He looked instantly contrite. He lifted his hand to her, but she shook her head. Thankfully the waiter arrived with their food. They went through the remainder of the meal with Viola’s attempts at lighthearted conversation, but it was a bad cover for the strain over the table.
A tense silence filled the car on the way home. She jumped out as soon as he parked. Slamming the door behind her, she hurried inside and up the stairs. The sound of his heavy footsteps followed. She went to the door of her apartment.
“Janiyah, you don’t have to go to your apartment,” he said in a regretful tone.
She glared at him over her shoulder. “I think I do.” She went inside, then slammed and locked her door for good measure.
She leaned against it. The last of her optimism shattered when he’d snapped at her in front of his parents. For him to even imply that she cared about how he spent his money was ridiculous. She hadn’t realized how little he really thought of her. The pain of her misjudgment burned like a million hot coals in her stomach.
A heavy knock shook her door. She squealed and jumped away.
“Open the door.” Freddy’s voice came from the other side.
She placed a hand over her pounding heart. After several deep breaths she answered. “Go away, Freddy.”
“I’m not leaving.”
“Then you can sleep on the other side. We don’t have anything to talk about.”
“Yes, we do.”
“No, we don’t. In fact, why don’t we just cut our losses and end this. You don’t trust me, and apparently believe I have an eye on your money. It’s not very flattering to have the guy you fancy yourself in love with have such negative thoughts.”
“Oh, so you fancy yourself in love with me now.” His sarcasm was clear even though she couldn’t see his face.
“You expect me to defend my feelings again? Why, so you can throw it back in my face? I’m not doing it, Freddy.”
She placed her forehead on the door. She wouldn’t look through the peephole at him. Seeing his face would crumple her resolve.
“I’m sorry about what I said at dinner.” His voice was softer, closer. She pictured him leaning against the other side of the door. “The night we made love in my office I’d just gotten off the phone with my dad. He needed help paying the mortgage. That was the third time this year. Now that he’s lost another client it won’t be the last.”
Janiyah stepped back. She unlocked the door to open it for him. Freddy leaned against the frame; his wide shoulders were stooped and sadness filled his eyes. She wanted to rush over and put her arms around him. Instead she hugged herself.
“I’m sorry about that, but it doesn’t excuse what you said to me.”
He straightened and came into the apartment. She tried to step out of his way, but he took her elbow and gently held her in place.
“Do you want to know why I’m scared to love you?” He kicked the door shut with his foot.
Instead of screaming yes, she lifted and lowered her head slowly.
“It’s because of my parents. My dad will do anything to make my mom happy, even if it means the rest of the family will suffer. Growing up, I watched him blow money on cars, clothes, vacations, and jewelry for her, only to sit in his office the following week panicking about where the money would come from. My mom is oblivious, or at least she tries to be. She always laughs and says my dad will figure a way out of it.”
She couldn’t resist touching him anymore. She clasped the side of his face. “We aren’t your parents.”
“I know, but I feel that way about you.” He pulled away to pace toward her couch. “Anything you ask me to do, I’d do it. I have for years, even when I hated it.”
She frowned. “What have I asked you to do that you hate?”
He stopped and raised a brow. “Do you really think I enjoyed questioning your boyfriends before you went out on dates?”
“Well you sure as hell liked telling me how stupid they were afterwards.” She put her hands on her hips.
“I hate watching gossip news shows, reality shows, and concerts on television.”
“I know that. You gripe the entire time before burying your nose in a book and becoming completely oblivious to me or what’s on television.” She marched over to him. “I think you need to come up with something better, because I’ve never asked you to do something that would threaten your way of life. If anything, I’ve given up all that stuff to make you happy.”
“I never asked you to give up the things you love.”
“I know, but I did it. I gave up parties with Liz, and exchanged them for suits and pantyhose just to make you happy.”
“Don’t give up those things. Go out with Liz, please.”
His emphasis on the please made her frown and take a step back. “Oh, you’re tired of me already.”
He hesitated, twisting his lips like the words were difficult to come. “We’re always together, Janiyah,” he finally said in a rush. “We live next to each other, we work together, we’re sleeping together. It’s too much.”
She turned around and ran her fingers through her hair. He came behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. “I don’t want to lose you, but we need space.”
She jerked out of his hands. “Space … space. I’m trying to be the woman you want.”
“I don’t want someone who doesn’t do things she enjoys and spends all of her time forcing herself to like the things I do.”
“Then what the hell do you want? I’m flighty, frivolous, and going to blow your fortune. But when I settle into a job and wear navy frigging suits every day I’m smothering you.”
“I want you to be happy.”
“I thought we were happy.”
He took a deep breath and rubbed the bridge of his nose. When their eyes met there was sadness in his. “Are you really happy? Because I see you changing into someone I don’t know and it worries me. That other person is who I fell in love with.”
Her throat burned with the pain of what was coming. “You said yourself that you’re afraid to love that other person.”
“I don’t know how to love that other person.”
“I’m not another species. I’m not going to ask you to do something for me that will risk your business.”
