by Susanna Ives
He continued along the exterior wall. Torches affixed to the stone lit the way. As he passed the arch running under the ancient wing, a black shadow moved in the corner of his vision. An odd supernatural sensation prickled his skin. Though he couldn’t see Helena, he was certain she was near.
He stopped just inside the mouth of the passageway. The light drifting from his home and the moon silhouetted a female figure strolling in the tulip labyrinth.
What had driven her out here?
He told himself to leave her alone, yet ambled across the lawn, coming to stand under a spreading oak bough. The breeze picked up, soughing through the branches.
She continued her progress through the path, unaware of him, as he sipped his brandy and studied the graceful lines of her figure, imagining her body freed from the layers of clothes.
His drinking glass must have reflected in the moon’s glow. She stopped. Though darkness concealed the features of her face, he knew she stared straight at him.
“Hello?” she called out. She hurried down the straight path that intersected the circles. “Who is there?”
He stepped forward into the falling light.
“Theo.” The way she said his name, breathy and hopeful, sent a warm shiver across his skin. “Were you watching me?”
“I was worried when I couldn’t find you. Is something the matter?”
She gazed at his brandy glass. “You were dancing with those other ladies.” She chuckled, but he could detect a seam of tension below the laugher. “I came away because I was jealous. That is silly of me, is it not?”
“You were jealous?” He couldn’t deny the pride her words elicited. “How could you possibly be jealous of another woman?”
“When they dance with you—my good friend—I can’t help but feel it.”
“Let us dance here then.” He flung out his hand, sloshing his brandy. “No one can see.”
“Are you inebriated?”
“I don’t know.” He looked inside himself. His nerves were on end and, although his mind was dulled with alcohol, he could think through the haze. “I think I’m just tired and frustrated. I wanted to talk to you. I’ve been watching you the entire evening.”
“No, you haven’t. You hardly noticed me, apart from your generous toast. Thank you, Theo. Truly. You’ve given me a home in this beautiful place, and Emily and Megan, and your friendship.”
He dropped his glass. It thudded on the grass. “Dance with me. Now. I insist.”
He seized her hand and imprisoned it to his chest. Her wrists were delicate, her fingernails fine and bitten down. Her small details fascinated him. He wanted to study her like an exotic fragile orchid—learn her climate and how to make her thrive.
The muffled sounds of a fast jig drifted from the house, but Theo held her close, forcing his own slow rhythm.
“I’m sorry I made you cry at dinner,” he said. “I never want to see you cry again.”
“Why do you say these things?”
He caressed her cheek with the back of his knuckles.
“Because you could love me. Isn’t that what you said?” He let his lips hover over hers. “Do you love me?”
She shivered. “I… I—”
He covered her mouth with his and penetrated her with his tongue. What he was doing was reckless and selfish, yet he didn’t stop. He pressed against her until her breasts were flattened against his chest, but still, he wasn’t satisfied. He wanted more of her, greedy for all the peace and pleasure her body could afford him.
He tore away and buried his head on her neck. “I’m a coward. I’m teasing you, taunting you, to make you say you love me. Because I love you.”
She convulsed with a strangled cry.
“I’ve tried to stop it,” he continued. “I shouldn’t love you. But I can’t help myself.” Her hair was silken threads against his cheek. He kissed the tender skin along her jawline. “Marry me,” the words tumbled forth.
“What?” she cried, shaking her head as if she didn’t trust her ears.
He surrendered his moral battle, ceding himself to the devil. He wasn’t good or strong enough anymore. “I’ll never hurt you again. I swear I’ll make you happy. I promise. Marry me. Dear God, marry me.”
Her luminous eyes slid from his face. He could see her pupils sharpen as she gazed beyond him to the tulips and then the mountains lost in the night. Then she closed her lids, her lashes casting brush-like shadows on her cheek. For a moment, he harbored a glimmer of hope she would turn him away, saving him from the crime he was committing.
“Yes,” she whispered slowly, tentatively, and then, “Yes,” again.
