“Um sure?”
“From here on out, I'm going to need you to stop undermining my decisions and messing with every client to make me look bad. It's getting really old and you using my best friend to try and fuck with me was the last straw.”
“I don't know what you're talking about.” She laughs nervously, looking to the door, her finger curling around her hair…which drives me positively insane.
“You don't? Well, I have plenty of examples for you. How about we start with that since you've been gone for the last several days not one thing has gone wrong. No canceled orders. No fuck ups. Then when you came back Thursday, lo and behold, shit hits the fan with your name written all over it. And let's talk about what happened today.” My voice rises and I step in closer to her, but she has the nerve to stare at me looking unrepentant, which stirs my frustration more. “Today, I have caterers telling me you told them, I told you to tell them to change seafood dishes to steak. And I had floral arrangements being canceled for next week's event. So, do you want to try again to tell me that you don't know what I'm talking about?”
“I did what I had to do,” she bites out harshly, but I shake my head confused. She's not making any sense to me.
Had to do what?
“What, why? You have your future set here. Why in the hell do you have to screw me over?”
“Please! Like you don’t know,” she scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest, crinkling the flowers between them.
“No. I don’t,” I shriek, losing the rest of my cool with this girl.
“My future is only set here if I outshine your ass. That’s why you were to train me. Make me great and if I can’t learn from the best, well, he’s giving the job to you. And I’m going to be one of your—lackeys,” she hisses and pushes her way further into my office.
“That’s not true. Everyone knows he’s already picked you. You’re his niece for Christ sakes.”
“Yeah, but you’re his star pupil or whatever. He taught you everything he knows. All I heard was all about you and how great you are. I mean there’s who else around here, Alberta and JoAnna? Do you really think he was going to pick them to help take over? I tried to screw a couple of things over, so you wouldn’t seem so perfect. That way I could stop hearing how wonderful you are and how he can't believe how amazing you are. And you still managed to fix everything!” she screams and throws the flowers down on my desk. Her chest heaves in and out and I think she's about to attack me when she backs to the door. “But you’ll fuck up. I know you will. Nobody is perfect.”
She's fucking certifiable.
“Or you could let me train you and you could've done good and succeeded?” I question, figuring I'll play the nice route and get this crazy thing out of my office while I can. “God, have you ever thought that maybe running this company isn’t what I would want? If you weren’t such a…” Fuck nice, call her like she is Meadow! “…such a bitch and did your damn job, maybe I wouldn’t mind working for you.”
“Whatever. We will see what my uncle has to say about all this.”
“Go ahead. I don't think I care anymore.” I fling my hand dismissing her.
“Well, good,” she huffs, flinging her damn hair over her shoulder, and leaves my office.
My head throbs as I settle into my chair and take a sip of my now half-melted iced coffee. I pick up the note that was attached to my flowers and sigh, not knowing what to make of Dexter's words.
I don't want to lose you.
Forever and ever…remember?
Can we please talk?
I'm sorry, Dex
There's a gentle knock on my door and my head raises from the note to see Mr. Hanson standing there with his arms crossed. “Meadow, can I talk to you for a minute?” I toss Dex’s note to my desk as he closes the door and I prep myself for getting reprimanded or fired.
How the hell did Kayleigh get to him so fast?
“Yeah.” I give him my best smile and wave my hand to the seat in front of my desk. Instead, he moves closer to me, opting to remain standing firm in front of me.
“I overheard what happened between you and Kayleigh minutes ago.”
My face heats and I sink down in my chair. Well, shit. I'm not sure if that's worse than Kayleigh crying to him or not. “Listen, Mr. Hanson, I'm sorry.”
“You should be sorry,” he states firmly and my eyes drop to my lap, “for not coming to me in the first place about what was going on.”
My head pops up and my mouth drops open. “What?”
“Meadow, if something is going on, I would hope you could come to me,” he says sincerely. This is a man I have looked up to and admired for many years, but there was no way in hell I was going to tattle on his niece.
“With all due respect, Mr. Hanson, she's your niece. The heir to the company. Nobody around here was going to say anything because it was her word over ours.”
He chuckles and perches himself on the edge of my desk. “Yes, I guess I do understand that. I only wish the rumor that she was the heir to the company never started. I'll be perfectly honest, I did hope to leave this company within my family. I never had any kids and Kayleigh was the closest I had to a daughter. I had hoped if she trained under you and me in the next few years, she would learn everything and have the skill to take over. I never thought she would stoop so low and do what she did.”
“When I first met her, I didn’t expect it either,” I chuckle dryly. “I honestly didn’t know what to do, but to keep fixing what I could, or to keep working around the problem.”
“See, that’s what I admire about you, Meadow. You have this drive, no matter how tough things get, you keep going.” Inwardly I snort, thinking ‘yeah right.’ Maybe at work, but my personal life, not so much. “You know, when I first met you, you had this same spark, and fiery spirit I did when I started out. You were so willing to work, do anything and learn, that by the time you graduated you were past the skills of my two top coordinators here. I trusted my gut with promoting you as fast as I did, and it’s worked out well, for this company and for you. Now, I guess since Kayleigh has let the cat out of the bag so to speak, I guess I can share with you my thoughts for when I retire.”