“But that’s the thing. If you did … I’d consider it. I’m not sure if I’m willing to risk that.”
His words were like acid, stripping away the last of her fight. Tears burned, but she didn’t let them fall. “Then you should go.”
“Janiyah, don’t.”
“Don’t what? Break up with you? It’s what you wanted, right? You’ve been waiting for me to grow disenchanted with this. For me to wake up and realize … how did you say it … oh, it was fun dating Freddy but I’m through now. Well, I am through. Get out.”
It hurt to say the words. Her knees wobbled with the need to buckle. She was through with trying to convince Freddy to love her. Fredrick would always stand in the way. He’d always second-guess her feelings. Always wait for her to somehow turn him into his dad, when she knew he was too strong, smart, and determined to let her or anyone else force him to give up his dream. If she asked him to give it up he might consider it for half a second, and then tell her he couldn’t. But it wasn’t a theory she was willing to test. Otherwise he’d never realize it himself.
“I do love you, Janiyah.”
“But you don’t want to love me, and that hurts more than you not loving me.” Her voice cracked. A tear rolled down her cheek. He reached for her but she pushed his hand away. “Just go. And consider this my two weeks’ notice. No need to make this harder than it is.”
“You don’t have to quit.”
She imagined sitting at that desk watching him every day, eventually seeing him go out with another woman, and pain scorched her heart.
“Yes, I do.”
CHAPTER 28
“You know I owe you a beat down,” Aaron told Fredrick through the phone.
He’d c
alled Aaron to see if he would help him move into his new house this weekend. Movers had already delivered his new appliances. Shante had recommended an interior decorator who’d picked everything out right down to the wall colors. The only thing left was to get all of his stuff out of the apartment. Start his new life in his new home. It was traditional, comfortable, and perfectly suited for the family he would have one day. Except every time he looked at it, he pictured bright pillows, or antique tables and chairs sprinkled in that Janiyah would see at some consignment shop and swear he needed—only to later realize she’d never visit.
“Why do you owe me a beat down?” Fredrick picked up the file for the Satterfield account. His meeting with them was in an hour. The proposal was perfect, thanks to Janiyah. It was the last thing she’d polished before walking out of his office the other day.
“Breaking Janiyah’s heart.”
Fredrick flinched. “She broke up with me, remember?”
“You didn’t fight too hard to keep her.”
“Her mind was made up.”
His stomach churned at the memory of the tears on her face. He’d regretted what happened the moment he walked out that door. But every time he tried talking to her, she turned away. She said she didn’t trust herself to listen to him.
“I really thought you would be the one she settled down with. I mean, she waited for you forever.”
Fredrick took off his glasses and stared at the ceiling. “What are you talking about?”
“It was pretty obvious she was waiting on you to notice her.”
“How could I not notice her? She was always around.”
“You know what I mean, and don’t think that because I never said anything that I don’t know what she asked you to do years ago.”
“I didn’t touch her.”
“I know, and she cried for days because you didn’t, then went out with that fool to try and forget you. I thought she’d get over it, but she never did. Even though you did the right thing then, trust me, I noticed the way you looked at my sister.”
“Then why didn’t you give me a beat down then?”
“Because you kept your hands to yourself, and I knew you weren’t just hanging around to gawk at Janiyah. I understand the reason why you stayed away from her before, but I don’t understand why two people who’ve obviously held a torch for each other for years break up after a month.”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me. Because you better have a good damn reason for breaking her heart.”
“I wasn’t trying to break her heart. I was trying to be honest with her. My dad risked everything to make my mom happy. I don’t want to do the same thing with Janiyah.”
“That makes no sense whatsoever. How would you risk everything for her?”
Fredrick ran a hand over his head. He tried to find the words to explain his fear, but they all seemed inadequate. “I hate to say this, but I seriously considered sleeping with your sister that first time.” He heard Aaron take in a sharp breath. “It was wrong, but I wanted her, and not like the other girls I’d been with. I wanted her … badly. I can’t even explain. It struck me that I would risk my friendship with you, your dad’s respect, and everything to have her. I hoped it would go away, but it didn’t. It made me move in next to her, play nice with the stupid boyfriends she paraded around, and give her free rein to my apartment. All because of this thing I felt for her. It scared the shit out me.”
“Fred, I know you. I trust you. Okay, you thought about Janiyah then, but you didn’t do anything. And letting her in your life … man, you’re crazy about her so why wouldn’t you? But to think that you’d risk everything you built because of that … I disagree. You are not your dad. You already proved that by what you achieved, and despite Janiyah’s tendencies, she’s never stepped out of line. Mostly because of you.” Aaron let out a dry chuckle. “You know what, I’m not going to kick your ass. You’re going to beat yourself up when she meets someone else and really gets over you.”
Aaron’s words struck Fredrick like a bullet to the chest, blasting through the regret and killing his resolve. He was beating himself up for letting her go, and for wanting her back at the same time. Honestly, he couldn’t imagine giving up his business or having his family worry about where the next meal came from. It wasn’t in his nature. So what was his real fear?
