by Aly Martinez
As bad as her words hurt, I know this is a worthless conversation. Sarah isn't just damaged, she's destroyed. I'm not arguing with a sane woman. She's delusional and manipulative. No verbal sparring is going to win this argument. This time I don't cower though. I'm done with that. We both know Brett is mine. Heck, everyone but Brett knows that. This conversation is about her.
"Sarah Erickson," I purposely use her maiden name. Yeah, that fancy new laptop Brett got me may have googled her. "I am going to pretend you didn't just put your hands me. I am going to pretend you didn't just call me a bitch. Hell, I'm even willing to forget you followed me here today." This little chance meeting is too much of a coincidence for her not to have followed me. I don't have time to really let that sink in though. "I'm not, however, willing to let go of the fact that you think this is somehow a competition between the two of us. Sarah, you need help. You need to talk to a counselor, and you need to visit Manda and once and for all let go of your guilt."
This time I see it coming. She slings a closed fist at my face but I duck, causing her to knock down a spice display. I keep talking because she needs to hear this. I'm probably not the right person to tell her, but she definitely needs to hear it.
"You need to take care of yourself Sarah. You may not know it, but people love you. I know bad things have happened to you, but for Christ sake... just let someone in. You are not alone in this. There may have only been one funeral, but four people died in that car. You're not alone." I repeat the last sentence for good measure.
As I walk away I fully expect to be pegged in the back of the head with canned vegetables. Surprisingly, it never happens. I leave the cart filled with groceries and walk directly to my car. As the adrenalin rush wears out, I begin to shake. I want to call to Brett, but I know this whole situation will only cause him more heartache. I remember words from months earlier.
If you see her again, you call me immediately. Not Brett. You call me.
I pick up the phone and dial Caleb instead. "Where are you?" I say as soon as he picks up the phone.
"Where are you, baby girl?" he responds flirtatiously.
"I just ran into Sarah at the grocery store."
"Fuck! Where are you, seriously?" he says, scarily concerned.
"Harps on St. Charles."
"Drive across the street and wait for me. Do not go home under any circumstances, got it?"
"Okay."
"Stay on the phone. I'm about five minutes away."
"Caleb, I'm okay. Really. I think she just-"
"What did she say, sweetheart?" His voice returns to the gentle softness I've become familiar with.
"Um...." Crap, he is going to be pissed when I tell him she slapped me. Maybe I can just leave that part out. When I look in the rear view mirror and see my swollen cheek and a small trickle of blood on the corner of my lip I know it's a lost cause. "She said a bunch of stuff but the gist of if all was for me to stay away from Brett."
"Are you okay?" He's asking about my emotional state. It's the obvious question after the last time I had the pleasure of talking to Sarah. However, tonight it has a much more superficial answer.
"Um..."
"Fuck!" he screams at my non-answer. "What did she do?"
"Calm down, I'm fine. She slapped me and it busted my lip."
I honestly think I can hear his head explode over the phone. "She did what?" he booms across the line.
"Stop, really. I'm okay. I'm just a little shaken up that’s all."
"Grab your purse, I'm almost there. Park your car. You're coming with me."
"Okay," I say, relieved at the idea of not being alone.
Caleb doesn't say anything else, nor does he hang up. When he parks next to me, he doesn't even give me a chance to get out of car. He snatches open my door and drags me out, using my chin to examine my face.
"Stop, I'm fine." I try to bat his hands away but he crushes me against his chest. These macho men really treat me like a rag doll sometimes. He doesn't say another word until we pull up in front of a small brick house in a family neighborhood.
"Come on, I need to call Brett.”
"No! You can't call him. He'll be so mad."
"Well it's about damn time he got mad, don't you think? He treats her like a china doll. Sarah went too far this time. He should be pissed. Maybe this will cause him to finally get off his ass and do something about her bullshit.”
"Caleb, please don't call him," I begin to beg. Things have been so great with Brett and me recently. The last thing I want is him diving back into the guilt-filled pit of Sarah.
