“No. Yes. I’m sorry. That was—”
Eli laid a finger over Jack’s lips. “I didn’t mind. I understand now why you pushed me away, why you were so afraid.”
“I don’t want to be scared of being with you, but…”
Eli shook his head. “I was wrong to push you.”
“I’m glad you did.”
“You are?”
Jack nodded. “I don’t want to be caught, but it felt so good, so…”
“Right?”
They stared at each other. Jack didn’t breathe. He knew then that there was no turning back. What he felt for Eli couldn’t be bottled up again.
“So what do we do now?” Eli asked.
“I don’t know.”
Eli brought Jack’s hand to his mouth and kissed his knuckles. “I don’t want to pretend this didn’t happen.”
“I don’t either, but—”
“I can be discreet.”
Jack frowned. “I’m not sure that’s true.”
“I will do whatever it takes to have you.”
“Oh, Eli, I—”
“Don’t try to explain how you feel. Just tell me this won’t be the last time.”
Unless he was going to return to the army camp and beg for another task, it wouldn’t be the last time. After what they’d done, he couldn’t possibly be around Eli and deny himself.
“It won’t be.”
Eli nodded. “That’s all I ask.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“You’re still eating?” Jack asked when he returned with the bags they’d left in their room.
“Yes, we’ve got a long ride ahead of us, and I worked up quite an appetite last night.”
On another day, Jack might’ve been annoyed by Eli’s teasing, but he was still flying from the previous night’s excesses. He’d never had such a night of pleasure. “We can order more if you need it.”
Eli grinned. “No, I’m ready to go now.”
Jack was glad because he was practically vibrating with restlessness. “Let’s get on the road, then.”
Eli signaled the serving girl. “Please have our horses sent around.”
She watched him with adoring eyes as she curtsied. “Yes, sir. Right away, sir.”
“Is there anyone who doesn’t desire you?” Jack asked after she scurried away.
Eli gave a bitter laugh. “People who’ve been overly long in my company.”
His tone told Jack he was more vulnerable to people’s opinions than he let on, but Jack didn’t press the subject.
THEY PUSHED THEIR horses harder than was wise for the first leg of the journey, but they slowed as they entered the neutral territory close to the river. The area might not be held by either side, but that didn’t mean there weren’t soldiers there, including deserters, who were poor, starving, and desperate. Some soldiers in the neutral zone were sent there to take or “borrow” supplies; others were hoping to pick off scouts from the other side. Eli was thankful he was well armed. Jack had a pistol, and hopefully he’d also secured a knife about his person.
Eli would feel much better when they were back behind British lines again. At least there he could put on the mantle of prominent loyalist and feel a modicum of protection.
As they rode on, the path narrowed. The woods were quiet, eerily so. A stick cracked, and Eli jumped.
“A squirrel. That’s all,” Jack said.
They continued on, and the rocking of his mount began to make Eli sleepy. He’d only gotten a few hours’ rest the night before, thanks to Jack.
Something jolted him from his reverie, a sound he couldn’t identify.
Jack moved his horse alongside Eli’s. “Three men, moving closer.”
“Whose are they?”
“I can’t tell. If it comes to a fight, stay behind me. I’ll handle them.” Jack slowed his mount to ready his pistol.
Eli didn’t have time to protest. Two men stepped onto the road in front of them. The other one had to be circling them, to come up from behind. They wore a hodgepodge of uniform garments, probably ones they’d stolen from the dead.
“We’ll take those horses,” the shorter of the two men said.
“I don’t think so,” Eli said.
“You’ll want to reconsider that answer.” The shorter man raised a pistol and pointed it at Eli.
“Calm down,” Jack said. “Let’s see if we can work something out.”
Eli wished there’d been time to coordinate their efforts. He’d have to hope Jack was ready. He looked right at the man holding the pistol. “I’m giving you a final warning to back away.”
“The pretty one’s mine.” The voice came from behind them, but Eli didn’t turn around.
“He’s going to be dead if he doesn’t learn to shut his fucking mouth,” the man holding the pistol responded.
Eli reached into his coat, pulled out a knife, and threw it. The man who’d challenged him gasped as it lodged in his throat. Blood spurted from the wound, and the man’s pistol went off, firing into the ground.
“Shit!” the other man in front of them yelled. Eli raised his pistol and shot the man in the chest. He fell to his knees.
Jack was struggling to control his horse after firing at the man who’d come up behind them. The man grabbed Jack’s leg and tried to pull him from his mount. Jack kicked at him. The horse reared, and Jack nearly fell off.
“Stay,” Eli whispered to his mount. He slid to the ground and pulled his knife free of the shorter man’s body, willing himself not to think too hard about what he was doing. He rushed the last man from behind, praying he could avoid the horse’s hooves and Jack’s foot. He drove his knife into the man’s side, angling it up under his ribs. The man screamed, and Eli shoved him, freeing his knife and sending the man to the ground. The man flailed, trying to get his knees under him. Eli kicked him, and he fell back. Blood poured from his side. He wouldn’t be getting up again.
