by Aly Martinez
“It wasn't more than a few hours after the accident that I noticed something wasn't right with her. She hated me as if I had done something to cause the wreck. See, Caleb and I got called away from dinner to close up a case. They were laughing and eating pizza when we left. So full of life. I never would have left if I had known it was the last time I'd ever see my wife. I'm not talking about Sarah, I've seen her a lot since that night. But I never saw my wife again.
"At first I felt like maybe she was harboring some bitterness towards me for leaving them that night, but within days of coming home from the hospital, it was obvious that something more was going on with her. She wouldn't even sleep in our bed. I had to go out and buy a whole new bedroom set for our guest room, just to keep her under the same roof with me. A month later, she tried to kill herself."
I take in a deep breath as his voice painfully cracks. I'm not sure I want to hear the rest of this story after seeing Brett covered in blood in the picture online. The pain of his memories is etched in his face as he continues. "She took every pill we had in the house. If I hadn't found her when I did that night, she would have been successful.
"She thankfully made it to the hospital in time to avoid any permanent damage to her body. Even knowing the way she had become after the accident, I was unwilling to accept that my Sarah would have done that to herself. I became a madman on a mission, demanding answers from everyone who even walked into the room. The doctors, for the longest time, said that it was guilt eating her away, but she just refused to talk to anyone. I knew it was more than that though. Even her taste in food changed. She just became a different person.
"I beat down the door of every doctor in town trying to get someone to help me get my wife back. In the end, one doctor finally diagnosed her with Post-Concussion Syndrome, as a result of her head injury after being thrown from the car. There is no cure or treatment for PCS, so he just sent us along on our merry little dysfunctional way. But at least we had something. After that, all of her doctors started taking her issues a little more seriously.
“Over the seven months after the accident, she tried to kill herself a total of three times. Each time, the method she used became more drastic. The last time she sliced open what seemed like every inch of her body with a kitchen knife." He looks down at the ground, intertwining his fingers, and resting them on top of his head. I could see the effort it was taking him to keep it together during this story. It was heartbreaking to hear this level of devastation, but worse to watch him relive it.
"After that, I let her move out and it actually helped a lot. I think not being forced to deal with her issues with me calmed her down a good bit. I basically just let her live in denial. She doesn't face any of her issues, but she doesn't try to kill herself either."
It isn’t until Brett pauses that I realize, I had been holding my breath while he spoke. My heart actually hurts for him, but I don't know what I could possibly do to help. It sounds like Sarah isn't the only one not dealing with their issues.
"So listen to me, Jess. I am an idiot for phrasing it the way I did when I told you I lost Sarah. But you have to understand, I never lied to you. Never. Not once. That is not the way I'm wired. I tell the truth even when you don't want to hear it, and you probably aren't going to want to hear what I have to say next."
He leans into me forcing my eyes to lock with his, "I go to Sarah's apartment every Thursday night. I take her favorite dinner and spend time with the evil woman who now inhabits her body. I've been doing this for years. She doesn't like it when I show up. I've never quite been able to figure out why she hates me the way she does, because before she changed, we were more than happy together. We were perfect."
He's right, I don't want to hear this. My mind is spinning. I can't figure out if I should believe him. What's worse is that I no longer want to believe him. What he is telling me now is almost more disastrous than the things Sarah told me earlier. If he is a liar and cheat, I can walk away with no guilt of my own. But I have no idea how to deal with the idea that he might still be in love with the living, breathing ghost of his wife.
"Is she still in love with you?" It surprises me that this is the first question that pops out of my mouth. I’m too scared to ask what I really want to know: is he still in love with her?
"No. Tonight I told her I met someone. She deserved to know, and honestly, I thought she would throw a party in celebration. She has been asking for a divorce since she first came home from the hospital. However, when I told her about you, she flipped her lid. The phone call tonight had way more to do with me not giving her a divorce, which she has so desperately wanted for years, than it did about her feelings for me.
