by Jenny Holmes
‘He must be at his wits’ end.’ Grace imagined him roaming far and wide, from Kelsey Tarn right down to Beckwith Camp in the valley bottom. ‘So yes, it would make sense for him to scavenge and creep around in the dark, trying to keep body and soul together.’
‘Creep around is right.’ Brenda’s frozen fingers fumbled to pick potatoes out of the straw. ‘Remember – we all need to be on our guard against Frank Kellett.’
Hard work and harsh conditions kept them quiet for a while, until Grace started to hum quietly. Brenda and Una soon picked up the tune to ‘We’ll Meet Again’ and joined in with the sweetly sad words. They began softly but then raised their voices until they rang out across the fields, switching from Vera Lynn to Judy Garland and another song of longing, this time for a land over the rainbow where the grey skies turned blue amid a Technicolor riot of yellows, reds and blues.
The song ended and Brenda looked from Una and Grace’s pinched faces to their sacks of potatoes and on across the snow-covered fields then back again. She burst out laughing at Una. ‘Look at us. We’re a right set of scarecrows – me with sacking tied around my legs, poor little you shivering from head to toe, Grace with mud and straw in her hair!’
‘Me – a scarecrow?’ Una giggled as she squared her shoulders, swung her arms and marched on the spot. ‘I’m off to find the wizard!’
‘Wait for us!’ Grace cried as Una set off around the clamp, closely followed by Brenda.
The sky was heavy with snow and the frozen ground crunched under their feet. But the three women marched up and down the field as if there really was a rainbow with a pot of gold at its end, as if a wand could be waved and magic would solve their heartache and grant them all a happy-ever-after.
‘Remind Joyce that I’ll be over tomorrow afternoon to help cut down the Christmas tree,’ Grace told Una and Brenda as they parted outside the Blacksmith’s Arms.
‘We’ll be back here later for a rehearsal so you can tell her yourself,’ Una pointed out. ‘Kathleen wants us to run through all our songs in their proper order. On top of which, she’s booked the Institute for Sunday afternoon for a full dress rehearsal.’
‘Then we’d better dig out our Sunday best,’ Brenda added with a wink as she cycled on.
Grace stood in the yard and watched the pair of dim beams from their bike lamps wobble on up the street. She heard a hum of voices from the bar and took her time to wheel her bike around the side of the forge. Deciding to take the short cut through the forge to the house, she came across her brother sitting in the dark by the still-warm furnace.
‘Edgar, you made me jump. What are you doing here?’ Her voice sounded hollow in the barn-like space.
‘Staying out of harm’s way.’ He jerked his thumb towards the pub. His gaunt face was lit by flickering embers and his eyes gleamed as he looked at her.
‘How come?’
‘I’ve signed the pledge, haven’t I? Gone teetotal.’
‘Since when?’
‘Since yesterday.’
‘That’s marvellous, Edgar.’ Her voice was tinged with disbelief and caution kept her from giving him a hug. ‘What made you decide?’
‘I realized that the booze wasn’t doing me any good, that’s all.’
‘Well, it wasn’t – that’s true. Honestly, it’s wonderful – I mean it.’
‘But you don’t believe I can do it?’
‘I didn’t say that.’ She stood in the warm, flickering light, taking off her hat and unbuttoning her coat. ‘Go on – tell me more.’
‘There is no more. I’ll stay here in the peace and quiet for a while then I’m going to have an early night.’
Grace saw that this was all she would get out of him. ‘Have you had something to eat? Would you like me to bring you a sandwich and a cup of tea?’
‘Nothing,’ he replied, putting his hands over his ears to cut out the sounds of customers arriving and car doors slamming. His hands shook and he hung his head so that she couldn’t see his face.
‘All right. I’ll leave you to it.’ Resolving to keep an eye on him during the evening, she went out into the yard to see Bill’s car pulling in. He wound down his window as he drove slowly towards her.
‘Hop in?’ he asked tentatively.
Her heart suffered a small shock at the sight of his worried face and she shook her head. ‘I’m sorry – I’m busy.’
‘Please, Grace.’ He leaned over and opened the passenger door. ‘I have to talk to you.’