"Sweetheart. I'm calling him. A man deserves to know when his woman has been assaulted. How exactly do you think you're going to explain that welt on your face to him?" Dang it! He's right. Crap, Brett's going to lose his ever-loving mind about this.
"I'll call him," I sigh.
"Nope, wrong again, baby girl. If you tell him about this over the phone there is no guarantee he will actually make it over here to pick you up. I don't want to leave you alone, but I have things to do."
"What are you going to do, Caleb?" I ask, scared by the look in his eye.
"Nothing you need to worry about."
"She a broken, disturbed, and insane woman." I feel the need to remind him.
"Jesus Jess, I'm not going to hurt her. What the fuck kind of asshole do you think I am? I'm just going to have a little conversation with her, and make sure it actually sinks into that crazy ass brain of hers," he says, putting his phone to his ear. "Sharp, get your ass over to my house. Jesse's here. Warning, you're going to be pissed." I hear Brett shout on the other end of the phone, but Caleb hits the end button.
"Well, that was a little dramatic, don't you think?"
"Probably, but it will get him here faster. Whatever bullshit he is making up in his head right now will probably be worse than what really happened. It should soften the blow for him."
"That's horrible and mean...but also brilliant!" I say, walking up to his front door. "Can we please go in now, I'm freezing."
I sit inside Caleb's surprisingly clean and well decorated house waiting for Brett. It only takes him about five minutes to get there, but I feel bad knowing he's worrying the whole way. He doesn't bother knocking when he gets there. He storms in searching for me.
"Jesse!"
"I'm in here," I cautiously yell from the couch.
"What's going on?"
I've been planning the way I was going to gently and reassuringly tell Brett about today's drama. I wanted him to know that everything was fine. We just needed to sit down and talk about the next step in trying to help Sarah. I wasn't quick enough though because Caleb rushes out the not so gentle facts.
"Sarah stalked Jesse down at the grocery store today. Yelling at her to stay away from you, then hit her before riding off on the crazy train again. Now, are you going to man the fuck up and finally do something about this?" Well, okay then. I guess that's one way to break it to him.
"Jesus, are you okay?" Brett's eyes glide over me.
"I'm fine. It really wasn't as bad as it sounds."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"Umm, I didn't want to upset you." It's a statement, but my voice rises at the end, making it sound more like a question.
"You didn't want to upset me? What the fuck, Jesse. You called Caleb instead of me?"
"I just thought..."
"You just thought what? That maybe I wouldn't want to know that my ex-wife hit you?" I expected Brett to be mad, I just never expected him to be mad at me. It's shocking and confusing, but mainly it's infuriating.
"Yes, because me calling Caleb is the big issue here, not the fact that your wife," I purposely leave off the ex-part. It makes my blood boil that they are still married. I'm not letting him brush it under the rug either, "followed me to the grocery store, telling me that you were hers, and asking for recipes to cook for your anniversary dinner tomorrow. Obviously, I'm focusing on completely the wrong part." I push up my sleeve reveal
ing the hidden bruises where Sarah grabbed my arm. "I'm sorry, I thought these were somehow the important part."
"What the fuck? You didn't tell me about those!" Caleb yells and Brett sucks in a deep breath. They must look pretty bad because the rage on both men’s faces is unmistakable.
Whatever. I don't care anymore.
"Brett, I want to go home. Then you two can handle this whole Sarah thing on your own. It's obvious I don't need to be involved." I grab my purse and head to the door, not waiting to see if Brett follows.
We ride to my house in silence. Brett walks me to my door and kisses me on the head. He leaves without a single word spoken. We may not be speaking, but I didn't want him to leave. I'm not willing to put my pride aside and stop him though. He ticked me off with his reaction. This was not at all the way that conversation was supposed to go, but they seldom go as planned for us.