Eli grabbed the man by the collar and dragged him off the road and into the woods. Jack did the same with one of the other men, despite his limp, and Eli cleared away the last body. When he returned from that gruesome task, Jack was staring at him, eyes wide.
“Are you all right?” Eli asked him, his voice calm, though he was screaming inside.
“Y-yes. Thanks to you. How did you…? Where did you…?”
Eli couldn’t answer. Instead, he turned and cast up his accounts into the leaves at the edge of the road.
When there was nothing left of his copious breakfast, he swiped the back of his hand across his mouth and tried to compose himself. He’d just killed three men. While he’d practiced with targets since he was a boy and had been prepared to kill his uncle or anyone else who was a threat, he’d never killed anyone before today.
When Eli stepped back onto the road, he saw that Jack had gathered the reins of both their mounts and was attempting to calm them.
Jack pulled out a handkerchief and gestured toward the bloodstains on Eli’s breeches. “Let me clean you up.”
Eli grabbed Jack’s arm, halting him. “Just leave it.”
“You’re covered in blood.”
“We should…”
They stared at each other.
“ARE YOU OKAY?” Jack asked.
“I can’t talk about this. I…”
Jack pulled a flask from the interior pocket of his coat and handed it to Eli. Eli took a sip, swished his mouth out, spat, and then took a long drink before handing it back to Jack.
Jack hated how sick and scared Eli looked, and he needed to do something to ease the horror of what he’d done.
Jack cupped the back of his head and pulled him into a kiss. It was the only thing he could think of to take the terror from Eli’s eyes. Where the hell had Eli learned to fight like that? He was determined to find out later.
“Amazing,” he whispered between kisses. “I never expected…”
Eli took hold of his lapels and pulled him closer, smashing their lips together so he couldn’t say
anything more.
Eli pushed his leg between Jack’s. Jack’s legs threatened to give, but he widened his stance and then awkwardly walked Eli backward until he hit a tree trunk. Their tongues tangled, and Jack’s cock was so hard it hurt. He wanted to turn Eli around and drag his breeches down so he could—
He jerked away, and they stared at each other, breathing hard.
“There could be more of them out there,” Eli said.
“What the hell am I doing?” Jack couldn’t believe he’d gotten so carried away.
“You were kissing me.”
Jack shook his head. “This is the second time I’ve lost myself with you when we’re in danger.” You were trying to comfort him. That’s a good thing.
“Get on your horse,” Eli said. “Let’s get back to town where we can find some privacy.”
Jack shook his head. They shouldn’t. He wasn’t good for Eli. He was going to get them killed.
“Don’t you dare say no. Don’t you dare change your mind about us.”
Jack opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. They remounted without saying a word. Jack bit back a groan. It would be uncomfortable as hell riding with the cockstand Eli had given him, and he had little hope of getting his prick under control. If he thought about fucking Eli after they’d fought for their lives, nothing would dampen his desire.
But he was wrong. After riding for several miles, the choking scent of rot hit his nose, and his stomach roiled.
“Dear God, no,” Eli whispered.
Jack turned, bracing himself for another fight. Eli was pointing to a body that lay on the ground at the edge of the woods. The man wore a red coat, but that didn’t diminish the horror of seeing him there, half his head blown away, maggots feasting on him. Jack glanced into the woods and saw more men who’d been left there to rot.
“The men I killed. They’ll rot like this,” Eli said.
“Eli, you saved our lives.”
“But those men were someone’s sons, or brothers, or lovers. This damn war made them desperate.”
Jack moved his horse next to Eli’s and laid his hand on Eli’s thigh. “I believe in what we’re fighting for, but war is still an abomination.” He looked at the bodies, and bile rose into his mouth. He swallowed it down because he had to stay strong.
Eli took a long shaky breath. “I don’t want to be a killer.”
“You defended yourself. You didn’t seek them out.”
“I know.”
“The best thing we can do to prevent more deaths is end the war quickly.” Jack knew that was poor comfort. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”
Eli took off faster than he should have on such uneven ground, but Jack kept pace with him. He wasn’t about to let Eli out of sight. They would not end up like those men, dead in the woods with no one to even give them a proper burial.
***
The wait to cross British lines had Eli ready to come out of his skin. He wanted—needed—to be home. There was no reason to think the soldiers guarding the border would think he was anything but what he seemed. Yet for the first time he was truly afraid they would see through him. He told himself these men couldn’t read people like he could. If they had those skills, they’d be spying for His Majesty, not acting like asinine fools, badgering people who wanted to enter the city.
There was a young woman waiting in front of Eli and Jack. Her clothing indicated she was well-to-do, but she appeared to be traveling alone. When the men in front of her were finally waved along, a soldier moved alongside her cart and leered at her.
“What have we here?”
“I’m visiting my sister, sir. I have a pass.”
He took it from her, glanced at it, and said, “I’m going to need you to step down.”
“What is he doing?” Jack asked.
Eli frowned. “Whatever it is, I don’t like it. Hold my reins.” He shoved them into Jack’s hands and dismounted.
“Eli, wait,” Jack called, but Eli ignored him.
“Is there a problem, sir?” Eli asked the soldier.
“I need to take a closer look at this one.” The smirk on his face told Eli he planned to do a lot more than look.