“Fred, hold on a second. I got a call coming in.” A few seconds later Aaron came back. “My dad’s in the hospital.”
Fredrick sat up and slid his glasses back on. “What’s going on?”
“I don’t know. That was Kareem. I’ve got to go.”
Aaron hung up, and Fredrick stared at the phone. He looked from the phone to the Satterfield file and back again. Mr. Henderson was like a second father to him, but he didn’t need Fredrick there. He had his own children there.
He looked at the file and thought of Janiyah. She loved her dad. If something happened to Mr. Henderson, she’d be crushed. They all would, but the thought of her crying, of her needing someone there to hold her, and him not being that person felt wrong.
There was a knock at the door. He looked up at Phyllis who was checking her watch. “You need to be getting ready to go meet the Satterfields. I’ve got all your materials ready.” She looked at him and smiled. “I’m proud of you, Mr. Jenkins. This account will be the icing on the cake, and prove to everyone that you’re the best accountant in the area.”
He stood. “It will, won’t it?” He powered off his computer. “Send Larry.”
He hurried to the door. Phyllis grabbed his arm to stop him as he tried to go by. “Send Larry? Are you crazy? What could possibly be more important?”
“The woman I love.” Her hand fell away, and he turned and rushed out.
• • •
Janiyah twirled a beaded necklace on the tip of her index finger. The green beads clacked against each other as she spun them faster and faster. That’s how she felt. As if she were spinning in circles waiting for her heart to catch up with her mind. She was right for breaking up with Freddy. She deserved someone who loved all of her. It was going to hurt. Breakups usually did, but she’d get through this. She’d no longer see him now that her two weeks were over. And he was moving out of his apartment this weekend, which was good. Less temptation.
“You’re supposed to be stuffing those in bags, not twirling them on your finger.”
Janiyah jumped at Liz’s voice behind her. Her twirling suffered and she hit herself in the nose with the beads. Liz laughed as she sat next to her on the couch.
“That wasn’t funny,” Janiyah said, dropping the beads on the rest of the pile on the coffee table and rubbing her nose.
“You didn’t see it. Here take this.” She passed over one of the two glasses of wine in her hand. “If you’re coming here to drown your sorrows you need to really drown them.”
Janiyah took the wine and swallowed. “I’m not here to drown my sorrows. I’m here forcing my friend to help me make goody bags for the young professionals mixer.”
Liz was officially the best best friend out there. She’d taken the day off and offered her apartment for Janiyah to use to prepare for the next young professionals mixer, but was really there offering moral support in the face of Janiyah’s heartbreak. Liz’s couch had been her camping ground a lot since her break up with Freddy.
“Tell yourself that, but we both know stuffing beads and masks into these bags could have waited until the rest of the committee could help. You’re hiding from Fredrick.” Liz curled her feet on the couch and took a sip of her wine.
“If being here keeps me from being distracted while he takes his stuff out then it’s a win-win situation.”
“Janiyah, admit it, you’re hiding.”
“So what if I am?”
“You can’t hide from Fredrick forever. He is best friends with your brother.”
“Yeah, and I’ll probably get the invitation when he finally decides to marry some goody two shoes who
wears conservative clothes and coupon shops for groceries. I’ll have to buy her pots from Williams-Sonoma for the wedding shower and RSVP me plus none to their perfect wedding.”
Liz chuckled. “You’re really going off the deep end over there.”
“No, I’m not, and you know it. This will happen, and I swear I’m not going to the wedding and eating the cucumber sandwiches.” Janiyah gulped the wine.
Liz took the glass out of her hand. “Maybe drowning your sorrows wasn’t such a good idea. You’re already drunk on love.” She set both glasses on the coffee table. “Why don’t you talk to Fredrick? You two love each other. That has to count for something.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t want to love me, Liz. I can’t be with a guy who doesn’t really want to be there.”
Janiyah waited for her friend to give her a that’s right, girlfriend or something, but it never came. When she looked over Liz’s lips twisted back and forth—something she did when she didn’t know how to say what was on her mind without being rude.
“Spill it, Elizabeth.”
“Fine. You changed when you were with him. All of a sudden you were trying to be this perfect woman—who was very boring I might add. That wasn’t the person he fell for.”
Janiyah groaned and reached for her glass of wine. “You sound like him. I don’t understand. I tried to show him that I could be in a serious, long-term relationship.”
“No, you tried to be someone else. He doesn’t want a shell of Janiyah loving him. He needs the person you always are to love him. Otherwise, it looks like another persona you’re trying out that we both know you couldn’t do forever.”
Janiyah slapped her hand on her thigh, then rubbed it when it stung too much. “I don’t get it. You all wanted me to be different. You wanted me to be responsible.”
“Hold up now. I never wanted you to do anything. From the very beginning I told you to do you and be happy. Your parents wanted you to change.”
Janiyah picked up her glass to take a sip of wine. “I think Freddy did too, on some level at least.”
Just My Type Page 20