I DECIDE to call it a night. Grabbing a beer and a book, I head to the bath tub. I'll feel better after a long soak, and some smutty romance. Two hours and an empty hot water heater later, I crawl into bed. I'd be lying if I said my mind didn't drift to the day as I stared at the ceiling. Sarah doesn't scare me. She just needs help. I'm in no position to give that to her. Maybe I'll break my personal denial rule, and talk to Brett about getting her the help she so desperately needs.
I think the best part of the day is the way I felt when Brett left. Or maybe it's the way I didn't feel. I wasn't paralyzed with fear that I'd never see him again. Or that this fight would make him realize he doesn't need any extra drama in his life. Silly as it sounds, those thoughts are always going through my head. Today, when they should have been running rampant, I felt content. Brett and I had a fight. It wasn't earth shattering. It wasn't the end. It was just a fight. It actually makes me smile as I fade off into sleep, feeling like we are finally a real couple.
Minutes later I'm startled awake when a man crawls into my bed. I dart out of the bed terrified, but he grabs me before I make it far.
"Shhh, it's just me, gorgeous." Even with the adrenalin coursing thought my body, I melt into his arms.
"Hey," I say rolling to face him.
He doesn't waste any time before apologizing. "I'm sorry. I was an ass...again. It scared the shit out of me that once again Sarah hurt you, and this time physically. I took it out on you, I'll try harder next time placing my anger where it really belongs."
"I know," I sigh.
"Fuck Jesse, don't let me off the hook so easily. I feel like a jerk, this would be a lot easier if you yelled at me."
I reach out running my hands through his thick hair, placing a soft kiss on his lips. "You really were a jerk, but I don't want to yell at you."
I kiss him again. He takes charge and glides his warm tongue into my mouth. He grabs my butt and pulls it tighter against his growing erection. His hand snakes up under my shirt, and we both groan when his hand finds my bare breast. I want this to go further, but I promised myself I'd finally talk to him about Sarah.
"Brett, wait. We need to talk."
"Do we have to?" He rakes his teeth across my ear, just the way he knows I like it.
"Yes," I say firmly, but immediately regretting it when he rolls away.
"Okay, gorgeous, let's talk."
Crap, I really have to follow through and have this discussion now.
"I know you don't see Sarah on Thursdays anymore. Why do you still disappear?" This was the one question I was dying to know the answer.
"I made a promise that I would always be there for her on Thursdays. Even though she won't see me these days, I intend to keep that promise. I don't want to treat you like my back-up because you aren't. You're important to me, babe. If I kept you on standby every Thursday just in case she didn't want to see me, what does that say about how I treat you? I would rather just stay gone than know that you might be waiting for me."
Wow, that was a good answer. I close the distance between us and curl into his side.
"Why won't she see you?"
"I have no idea, she's gone off hinges recently. It worries me, and today's little episode only makes it worse."
"What did you say to her today?"
"Nothing, I used my key to her apartment, but she was locked in her room. She did tell me to go fuck myself though, so I think she's okay. I hired someone to stay with her for a few more days. She's actually been nice to the ladies sitting with her. Last week, one of them reported they baked a fucking pie together."
"Maybe not having you hovering around has helped," I say, immediately regretting my choice in words.
"You think I hover? I see her once a week. If she was handicapped physically, I'd be an ass for not visiting her more often." He has a point.
"I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."
"I think after today, you have every right to say something. That doesn't mean I'll agree with you though."
"I know."
"I went about telling you this in the wrong way, but I do want to say, it bothered the hell out of me that you called Caleb instead of me."
"I'm sorry. He told me months ago that if I ever ran into her I should call him. I guess it stuck with me. After the way things went down last time, I think I secretly wanted someone who would side with me without question."
"I'm always on your side, babe." He actually sounds a little hurt.
"I don't doubt that when it comes to anyone except Sarah," I say as he lets out a loud exasperated sigh.
"Look, I really don't want to talk about her anymore tonight. This moment right now is the high point of my day."