She stayed where she was. ‘There’s nothing to talk about.’ There was the engagement ring, of course. She ought to tell him to wait there while she went to fetch it but her courage failed her.
‘Please,’ he said again.
She shook her head a second time so he turned off the engine and got out of the car. He caught hold of her hand before she could walk away. ‘It won’t take long.’
‘You’re right – it won’t.’ She had to stand firm, even though her feelings ran wild as she saw him close to. His physical presence always set off a longing in her – an ache to have his arms around her and to feel his lips on hers. And it was still here, in spite of recent events.
‘Walk with me.’ He put his arm around her waist and in that moment of weakness she didn’t resist. They walked out of the yard towards the chapel, past Maurice and Bob Baxendale who hid their surprise at them walking down the street as a couple.
‘Now then, Bill,’ Maurice said, ignoring Grace completely.
Once they were out of earshot, Grace pulled away in confusion and confronted him. ‘What do you want?’
‘I have something to tell you.’
‘What, Bill – what? I heard everything I needed to hear and saw everything I needed to see last Saturday – you and Brenda together, your miserable, feeble excuses.’
‘I know and it’s been hell ever since. I’m serious – I’ve been kicking myself for being such an idiot. Brenda doesn’t mean anything to me. Nothing happened between us and nothing ever will – you’ve got to believe me.’
‘That’s not the point. She’s my friend. I work with her and Una day in, day out. But I could never break my promise and tell them about us. That’s the point!’ She looked up at him with the same anger she’d felt a week before. ‘Do I have to spell it out any more?’
Bill shook his head slowly. They’d reached his house and stood in the shade of the tall monkey puzzle tree.
Grace went on anyway. ‘If Brenda had known about our engagement, she would have stayed well away from you. As it was, she saw you as fair game, just like a lot of the other girls.’
Gradually he took in what she was saying. ‘Who?’
‘Kathleen, for a start. And half a dozen others, I shouldn’t wonder. Do you know what the girls in the hostel say about you, Bill? They say you’re a good catch. And on top of that, there are the Fosters and your parents. They can’t wait for Shirley to get home on Christmas leave so they can pick up their match-making plans where they left off.’
Mention of his mother and father made him wince then he forged ahead with what he had come to tell her. ‘I’ve just brought Mum back from the hospital. Dad’s had another heart attack.’
‘Oh no!’ The news pushed Grace’s emotions in a new direction. She gasped and clutched at his sleeve. ‘How is he? Is he all right?’
‘It’s touch and go. The doctors say they’ll know more in the morning.’
‘And your mother?’
‘She’s holding up; you know how she is. Luckily she was there when it happened – she was on the phone to County Office, sorting out an overtime problem for Dorothy Cook. When she finished the call, she found Dad lying on the lounge floor.’
‘And was he conscious?’
‘Barely. She phoned the ambulance and they took him straight to the Queen Victoria. I got there as quick as I could.’
‘What a terrible shock,’ Grace murmured as she slid her hand down his sleeve and grasped his hand.
‘Not really. We knew his
heart was bad and that he needed the operation as soon as possible.’ Bill looked down at her pale hand. The effort of delivering the bad news had made him feel impossibly weary and sick at heart. ‘I can’t leave Mum for very long, but I just had to come and tell you.’
She opened the gate then stood to one side. ‘You go in. Tell her I – we – all the girls will be thinking of her and hoping for the best.’
He glanced back up the road towards the pub. ‘What about my car?’
‘Leave it there overnight. It won’t come to any harm.’
‘I’m sorry, Grace.’ His voice broke as he said her name then he paused to take a deep breath. ‘I shouldn’t have …’
‘Don’t say sorry,’ she murmured, not knowing how far the apology stretched – for seeking her out tonight, for the episode with Brenda, for wrapping their love affair in a shroud of secrecy? ‘And if you or your mother need me for anything …’
He swayed then leaned in towards her. For a moment he rested his cheek against the top of her head.
