by Pamela Clare
“She makes no sense,” Alec said out loud.
“Women aren’t known for their rational thinking.” Matthew didn’t bother to look up from his paper.
“She wants to stay here.”
“So we heard.”
“Can you believe that?”
“It’s hard to imagine anyone would prefer this unruly place to the bustle of London’s civilized streets,” Socrates said.
“She’s going to be my wife. She belongs with me, and my home is in England.”
“Absolutely.” Both men agreed.
Alec eyed them suspiciously. “Why are you agreeing with me?”
“Because you’re right. Anyone can see that.” Matthew looked up and folded the paper. “Cassie is going to be your wife, and your home is in England, where your family and your obligations await you. You’ve been gone for most of a year now, an absence that was not of your own choosing. Of course you want to return as quickly as possible. You have duties, responsibilities.”
Alec nodded, glad to be understood. “By this time next week, I’ll have set sail, and she’ll be by my side. That’s my child she’s carrying, and I’ll not leave them behind.”
“Of course you won’t. Cassie will come to accept the change with time, no matter how unhappy she is initially. Whatever homesickness she feels will likely vanish the moment she arrives at her first London ball.”
Alec shook his head. “She doesn’t care for such things.”
“Then Elizabeth will have to take her shopping. You know how women are about gowns and frippery. Just think of the interesting women Cassie will meet at teas and embroidery circles.”
Alec grunted noncommittally. Cassie wouldn’t care much for any of that either.
“There’s the child to consider,” Socrates said. “What kind of life can a child have here? Your son or daughter should enjoy the same privileges you enjoyed, with the kind of proper education your father provided for you—mathematics, history, Latin, Greek. If it’s a son, he’ll attend Eton.”
Alec shifted in his seat. He’d hated Eton.
“You’ll be happy to know I’ve set your office to rights,” Matthew said. “It’s just as it was the night you disappeared. Everything is just as you like it. The company needs you, Alec.”
“What do you mean?”
“Without you, business continues, of course. But no one can run the firm as well as you or with such dedication—all that work those late nights. No one can manage contracts or His Majesty’s insufferable ministers quite as well as you. Not to mention scheming MPs.”
The carriage pulled to a stop.
“I must admit how relieved I am.” Matthew opened the carriage door and stepped carefully to the ground. “When I first saw you here, I was afraid you’d want to stay. So many people seem drawn to this uncivilized place, with its endless spaces and its rather lax society. I was afraid you’d be one of them, and I’d find myself working for a company with one office in England and one in Virginia.”
Alec stepped from the carriage, only dimly aware of the cheering crowd around him. He was glad Matthew and Socrates understood his reasoning and agreed with him. Why, then, did he feel so damned guilty?
Matthew and Socrates watched Alec enter the church ahead of them and shared a conspiratorial grin. It had been easier than they’d imagined. Alec no longer belonged in England, and the sooner he realized that, the better.
* * *
Cassie looked out the carriage window, holding the bouquet of dried roses and lavender tightly in her hands, astonished by the cheering throng in the streets. The fickleness of Williamsburg’s good citizens surprised her. Weeks before, she’d been little more than a trollop in their eyes, the object of hatred and scorn. Now she was the heroine in a romantic tale, Alec, whose execution they would have watched with relish, her knight in shining armor. But this was no fairy tale. Cassie had just ruined the ending. She hadn’t meant for the words to come out as they had. She hadn’t meant to hurt him.
“It will be all right, love.” Elizabeth patted Cassie on the arm. “You’ll see.”
“I’ve hurt him. I hope he gives me a chance to explain.” Cassie’s voice quavered with unshed tears.
“He is my brother, and I love him. But he is a man. You mustn’t expect too much of him.”
The carriage pulled to a stop. The door opened. Cold winter air rushed in. With many helping hands, Cassie alighted. The crowd cheered. Bolstered by their good spirits and happy wishes, she couldn’t help smiling. She took a deep breath.
