by A. M. Wray
Two shocks and three rounds of CPR later, we got her back. Almost exactly as before. That time, she didn’t seem to wake up, though her body was sensitive to pain. That was good. I checked her pupils and the left was dilated, indicative of a brain bleed. I attached a bag to the tube that Doctor Saunders had placed and compressed it ever few seconds. Someone would have to continue to do so until she was upstairs and on a ventilator.
“Andi, call Doctor Lacey. I called Neuro, but I got no answer. Call her directly. She’s the best Neurosurgeon we have. I’ve got Little Andi from here. You did well,” he said.
I nodded. I didn’t have the energy to argue with him. Honestly, I didn’t have the brain to. It felt like mush. Getting attached to patients was a huge no-no, and that was precisely the reason why. It actually hinders care in an emergency. I’d always been so great at keeping distance, but kids… There was a reason why I stayed far away from pediatrics.
I did as Doctor Saunders asked me to and then ran to the bathroom to throw up. For good measure, I threw up a few more times. I needed to purge all of that and throwing up – while hideous and disgusting – was also effective. Once I was finished, I brushed my teeth using one of the disposable toothbrushes and tiny tubes of toothpaste that was on a nearby toiletry cart. I washed my hands a couple of times, then headed back to the ER. Little Andi was in great hands with Doctor Saunders. He was one of the best I’d ever met. I had many more patients coming in and ICU was about to fill up. There was too much work for me to do to just give in to my emotions.
I took a deep breath and steeled myself, pushing that sweet little face out of my mind. I would call to check on her surgery as soon as I got a chance. In fact, I know that I’d end up checking on her many times.
Chapter Four
It was getting easier to get my confidence back with the next two ambulances that showed up, even with the knowledge that there would be many more patients to come. With Little Andi still raw in my mind, I kept myself at a distance and focused strictly on care. I allowed the secondary caregivers do all the sweet talking. Otherwise, I’d risk letting my patient down all over.
There were several emergency vehicles that had come from out of town to help with the accident and they were all beginning to show. Ten ambulances in our receiving area and we were maxed out. We worked hard and fast to stabilize and get them up to ICU, but that posed its own issue. Who would care for them in ICU?
We pulled nurses from all over the hospital and a few more doctors were called in as well. I was in charge of stabilizing and then moving the patients up to ICU. I would give the patient information to the staff that I had available, that was growing by the minute, then get the patient comfortable, and then head back down to the ER and start over again. It took a long time to get everything settled.
Some of the patients were rushed into surgery with internal bleeding and other various issues, while others were shipped up to ICU. Some of them were sent to the third and fourth floors which was where we kept our non-critical patients for general monitoring. Those patients were considered completely stable, but unable to leave. They would stay for twenty-four hours or so, longer if the doctor felt necessary, and then they would be discharged.
The day was long and relentless. It didn’t end once the “emergency” of it all was over. That was only the beginning. After that came the monitoring, the crashing of those in ICU, the admissions of those coming out of surgery. No one ate. No one took a break. I didn’t even remember seeing anyone go to the bathroom. It was common in the medical field. It was disturbing how high the rates of urinary tract infections were in nurses. Consistently going full shifts without using the bathroom was detrimental to the health, but it was easy to forget to do.
By the time that my shift ended, I was still wrapping things up. My entire body ached. I was exhausted. Little Andi was heavy on my mind. They had to bring her back again in the middle of surgery. The neurologist said that if she hadn’t gotten up there when they did, she would have died. The bleeding had become so bad that it was pressing on some pretty terrible things. I was grateful we had such a wonderful team.
The only thing that held me together was the fact that we didn’t lose a single patient. There were three children in ICU that were being heavily watched. One of them had a broken neck from being tossed around in the rolling bus. The other child, a little boy, had severe intracranial swelling. Surgical intervention was still a very real possibility if it couldn’t be controlled on its own. Then there was Little Andi. Those children were our most critical, but they were alive.
I went to see her on the way out of the building. She was still unconscious and on a ventilator. Her little head was wrapped in a large bandage. She looked like a little alien. I smiled as I thought about telling her that when she woke up. Her parents hugged me when I walked in. Doctor Saunders and Doctor Lacey told them the lengths I’d gone to in order to take care of her, including singing to her in the CT room. They were very grateful for everything, which made it even sweeter. I loved those stories. It made all that hard, relentless work so worth it just knowing that I was able to change a life.
I asked if I could stay a while and hold her hand. The mother was all too happy to agree, as was the rest of her family. I sat next to her bed and did just that. Her mother, Jackie, asked if I would pray with her. I’d never been that great at praying with other people, but I certainly wasn’t going to turn it down. In fact, it moved me that she would include me in something so personal.
After about forty-five minutes, I decided that I needed to get out of there. Little Andi was in good hands and had lots of love with her. She would be okay. I just knew it. I had to get out of there before I decided to stop fighting the urge to crawl in bed with her and sleep.
On top of the physical exhaustion that the action of the day brought, there was the emotional exhaustion. So many mothers and fathers. So many brothers and sisters. They were all a mess. Crying, begging for information that we simply did not have. There were prayer groups going in the waiting room and my heart broke every time I had to walk out there.