She stepped back, wishing with all her heart that things could be as they had been but fearing they could never be ever again. He looked dreadful in the half-light cast by a gas lamp outside the chapel – weighed down by the events of the day, almost unable to put one foot in front of the other – so she led him two or three steps up the path towards the door then slipped her hand from his grasp. She thought she saw a slight movement of the curtains in the front lounge but perhaps it was her imagination. ‘Remember, I’m just up the road,’ she whispered, leaving him to go into the house alone.
The Christmas tree was taller than Grace had expected. She stood with Una, Brenda and Joyce in the copse behind Fieldhead.
‘Blimey, that’s a belter!’ Brenda stood, hands on hips, looking up at the eight-foot monster. ‘I was imagining a titchy little thing.’
‘It’s a good shape, though.’ Una circled it appreciatively. Its branches were evenly spread and it would look well in a tub wrapped around with a red-and-green crêpe paper bow.
‘We’ll have to work out a different way of carrying it to the village. It’s far too big for my push bike.’ Grace was the practical one as usual.
Joyce took the saw that Grace had brought, knelt down and set to work on the trunk. ‘If it comes to it, we can lug it across country, taking turns to carry it, one at either end.’
All around them the elm trees stood tall and straight, their bare branches providing little shelter from the flakes of snow that drifted down from a leaden sky. Underfoot the ground was spongy with moss and to the back of them the high stone wall of the vegetable garden hid them from view of the house.
‘We won’t be lugging it anywhere if this snow sets in,’ Brenda predicted. She was in high spirits as she watched Joyce saw away. ‘“Back to the land, we must all lend a hand,”’ she sang. ‘“To the farms and the fields we must go. There’s a job to be done.”’
‘“Though we can’t fire a gun we can still do our bit with a hoe.”’ Una and Joyce joined in with gusto while Grace took a back seat.
‘They go on about farms and fields and country life,’ Joyce commented as she took a few moments’ break. ‘And barley and wheat and potatoes to eat – tra-la-la – but what they don’t mention is the frostbite and chilblains that come with it.’
They all laughed as Brenda pushed her to one side. ‘Let the dog see the rabbit,’ she chided as she began to saw vigorously. Within a couple of minutes there was a small heap of sawdust on the frosty ground and a cry of ‘Timber!’ from Grace, Una and Joyce.
‘We have our tree!’ Brenda stood up while Una and Joyce manhandled their prize and the snowflakes whirled down in earnest.
Grace bit her lip, looked up at the clouds, but said nothing.
‘Is it too heavy?’ Brenda offered to take over from Una, who had lifted the thick end of the trunk and was taking her lead from Joyce at the top end. Joyce manoeuvred them between the elms for the trudge towards the house.
‘No, ta, I can manage.’ Just because I’m little, she thought, it doesn’t mean I can’t pull my weight. Anyway, she preferred to concentrate on the task because it took her mind off Angelo and her as yet unanswered letter.
‘Watch out for that big tree root,’ Grace warned. It seemed there was going to be a blizzard and she started to wonder how she would get back home in time to make tea for her father and Edgar. On top of that, though she hadn’t heard from Bill all morning and had been at work when he came to collect his car, she had promised she would be on hand if he needed her.
Brenda’s chatter kept Joyce and Una going until they reached the wall of the vegetable garden where they laid the tree on the ground then shook snow from their hats. ‘Did anyone hear the latest news about Her Ladyship? Well, not Mrs M exactly, but her old man. Dorothy stopped off at the house to find out if she’d sorted out her overtime but it was Bill who came to the door. He told her that Mr M has been carted off to hospital with a heart attack and for her to come back another time.’
Grace’s heart thudded while Una and Joyce expressed their surprise.
‘That’ll put a stop to their Christmas celebrations,’ Brenda rattled on. ‘Anyway, the weather’s too bad for us to take this tree down to the village this afternoon. We’ll have to store it in one of the stables for now.’
‘How are you going to get home?’ Joyce asked Grace with an anxious look at the sky. The snow was already lying an inch thick on the ground and didn’t look like stopping for the rest of the afternoon.
‘I don’t know but I’ll have to try.’ Grace opened the tall gate that led into the walled garden while Una and Joyce picked up the tree. She led the way down the central path with sprouts and leeks growing to one side and rows of cabbages to the other. ‘The sooner I set off, the better.’