"How did you get in here?" I suddenly realize Kara isn't home and I know I locked the door.
"I used your key. I went and picked up your car. I thought you might need it for work tomorrow."
"Oh, jeez...thanks. I didn't even think about that."
"Well, I'm glad I'm good for something." I giggle as he tickles me. "I love that sound," I love you. "Can we finish this conversation tomorrow? I need to make you come then fall asleep inside of you," he says as I instantly go wet.
"Um..."
"Please Jesse, I need your silence more than anything right now. It doesn't have to be sex, but I need to feel you right now."
"Did you just take sex off the table?"
"Hell no!" he says, appalled that I would even suggest such a thing.
"Good, because I had a rough day too," I smile.
"Shit, I'm sorry about everything. All of it."
"Shhhh...I don't want your apologies. I want the silence too."
That's all it took for him to roll me over and satisfy his need to make me come. Twice. He really is an overachiever.
Jesse
"WHERE ARE we going?” I ask for the hundredth time since Brett picked me up.
"Jesse, I don't care how many times you ask me, I'm not telling!" he says, amused and frustrated.
"This is torture."
"This is not torture. This was me trying to surprise you by doing something fun. Stop complaining."
"I'm not complaining," I say, shocked he would even think that. "I'm excited, Brett. You know I don't do well with surprises. I'm sorry if you think I'm complaining."
"Gorgeous, don't get all upset. I was just picking on you. Even if you were complaining, I wouldn't care." He never his eyes off the road, but still manages to flash me a sexy smile.
Brett picked me up at nine this morning. He got called away last night, and decided to sleep at his own apartment since he got home so late. I hate when he has to leave in the middle of the night, but I guess it’s all part of his job. He showed up bright and early with coffee and muffins, so it's not like I could be annoyed. He told me to dress warm and be ready in thirty minutes. I wanted to offer up some attitude but when he refused to tell me where we were headed, I was so curious I immediately got ready.
"Where are we going?"
"Still not telling you," he sings beside me. "Seriously babe, you are going to ruin this. It's not a
huge deal, and if you keep asking I think you are going to be let down."
"Did it cost you a small fortune?" I ask teasingly, but totally serious inside.
"It cost less than dinner last night, if that makes you feel any better." It did.
Brett is always paying when we go out. Which I would think was nice if he took me to normal date restaurants. No, Brett insists on taking me to nice places. He's not a fancy guy, so for a while I couldn't figure out if he just wants to eat at those restaurants, or if he had some misplaced need to impress me. He could have taken me to Mickey D's and I would have still been thrilled just to be spending time with him.
When I finally got up the nerve to ask him, he laughed at me. To my face, flat-out laughed at me. My hang-up on money gets under Brett's skin. I can't help it. I hate when he spends more than my meager weekly paycheck on one dinner. He’s a freaking detective, not a corporate CEO. I have to give up the fight though. He's a big boy. He can spend his money however he wants.
"Did you bring extra clothes?" he asks as we turn down a dirt road. We are at least an hour outside of the city. I can't imagine what we could be doing today.
"Yeah," I absently answer while searching for clues out the window.
Thank God we brought the Jeep today, because I'm not sure the BMW would have made it down this rough road. Suddenly, Brett steers the car to the side and throws it into park.
"We're here."
"Um...what?" I look around at nothing but trees and dirt. He doesn't acknowledge my confusion, but gets out and walks around to open my door.
"Let's go, gorgeous." He pulls me to my feet, my eyes still searching for a destination. He slings a bag over my shoulder and walks off into the woods.
"Brett! Where are you going? Don't leave me here."
"Then hurry up!" he shouts, not bothering to turn around. The idea of being left alone in the middle of the woods definitely put a little pep in my step.
I rush after him into the woods. Just after I hit the tree line I see a clearing, and it’s staggering. I look around to see nothing but a frozen pond. The snow on the ground has been cleared into piles lining the perimeter. It looks like something out of a fairy tale.