The next words out of his mouth shock and amaze me. It appears little Miss Kayleigh sunshine wasn’t lying about Mr. Hanson wanting to give me the company if she couldn’t handle her dues. Over the next five years, he wants to train me and eventually make me the CEO of Hanson Event Planners if that’s something I want.
How can I say no? And in the meantime, he’s also going to give me a raise.
These crappy couple of days now have at least one upside.
“Now, let’s talk about my little Angel, Kayleigh.” He rubs his hands on his pants and rises off my desk. “If she promises to change, do you think you could give her another chance?”
“Only if she stops messing with my clients. And maybe it would be wise if she works with JoAnna or Alberta for a bit.”
“I believe that will be a good idea, and I’ll talk to her, trust me. But I think she might be taking a small break for a while till she gets her act together,” he hints, and I only wish that break would be permanent, but I keep my lips zipped. “Kayleigh has always been spoiled, but believe it or not, there is good somewhere in there. I hope after some time away she will come back and you’ll be able to see it. I did have great hope if she learned from you, she’d be able to work her way to the top, but—” He shrugs. “What do you say next week we get together and talk some more about all this. Give you a chance to let this all sink in?”
“That sounds like a good idea, Mr. Hanson. Thank you. I can’t tell you how much this all means to me.” I stand, putting out my hand.
“You’ve earned it, Meadow.” He takes my hand and shakes it. “I only do hope next time you come to me if you have any issues.”
“I will. I promise.”
He nods and turns to leave my office. I collapse back into my chair, overtaken by the events of today. I pick up m
y phone, and my thumb hovers over my contact list, wanting to tell Dexter the good news. He's always the first person I tell everything, and now—Now I want to be able to tell him, and then afterward he’ll pick me up in his arms and kiss me with everything he has.
I can't have that. And it rips me up inside once again.
I throw my phone aside and bury myself in my work, trying to block out the thoughts of everything I can't have and focus on what I do have. At least here at my job, the future is rich and bright.
“He brings forth another gift,” Mel chuckles and sits on the edge of the bed holding a yellow package. “I don’t get why he doesn't drop it off himself.”
“Because he knows I don't want to see him yet.”
It’s been five days since I have, and I admit I miss him—a lot. The days aren’t the same not seeing his brown eyes, the stubble on his face, his smile and hearing him laugh. But I still ache deep inside my heart, knowing he can’t love me fully.
Each day he sends me something; the first day was flowers, the second was my favorite chocolates from this little bakery downtown, and yesterday was a teddy bear that resembled one he got me as a child. They’re all sweet and I know they come from his heart, but every time I see one, it gives me this false hope that it could mean more. Instead, there are no words of love or admiration, only that he misses me, or he can’t lose me and wants to talk.
I never thought our vow of “forever and ever,” that we made when we were eleven would ever be tested like this.
I have to see him on Saturday, and it gives me a little more time to wrap my mind around everything.
Okay, so I really wish he would knock down the door, forget what I would want, and declare his love to me. “What do you think it is today?”
“I don’t know. You open it.” I tell her and play with the eternity necklace he gave me for my birthday.
“My pleasure.” She giggles and rips open the envelope and pulls out a CD. “Ha. The man made you a mix CD. If that doesn’t scream love.”
“No, we used to make these things all the time when we were kids.” I take the disc from her and look over the song list. It has a lot of my favorites, along with a few sappy romantic songs such as Aerosmith's “I Don't Want to Miss a Thing.” and “All of Me” by John Legend, but I don't try to make anything of it because those are also songs I like.
“Any note?” I ask.
“No,” she says as she double checks the inside of the envelope.
“Hmm. I’m surprised.” He attached a note to all the other gifts he left me. Guess he's giving up now.
“Why don’t you call him? Put him out of his misery a bit. Maybe tell him you’ll talk later?”
“I texted him on Monday and told him thanks.” I sigh. “That counts, right?”
“I guess?” She's not convinced, but I don't know what she wants from me. She didn't have her heart stomped all over by a man, and now said man, is sending the worst mixed signals ever.
“I told you. I need to figure out how to get past this hurt. Like there's nothing more I want to do than fix the friendship, and the gifts tell me that’s what he wants too…”
“I think they say more.”
“I see, ‘Meadow you’re my best friend, and I can’t lose you.” If this was love, then I need action and the actual words. Why not write a card or a banner that says, geez I don't know, ‘I love you’. This is nothing different than everyday stuff between us.” My hand brushes my necklace again. “This was more of a statement. Hell, maybe I should tell him to stop.” I pause and fall to the bed. “It’s just how do we go back to trying to be normal again. How do I go on seeing him happy with someone else? How do I stop—loving loving him? Like ever?” I collapse to the bed.
It’s what’s been driving me the craziest.
“Like I even tried to fucking google this shit. I wondered if there was some kind of blog, like a I Fell for My Best Friend: And He Doesn’t Love Me, Now What? Or anything like that.”