He drew her close, letting the swell of her breasts and the curve of her waist silence the fear darkening his mind. He kissed the top of her head, tears burning in his eyes. “I’m going to make you happy. I’m going to love you so well. I’ll make up for everything. It will be only us, safe here in the mountains.”
∞∞∞
She knew she should have turned him down, but, instead, she had selfishly snatched at his offer, greedy for him, his garden, and his life. She didn’t deserve him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and met the pressure of his mouth, giving this brilliant man what he wanted, doing her best to make herself worthy of his love. Now he, Emily, Megan, and she would be a true family, locked in this Eden.
The evidence of Theo’s desire pressed against her belly. He didn’t bother to conceal it. She should be shy or modest, and mumble something about waiting, but she couldn’t deny him anything. Not after he had given her a new life. Her fingers drifted over the bulge in his trousers and she gingerly touched him. “Show me how to please you.”
He groaned, grasped her hand, and pressed it hard against his sex, guiding her along its contours. She followed his tutoring, her anticipation heightening with his groans and harsh inhales of pleasure. The ability to pleasure him emboldened her. She wanted to please him more. She moved her hand faster, feeling his muscles tighten, his sex growing even harder. This game wasn’t enough. She desired to see what waited beneath his trousers, to feel the flesh of his sex, not harsh wool. As she started to reach for his waistband, he stepped back. The night breeze filled the space between them.
“I’m too wild, my love. We must stop or I’ll spill on my trousers. You’re beautiful and it’s been too long since I’ve felt a woman.”
She took his hand, bringing it to her breast. “Feel me, Theo,” she whispered.
He didn’t move for a moment. His dark eyes were lost in the shadow of his brow.
“Feel me.”
A muscle near the back of his jaw twitched and something in his visage broke. He hungrily kissed the dark, warm place under her jaw, his beard tickling her skin as his hand caressed her breasts. She whimpered out—soft and high—and pushed against his palm, wanting to know his skin upon hers, not the frustrating layers of fabric.
“Oh, God,” he groaned. He seized her elbow, guiding her deeper into the curved tulip path bordering the edge of the woods. The sounds of a fast violin mingled with the call of evening birds and insects. His hands were feverish as he grasped for the numerous buttons and clasps on her clothes.
She gazed back at the silhouettes of the tulips and the quaint petite castle filled with fantastic carvings. She knew with a deep certainty she would give her maidenhead to him tonight. Virtuous ladies would wait for their wedding nights, but she was terrified he might drift away from her. He might wake up tomorrow and remember the spoiled, ignorant lady from London, if she didn’t show him how much she loved him and how desperate she was to become the tender, gentle woman he wanted—he deserved.
Her bodice slowly fell away. He reached around her chest and tucked his fingers into her corset, finding her nipples—hot, extended, and waiting for him. His lips caressed her earlobe as he played along the tips of her breasts, inducing high, tight whispers that caught in her throat. He laughed low and knowingly—and continued his rapturous torture.
Her privates swel
led and throbbed with a heavy, dull ache. She turned, pressed her hands to his cheeks, and kissed him, her tongue delving deep into his mouth, showing him what she desired from him.
Still locked in their kiss, he pulled off his coat, one sleeve then the next, and then dropped the garment on the path. She pulled him to the ground, letting him topple atop her. His sex was hard against her stomach. She entwined her hands in his hair as his tongue swirled with hers. Though she had never experienced such intimacy, she wasn’t afraid. Her body possessed a primal, instinctive knowledge. Her pelvis rocked, kneading his sex. His groan of pleasure rushed over her, driving her faster.
He rolled off her and sat on his haunches. It was too dark in the wood to see his face. Had he second thoughts? She didn’t want him to have time to consider. She didn’t want him to leave until he had bound his world to hers and the love they made couldn’t be undone. She saw his hands working and realized he was undoing his trousers.
He edged closer to her. His fingers trailed up her pantalets, to the warm, bare skin of her thigh. There, he stopped. She could hear his uneven breath and feel his uncertainty.