This was her wedding day. Soon she would be Alec’s wife. They’d gone through so much to be together. She would let nothing rob her of this joy. Tonight she would apologize—she could think of many good ways to do that, each more shocking than the last. She would let Alec know with each whisper, each kiss, each caress that she’d gladly live in hell if it meant she could be with him.
She lifted her chin and entered the church, her heart thumping wildly. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him standing tall and proud before the priest. Matthew stood beside to his right, dashing in his dress uniform, and beside him, little Jamie, dressed for the first time in his life as a little gentleman.
Cassie’s gaze sought Alec’s and held it. He was still angry.
Tonight.
“Are you ready, young woman?”
Master Carter stood inside the entrance, waiting to escort her up the aisle.
“Aye,” she said.
Elizabeth, as matron of honor, preceded them.
Guests in the pews stood. Faces turned Cassie’s way: Nan, awash in tears. Zach and Elly. Dear Takotah and Micah in the back of the church. Sweet Lucy. Socrates. Governor Gooch. Her father, unaware but there.
Cassie felt she was walking on air as Master Carter took her hand and placed it in Alec’s.
Alec’s fingers closed warmly around hers. His eyes looked questioningly into hers.
She could see the hurt.
She would show him tonight.
“We have come together in the presence of Almighty God to witness the joining together of this man and this woman in holy matrimony,” the priest began.
“Wait.”
It was Alec.
Gasps of surprise passed through the church like a breeze.
“Cassie, before we do this, I want to know it’s what you really want.” His gaze searched hers.
Cassie could see the pain, though he tried to hide it. “Of course it is, Alec. More than anything in the world. What I said earlier—”
“What you said made me think. These past months with you have shown me life is too short and fragile to waste even one moment. I’ve been so intent on returning to my life in England, I didn’t think to ask myself whether that life is really what I want. What I want most, Cassie, is for you to be happy. If that means living in Virginia, we’ll live in Virginia.”
“Do you … do you really mean that?”
“Aye.” He smiled, his eyes so full of caring, Cassie’s heart hurt.
Somewhere behind them, Nan sobbed. “Thank the Lord!”
“Then what you said in court about loneliness and regrets and responsibilities … You’re not just marrying me out of a sense of obligation?”
Alec’s head fell back and he laughed, the rich sound of his voice echoing through the church. “Is that what’s been worrying you?”
Cassie nodded, a tear slipping down her cheek.
He lifted her chin, stroking the tear from her cheek with his thumb. His eyes looked deeply into hers. “What I said in court was said to keep you safe. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Cassie, and I don’t regret a single moment you and I have spent together. If I had to do it all again, I wouldn’t change a thing.”
Cassie’s heart soared. “I love you, Alec.”
“And I you, Mistress.”
In the church and beyond, the crowd cheered.
Epilogue
Nothing could possibly hurt this much.
C
assie gritted her teeth and tried not to cry out as the pain peaked, engulfing her, shaking her apart.
“Strength, Cassie, strength,” Takotah crooned.
As the pain slowly passed, Cassie slumped back against Nan, who sat behind the birthing stool supporting her.
“Here, love.” Elizabeth held a cup of tea to her lips.
Cassie sipped wearily, barely able to keep her eyes open. “How much longer?”
It had taken so long already. She couldn’t bear much more of this.
“The first is always the hardest.” Her sister-in-law smiled sympathetically.
“It’s hard to say.”
“Yer doin’ just fine, Missy,” Nan said reassuringly. “Just take the pains one at a time.”
Cassie felt another pang begin, a belt of agony that wrapped itself around her middle.
Clutching her sister-in-law’s hand, she cried out as pain once again swallowed her.
“Don’t fight the pain.” Takotah stroked Cassie’s swollen belly in a downward motion. “You can do this, Cassie.”
“Oh, no, I can’t! I can’t! Please!” Cassie cried, her composure in tatters.
“Yes, you can, Cassie. You are strong. Feel how strong you are,” Takotah purred.
