by A. M. Wray
Both of us smiled as we greeted one another with a big hug.
“I’m great!” I replied. “How are you doing? How’s the nursery coming along?”
“Hunter’s gonna be driving by the time I’m done with the damn thing,” she joked. “It’s taking forever. I’d meant to have it done before he was born, but…”
Elizabeth had gone into labor about two months early. Though Nancy hadn’t gotten the nursery done before he was born, she was still on target to hit her original deadline.
“You’re still making good time, though,” I said. “Blame Hunter. He was the one that decided he didn’t wanna be in there anymore.”
She laughed. “I will. It’s all his fault. Already impatient, just like his daddy and uncle.”
“Impatient?” Alex said. “Me? Certainly not. I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
Nancy gave her son an incredulous look, earning a smile from him.
“Where’s the sewing machine, Mom?” Alex asked.
“See?” Nancy responded. “Impatient! Not even a proper hello to your mother before you go demanding things. Where are your manners?”
He laughed. The family dynamic always enthralled me. They were always picking on one another, laughing at one another, playfully arguing, and smiling. Always smiling. I loved them so much. Elizabeth and I had immediately been drawn to Alex and Jax because of their kindness and respectfulness. After we met their mom, it was obvious why they were so amazing.
Alex hugged his mother and kissed her forehead. “Better?”
“Much,” she said, her beautiful face mocking irritation. “Ya little brat. It’s in the hall closet.”
“Thanks, Momma,” he said before heading out of the room.
Nancy watched every step that Alex made until he was out of sight. She was behaving very suspiciously, and I was very certain I knew why. Once he was out of earshot, my suspicions were confirmed.
“So… Andi…” Nancy said.
“So… Nancy…”
A rather devious smile spread across her face. “When are you going to make an honest man out of that son of mine?”
“What?” I asked. “Alex and I are just friends. It’s not anything like that.”
“I think we both know that he’d be perfectly happy changing that,” she said.
I nodded. “I know. I don’t know what you did while raising those boys, but you sure know how to make ‘em. Both of them are everything a man should be.”
“Sooo? You guys spend more time together than Madonna does with a hair color. You’re always together. He’s always talking about you. You would be perfect together,” she said.
I sighed. “We are just very good friends. I know it’s strange. Men and women don’t usually make very good friends, but he’s different. We are different. I’m completely incapable of trusting someone in the relationship sense of things, and he’s a gentleman and respects women. It works out great. I’m just one of the guys.”
“Do you actually like it that way, though?” Nancy asked, her deep eyes boring into mine. “Do you truly like being alone?”
I shrugged. “I’m not really sure anymore. It’s been three years. You know the story. We’ve spent our fair share of nights taking shots and bonding over our hatred for men.”
Nancy laughed. “We have. Perhaps I shouldn’t have done that, though. Especially if I made you even more apprehensive. You’re just easy to get along with, and I don’t like to act my age.”
She was hilarious. I loved her to pieces. When Alex was going through the police academy, he wasn’t as available as usual. For good reason. That left me completely alone for the most part. Elizabeth was pregnant and with Jax. Alex was super busy making a life for himself. All I had was work. One night, I drunk texted Nancy instead of Alex. How, I’ll never know, but it happened. She offered to come get me and we hung out. We spent the entire night drinking and bashing the terrible relationships that we’d had.
She told me that after Jax had ended up with Elizabeth, she’d hoped that Alex and I would end up together. After that night, however, she realized why I was so apprehensive. Apparently, her understanding was beginning to wear off. I understood. She knew that I was a good woman. It made sense that she’d want her son with someone that he could trust, but trusting me wasn’t the problem. I’m a very good, decent human being. It was my inability to allow myself to truly care for anyone else that would be called into question. He didn’t deserve that.
“I don’t want you to misunderstand,” I started. “Alex is wonderful. You just know that I have trust issues. You couldn’t possibly want that pinned on him, would you? Alex is way too good to deal with that baggage.”
She stepped forward, her hand coming to rest on the side of my face. “One of these days, that will pass. Don’t close doors before they even open. You deserve happiness, even if it isn’t with my son. You’re a good woman and you deserve to be happy. It’s time that you started to let yourself move on.”
“Mom,” Alex said. “Leave her be.”
“Sorry! I’m just a concerned mother, that’s all,” she said.
“Just leave that be, Mom,” he said. There was humor on both of their faces, but I could tell that Alex was embarrassed.
“I see you found everything,” Nancy said. “Does that mean you’re leaving now? Or did you plan to hang out for a while?”
“All the stuff is back at my house,” I said. “So, we’ll have to go back there. I’ll try to have it back to you soon. If you need it back sooner, though, just let me know.”
“You kids have fun,” Nancy said, giving both of us a hug. “Don’t worry about the machine, Andi. I rarely use it. If you need help on the dresses, just let me know. I may not do it often, but I’m pretty handy.”
“Thanks, Mom. I think we’re going to work on the plans for the bachelor and bachelorette parties, too,” he said. “We’ve had quite a few requests for details and we don’t have them.”
“Sounds fun,” Nancy said. “Again, just let me know if you need anything. I love you guys.”
