His brow furrowed as he gave his head a quick shake. “I didn’t mean for us to talk about me—”
“Hey, just trying to make conversation. If you’re not interested…”
A heavy sigh left his lungs before his top teeth landed on his bottom lip. A gesture her eyes focused on, wishing it wasn’t as attractive as it was.
“No, no, I am interested.” Turning more fully toward her, he acquiesced. “I retired from the SEALs about five years ago. Did some missions for a special agency for a couple of years. The last two years I’ve been employed with a private security firm based out of Maine.”
Not having any idea what kind of work that entailed, she battled the urge to ask if it was dangerous. “Um… do you… um… like it? The work you do?”
“Yeah, I do. The military was great, but I like working for a private company now.”
She nodded, unable to think of anything else to ask. Looking back down at her now-unappetizing sandwich, she grabbed her water, taking a long sip.
“And you?”
Her gaze jerked to his face, but the intense look in his whiskey-colored eyes caused her to shift her attention back to her plate. Lifting her shoulders in a slight shrug, she replied, “Not many changes around here. I’m obviously a nurse at the hospital.”
She jumped as his large hand landed on her forearm, the heat searing from his touch. She tensed, fighting the desire to jerk her hand away mixed with the desire to lean into his warmth.
“I was out of contact for long periods of time when I was on missions, but Caroline told me about your dad and then your mom—”
“Yes, well… um…” Tears pricked the back of her eyes, and desperate to keep them from falling, she swallowed deeply. I haven’t cried in a long time… why does he still have this effect on me?
A wince crossed his face, hitting his brow. “I’m sorry, Nora. I was gone on a… a mission. Missions, actually. I didn’t get word from Caroline until much later for either of them. I… I’m sorry.”
She nodded rapidly while pressing her lips tightly together. Finally, clearing her throat, she managed to whisper, “Well, there was nothing you could have done.” She forced her gaze back to his face, a tremulous smile on her lips. “It doesn’t matter. I’m… I’m fine. I’ve got a good job. I’ve got good friends. I’ve got a small apartment that’s all mine. And your family has done an amazing job over the years of stepping in and making sure I was never alone.” Even as the words left her mouth, she knew they were a lie. Oh, yes, I’m very much alone.
Sparing him a glance, he appeared to be struggling but remained quiet. She noticed everything about him, just like so many years before. The crease in his brow when he was thinking hard about something. The way his gaze held hers when she spoke, making her feel as though she had his full attention. Now, she also noticed the crinkles emanating from his eyes and the few flecks of silver at the hair closest to his temple. Whatever she had imagined, it did not appear his life had been carefree. She gripped her fingers together, fighting the urge to reach up and touch the stubble covering his jaw. Looking back at her plate, she sucked in a ragged breath.
Please just eat your lunch, Tate. Eat, make small talk about the weather, and then leave. At least give me that. Just then, her hospital phone rang, and she quickly answered. Listening, she made a shooing motion with her hand. “Move, move, move. I’ve got to get back up… a new patient has arrived, and they need me to see to it.” Grateful that he shifted out of the booth, she leaned over to grab her tray.
“No, Nora. You go on, I’ll toss this out.”
With a quick nod, she turned and hurried out of the cafeteria, the bizarre conversation they just had still playing over in her mind. Shaking, she entered the empty elevator and leaned back against the wall. She dropped her chin and stared at her shoes, her body quivering as she tried to make sense of the whirl of emotions.
Whispering into the empty elevator, she said, “Oh, Tate. The truth is that for me, you were the one. What sucks is that I was not the one for you.” Wiping an errant tear that was sliding down her cheek, she squeezed her eyes tightly shut. As the elevator came to a stop, she stood straighter and sucked in a deep, cleansing breath before exiting. Forcing a practiced smile onto her face, she attempted to push thoughts of Tate to the back of her mind and walked swiftly to her next patient.
6
Tate plopped back down into the booth after Nora left. He found it hard to suck in enough oxygen, as though he’d just finished a mountain run in full uniform, carrying a pack. Jesus, I’m wiped.
It had been so easy over the years to think that breaking up with her had been the right thing to do. He had needed to focus on his next mission. Not having his head on straight when in the middle of an assignment could get himself or his teammates killed. Some fellow teammates, both as a SEAL and when he worked for CIA Special Ops, were married, but he’d always wondered how they managed to handle the pressures of the job and the pressures of a family.
Now, all he could see in his mind was the hurt in her eyes, the tremor in her voice, and the rapid flutter of her pulse at the base of her neck. For all her bravado, her pain was real. And the realization of that hurt like a bitch.
Leaning back in the booth, he pushed his tray away, no longer able to stomach the idea of food. What a cocked up, fucked up mess.
A sound close by startled him, and he looked up to see his mother sliding into the seat across from him, a cup of coffee in her hand. A soft smile eased across her lips as her eyes searched his face.
“Your father’s taking a nap, so I thought I’d grab a cup. I saw you with Nora, and I thought I’d let you two chat.”
A snort erupted as he shook his head. “It was hardly a chat. More like avoidance on her part followed by incredibly awkward conversation.”