“I've fought her every step of the way about the divorce. I feel like I have a responsibility to take care of her. I owe it to my old Sarah, not to turn my back on her, regardless that this new person has turned her back on me.
"She doesn't work, and she lives off the settlement from the auto insurance company. She’s completely alone. Slowly over the years, she has closed herself off to everyone. She doesn't speak to any of her friends or family. Every week she lets me in, and it's silly, but even just that simple act makes me believe that somewhere deep inside is my wife. She spends the entire night abusing me, reinforcing that my Sarah really is gone. Yet week after week, I return. I think after tonight I'm done, though." He stops talking, I can almost see a decision being made and a weight lift from his shoulders.
"Did she do that to your lip?"
"Yes. She was pretty pissed. After she hit me, I took off before things could escalate. That's how she ended up with my phone. I left it sitting on the counter. Jesus, I'm so sorry you had to put up with all of this tonight. Please, Jess, I don't want to stand here for another minute without kissing you. I've had a shit night and I'd love to forget it with you. When I'm with you, the world goes silent." His last words make my heart stop. I feel the silence, too, but I'm nowhere near ready to forget.
"Brett, I'm really confused right now. I don't know what, or who I should believe. I need some time alone to think.”
"Can you please tell me what poison she injected into your brain? I can't be your anti-venom if I don't know what she bit you with tonight." Crap. He's right. I don't know if I believe him, or if I will ever be able to trust him again. But I have just enough belief in his words and hope in my heart to make me tell him everything.
"She told me she was your wife, and she loves you, but you have a wandering eye. Your apartment is just to save you the commute home when you work late. You have two children, and they suffer the most from your infidelities. Oh, and she asked me if we had slept together." I can’t help but look down at my feet, partially embarrassed, but predominately terrified of how he is going to respond. Which parts are true, which parts are lies?
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him reach up and grab the bridge of his nose. He takes in a quick breath before closing his eyes for a second, then snatching up my beer bottle hurling it across the room. I've seen Brett mad before, and I've seen the angry ogre, but I just witnessed this man go nuclear.
Stunned by his violent outburst, I instinctively take a step away from him and push my hands up between us to keep him from following my retreat.
"You're scaring me," I choke out before my throat closes, blocking any further words. This seems to snap out of it, and his face flashes shame before he starts to apologize.
"Shit! Come here, gorgeous. I'm sorry." But I can't move. I stand staring at him as his mood drastically changes directions, yet again.
"Can we talk about this tomorrow? Please, just let me have some time."
"Okay,” he answers resigned. "Let me explain something first. Jess, I have been living in a fog. I can't tell you that this will work out between us. Hell, after tonight, I'm not sure if this isn't already ruined. I'm a mess. I'm angry half the time and a miserable bastard the other half. You're a good girl who deserves someone who can open themselves up and actually offer you something. Yo
u deserve more than I can probably ever give you. I don't know if I can handle even saying the word forever again.
“So with all of that said, I'm sorry for scaring you tonight. I'm just so frustrated. I think I have used every cuss word I know at least fifteen times tonight." He tries to crack a joke, but it only sounds sad. "I feel like Sarah is determined to completely ruin me, even more than she already has.
"I'm broken Jess, but I need you to hear these words before I go. Trust me, I know saying this makes me a selfish bastard, because I've seen you cry three times in the five days we have been together. But for me, these last few days have been an awakening. I now see the sun behind the fog, and it's a damn good feeling.
“I'm sorry about all of this, I truly am. Please believe me, and think about what I've said. I can't promise you anything more than tomorrow, but maybe one day, the fog will disappear leaving only sunny days ahead." He doesn’t stall even a minute longer. He simply walks to the corner, cleans up the broken glass, then walks out the front door.
Just as the door clicks, I hear a breathy "Whoa!" come from behind me. I turn to see Kara standing in the hall.
"Are you okay?" she asks, walking a few steps in my direction before checking the door to making sure Brett really left.
"No."
