“Shh.” He started to place his finger upon her lips but then thought better of it. “I understand, and I can be patient. Please keep being honest with me, and I’ll be praying for you. You can pray along the same lines for me, as well.”
“It’s a deal.” She grinned and slipped back into her original seat.
“So, now that we’ve decided what we can’t do in our relationship, why don’t we discuss your next trip to Maine? When will you be able to come up?”
“Obviously, I have a week I hadn’t planned on. But what’s the shape of my cottage? Can I stay there while the remodeling is going on?”
Wayne eased back in his chair. “The progress is good, but you’ll need to vacuum and dust real well before you stay there. I hooked up a plastic wall that has kept most of the sawdust from invading your living area. Although, come to think of it, you’ll have to change your clothes in the kitchen. The plastic wall is clear, and with the bathroom and master bedroom walls removed, you—”
She held up her hand and crimson stained her cheeks. “I’ll figure something out. I can shower at Jason’s.”
“I could find some black polyethylene. It would give you some privacy, but the black would absorb the heat and could make the house unbearable during the midday hours.”
“No, don’t bother, I’ll work something out. Actually, I realized this morning that I have a lot of organizing I need to catch up on. My room is in organized chaos, if you can imagine.”
“Actually, I can’t. Your cottage is so neat, and from what I can see in your Boston condo, it’s the same way.”
Dena chuckled. “You haven’t seen my bedroom.” Again, her cheeks broke out into the shade of a dark pink rose.
“I’ll take your word for it, but I find it hard to believe.”
She laid her fork down on the table. “What I’m realizing is that I didn’t make space for me. My bedroom doubles as my office. Since I gave up the studio and have been doing strictly freelance, my condo is also my workplace. I think that’s what Jason has been trying to say—that my life revolved more around my work than around me, my family, and my relationship with the Lord. In Maine, my place has some nice feminine touches. Here, it’s an office with a bed in it.”
“Hmm.” Wayne sat back. “I guess my dining room is my office. But my bedroom is simply a place to sleep. I’ve never thought of it in terms of a place to retreat.”
“The rest of the house is always open for guests. But the bedroom, well, that’s private, a place of solace. When Bill was alive, he and I often would retreat to the bedroom as our private place to just talk and unwind. After he died, the bedroom was my place to cry out to God in private. The kids were always welcome to come in, but, I don’t know, it was where I did my devotionals, prayed my heart out, and tried to maintain some sort of sanity while raising three kids without a husband. Now my bedroom is, like I said before, an office with a bed in it. Nothing special.”
Wayne nodded. He hadn’t thought of his room as his private prayer closet to the Lord. It had been, but he hadn’t thought of it in those terms before. “Interesting point.”
Wayne’s mind drifted back to more pressing matters. “What am I going to do with Jess?”
Dena reached over and squeezed his hand. He knew she understood. “Pray like crazy and trust God.”
❧
Dena hadn’t planned on another late night with Jess. But Jess needed an older woman to talk to.
Dena needed more time to grapple with her reemerging desires. Her body was waking up to things she’d once known and had long put to sleep with God’s grace. Now she needed God’s grace to get her through these early temptations and desires.
She walked over to her desk and sat down. Picking up a file folder, she began to sort and place items in their proper locations. If she couldn’t sleep, at least she could get some work done.
“Ugh.” She plopped the folder back down on her desk. This was exactly the problem—having her office in her bedroom. She went back to her bed, snuggled under the covers, and opened her Bible. Perhaps she’d find some relief in its words.
The next morning she found herself packing up the car and half of her paperwork. She was going to Maine, walls or no walls. She needed to spend time with Wayne and the building plans anyway, she reasoned.
Seven hours later, she drove up to her cottage and found Wayne loading his truck. “Hi. I thought you weren’t going to come up.”
“I thought so, too.” Dena shut the car door.
“What’s up?”
“You, me, these silly desires.”
“They aren’t silly.”
“Okay, I’ll give you that. But something has to be done about them. I can’t live like this. And I figure the only way is to spend time with you and get over these initial—whatever these emotions are called. I can’t have them. They’re destroying my concentration.”
Wayne smiled and walked up to her. He locked her in an embrace that kept their bodies from touching completely, but close enough that she felt comfort in his arms. “I’m all for us spending more time together, but I’m not sure that’s the answer.”
“Are you imply—”
He cut her off. “They could get worse, more intense. On the other hand, we’re two very mature adults and should be able to deal with them.”
Dena took in a long, slow breath. “I hope so. My only other option is to never see you again.”
He tenderly kissed the top of her head. “We can’t have that. Come here.” He led her by the hand to the tailgate of his truck and sat down beside her. He grasped her hands and started to pray. “Lord, You know our desires. You created them. Please give us the grace and strength to deal with them and rest peacefully in You. Amen.”
“Amen. And thanks. We need to pray together more often.”
“My pleasure. So, should I come back in a little while and bring some takeout?”
Dena smiled. “That would be wonderful. But how’d you like to strain those muscles of yours for a bit longer and help me lug this stuff in?” She popped the trunk open.
“Is this your entire office?”