The others were quick to advise her against it. ‘Why not wait until it eases off?’ Brenda asked.
‘Yes, stay here,’ Una agreed. ‘I don’t like the idea of you setting off in a snow storm – you could lose your way as easy as anything.’
‘Even if you think you know this area like the back of your hand.’ Joyce was adamant – they would not let her go.
Reluctantly Grace gave in. She used the warden’s telephone to call home and tell her father that she’d been delayed. ‘Make sure that Edgar has something to eat,’ she told him. ‘I’ll set off once the snow’s stopped.’ She was about to ring off but held back while her father complained about his tools being disturbed.
‘Someone’s been in there during the night,’ he said angrily. ‘My bellows have been moved. They weren’t where I left them.’
‘Are you sure it wasn’t Edgar?’ she asked.
‘What would Edgar be doing in my forge?’ he demanded. ‘Anyway, a knife’s gone missing as well – the sharp one I use to cut strips of leather with.’
Grace was only half listening. ‘Never mind, Dad, I’m sure it’ll turn up.’
They said goodbye then Grace left the warden’s office and set off to rejoin the others who were warming their cold hands and feet by the fire in the common room leading off from the entrance hall. Hearing a conversation through the half-open door and seeing a recent trail of snowy footprints, she hesitated.
‘Wait here, Bill, while I go and fetch Grace,’ Brenda volunteered from inside the room. She’d been the first to get over their surprise at finding him at the front door, dressed in a trench coat and brown trilby, his face drawn and fearful as if about to face a firing squad. She had ushered him in and tried to sit him down in one of the easy chairs close to the fire, and she had reacted quickly when he’d mentioned Grace’s name.
Grace heard Brenda say his name and took a sharp intake of breath. She glanced out of the tall hall window and saw Bill’s Austin 7 parked outside.
‘No, don’t do that,’ he countered. ‘I said I’d come to talk to you about Grace, not to her.’
‘Are you sure?’ Una voiced the general confusion. ‘As it happens, Grace is right here in the
hostel. Anyway, we wouldn’t want to talk about her behind her back.’
‘Quite right,’ Joyce added.
Bill paced the room, turning the brim of his hat in his hands. He’d taken his mother to the hospital and they’d talked to the doctors who explained that Vince had had a decent night and that they wished to keep him in and perform his heart operation on the Monday. Bill had left her there at his father’s bedside then driven straight out to Fieldhead. But now that he was here, awkwardness took hold of him. ‘I don’t know how to put this,’ he stuttered, ‘but, Brenda, it’s most definitely you that I wanted to have a word with.’
Outside in the hallway, Grace’s mouth went dry as she held her breath and went on listening. This was the last thing she’d been expecting.
Joyce sensed that it might be time for her and Una to make themselves scarce. ‘Come on, Una – we know when we’re not wanted.’
Bill walked quickly to the door and blocked their way. ‘No – stay. It’d be better for you all to hear this.’ He batted his hat against his thigh in an effort to pull himself together. ‘I don’t want you to take offence, Brenda. I’d like to say sorry if I’ve ever given you the wrong idea.’
Brenda fought against the increasing seriousness in his voice. She felt a flutter in her stomach as she chipped in with a typically flippant remark. ‘What’s this, Mr M, are you giving me the brush-off in front of my pals?’
‘Hush, Brenda,’ Joyce cautioned.
‘If I have given you the wrong idea, I’m very sorry,’ he said again. ‘I shouldn’t have let it happen.’
‘Apology accepted, I’m sure,’ Joyce interrupted. ‘But what has Grace got to do with any of this?’
Grace breathed out slowly then in again – long and deep. She felt dizzy and leaned against the nearby newel post. Outside, snowflakes fell thick and fast onto the roof and bonnet of Bill’s black car.
‘She’s the reason I’m here,’ he explained. ‘I’m making a hash of this, I know, so I’ll just come out with it. Grace and I are – that is, we were – engaged to be married.’
‘Goodness gracious,’ Joyce said softly.