
“They hit me, hurt me. JK was first …” She hiccups as I try to absorb her pain. “They took turns with me.” Austyn burrows her face into the pillow, trying to pull away from me, but I don’t let her get far.
“Austyn, none of that shit was your fault.”
“I know.” Her voice breaks. “But it makes me dirty.”
Turning her in my arms, I find her entire face is red with splotches, wetness coats her cheeks, and her eyes are puffy red. Pain is everywhere. In her eyes, posture, and her soul.
“You are not dirty. Not one fuckin’ thing about you is dirty.”
“I can’t get clean,” she whispers, her eyes calling to me, tugging at my heart.
Rubbing her arm up and down, I tell her, “You are clean. What they did to you is on them. It makes them dirty, sick fuckers. It makes them unworthy to breathe air. You, you’re not any of that. It wasn’t your choice. They did those things to you without your consent. Nothing about this is dirty for you.”
Everything inside me aches for Austyn. It’s as if, with each word, she’s yanking out pieces of her heart and soul and throwing them on the ground. Then I come along and pick them up, putting them back where they need to go.
She’s broken and cracked from what those men did to her. It makes me want to kill the fucker myself and add in some serious pain. She did that, though. She took care of the problem, making it so he’s no longer a threat.
“I want to believe that, Ryker. It’s why I didn’t want to tell you.” She shakes her head as more tears stream down her face and onto the pillow below.
I cup the side of her face, brushing some hair away from her eyes. “I understand, but babe, I’m all in with you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Whatever life slams us in the face with, I’m by your side. But I fuckin’ swear to you, nothing like this will ever happen to you again. I’ll protect you until my dyin’ breath.”
She grips me hard, pressing her face into my chest as her body racks with sobs once again.
“How’d you get away?” I ask softly, wanting the rest of the story, but not wanting to upset her even more.
“That’s the thing; after he looked in my wallet and got my name, he threatened me, saying he would come back and do it again if I opened my mouth. Then he said something about the younger girls in Ravage, which I would never let happen. Then he just pushed me into a car, and the next thing I remember, I was in my car, sitting in the parking lot at the bar.”
That fucking dickhead did so much more damage than any of us thought. He tore this woman to shreds, but he will not win. The Austyn I’ve been with the past few weeks is the woman she’s meant to be—happy, loved, and laughing.
That’s where we’ll get back to. I fuckin’ swear it.
Chapter Twenty-Six
I didn’t think a human could cry so many tears. There should be no more water inside my body, considering it’s all over Ryker and the bed below us.
His warmth surrounds me, allowing me to feel safe and protected. This man, whom I’ve loved for so damn long, sees past all the shit I just laid out on him and told me he was all in.
That’s all I have. There are no more secrets. There is no more holding back. It’s all released and floating off my shoulders into thin air. He knows the secrets I’ve been trying to hold close to me, and even though he’s heard it, he still wants to be with me.
Maybe he’s right and I’m not as dirty as I thought. Or, is this just a Band-Aid covering up the grime? I wish I knew the answer.
There is nothing now holding me back from loving Ryker the way he deserves. There is nothing restricting how I act or feel toward him. There is nothing but him and me, and that’s all that matters. I feel it in my soul. He is my soul; has been for years. He’s just confirmed I’m his.
My mother always told me that when the one came, it would hit me hard and fast. What she didn’t tell me is the journey I’d have to go on to find my happiness. After all this clears and the pain of it all dissipates, I hope my happiness with Ryker will be staring me in the face.
I have a feeling it will.
“Do you want the club to know?” Ryker breaks the peaceful silence, knocking the wind out of me.
My body trembles as the panic sets in. “I …”
I feel Ryker’s fingertips under my chin. He lifts it so our gazes connect. “You don’t want to, that’s fine. My lips are sealed until my dyin’ breath. But beautiful, you get this all out in the open, there’s nothin’ holdin’ you back. There’s no question if anyone ever finds out later in life and it blows up, openin’ old wounds. It’s done and over with, and you can move past it all.”
More fucking tears. Everything inside me coils up like a spring ready to snap at any given moment. I rub my feet together rhythmically, wanting to get up and walk, while I fight the urge to stick my thumb in my mouth.
He’s right in some ways, but wrong in others. The weight that lifted when Ryker accepted me for who I am is priceless. On the other hand, people may see me as the dirty girl I thought myself to be for so long. The pity will come back, and I don’t know if I can deal with that.
He’s also right that, if everyone knows, then nothing can be held over my head later in life. The Ravage MC have enemies, and there will always be that little inkling that it will open wide once again at any moment.
“I don’t know what to do,” I tell him honestly. Both ways have their positives.
“Listen to your gut, beautiful. Ravage is your family, and you know we protect our own. Will it be a shock? Fuck yeah. Will people be pissed as hell? Fuck yeah. Will people want to kill that fucker again for what he did to you? Fuck yeah to that, too. Will they look down on you or think less of you? Fuck no. They will not see any dirt on you. They will only be there to hold you up.”
Fear grips me in its hold, threatening to suck the life out of me. This is so much for one p
erson to handle.
I remember how blindsided I felt when Deke pulled me into the room with my father and Ryker, like a two-by-four slammed into my head. It wasn’t on my terms. It was on theirs. I can’t have that again. It needs to be on mine so I’m not smacked again with this years down the road.
I don’t know if anyone will ever find out, but I also thought I could keep my pregnancy a secret and that blew up in my face.
The thing is, as much as I don’t want to stand in front of my family and tell them, I have to be the one to do it. Strength isn’t measured in how much you can bench press. It’s measured in your actions. This will be my action. The last one for this, and then it will all be closed. I can shut the door on this part of my life and move on.
It won’t be easy, but life isn’t meant to be easy. It’s meant to challenge you and guide you. Shitty things happen to people, but it’s how you overcome them and stand on your own two feet that matters in the end.
“Okay. I want this over with.”
Ryker pulls me to his lips. The touch is light but reassuring. “Then we move on from this. You and me.”
“Yeah.”
Initially, I wanted to do this at my mother’s house, thinking it would be more intimate and warm. After thinking about it long and hard, though, I didn’t want to taint my parents’ home with it. Therefore, Ryker set it up for everyone to be at the clubhouse.
Laughter rings out through the room with bottles tapping on tables. My mother isn’t doing any of that. Her gaze is completely on me, reaching into my brain and pulling out whatever it is she wants to know. Weird how moms can do that.
The children are all downstairs, and I bet if Mazie got her way, they are watching that pirate movie again.
Ryker’s arm is around my waist as I drum up the courage to speak. Sweat breaks out over my skin, and I thank God I put on extra deodorant today. Butterflies swarm in my belly, and bile threatens to escape my mouth. My thumb goes to said mouth as I begin to chew.