Nick settled into a belly laugh, and the result shook the walls. Could I have miscalculated? He seemed so cocksure. Well, all I could do now was wait for the hammer to come down.
“Hey, how about this, Mr. Kidd Diamond.”
Oh shit! Here it comes, I thought. The coup de gráce.
“Your mother wears army boots!”
Another roar of laughter from Nick had the room shaking with tremors. He was really enjoying this.
“Fuck you, Nick,” I replied quietly.
“That’s it? Fuck you, Nick. That’s all you got? You can’t crack no better than that?”
I shrugged my shoulders.
“All right, little man, here be the big smackdown. You ready?”
Nick didn’t wait for an answer. There really was no reason to. It was his game now, and he knew it. I could only hope the throw-down would go my way, a slim hope at best.
“It was never about whether or not I could advance your career, Diamond. In fact, I couldn’t. You’re right about that. You had the talent and the drive. It was only a matter of time. You were just too impatient. And you’re right about the whole Robert Johnson thing, too. Don’t ever underestimate the value of good public relations. You know what they say in Hollywood—bad pub is better than no pub at all.”
Oh shit! My arteries froze at his words.
“Here’s the real skinny, Diamond. I know you killed your own mama, boy. Murdered her in cold blood. If that ain’t enough to consign you to hell, regardless of our deal, then chew on this. Through my … intercession, let’s call it, the cops never figured out who did the dirty deed. Don’t look now, Kidd, but that’s you wriggling on my hook. How does it feel?”
Game. Set. Match. Nick didn’t need style points to get over. His shit-eating grin said it all. He had the genuine goods on me. I was finished.
“And guess what, numb nuts, it gets worse.”
I stared at Nick, slack-mouthed with horror. How could it possibly get worse then being consigned to hell for all eternity.
“Murder has got no statute of limitations in the good ole U.S. of A. So, what’s going to happen is, if you don’t sign, I’m gonna leave here without you, Kidd. Shortly after that the local gendarmes will stop by for an unfriendly visit. It appears that new evidence has come to light connecting you with the murder of your mother. But don’t worry, I’ll be back for you, after you’ve spent the rest of your natural days inside Parchman Farm waiting for the needle. Count on it. And when that day comes, it’s my face you’ll be seeing, not ‘Big Boss Man.’ You’ll be living hell on earth and then you’ll come home to me. Hell is truly for the damned, boy, and you surely are. You remember how it happened, don’t you? Yes, you can’t go a day without thinking about it.”
To prove his point, I found myself back at the age of fourteen.
I’d tracked my mother to Memphis where she was living with another man, a blues guitarist, as it happened, who doubled as a drug dealer. An apropos choice for my mother.
I’d been on my own, nearly dying more than once, for four long years.
I’d hitchhiked up Highway 61 to Memphis and spent the better part of two weeks looking for Sadie. I slept in hallways and on the street, stealing food when I could and begging for money when the opportunity arose, all the while eluding cops, kiddie pimps and pedophiles. I finally found Sadie in a flophouse just off Beale Street toward the old Mississippi river docks. I followed her for two days, learning her movements and checking out the guy she was staying with. One time she took me by surprise as I rounded a corner following her. She must have forgotten something because she’d turned back toward home and bumped right into me. She stared at me for a full five seconds, then hastily excused herself past me. I couldn’t tell if she recognized me or not. It didn’t matter.
Whatever doubts I had about killing her evaporated.
One Saturday night I followed Sadie and her bluesman as they hit Beale Street for a night of drinking and carousing. Her man played on a blues bill at what’s now called the New Daisy, an old movie theatre repurposed into a nightclub. By the time they got to the flophouse they were both falling-down drunk. I followed them discreetly into the building and up the stairs. The hall lights had long been broken or just plain didn’t work, so it was pretty dark. They never saw me. Sadie’s lover fumbled for the key to the door, but it dropped out of his hands to the floor and in trying to pick it up he accidentally kicked it under the door and into the room.