“Theo,” she murmured. “Please. I’m not afraid.”
His fingers moved even closer, finding her wet, slick opening. She sucked in her breath. Waiting. He hesitated for a moment more, and slid slowly inside.
“I love you,” he said in a low, gravelly voice against her whimpers as he explored her. “I’m going to marry you. We will live here, away from the others. No one can find you. I’ll make you happy.”
She couldn’t speak, but broke into sob-like cries as her body begged and writhed against his hand. She grabbed his arm, pulled him onto her. His hard, heavy thighs fell between her legs, his sex pushed against hers, but her virgin body wouldn’t relent.
He murmured her name and slid his arm under her knee, widening her. The sear of tearing skin brought tears to her eyes. She bit down on her thumbnail.
He kissed away a tear as it rolled down her cheek, whispering that he loved her and he didn’t mean to hurt her.
“Hush,” she whispered and ran her fingers down his neck and chest. She could feel the tension pent up in his muscles. Yet, he remained still until her body relaxed around him. Then he began to slowly, gingerly move within her. She gasped, grabbing onto him, as a profound pleasure burgeoned in her core. Her thighs rose, complementing his approach and retreat.
He sucked his breath through gritted teeth, his arms quaked, but he remained gentle and slow. Too slow. She wanted every part of him—the wine and tobacco taste of his mouth, the sweat and cologne scent of his skin—inside her. She whimpered and pushed deeper, faster against him, ripening the acute pressure rising from where his sex met hers. Her body was reaching for a destination just beyond her grasp.
“I can’t hold back,” Theo cried. His thrusts grew frantic and powerful. She arched, her mouth stretched, but no sound came. He cried a mangled curse, pushed deep inside her and shuddered.
“Helena,” he whispered and then again, “Oh, God, Helena.” She realized he had released his seed into her. She might have a child—his child, who would grow up in this sheltering garden, safe and fat with love.
He gently lowered to rest upon her, his heart thundering, his neck and face wet with perspiration. She wrapped Theo in her embrace, holding fast to the man she loved and the life and home he promised. With his body atop hers and the ground he cultivated below, her fears dissipated and her relentless, merciless mind finally quieted.
“I’m sorry, my love,” he said.
She laughed softly, trailing her fingers up and down his back. “Why?”
“I wanted to give you time. I’ll have more control of myself next time.”
She laughed again. Yes, there would be a next time and a next time and a next time. Her future no longer a scary, black nothingness, but this beautiful man, his children, and tulips.
∞∞∞
With their clothes smoothed and any visible dirt brushed away, they walked, hand-in-hand, under the ancient arch. Theo’s head throbbed. He had taken her maidenhead, possibly impregnated her, all to force himself into this shameful, cowardly position. He had no choice but to continue spinning his lies to hold back the truth. He glanced at her. Her face was flushed, her eyes large and vulnerable under the torches on the wall. He knew he would do anything to keep her, anything to hold onto the measure of peace she gave him, even if it sent his soul to hell.
“You will have to teach me to garden,” she said.
He drew up her hand and kissed her fingers. “I’m going to teach you many things.” His tone was dark, seductive, yet teasing at the same time, meant to conceal the anxiety simmering below the surface.
Soon it was bound to leak out she had married the lunatic son of Lord Staswick. He didn’t give a fig what the newspapers speculated about him, but he didn’t want to see her hurt again. Then there was the matter of his parents. His father and brothers would not be pleased with the connection. Would they shun her?
Yet all these concerns were for nothing if Scotland Yard’s Officer Wilson didn’t keep his damned mouth shut.
As they approached the carved doors, she attempted to extract her hand, but he held it tight, not caring about the stares and whispers they might garner. He wanted them to know he had claimed Helena for his own.
The parlor was hot and steamy from the lamps, the fire, and dancing, perspiring bodies. Couples whirled in a wild jig as Gordon furiously bowed his violin and pounded the beat with his foot. His coat was removed, his shirt clinging to his wet arms.