"Come here, girl." She walks over and slings an arm around my shoulders. "You understand you're the sun in that scenario right?" She tries to comfort me.
"What if I don't want to be the sun?"
"I don't think you have a choice. Do you think a man like that is going to let go of his only way out of the fog?"
"How much did you hear?" I ask needing advice.
"All of it."
"Do you believe him?"
"He's telling the truth, Jess." She answers with an absolute certainty to her voice.
"How can you be so sure? You should have heard his wife on the phone tonight. She was so weird. She kept quietly laughing, then suddenly crying. Though, after hearing him describe her, a lot more of the conversation makes sense. Kara, I'm not sure what to believe anymore. I'm so confused about everything. Even if I do believe him, do I want to get mixed up with all of this drama?"
"I can't answer that part for you, but I can tell you why I believe him. I grew up with Casey Black. I never knew Sarah or Manda, but I knew the three of them were tight. I remember when the accident happened. Everyone says it destroyed Casey, losing her two best friends like that. She just kind of fell off the map after that. Anyway, I've heard people talking about Sarah and how she has basically lost her mind. She tried to kill herself, then became a recluse. I heard she virtually never leaves her apartment. I didn't realize she was Brett's wife until tonight, though. I believe him, his story matches up with everything I have ever heard. And I'm not just siding with him because he's hot." She finishes with an exaggerated wink.
"He's going to break my heart. You know that right? He still has some serious issues with her. I think I'll always feel like the other woman. He has a wife. Regardless that she is a different person, he is still very much married to her. And if she is as terrible as he says, why would anyone stand by her?"
"He loved her. I actually respect the hell out of him for standing by her for as long as he has. What you need to figure out is if he still loves her, or if he's ready to move on."
"What if he can't ever move on? You heard him. She was perfect."
"You're missing the keyword...was," she says as I sigh knowing that I have no choice but hear Brett out. Get some answers so I can make an informed decision. "Maybe you just have to wait out the fog."
"What the heck happened to you? You're getting all poetic on me. Where did your ‘crotch-less panties solve everything’ speech go?"
"You didn't let me finish! I was getting to that part," she jokes.
"Do you think he'll come in for breakfast tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow's Friday, so I doubt it," Kara answers reminding me that it's my day off.
"Ugh! I'll call him and see if he wants to meet for breakfast in the morning."
"Good, because did you see his ass in those jeans tonight? Seriously, I would gladly go to jail just to hump his leg." She starts thrusting her hips in the air and we both start giggling like teenage girls.
Brett
I ARRIVE back at my apartment feeling utterly lost. It seems every time I get comfortable in life, someone flips over the life raft I've been so desperately clinging to. I haven't been happy in a long time, but the last few days I haven't been drowning. As much as it makes me a pussy to admit, Jess was only the reason for that. Knowing that she is potentially gone too, I feel worse than I did a week ago. Now I remember what it feels like to be alive again.
In the middle of my pity party, my house phone begins to ring in the kitchen. I called the station earlier to make sure they forward all my calls to my home number. There is no way I was going back to Sarah's to get my phone. I'll scrap it and buy a new one. I'm not sure if I'll ever go back over there.
"Detective Sharp," I answer assuming it's a work call.
"Hey." I hear the soft voice that makes my chest hurt. First in relief that she is reaching out to me, but then I panic that something's wrong.
"Jesse, are you okay? Did Sarah call you again?"
"No, no. I'm fine."
"Phew, okay. I didn't expect to hear from you tonight. I'm glad you called, though." I smile to myself.
"Do you think, we could um...maybe meet up for breakfast at Nell's in the morning? You know, to talk about things. I have something I want to ask you," she questions timidly. I hate to hear her nervous. We made great strides over the last few days, but we are right back where we started after the cluster-fuck tonight.
"Of course, Jess. Anything. I'll answer any questions you want to ask. Please don't be nervous okay.”
"I'm sorry," is all she says.