Drunk as he was and cursing a blue streak, he put his shoulder to the door a couple of times until it splintered off the hinges. They both laughed like hyenas and stumbled into the room and fell onto the bed. They didn’t bother to shut the door. It wasn’t long before they were loudly drunk-fucking. I squeezed in and crept up to the bed. I’d scrounged up a brick and had it in my hand ready to use. I was accustomed to seeing my mother fuck strange men, so I was able to keep my wits about me.
I slammed the brick against the man’s bobbing head with all my strength. He huffed in pain and anger, so I did it again three more times in rapid succession until he collapsed on my mother, flopping like a hooked flounder. Sadie tried to focus her eyes on me, and she had the oddest expression on her face.
“Kidd, is that you?”
Hearing Sadie’s voice infuriated me and brought back, in living color, all the old resentments and abuse she’d visited on me. Something primal snapped and I lunged toward her. I hefted the brick to hit her when I tripped over the man’s pants on the floor. I fell and landed on a gun carelessly stuffed in his pants pocket. Grabbing it, I stood and faced my mother. She’d sobered up sufficiently to understand it was her own flesh and blood who was about to shoot her sorry ass. She tried to lift the man’s dead weight off her naked body in a belated effort to save herself.
“Kidd. Wait. Don’t shoot—”
Unthinking and unfeeling, I aimed the pistol at my mother’s heaving breasts and promptly shot her at point-blank range. A starburst of blood sprouted above her left tit. The gun recoiled and seemed to bite me like a snake. I howled in pain and dropped the weapon. I glared at Sadie one last time. Astonishingly, her eyes were anything but accusatory. Rather, she looked resigned, almost peaceful. She reached out feebly to me with her right hand and tried to speak. Confused and frightened, I ran out the door as fast as I could, but not before swiping the man’s guitar case on my way out. I never looked back, and that was that. Justice was done.
The guitar I’d stolen? It was a 1966 hollow-body Red Rickenbacker 335.
“Reliving past deeds is one of my specialties, Kidd. You like?” Nick asked.
I didn’t answer Nick straightaway, because the room had abruptly begun to get cold. It was doubly weird, because ever since Nick had crashed my room, the heat had been palpable, and several times I thought to open a window or turn on the air-conditioning. There was no question that the room was cooling down rapidly.
Nick seemed as perplexed as I at the change in room temperature. He began to look alarmed.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“I don’t have a fucking clue.”
In point of fact, I suspected. The feeling that another presence was in the room had grown considerably stronger. Someone, or something, had joined us. The question was . what? Or, who?
I didn’t have long to wait for an answer.
A chilly white mist seeped through the walls, and a soft keening cry became recognizable. My name. It kept repeating my name, along with this phrase.
“Kidd, Kidd. It’s all raht, Kidd. I’m here now.”
The voice galvanized Nick into action. “Son of a bitch! This isn’t happening.” He turned his attention to me and pointed at the packet. “Sign it now or suffer the consequences!” Flames arced from his finger tip to Diamond Lil. She began to smoke.
“Don’t you sign nothin’, Kidd.” The voice came again, and in the blink of an eye, my mother stood before me. She was beautiful in death in a way she’d never been in life.
I was
stunned at her sudden, unexpected appearance. And Nick, well, Nick’s smile had an edge to it that boded no good.
At first the apparition floated, staring intensely at me. Nick kept his distance still as a stone. He made no move to intercede. For all I knew, he was incapable. As for the apparition, I had no idea what to say. This was the ghost of my mother. A woman I’d murdered.
Then the apparition addressed me.
“Kidd, I ain’t got much time. You gotta listen to me, son. I know you hate me, and you got every raht to, God hisself knows, but what I got to say may be yo’ salvation.” She nodded at Nick as she said this.
I was spellbound.
Nick strode over to Sadie wearing that ghastly grin. When he spoke, his voice was thunderous. “What thinkest thou to accomplish by thy presence? Begone, shade. Thou hast no power here on earth. Begone from mine sight and returnst from whence thee came.”
Sadie held her ground. “Belial, you be a liar and a thief, an’ phony as a three dollah bill. You got no power over me the way
I am now.”
I could hardly believe what was happening. Sadie’s next words punched a hole in my heart. And she spoke them with a sly smile of her own.