“Nope, just half of what needs to be filed.” She rummaged through the files and took out a large envelope. “I’ve been meaning to give these to you for a long time.”
“What are they?”
“Open the envelope and see.”
Wayne unfastened the metal clip then pulled out three large prints. “Oh, man. Dena, these are beautiful.”
“I’m glad you like them. I figured with your recent concerns for Jess, they might give you a little comfort.” She loved the pictures of Wayne and Jess together. Their love for one another was electric. Could her love for Wayne be just as powerful, if not more?
Ten
Wayne wiped the sweat from his brow. The supports and frame of the addition were up. Today he was trying to box in with plywood the areas he could in order to give Dena some privacy.
He turned at the sound of a car driving up to the cottage. Pastor Russell and family were in tow. In a matter of seconds, the two children bounced out of the car and ran to the house calling out, “Grandma!”
Pastor Russell, dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, came over to him. “Hi, Wayne. Need a hand?”
Normally he wouldn’t take a pastor up on such an offer, but for the sake of the pastor’s mother’s privacy, it made sense. “Sure, I’m trying to—”
The pastor held up his hand and cut him off. “I know; Mom called. I’ll be right back.” Wayne watched as the pastor lifted a cooler from his trunk and handed it to his wife. Then he pulled a hammer out of the trunk and came right over.
“Tell me where to begin.”
Wayne decided the best way to go was to set the boards in place with a couple tack nails and let Pastor Russell follow behind and secure each board. The men worked until lunch, and Wayne was pleased with what they’d accomplished.
“So, this is where her darkroom will be?” Pastor Russell asked.
“Y
up, and on the other side of this wall”—he pointed to an empty area—“she’ll have her Jacuzzi.”
Pastor Russell smiled. “I won’t mind coming over to use that from time to time.”
“Only if you promise to look after the place,” Dena teased.
“Slave driver,” the pastor teased right back.
“Leech,” she said and winked.
“Why do you think I wanted you to move up here?”
Marie, Pastor Russell’s wife, slapped him on the arm. “You’re horrible.”
Pastor Russell rubbed his arm. “She started it.”
Marie rolled her eyes and Dena laughed. Wayne held back his own smirk. Then Dena’s gaze fell upon his. “You should see us when all three of my children are here.”
“Brace yourself,” Marie warned.
“It is interesting seeing the pastor in a different light.”
“Call me Jason, please.”
Wayne nodded. He didn’t think he could call his pastor by his first name. It seemed disrespectful, somehow.
Dena wrapped her arm around his, and her love filled him. It was a bold move for Dena to make in front of her son. It meant she was serious about developing their relationship. This warmed his heart even more.
“Come on, let’s go eat before the kids polish off all the food.” Dena tugged on his arm, encouraging him to follow her back inside the main part of the cottage.
Wayne washed up at the kitchen sink while the pastor washed up in the bathroom. Pastor Russell came out drying off his hands. “No wonder you wanted Wayne to have some help, Mom.”
Dena blushed.
Marie cleared off the kids’ dishes, and Billy eased over to his grandmother’s side. “Grandma, Susie and I wanna have a sleepover. We wanna see the stars through the wall.”
Dena chuckled. “Hmm, I might be able to arrange that. You’d have to ask your mom and dad, though.”
“Please,” the two children pleaded.
Pastor Russell cleared his throat. The children immediately silenced. “Seems to me your mother asked you to clean your rooms this morning before we left,” he said in a stern voice.
Billy and Susie looked at each other. “We did.”
“Did you have dinner plans with Wayne, Mom?”
The two children spun their heads back and forth between Wayne and Dena. Dena glanced over to him. As much as he would like another evening alone with Dena, grandchildren were a part of her life, also. “We could take them out for pizza.”
“Pizza? All right!” yelped Billy.
Dena winked and mouthed a thank-you. “Sounds like I have some houseguests for the night.”
“Yippee!”
Marie chuckled. “Go outside and play for a while,” she encouraged the children. When they were gone, she turned to Dena. “Are you sure, Mom?”
“Of course. I don’t get to spend much time with them.”
“Well, I’ll take them home for a couple of hours this afternoon and have them pack their stuff. That should give you a little break.”
“Thanks, Mom. The kids will have a blast.” Jason winked.
Dena laughed. “I’m sure they will. I’ll be exhausted, but they’ll do just fine.”
The rest of the lunch was spent with some light banter and discussion about the renovations Wayne was making to the house. Then it was back to work. Pastor Russell stayed for another couple of hours and left with his family. Shortly after they left, Dena came to see Wayne in the new addition. “How’s it going?”
“Fine. Your son helped a lot. You should have some real privacy.”
“Thanks.” She stepped closer. “Thanks also about the children.”
“Not a problem. They’re good kids.”
Dena chuckled. “Sometimes.”
She reached up and brushed some sawdust from his cheek. “You’re quite handsome.”
Shocked for a moment, he faltered with his response. “I think you’re rather beautiful yourself. But if we keep talking along these lines, I’m going to kiss you.”
Dena’s eyes widened and she stepped back. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”
Wayne reached out and grasped her hand. “It’s all right. Remember, we agreed we need to be honest with each other.”