“Did you find anything?” Mel chuckles and falls down beside me.
“Oh yeah, tons. None did much to make me feel any better. Some left the friendship behind while some continue to fake it and live forever with that pain. I wish I could rewind all of this. I blame Pickles for dying. Maybe I wouldn’t have fallen for him so hard then.”
“Oh honey,” Mel grabs my hand, cracking a smile, “you loved him way long before that rat dog died.”
“Don’t call him a rat dog!” I defend my poor lost pup.
“I call it like I see it. Anyways, as I was saying, you were in love with him by the time you guys moved into the house. You only think it full flamed by the time Pickles died for the both of you. I think maybe when he was dating Molly.”
“Ugh, that bitch,” I sneer and slam my fist into the mattress. I want to cry again remembering how close I came to losing Dexter because of her and her lies. Mel laughs at my reaction and I’m so glad that she can laugh at it now. I can’t. “That is nothing to laugh about.”
“No, but she was extra psycho because she was damn jealous of you two. But there was a shift there. You guys got closer when she started fucking with you. When he finally came to your side and believed you, he dumped her. That was the shift. I think. Then again you two were always like the oddest friends on earth. I mean you could run your hand up on his crotch, make the man hard or play kiss, and it might have meant nothing…and it wasn't that, that changed with you two, but it was the looks, the light touches, and the gentle way he took care of you. It's like an inferno that has been building for so long. We all started to see that you two were in love with each other. That's why we were always on your case and his.”
“But Molly was two years ago though.”
“Yeah, and you two have been driving us crazy for a very long time. Like get married already,” she groans, knocking me in the shoulder.
“I’m sorry I’ve been making your life so hard.” I laugh and throw a pillow at her head.
I’m settled into a table at my favorite coffee Shoppe on my lunch break. I love it here because they always play the best music from the early nineties and it’s quiet. I’m scrolling through my calendar for next week when I smell the familiar scent of lemongrass and rosewood.
“Hey, Meadow.” Julian slips into the chair across from me. “How you been?”
“I’ve been super. You?” I mutter sarcastically and bat my eyes as I take a sip of my caramel latte.
“Wow, your answer sounds a lot like someone else I know,” he says smugly, and I knock his foot from under the table.
“What do you want?” I sigh, knowing why he's here, ten blocks away from his own office.
“I can’t say hi to my friend?”
“I didn’t say that,” I huff. “I know you have something you want to say. So, say it.”
“Fine, you're right, I do have something to say. For the last couple of days, I have my best architect moping around my building, looking like the undead. The only person that could make him come alive again would be you. So, I was kinda hoping, you know—” He waves his hand and I shake my head.
“That what? I’ll tell him everything is going to be okay? I mean you’re more than welcome to tell him that. It’s not a lie. I know your kind of all in the middle of this and I’m sorry for that. I never meant for any of this.”
“I know. You don’t have to apologize. If it had bothered me, I wouldn’t have played along. Anyways, he doesn’t know I’m here. On Saturday he came to see me. He told me everything that happened. I won’t tell you everything he said to me. I do believe he needs to tell you what is going through his mind because I wouldn’t explain it right.”
“But he told you.” I cut him off. “I’m the one person who he should have explained it to that day. We used to share everything. I'm the one person who would understand.” Especially, when it comes to Wes. That kills me the most. “Instead, he assumed I wouldn’t get it. That hurts. He’s sent me gifts, notes, voicemails, and still nothing of what th
e hell he's thinking. I need…time.”
Though, I'm not sure how much time that is. Because I do miss him. I feel so defeated and most of all lost and confused.
“I understand, Meadow. I do.” He reaches over and takes my shaky hand. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I think he told me because I was safe and not so close to what you guys went through. It's not that he wants to keep you in the dark about what happened. I'm sure he will be telling you soon. He’s terrified, but Meadow, he does love you.”
“You know everyone keeps saying that. I’m finding it hard to believe.”
How can I believe it? He's not the one in front of me now confessing the words.
I want everything back to the way it used to be. I want my best friend back and never want to have to worry about things being awkward between us. Though I feel it will always be because no matter how much I try, I can't stop loving him.
.
Chapter Twelve
Dexter
The days have drawn on since I’ve seen Meadow, and I’m going insane. I can't eat because my stomach is in a permanent knot in the aftermath. I can't sleep because every time I close my eyes, I see that broken look in her eyes when I couldn't tell her I loved her back.
I knew I could've easily solved all my issues and gone to Mel's, or her job, and forced my way to see her if I wanted to. It's just I needed to work out my shit, first. I had to deal with that night of Wes death, to be able to let it go—to confess what felt like my biggest sin. And the first place I had to start was with—well, Wes.
Though now as I sit in the grassy field, in front of Wes’ headstone I feel ridiculous about ‘asking’ him permission to date ‘his’ girl. This grief counselor I talked to the other day thought it would be good for me to talk to my friend and maybe it would give me some worldly answers. That somehow Wes would answer me beyond the grave with a sign. Okay, it’s not what he said, but it’s what it felt like. I’ve never been one to pray, not even after his death, so here goes nothing.
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