She nodded and sighed. “Nora’s held things in for a very long time. Things have eased up for her in the last couple of years, but for a long time after you left, it seemed like one thing after another kept happening to steal her happiness.”
“Caroline’s told me some, but I really wanted to talk to Nora. I want to reconnect, but she shuts me down so quickly.”
“The breakup was devastating to her, Frankie. I know it wasn’t easy on you either, but she was here, right in the middle of all her memories. She lost her brother and then you. And while you were still alive, thank God, you took yourself from her when she was vulnerable. You were gone for a long time, and I don’t think she ever found any closure. I’ve often thought that if she could have had a chance to talk to you… or yell at you… or cry at you… whatever she needed to do to get it off her chest then she would be better. I’ve always felt that her unresolved feelings were holding her back. Almost as though they hold power over her until she can let them go.”
They were silent for a moment as an ache settled deep in his chest. “It was ten years ago, Mom. You know it wasn’t like everything was perfect for me. I didn’t break up with her because she would drag me down or because I didn’t love her anymore. I broke up with her so that she could have a life without worrying about me.”
Cocking her head to the side, she tucked a strand of wispy hair behind her ear. “You never gave her a chance to make that decision on her own. It was as though you decided what was best for her, and by breaking up, you took away her choice.” She lifted her cup, blowing across the surface of the liquid before sipping. Setting the cup down on the table, she licked her lips before holding his gaze again. “Son, I’m curious… you’ve been out of the service for several years, and while I’m sure you date, you’re still single. Why do you think that is?”
The air felt thick in the small cafeteria, and Tate felt raw as he sucked in a deep breath. Unlike some men who never discussed their feelings, he had no problem trying to understand what was going on in his head. It was what was going on in his heart that was more difficult. Finally, shaking his head, he said, “Honestly, Mom? I’ve never found anyone that really seemed like they got me.”<
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She remained silent but kept her gaze on him.
“It’s hard to connect with someone who has no idea what ranch life is like. Or growing up near a tiny town. Or being grateful when you’re out riding on horse trails and can get a signal on your phone so you can listen to your favorite country station.”
That last comment brought out a smile from Susan as she shook her head slowly. “It used to drive your father crazy that you’d use up all your data listening to Garth Brooks.”
A chuckle erupted from deep within him and some of the tension eased from his chest. “I think, in the back of my mind, I always thought I might return and find Nora happily waiting for me.” He slowly shook his head, dropping his chin. “God, that was stupid.”
Nodding, Susan agreed. “Yes, that was stupid. No woman should have to sit around for ten years and wait for a man who didn’t put in the effort to maintain a relationship.”
He jerked back, his hand pressed dramatically to his chest. “Wow, Mom, just give it to me, why don’t you?”
“I will!” She laughed, quirking an eyebrow, then sobered. “Frankie, if you expected her to sit at home while you went off to war, you were born in the wrong era. But what’s sad is that I know she would have done that if you’d kept your original promise to come back to her. When you broke up with Nora, you gave up the right to think that she might still be here for you.”
“Caroline told me she was dating someone a couple of years ago,” he argued back. “I don’t see a ring on her finger now.” He watched as pain slashed through his mom’s face before she quickly hid the emotion. Brow furrowed once again, he asked, “Why do I get the feeling there’s more to that situation than I know?”
Lifting her cup, Susan took the last sips of her coffee. Scooting out of the booth, she stood, holding Tate’s gaze. “That, my dear, is something only Nora can tell you. Who knows? Maybe one day she will.” Grabbing her purse, she said, “I’m going to head up and see if your dad’s awake. I’ll see you in a little bit.” She started to walk away and then stopped, looking over her shoulder at him. “You know, some love stories do end in a happily ever after.”
Watching his mother walk out of the cafeteria, he sighed. Yeah, but I stopped believing in fairytales a long time ago.
Nora finished washing the few dishes from her early dinner. After pouring a glass of wine, she rounded the counter that separated the kitchen and living room. Her apartment was tiny, but she had little inclination for finding something larger.
It was not long after her father died that she moved back into her childhood house to stay with her mom. Her grandmother’s arthritis worsened, and she moved in as well. Nursing at the hospital during the day and caring for her mom and grandmother at night, the added upkeep on the large house was overwhelming. When they both died within a year of each other, Nora was ready to sell.
“Are you sure you know what you’re doing? Surely you don’t want to sell your family home!” Well-meaning friends and curious acquaintances were certain she was reacting to being alone and not making a sound decision. Thank God that Caroline understood. Nora had never been tied to things, only people. Rambling around the big, empty house would not bring her family back. She held their memories inside her heart but longed for a place to lay her head that would not constantly remind her of being alone.
Now, her small apartment gave her just what she needed. The large living room window faced the west, and she watched the sunset over the range of mountains in the distance. It was the view that sold her on the apartment. When the building manager first showed it to her, it was one evening after her shift at the hospital, and as they stepped inside, the brilliant sky of the sunset shone through the window. She had been instantly filled with the memories of her and Tate watching the setting sun from somewhere on the Double T Ranch.