I smiled. It always warmed my heart when she told me that she loved me. My own parents weren’t even that loving, let alone my ex in-laws. Alex and I left, making our way back to my house. Our food was just shy of being cold, but we didn’t mind. We reheated the food and ate before setting up my sewing table. Alex brought me a shot and a beer before taking a seat across the room on the couch.
“Have you thought about this at all?” Alex asked. “I’m not sure what they’d like.”
I thought for a few moments as I finished pinning the first edge of the material. I positioned the fabric under the pressure-foot, secured it in place, and placed my foot on the pedal.
“I doubt that a strip club is in order,” I joked.
“Dinner or a cookout would be too boring for this,” he responded.
“Oh!” I said. “What about the casino?”
“Which one?” Alex asked.
“Wild Horses. That one has a great bar in it,” I said.
“That sounds perfect. It’s not trashy, but it’s not boring either. I love it,” he said.
There was a pause as he began writing down a few things. I imagined he was writing down some notes and different ideas. I used that time to make the first hem. It turned out to be a great idea to use Nancy’s machine. Hers was so much nicer.
“So, what were you and Mom talking about?” Alex asked.
“What?” I was a bit confused by his question, given he’d walked in on us and had interrupted. “You stopped the conversation. You told her to drop it. I assumed that you knew.”
“Oh, no,” he said. “I heard her tone. I didn’t have to actually hear the topic to know that she was up to no good. I figured that she was giving you a hard time. If you don’t want to say, that’s fine. I just wanted to make sure she wasn’t giving you a hard time.”
“She was bugging me about you again,” I said.
“Damn it.” He shook his head. “I fig
ured that was it. I could tell by her tone. I’m so sorry, Andi.”
“Oh, it’s fine,” I said. “Like she said… She’s just a concerned mother. She just doesn’t understand.”
“That’s my fault,” he said. “I talk about you all the time. She knows how I feel about you.”
“How you feel about me?” I said, smiling.
“Oh, hush. You know how I feel. Don’t pick on me,” he said, amusement in his voice.
“I do miss it,” I said. “The closeness of being with someone, I mean. I miss it.”
“I don’t know how you can stand it. I’ve been hurt before, too. I think that most people have. We can’t let it control us, though. You just kind of have to learn to let it go, as shitty as that sounds. You saw what Jax and Elizabeth went through and look at them, now.”
“Oh, I remember,” I said. “I spent a lot of time trying to convince her to let that douchebag Kevin go. I’ve always been one to deal out advice, but never to take it.”
“Clearly,” he popped off.
“I’ve had a bit too much to drink to have this conversation,” I said.
“Why? Afraid you might be a little bit honest for once instead of avoiding the subject?”
I sighed as I looked away from my work. I stared at nothing as I thought my words over carefully. It was true. I’d had far too much to drink to be having a serious conversation. Normally, that wouldn’t be an issue. However, it was just a situation that I didn’t want to be in given the topic at hand and that the person that I was talking with had feelings for me. The depth of those feelings were still unknown, but that didn’t make them less of a problem.
“Yes,” I said finally. “I know that I’ll be very honest and I don’t want to hurt your feelings. Where my head is… Where my emotional capabilities are…” I sighed again. “It’s complicated. I don’t think that you’d like my answer.”
“When have you ever known me to be judgmental? I’ve never been upset with you for the way that you feel. I want you to be honest,” he said.
I nodded before chugging the rest of my beer. How ladylike…
“As you wish,” I said. “Here’s the thing. I know that I’m incapable of letting someone in. I know that. I can’t help it. Yes, it will go away, but right now I can’t. That doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t miss the contact. I miss kissing. Snuggling. Sex. God, do I miss the sex. It’s been a very long time for me. If I’m to be completely honest, where I am in my life right now, a beneficial friend would be the best thing for me.”
“A beneficial friend?” he asked.
“Yes. Friends with benefits. Someone to hang out with. Someone that I could be myself with. I want to laugh about stupid things, make terrible or perverted jokes without judgment, have my freedom to do whatever I want without angering or upsetting anyone, drink beer and go out to the bar with friends, or with him and some friends, go home with him and have all the fun that I can handle, and then send his ass home after. That sounds perfect to me. If I feel like going out with a friend, I can. There’s no suspicion or weirdness, especially when I’m the most loyal person I’ve ever met. I can just go have fun without feeling bad about it. There’s no feelings. He’s not going to get upset when I want my alone time. Hell, he’d probably like that about me. There’s no awkwardness. Just fun. Pleasure. Sex. Lots and lots of sex. Sooo much sex.”
“Sooo much of it, huh?” he asked, laughing a bit.
“You have no idea,” I said. The alcohol was getting to me a bit more than I’d thought. “I want to be young. I want to enjoy my life.”
“But you don’t want the emotional pain and baggage that comes along with it,” Alex said.
“Yes! Exactly,” I said.
“Did you ever stop to think that I could be that for you?” he asked.
My brain stopped at that moment. I’d thought about it, but knew that wasn’t possible. To hear him say it, I found a small part of me perking up in hopes that it could happen. In truth, I believed that was the booze and hormones talking. It had been a very long while since I’d been with anyone and Alex was a delicious male specimen.