“Belial, you know why I come—to ask fo’giveness from Kidd for my sins a’ginst him. Fo’ leavin’ him to face the cruel world wit’out love.”
“What about his sins against you?” Nick was back in battle mode.
“Ain’t none.” Sadie’s eyes burrowed into my skull. “What do you say, son?”
For the briefest of moments, I felt like a ten-year-old child again. But could I trust this Sadie? This ghost? She must have seen the uncertainty in my eyes. I croaked, “What do you want Sadie?”
“Like you, Kidd, I’m seekin’ redempshun’ fo’ my sins. We can help each other.”
Nick saw an opening and swooped in for the kill.
“Kidd, remember what she did to you. She left you high and dry when you were only ten. A poor, defenseless little kid. And for what? To score another lousy dime bag or another bottle of cheap hooch? Fuck another loser who was gonna pimp her out anyway?”
Nick scored a direct hit. I took it right on the chin. He rocked me and I was reeling from the blow. I looked imploringly at Sadie. “Mom?”
Nick was in double barrel mode, blasting away. “Yeah, what about that … Mom?’ he sneered. “Some fucking mother you were. And poor old sonny boy doesn’t know the half of it, does he, Sadie?”
“What are you talking about, Nick?” The rekindled hope I’d felt at Sadie’s initial appearance, however slight, faded. Sadie said nothing.
Quick as a snake Nick palmed a rolled-up document from his suit coat pocket. He unfurled it like a scroll. It was obviously a list of some sort, and it was distressingly long, nearly reaching the floor. “Sadie was a busy, busy girl.”
Nick scanned over the list quickly.
“A girl after my own heart. Hmmm . you may not remember this one, Kidd, but let’s see. The Christmas you were five Sadie stumbled into some money and bought a tree with all the trimmings, and even a couple of presents for you. A real holiday first. But her ‘significant other’ decided he needed to score some holiday cheer, and poof, that was the end of your Christmas. What really made that event memorable was the sumptuous meal she fixed for her ‘man.’ You, she locked in the closet so they could eat in peace. With you screaming and starving in the background. You remember that, Kidd?”
I hadn’t until Nick reminded me. My spirits hit rock bottom.
“Here’s my favorite of all your mother’s peccadilloes.” His breath reeked of sulfur. “Tell him, Sadie … tell him his street value to a little-boy-loving chickenhawk. Was it a lousy five hundred dollars?”
“I don’t remember her doing that,” I defended her.
“Because a mediocre bluesman dangled a bottle of cheap booze and a couple hundred dollars in her face and she forgot all about you and headed to Memphis.” He nailed my coffin shut.
I couldn’t look Sadie in the face. I remembered her abuse, and I killed her in an act of revenge. I was Nick’s chattel for all eternity.
Sadie spoke softly. “Another half-truth from Satan’s lyin’ lips.”
I perked up, if only a little.
“I left with that man ‘cause I couldn’t be no real mama to you, son, and I drew the line at sellin’ my own flesh an’ blood. I was weak, Kidd. I admit it. I done terr’ble thangs to my own mind an’ body. So, I left you. I figgered you’d be safer alone, or wit’ someone else ‘sides me. I didn’t trust myself.”
“And I don’t trust you.” The memories Nick had served up left me desolate. “We’re both lost, Sadie. At least, I am.”
“You got that right, partner.” Nick was in high spirits now.
“Mebbe not, son. I ask you ag’in. Can you forgive me?”
Sadie’s guileless, tender gaze melted my heart, as well as my resolve to hate her. I was tired of despising my mother, tired of the self-loathing, of the intense pain and sorrow I felt for all the lost opportunities of my benighted life. I decided then and there to let go of all of it, and rolled the dice.
Nick sensed a sea-change. “Kidd, you’re not buying that line of shit, are you? Come on, this is Sadie fucking Diamond we’re talking about here. She wanted to sell your little black ass to kiddie sex freaks.”
For some reason, he’d lost the power to ignite my ire. “You know, Nick, I’ve fucked up my life so many times I can’t even begin to count them all. So has Sadie. So has everyone who’s ever drawn breath. I’m going to partake of a little forgiveness, and maybe get some.” I held Sadie’s eyes. “I forgive you … Mama. Can you forgive me?”