She sipped her wine, settling on the sofa with her back to one of the arms and her legs stretched out over the cushions. It was impossible to not think of being so close to Tate today, so she didn’t try, allowing the memories to wash over her in waves.
Time had not diminished his looks. Quite the contrary, maturity had aged him well. His jaw was square. His body muscular. His eyes were just as hazel but had lost the youthful twinkle, now a little more wary. She closed her eyes and the vision of his face so close to hers in the hospital cafeteria was all she could see. So close she could’ve leaned forward a few inches and kissed him.
A knock on her door jerked her out of her musings. Eyes wide, she rushed to look out of the peephole. Her breath left her lungs in a rush as she saw Caroline standing outside. Throwing open the door, she attempted a casual expression on her face but should have known her best friend saw right through her. “Hey, come on in.”
“Hoping I was my brother?” Caroline stepped over the threshold and offered a hug.
“What? No… no. Why on earth would I think that?”
“Mom mentioned that the two of you were talking in the hospital today.”
She should have known nothing went unnoticed in a small town. “I thought you were going out with your family?”
“We did go to dinner, but Thomas and I had driven separately since I was at the hospital with Dad. He took the kids back to the ranch, and I told him I wanted to stop by and check on you.”
“Caroline, I’m fine. I always love seeing you, but there was no reason to check on me.” She walked to the kitchen counter and lifted the bottle. “Wine?”
“No, thanks. I had some with dinner and I’m driving. I’ll take some water.”
She poured a glass of cold water from the refrigerator and handed it to Caroline. The two women settled on opposite sides of the sofa, their glasses in their hands. They sat in easy silence for a moment, but she knew her friend was dying to ask. “I can hear the questions bouncing around your head, so I’ll put you out of your misery. Yes, I talked to Tate today. No, we didn’t talk for long, and quite frankly, we didn’t say anything of any importance.”
Caroline sighed heavily but remained quiet, sipping her water. The silence continued between them, now blanketing the room.
“I wish you would tell him. If for no other reason than so he’d know why you avoid him.”
The conversation had taken place numerous times over the past years, but her response was always the same. “What purpose would it serve? If I wasn’t willing to trap him to me years ago for a reason, why would I want him to pity me now?”
Each time, she’d responded the same way. Caroline would hold her gaze with a tearful one of her own and nod slowly. Only this time, instead of just sipping her water quietly, Caroline continued. “He’s different on this trip.”
“His dad is in the hospital. Of course, he’s different.”
“No, it’s not just that. It was even when he came home a couple of months ago. His life is more stable now. He loves his job as a security specialist but mentioned how he could pick and choose his assignments. He seems calmer, less intense. I know the changes in the ranch threw him, but he seems genuinely happy with Mom and Dad’s new life. He’s even completely cool about me and Thomas running the ranch.”
Taking another sip of wine, Nora glanced out the window, seeing the sun dip beyond the mountains, blanketing the room in deepening shadows. She reached up and turned on the lamp next to the couch, casting a glow over them as she set her wine glass on the table. Turning back to her best friend, she warmed under Caroline’s concern and care. “I’m glad for him. Really, I am. I’m glad that he’s now in a job where he feels more control, and certainly less danger. I’m glad that he’s happy his parents are going to enjoy their retirement. And I’m glad that he recognizes that you and Thomas are the right people to manage the family ranch.” She reached across the space and placed her hand on Caroline’s arm, giving a little squeeze. “Honestly, I am glad for all that. I just don’t see what any of it has to do with me.”
Caroline set her glass on the coffee table before twisting her body fully toward Nora. Reaching over, sh
e grasped both of Nora’s hands in her own. “What this has to do with you is who you’re meant to be with. Honey, I don’t want to hurt you, but the truth is nothing is tying you to this little town anymore. As much as I wish your parents were still here for you, they’re not. You’ve got a job that would allow you to work anywhere you wanted. Maybe it all comes down to timing.”
Her heart lurched, threatening to pound out of her chest. Tilting her head slightly to the side, her brows lowered. “Timing?”
“Maybe it was never a question of who you were supposed to be with… just when you were supposed to be with them.”
She opened her mouth, then snapped it closed. While Caroline’s words played around in her head, she watched her friend pick up the empty glasses and take them to the sink. Jumping to her feet, she met Caroline at the door, wrapping her arms around her. As the two friends hugged, she whispered, “Thank you.”
Pulling back, Caroline blinked away the tears. “Nora, I have no idea what the right thing to do is, but I know closing yourself off all alone here in this little apartment, in this little town, will never get you closer to finding love.”
She locked the door after Caroline left, then walked over to the wide picture window. The view was now cloaked in darkness, but her mind was not on the mountains—it was in the past. Maybe Caroline is right… if he knew, he’d finally understand why my heart still aches.
7
“I heard from one of the nurses in the ER, who heard from one of the pharmacy techs, who heard from her cousin who’s a radiologist, that once his huge house gets built, he’s going to get a divorce.”
“I don’t think that’s right! My nephew is a plumber, and he’s been over at the new house and says that the wife is over there all the time.”
Tate (Lighthouse Security Investigations Book 6) Page 5