“It’s fine to scream, love,” said Nan.
“Aye, it is,” Elizabeth agreed.
Cassie could not have stopped herself even had she wanted to. A frantic cry escaped her lips, ending in a sob as the pain finally began to ebb.
“Where’s Alec?” Cassie fought to keep her eyes open. “I’m so afraid.”
“I suspect he’s giving my husband a very hard time.” Elizabeth wiped Cassie’s forehead with a cool cloth. “Close your eyes and rest, love. Don’t worry about him. Don’t worry about anything.”
Cassie was already dozing.
* * *
Alec raised the bottle to his lips and took another drink of corn whiskey, the demons of hell eating at him. From upstairs came another cry. The sound of Cassie’s suffering was tearing him to pieces. Her pains had started early this morning, but morning had turned into afternoon, afternoon into evening, and still the baby had not been born.
“Let’s go outside. The fresh air will do you good,” said Matthew, already more than a little drunk.
“No!”
They’d been trying to get him out of the house for the past three hours, but Alec refused to budge. Let them leave if they wished. They could have all the fresh air they wanted. He would stay right here.
“Ye’re a stubborn bastard.” Zach glared at him with an unsteady gaze, his words slurred. “I should just drag ye outside like ye did me.”
Elly’s baby girl had been born six weeks earlier, and it had taken all of Alec’s strength to pull Zach from the room so the women could tend to her.
“That was different,” Alec mumbled.
“Why?”
“Because it was.”
Alec closed his eyes as Cassie cried out again, her anguished scream turning to a whimper, and the whimper fading to silence once again. Her cries had become more frequent and more desperate. Was she dying? He could find no way to silence his fear, no way to chase the demons away.
Suddenly he felt himself being jerked to his feet, Zach at one arm, Matthew at the other.
“Come on,” Matthew said. “You’re only making it harder on yourself. We’re going for a walk.”
“No.” Alec tried to jerk free.
Perhaps it was the whiskey, but the next thing Alec knew the three of them had toppled to the floor with a loud crash.
“Hell!” he heard Matthew mutter.
“God’s balls!” Zach swore.
As they struggled to stand, Elizabeth appeared at the bottom of the stairs, her skirts awhirl, her face a vision of fury.
“Will you gentlemen please control yourselves!” she whispered fiercely. “Your commotion is frightening the poor girl half to death! She’s scared enough as it is!”
Just then a heartrending cry pierced the air. “Alec!”
She’d called his name, and before he knew what he was about, Alec had jumped up and raced past the others, taking the stairs two at a time, Elizabeth close behind him. No longer caring what anyone thought, he opened the door and rushed to Cassie’s side.
“Quiet, or you’ll wake her,” Takotah chided.
Cassie sat on the birthing stool, completely naked, her eyes closed, her mouth relaxed, her head resting against Nan’s ample breast. Her hair was wet with sweat, and her cheeks were flushed. Takotah sat in front of her, her hand gently resting on Cassie’s swollen belly.
“You see, you stubborn goat,” Elizabeth whispered. “She’s fine.”
Never in his life had Alec felt so completely helpless. What could he do? And then he knew.
“I want to hold her.” He’d held Rebecca when she’d given birth, pretending to be her husband. Couldn’t he do the same for his own wife?
Nan scowled, but motioned for him to come and switch places with her.
“Alec?” Cassie whispered, their movements rousing her.
“Aye, love, I’m here.”
“And stinkin’ of corn whiskey.” Nan deposited her girth at Cassie’s side, where she took up a cold cloth and began to bathe Cassie’s brow.
Cassie began to moan, her fingers tightening around Alec’s hands. “No!” she whimpered.
“Strength, Cassie,” said Takotah. “Let your body open so the baby can come out.”
Alec felt Cassie arch against him, her body trembling.
“Squeeze my hands and scream like bloody hell if you want to, Cassie. I won’t leave you for anything,” Alec said.