"Please don't apologize to me. I'm sorry for all of this. I can't say that enough."
"Okay, well, tomorrow then?"
"I wouldn't miss it for the world, gorgeous. Sleep tight, I promise I'll do my best to dry those beautiful eyes in the morning."
"Good night, Brett."
"Night Jesse." I hang up the phone and throw an excited fist pump into the air. I'm down, but I'm not out yet. Now I just have to figure out what the hell I'm going to say to her to make this right.
I WAKE up the next morning, calling out of work by taking a personal day. I haven't taken a day off in years. I had no reason to. I didn't have anyone to take vacations with, or play hooky while spending the day under a blanket on a cold snowy morning. I had plenty of days stored up and this feels like the perfect time to use one. I know Jesse doesn’t work on Fridays, so I want to spend the entire day making up for last night. Maybe, I'll take her someplace nice where we can snuggle close and I can apologize to her properly. Preferably using my body.
I walk into Nell's to see Jess in jeans that perfectly hug her curvy ass and a tight long-sleeve purple shirt. Her thick brown hair falls around her shoulders, barely curling under at the ends. She doesn't look like the sex kitten she has the last few times we have been out, but she still looks amazing. She looks relaxed and carefree, compared to the slightly nervous and uneasy woman I figured would show up this morning. And let me tell you, this looks so damn good on her. Maybe something I said to her actually penetrated last night.
She stands at the counter laughing with Kara while the two guys waiting in line smile in her direction. Her laugh is infectious. I can’t blame them for staring. I was staring too. However, I can stop them before they get any ideas about making a move. Even though I'm quite sure where we stand this morning, it doesn't stop me from walking up behind her, brushing her hair away from her neck and planting a lingering kiss just below her ear. Thankfully, she doesn't slap me, but I can feel her tense. I pretend not to notice it. She may not want it, but I need to touch her.
"Come on, let's go sit down and talk." I drape an arm over her shoulder giving the two guys watching a kno
wing nod as we walk past. We sit down at my usual table closest to the counter.
"You okay?" I ask as Jesse starts chewing on the edge of her thumb nail like she so often does. I reach forward grabbing her hand and pull it way from her mouth. She drops it to the table and tries to slide it away, but I refuse to let go. I hear the bell over the door, but I'm too focused on this little hand-holding war that I'm having with Jess to even give it a second thought.
"Well, isn't this cozy." I see Sarah standing beside our table. I'm not talking present day Sarah either. I'm talking Sarah from seven years ago. Tight red dress, black fuck-me heels, blonde hair. It's slightly shorter than it was back in those days, but it's definitely blonde again. The flash from the past causes me to spring to my feet, releasing Jesse's hand.
"Sarah?" I ask genuinely confused. I haven't seen this woman in years, and I would be lying if I said my stomach didn't jump at the very thought of her standing in front of me. She lets out a distantly familiar laugh and I'm stunned, shocked, and worst of all, hopeful. She pushes up to her tip toes to kiss me chastely on the lips, before leveling her glare on Jesse.
"Hey honey, care to introduce me to your little friend?" She grins an evil smile.
I look down at Jess still sitting and now chewing on her bottom lip. Her eyes are wide with amazement, and maybe even a little fear. I look between Jess and Sarah for a second while I try to figure out what dimension I'm currently in. Jesse finally drops her eyes to her lap when Sarah wraps an arm around my waist. Her touch is cold and calculated, not at all like the woman who appears to be standing in front of me. I move quickly jumping out of her reach.
"What the fuck?" I bat her hands away when she tries to grab me again.
"Brett, stop being so silly. Introduce me to your friend." I stand still, blinking and knowing that any second the world is going to stop spinning. There is no other explanation for this absurdity.
"Hi, I'm Jesse," she says, standing to her feet and looking up at all 6'1" of Sarah in heels.
"Well, aren't you cute?" Sarah pauses to look at me. "Very interesting choice. She isn't at all who I expected when I found out you were cheating on me."