Emily rose from her seat when she saw them and met them in the parlor threshold. “And where have you been?” she admonished above the music. “You could have walked up Mount Snowdon and back in as much time.”
“Helena got lost in the tulip labyrinth, and I had to find her and kiss her.”
“What!” Emily’s lips formed a huge, silent “O” that curved into a mischievous grin as she glanced between Theo and Helena. She slapped him playfully on his wrist. “You, sir, better have proper intentions.”
“Come now, you know my intentions are never proper.” Theo teased and then turned serious upon seeing Helena’s alarm. He added somberly. “You may congratulate us, Emily. We are to be married.”
Emily wagged a finger at him. “I knew it would be so. Remember, I told you from the very beginning!”
“You see the extent of my devotion,” he told Helena. “I shall have to live with Emily lording that over me for the rest of my days.”
Helena’s face lit in a beautiful smile, and she embraced her cousin. The two ladies laughed, turning in circles, giddy with joy. Only Theo could feel the invisible devil lingering in the room, watching and waiting.
∞∞∞
Helena clasped Emily’s hand as they watched Megan whirling on the dance floor. The girl’s earlier awkwardness had smoothed away, and now she laughed and enjoyed herself. Every few minutes Emily would lean close to Helena’s ear and say above the music something about embroidered flounces for a wedding dress. Theo stood behind Helena, drawing tiny designs on her back with his finger. Her privates throbbed from his presence; his tobacco and spice scent still clung to her skin and clothes. She turned her head and caught his gaze in hers, taking in the handsome features she would behold every day for the rest of her life. He loved her. This was her home. This was her family. This amazing man had given this new life to her, and she didn’t deserve it. I love you, she mouthed to him. She would love him so well as to make up for all her sins.
∞∞∞
After midnight, Emily’s face grew paler and the crescents under her eyes deepened. Theo declared it was time to go home.
In the carriage, Helena sat beside Theo and interlaced her fingers through his. She could feel his heavy bicep against her arm. The clouds had blown away and thousands of pinhole-sized, white stars freckled the sky. Helena wanted to hold onto this beautiful night for as long as possible. But it was already slipping from her grasp. So
on it would be a memory, all the small details faded away.
As the vehicle rolled through Theo’s drive, the torches burning from the stone walls lit the interior.
Megan, who was exhausted from dancing and slumped against her mother’s shoulder, suddenly sat up. “Why are you holding Theo’s hand?”
Her mother hugged her. “Darling, Theo and Helena have some delightful news.”
“Helena and I are getting shackled,” Theo said. “We shall be dull, boring married folk.” He winked at Helena.
Megan didn’t share in the joy. Her brows flattened, forming a hawkish look. “I thought you said you were only going to be friends,” Megan said to Helena. Her voice was a mixture of hurt and accusation. “Did you lie to me?”
“Don’t be angry with your cousin,” Emily said. “She didn’t lie. When two people fall in love, it’s quite confusing at first. One day all too soon, I fear, you will understand.”
The wind buffeted the carriage as it turned into the dark lane leading to Emily’s.
“Do you really love Cousin Helena?” Megan demanded.
“Yes,” Theo replied somberly. “I love your cousin very much.”
Megan shook her head. “But you’ve only known her for a few weeks.”
“He knew her in London,” her mother reminded.
The memory of London caused Helena to cringe inside. Was it obvious how desperately she seized Theo’s world? Another woman would have been patient, letting love ripen. But she had grasped its tight bud and compromised herself to entrap Theo.
“Don’t you see?” Helena slid forward in her seat, resting a hand on Megan’s knee. “I’m never going to leave. I shall always be here for you. We shall be a true family.” She said these words to soothe her own anxieties as much as Megan’s. She felt the girl’s body slowly relax.
“There now, no need to worry,” Emily said. “All shall be well. If we have the banns read—”
“No,” Theo barked. And then explained, “I love Helena too much. I can’t wait that long.” He raised her wrist to his lips, kissed the warm skin of her pulse. “I’m going to have her married to me no later than Wednesday. She’ll be trapped.”