“You couldn’t do that,” I said.
“Why not?” he asked.
“Because you have feelings for me,” I replied. “The point in having a friend with benefits is that there are no feelings involved. You already have feelings for me.”
“So? That only means that I’d take better care of you. It also means that I’m not going to go screwing around with other random people and risk your health. Maybe you shouldn’t friend zone me so quickly.”
I laughed. “Friend zone. I guess I really have done that. Still… The thing is that most women would say you’re just saying whatever you have to just to get in my pants. My problem is that you’re saying whatever you can to be with me in whatever way you can be. If getting in my pants is the only way you can be with me, then you’ll take it. That sounds terrible.”
“Hell yeah, it does. But anything will sound like the worst idea ever if you break it down far enough. You’re just looking into it too much. Did it ever occur to you that I’d like to have a beneficial friend? I don’t have a lot of time for a girlfriend. Not with my best friend taking up all my time, anyway.”
“Right. Me being your best friend,” I said.
“Right. So, with you taking up all my free time and work taking up the rest, how am I supposed to find a girlfriend? Plus, it would be exhausting to find a girl that is as understanding of my schedule at work, my goals, and my dedication to family and friends. Most people these days are very selfish. Men and women both want everything to be about them. Family goes to the side. I’ll be damned if I’m letting someone push me away from my nephew. Seems to me that I’m not really ready to try to find a real relationship, either. However, just like you, I find myself missing sex. Physical intimacy. The ability to express myself in that way. So, I think you’ve just overlooked a perfectly good match.”
He’d crossed the room and was standing next to me then. He was looking down at me with focused eyes and a beautiful smile on his face.
“How do you know that we’re compatible in that area?” I asked. “This is a pretty big conversation and I’m drunk.”
He laughed. “That’s exactly why I’m not making a move on you tonight. I want you to think about it. I want you to fantasize about it even. I’ve caught you looking at me. I know you want me.”
My eyes widened as my jaw fell open. I couldn’t believe he called me out in such a way. I smacked at him and he easily dodged it, both of us giggling in the process.
“You’re certainly full of yourself, aren’t you?” I asked.
Alex shrugged. “Not at all. I just know that we both find one another attractive. It wouldn’t be a terrible match, even if it was only temporary.”
“That’s a good point. It could be very temporary. What then? What about your feelings then? Could you really put yourself and your feelings aside for me? For this? Another question… Should I be willing to be selfish, when it goes against everything I am, just to get what I want? It would be terrible for me to put you and your feelings aside just to get what I want. You’d have fun, too, but still.”
“You make the mistake of thinking that I’m fragile and innocent. This is one area where Jax and I are very different. Don’t make your decision now. Right now, we have way too much to worry about. You need to get a good start on that dress, and I need to come up with an amazing party plan. I’m just tired of you treating me like the delicate little boy down the street that may break if you breathe on him the wrong way. I’m not nearly as soft as you think.”
He was the same Alex as always. His smile and gentle expression showed his kindness as it often did. Still, there was something just under the surface. Something darker. Maybe not dark, I suppose, but certainly naughty. It had me rather curious. Perhaps I had misjudged him after all… Maybe Alex was capable of being more than just friends.
Chapter Three
The nig
ht before had certainly been a strange turn of events. I had not been expecting anything like that. At all. Alex is so sweet and kind. He’s wonderful. I didn’t expect him to speak up like he did. I couldn’t deny that the idea was enticing. What I couldn’t get past, however, was the fact that the man had feelings for me. That could end up being devastating for him later on if I decided to stop. Or worse… What if I met someone else and decided to date them because I’d put him in a category where I could only see him as my friend that I had sex with? He would be so hurt and confused. I’m not even considering that as a real possibility, but I would never completely rule it out. Things happen.
As I made my way to the nurses’ station at work, my mind wandered. I couldn’t help but think about the proposition. I’d been far too drunk to consider anything like that at that moment. It made me happy that he was such a gentleman about it and didn’t try to push it, or make a move right then. As soon as I rounded the desk, the unit phone that I carried on my hip began to ring.
“Rochester,” I said.
“This is Jessica from ER. We need help here. Badly. Can you spare anyone?”
“What’s going on?” I asked. “I can come down. Other than that, we are short staffed. One of our girls is out from surgery and another is out sick.”
“We have a large MVA coming in. They called ahead to let us know. A third-shifter allegedly fell asleep at the wheel and crossed the yellow line, forcing a school bus off the road.”
“Oh, my God,” I said. I wanted to hope that the kids didn’t get hurt, but I knew better. If they were calling for help, then there were quite a few people injured. “What’s the total? How bad are the kids?”
“This happened on the south side of town. They’re taking the least critical patients north. Some of the intermediate ones as well. All the critical patients are coming here and the chopper is on stand-by if we can’t handle them. From what we can tell, the driver of the car is mostly fine. He’s stable. The bus, however, ran off the road and rolled down the hillside into the corn field there. The kids and bus driver aren’t doing well.”