The look she gave me was worth all the blues licks I’d ever invented or stolen, and then some.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Kidd, you’re a sap. Always have been. Always will be. Now, I’m out of patience. Read this thing and sign on the dotted line and let’s get this fucking show on the road. I’m a busy man.” Nick held out the contract to me.
“No, Kidd! You ain’t got to read or sign that evil thang. He can’t make you. He ain’t got that power.” Sadie’s form became more solid, more real, and the scent of jasmine, her favorite flower, filled the room. She faced Nick, a knowing smile creasing her pale lips. “You wanna know why, devil? ‘Cause Kidd didn’t kill me. You got no claim on his soul.”
With that stunning revelation, the contract turned into ice in Nick’s overheated hand and crumbled to the floor in pieces.
“But I did—”
“No, you was a scared, fo’teen-year-old boy who nevah had held a gun. You shot me in my shouldah, thass all. I didn’t blame you for shootin’ me, Kidd. I deserved it. I just wanted to talk to you … ask you to fo’give me. But you lit out so fast. I tried to follow you. I din’t get no farther than the alley behind our buildin’. That’s where the po’lice found me. I nevah tole them who done it. They took me to the Med. And that was the end of it.” Sadie paused to let that sink in. “You fo’gave me, Kidd, but it ain’t proper I got to fo’give you. Now, I can be released from this bondage o’ neither death nor life. We have redempted each other.”
I was rendered speechless, but only for a moment. “Does that mean it’s all over?”
“It’s all over, Kidd. You’re free now.”
I whooped and hollered and danced around the apparition of my mother like a crazy man. That lasted all of ten seconds.
Nick shot us both down. “Not so fast, pardner. Remember the river card? Perhaps, you should ask Sadie when and how she actually died.”
The cold, cruel finger of fate jabbed me in the gut. “What are you talking about, Nick?”
Nick didn’t answer. The nasty little smirk on his face said it all. My nuts were still in the fire.
“Mom, what’s he talking about?”
“I bled to death in that alley, Kidd. I nevah made it to the hospital alive.”
Nick chimed in, “Which means you were responsible for her death, Diamond. And that
makes you still mine.”
With a flourish, Nick whipped out another contract from the recesses of his suit coat. He placed it carefully in my hand. It burned to the touch.
So close to salvation, and now I stood on the precipice of the Devil’s inferno. “What’s with a new contract? I never signed two. You can’t do this.”
“I just did. Clue him in, Sadie.” Nick leaned against the wall, smugness oozing from every pore.
“In the spirit world, Kidd, murdah don’t get no pass, either. Just like in real life.”
“True,” Nick chortled. “You kill someone up here, whether you meant to or not, and a contract is auto-generated in my neck of the woods with your name written in the victim’s blood. All legal and binding, Diamond. Even the Big Boss Man doesn’t interfere. Makes my job real easy. Gotta love it, don’t you?”
Nick unsheathed a ruby-studded dagger hidden in his clothes. It gleamed in the gathering dawn, a ray of light from the rising sun reflecting red fire off the hilt.
“What say we draw a little ink from you, Diamond. Time to rock and roll.”
Sadie’s eyes became cold, flashing like icy blue fire. “Belial, you won’t put one finger on my son. You won’t draw one drop o’ blood.”
Amused, Nick answered back. “And why is that, slut?”
“‘Cause he still wasn’t responsible for my death. I been waitin’ to see what you had up yo’ sleeve.” Nick was skeptical, but listening hard. “I let myself bleed out in that alley. I wasn’t fit to live. If I’d a stayed where I was, I woulda got to the Med in time to live. ‘Cause the po-lice found my man and thought I done it. Two hours later they found me . lyin’ in that filthy alley. Nearly bled out. They asked me, but I told them nuthin’. I never made it to the Med.” Sadie paused. “You lose, Devil. Git you gone from here an’ leave my son alone.”
The new contract crumbled to ashes in my hand.
Nick was a practical demon and knew when he was licked.
Delta Blues Page 26