“Wait,” Eli commanded before turning to the obviously frightened young woman. “You look familiar, madam.”
“I do?” She looked terribly confused.
He prayed she’d catch on to what he was doing. “Yes. I think we met at a party at my uncle’s house.”
“I’m not sure, sir.”
“Yes, my uncle, Turner De Lancey.”
“Oh… Oh.” Her eyes widened. Hopefully she now understood what Eli was doing. “I believe we did meet there.”
Eli turned back to the soldier. “I appreciate your diligence, sir. But I can assure you this young lady will be an asset to the city.” Eli offered her a hand to help her climb back onto the seat of her cart.
“Do you require an escort for the rest of the journey?” Eli asked her.
“Thank you, sir, but I’m going directly to my sister’s house. She and her family will take care of me, sir.” She was lying. He was sure of it, but he had no intention of saying so.
She glanced at the guard. “Go on,” he said, waving her away.
Eli pulled his pass from his coat and held it out to the guard. The man looked as though he wasn’t quite sure what had happened, and he inspected Eli’s pass thoroughly as if hoping to find something wrong with it. Eli prepared to fight, but finally, the man folded the pass and returned it. “Everything is in order.”
“Thank you, sir.”
“What about you, sir?” the guard asked, looking at Jack.
Jack started to pull out his own pass, but Eli waved at him, indicating he should put it back.
“That’s my man. I only brought the one servant. I had to travel light this time.”
The officer narrowed his eyes in suspicion, but the other guard called to him. “Charles, come on, it’s dinnertime. Walden and Alexander are here to relieve us.”
“Oh, go on through,” the man said to Eli.
Eli mounted again, and they rode on toward the river where they would leave their hired mounts and board a boat for the crossing.
“Why were you worried?” Jack asked when they were well past the border. “I have a pass.”
“You have a pass that I fabricated.”
“Hell and damnation, Eli. What were you thinking?”
Eli winced at his tone. “I didn’t have time to get a real one. It’s a good copy. Most likely they wouldn’t have noticed.”
“Eli, if you ever—”
“We got through. That’s all that matters.”
Jack snorted. “Where did you learn to do that anyway?”
“Do what?”
“Most everything you’ve done since we started on this trip,” he muttered. “But I was referring to the way you bluster past anyone to get what you want.”
“My father taught me that. If you act as if you are absolutely in the right, if you never question that you will get what you want, others usually go along with you.”
“Do they?”
Eli grinned. “You saw it just now, didn’t you?”
“Yes, and that was a kind thing you did.”
“That man would’ve attempted to extract a payment from the woman, which she was not offering.”
Jack nodded. “And he wouldn’t have even been reprimanded. We can’t let behavior like that stand. We’ve got to win this.”
“Your army’s boys are hardly saints.”
Jack huffed. “The general does not permit—”
Eli held up a hand. “From what I’ve heard, you’re correct. When they are caught raping or thieving, Washington and his officers mete out appropriate punishments, unlike Howe, who sets the scoundrels free to pillage at will.”
“Exactly, but you’re right too. The men don’t always care about the consequences, and not all of them are caught.” He sighed. “God help me, I’m ready to be home.”
“Which is safer?”
Eli hardly dared ask the next question. “Do you intend to stay the night?”
“If you’ll have me. I think we both have a great deal of tension to work off.”
Eli smiled for the first time since he pulled his knife from a dying man. “I can’t think of a better way to do it. We’ll go to my shop. Constance doesn’t need to know any more than she already does about what we’re up to. You can report to her first thing.”
“Agreed,” Jack said.
They reached Eli’s shop without any further incident. After leaving their horses in the care of the livery across the road, they headed to the rooms he occupied above the shop.
Jack groaned as he sank onto the couch in the sitting room. He looked as exhausted as Eli felt, and his limp was more pronounced than Eli had ever seen it. “Would you like a drink?” Eli asked, faking a semblance of normal he didn’t feel.
“Yes, please,” Jack said.
Eli’s hand shook as he poured two measures of whiskey. Eli rarely felt nervous with either men or women. He’d been confident in his charms since he was fourteen, but while he’d fancied himself taken with lovers before, he’d never felt anything like what he did for Jack. He was going to make a fool of himself over this man. He knew it. And whether it was in a few weeks or a few months, Jack would go back to the army, and whatever was between them would end. Then Eli would be all alone again.
He handed the drink to Jack and sat across from him. Jack tossed the whiskey back in one go.
Eli sipped slowly, knowing his stomach couldn’t handle more, even if being drunk would make things easier.
“Another?” he asked Jack.
Jack glanced at his glass and then shook his head. “No. It’s best if I have my wits about me when I’m with you.”
“Worried about your virtue?”
“Hardly.” Jack gave Eli a soft, concerned look. “Are you all right, truly?”
Eli drew in a long breath and exhaled slowly. “I will be.”
“Where did you learn to fight like that?”
“That is a long story. My father is partially responsible. He taught me to shoot and to throw knives, but I honed my skills after he died and my mother and I moved in with my uncle. I needed to be able to protect my mother and myself.”
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