Cassie cried out, her voice a desperate wail, her nails digging into his palms.
“It will feel better soon,” Takotah said. “Can you feel your womb opening?”
Cassie nodded weakly as the pain slid away, relaxing against Alec’s chest. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“So am I.” Anything was better than sitting around helplessly and doing nothing. Alec stroked her hair, smoothing the damp strands back from her face. He wished for the world he could take this away from her.
The next pain came quickly. Alec watched Cassie’s belly harden, heard her heartbreaking cry. God, please let it end.
* * *
Cassie let the pain wash over her, no longer able to think. Again and again it came. Time and again she heard her own voice cry out, heard Alec mutter assurances in her ear, his voice an anchor. As each pain faded, Cassie sank against the strength of his chest, grateful for his presence.
“I love you, Cassie,” he murmured in her ear.
When the next pain came it was somehow different. Instead of overwhelming pain, there was pressure and an irresistible urge to push. Unable to withstand her body’s instincts, Cassie bore down. The pain was not nearly as bad as before.
“See? It’s much better now.” Takotah smiled. “When the next pain comes, feel your baby move down.”
Cassie tried to do as Takotah instructed, pushing with all her might. Again and again she pushed, Alec’s voice and the feel of him behind her giving her courage. Pain began to spread like fire between her thighs, growing worse each time.
“I can see the top of the baby’s head. It has lots of dark hair.” Takotah pressed a warm cloth against Cassie’s sex, bringing her blessed relief. “It won’t be long now.”
“It’s almost over, love,” Alec murmured.
When the next pang came, Cassie felt as though she would be split in two. “Oh, God, it hurts!”
“Squeeze my hands, Cassie,” Alec said. “Squeeze my hands as hard as you can.”
Cassie felt certain she would be torn asunder and let out a ragged scream. Then, suddenly, the pain lessened, and Cassie opened her eyes to find herself looking at her baby’s tiny face, its head finally free of her body.
“Oh, Alec!”
But Alec said nothing, and Cassie looked up to see him, eyes wide, staring in amazement into their child’s fac
e.
Suddenly Cassie was laughing. Or maybe she was crying—she couldn’t tell which. And with another push, the pain was gone.
With a whimper and then a howl, Cassie and Alec’s son announced his arrival in the world, drawing relieved laughter from Nan and Elizabeth. Takotah gently handed the wet, naked newborn to his mother.
Nan opened the door and shouted down the stairway. “It’s a boy! And ’e’s a sight more handsome than ye two!”
In awe, Cassie held her baby to her breast, then felt him begin to suck greedily, the new sensation startling her. “He’s beautiful.” She gazed in wonderment into the little blue eyes that looked back at her, stroking his downy hair.
“Not as beautiful as you.”
Tears streaming down her cheeks, Cassie watched as Alec gently took one tiny hand in his. The baby wrapped his little fingers around the tip of Alec’s thumb.
“I know we talked about naming him after you, but … ” Cassie winced as Takotah pushed on her belly to help deliver the afterbirth. “But I’ve changed my mind.”
Cassie had expected to see disappointment on Alec’s face, but found only a gentle smile.
“And just what did you have in mind, my sweet?”
“Nicholas.” Cassie looked at the surprised faces around her. “Nicholas Braden Kenleigh.”
Alec tossed back his head and laughed. “To tell you the truth, I had begun to grow rather fond of that name.”
“I love you, Alec.”
Cradling both her and their baby boy against his chest, he kissed her cheek. “And I you, my sweet.”
CARNAL GIFT
by
Pamela Clare
Acknowledgments
Special thanks to Mick Bolger of traditional Celtic band Colcannon for giving my characters their Irish voice. (Check the band out at www.colcannon.com.)
Additional thanks to my agent Natasha Kern for hard working in getting back my rights to this book and to my son Benjamin for his help in getting the novel reformatted as an ebook. Many thanks to my sister, Michelle, for her help in editing.