Dena looked down at the floor and nodded.
He curled his forefinger and lifted her chin. With every ounce of his being, he wanted to kiss her pale pink lips. But with everything that he stood for, he would not yield to that temptation. “Honey,” he whispered. Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. “Come here.” He pulled her into himself and embraced her. “What’s the matter?”
❧
Dena closed her eyes and relished his embrace. She felt secure in his arms. Oh, how she ached to be in this special place. For years she’d had no one to hold her except the Lord. And He had gotten her through some difficult moments. But, physically, she couldn’t deny the desire to have this closeness with a man once again. How was it possible after all these years that she could find herself in this place? She wiped her eyes. “I’m sorry. I saw you standing there, with—well, we won’t go there. Let’s just say out of instinct, I wanted to kiss you, too. I don’t mean to be cruel.”
“Dena, I didn’t find it cruel. I found it flattering, and, if I remember correctly, we mutually agreed not to go into a physical relationship at this point in time. That means I’m counting on you to hold me accountable, as I hope you’ll allow me to remind you.”
“You’re right. Why is this so hard for me?”
Wayne leaned back against a sawhorse and crossed his feet at the ankles. “Because we’ve been there before, and, unlike most people today, we’ve kept ourselves from others for a long time.”
Dena walked over to the hole that would one day be a window in her new bedroom and scanned the ocean. “You’re right. And I want to kiss you. I’m just afraid.”
“Like we agreed the other night, it’s too soon. We can wait. And, Dena, you’re worth the wait.”
She turned to him and smiled. “You’re a special man, Wayne. I love that about you.”
“And you’re a special woman, and I definitely love that about you. But we have even bigger problems than our attraction.”
“What?”
“Our careers. Where we make our homes doesn’t mesh very well.”
“True. But the length of time between visits might help us.”
“Perhaps. Sometimes I wonder if it isn’t part of the problem. We don’t see each other for a month and then—bam—we’re together, and, well, the attraction is intense.”
Dena took in a deep breath and eased it out slowly, then faced the ocean again. “You might be right, there. You know I’m leaving for another two weeks. Then I return for a day and fly right out again for another two weeks.”
“Yeah, I know.” He stood up straight and dusted off his backside from the sawhorse. “I guess I’d rather see you more often. But let’s just say we get married one day. I don’t mind telling you, I wouldn’t want a wife who was only home one day a month.”
“Ouch.”
“Therein lies our real problem. Goodness knows, I’m attracted to you and even love many of the things about you, but I’m not sure where this relationship will end up. I keep questioning myself and God as to whether it’s even wise to get this involved with each other.”
“Double ouch.”
“Sorry.”
Dena gave him a halfhearted smile. “I’ve had some similar discussions with the Lord. As I said, I’m fighting my head, my heart, and my body when it comes to our relationship. I’m as clueless as you.”
“Where’s that leave us?” Wayne walked up beside her and leaned out the window frame.
“Adrift on the ocean of love,” she chimed.
“Oh, that’s bad, really bad.” Wayne laughed. “Seriously, should we stop this now?”
“Do you want to stop?”
“Not really. I’m hoping for a miracle, that maybe the Lord has something in mind that neither one of
us is aware of at the moment. It seems odd that He’d put us together just to be friends, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, I don’t feel this way toward my other male friends.”
“Well, that’s a relief.” Wayne chuckled. “So, where are you going on these next two trips?”
“The Everglades, and then I’ll be rafting down the Colorado River for a travel brochure. I get to feel the real adventure and travel with a team.”
“Wow, I’d love to do something like that someday.”
“Then, why don’t you?”
“Work kinda keeps me busy.”
“Year-round?”
“Well, yes and no. The income potential isn’t all that high in this area, so one has to be frugal, and some of those adventure vacations can be pretty pricey. I have, however, gone white-water rafting here in Maine.”
“Really?”
“Yup. But I generally go on a day run. Something I can drive up to and have someone drop my truck at the ending point.”
“Do you use a canoe or kayak?”
“Canoe. I’ve thought about taking a longer trip and camping along the river, but I’ve worked hard for Jess to have a good college education. That doesn’t leave much in the way of extra cash to play around with.”
“Wayne.” Dena placed her hand on his forearm. “You’ve given her that and so much more. You’re a good father.”
He placed his hand on hers. “Thanks, that means a lot.”
Their gazes locked. Dena wanted to kiss him, wrap her arms around him, and pull him close. She blinked and stepped back. “Well, I better go prepare the house for the invasion of the grandchildren.”
Wayne gave a halfhearted chuckle. “You’re on your own after pizza.”
“Chicken.”
“Bock, ba-ba-bock,” he crowed.
❧
Dena kissed Billy and Susie good night.
“Grandma?”
“Yes, Susie.” Dena trailed her hands over the soft cotton comforter.
“Do you like Mr. Wayne?”
Oh boy. “Yes, honey. I think he’s a nice man.”
“I like him, too.”
“Mommy said you might marry him,” Billy chimed in.
Oh dear. “Well, I don’t know if that’s going to happen or not. We’ll just have to wait and see, okay?”
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