The investigation into the accident proved just that. It had been an accident. The male driver had indeed fallen asleep at the wheel. In fact, it was his employer’s fault. They had forced him to work a double shift three days that week. He was a single father and still had to take his own children back and forth from school, so his sleep was nearly non-existent. His blood and urine came back completely clear. It was a simple mistake by a man that had been ran as far as he could go. I was relieved to hear that no charges would be brought against him.
He was on my floor, though he wasn’t in the ICU. I came to check on him before I left and he broke my heart. He was a mess. It was obvious that he’d been crying for a while. He felt so much guilt for what had happened. Before his tox screen came back, officers stood outside his room. It was more for his protection than anything else. They were afraid some angry parents would discover what room he was in and hurt him. Once the conclusion to the investigation came out and the parents were all informed of what really happened and the situation the father was in, they were all very understanding and sweet.
He told me that several people came by his room. I could see that. There were balloons and flowers all over his room. One of the moms was a daycare provider and offered to take his kids to school in the morning for him on her way to work. She also said that she could send someone to pick them up on the days when he had to work over so that he could rest. With her own child in the hospital, she was still caring enough to help that man out. It warmed my heart to see the community come together. It reminded me that the world wasn’t such a bad place. It’s good to have those reminders sometimes, though I wished that it didn’t take such a terrible thing to do so.
As I finished up, I grabbed my phone and checked my messages. There were several from Alex. He asked how my day was in the first. Right after that he mentioned the wreck. He’d heard about it, but because of where he was assigned, he co
uldn’t take part in it, but he wished me luck. The last one asked if I was okay. He hadn’t had a single response all day and was worried. My body ached. My head throbbed. I couldn’t imagine going home alone and just going to bed. I texted him back.
I’m okay, but in a lot of pain. Can you come over?
It didn’t take long for him to respond. It was almost immediate.
Absolutely. Are you sure you’re okay? Can I bring anything?
I thought about that for a moment. I was tempted to tell him to bring some massage oil and make good on that conversation we had the night before. In the end, I decided against it.
Just you.
~ ~ ~
When I got home, Alex was already there. He’d let himself inside with the key I’d given him and had already started dinner. I walked in to the smell of homemade Alfredo sauce.
“I hope you don’t mind,” he said. “It sounded like you could use a break.”
My eyes began to fill with tears. I had no idea what came over me, but I imagined that it had a lot to do with that little girl in the ER, all of the stress and worry of the day, and that I hadn’t eaten anything. At that moment, I had never been so grateful for anyone.
Without another moment of hesitation, I made my way over to Alex and wrapped my arms around him, letting the tears fall. I heard the light clang of a pot as he moved it off the burner before wrapping his arms around my frame, squeezing me.
“Thank you so much,” I said between sobs. “I appreciate this more than you know.”
“I wasn’t there, but I know it had to be bad. They were talking about it at the station when they came back. I wish I’d been there. Even just to see you for a moment. I’m so sorry. I know it must have been hard.”
I pulled away and he wiped the tears from my face.
“There was this girl,” I said, launching into the story of the sweet child that stole my heart that day. I still couldn’t think about the terrified look on her face without gripping my fists. It devastated me.
“Oh, my God,” he said. “How awful! Is she alright? Or will she be alright?”
“She’s okay. She'll be down for a while, but I have no doubt that she will heal quickly. God. I’m going to have nightmares about her, I just know it. Sometimes this job sucks. Don’t get me wrong. I’m so glad I was able to help save her, but her little face… oh, I just can’t handle thinking about it.”
“Her mom gets to hug her tonight, though because of you. Her family still gets to tell her they love her because of everything you did. I know it’s hard, but I can tell you from personal experience exactly what it feels like to be on the receiving end of that gift from you.”
He was, of course, talking about his mother. About the day that Elizabeth and I had saved her. Even though it was mostly Elizabeth’s doing, he still contributed a lot of it to me, too. I thought that was pretty great of him.
“Thank you,” I said. “That’s incredibly sweet.”
“You’re welcome. Sometimes I feel like you need to be reminded. Now… Go get those clothes off. Take a hot shower. By the time you’re done, dinner should be as well.”
“Yes, sir. You don’t have to tell me twice.”
I did as I was told, heading into the bathroom and getting undressed. I'd changed out of my scrubs at work and wore a clean pair home as I always did. I didn’t like wearing dirty scrubs home and bringing in any potential nasties. I was sure the girls in laundry didn’t much care for that, but it was a phobia of mine.
My muscles relaxed as soon as the water hit. So much so that I worried I might collapse. It was incredible how tense my back and shoulders were. I couldn’t believe just how I’d made it with as weak as I felt right then. The human body was capable of amazing things when determination was involved.
I heard the bathroom door open, but I ignored it. Alex could have let a TV crew in there and I wouldn’t have cared. In just a few moments it closed again. Curious, I peeked out to see that had brought me some pajamas, underwear, and socks. How sweet was he?
When I finished, I turned off the once hot water and dried off. I debated blow-drying my hair, but decided against it. I wanted food. I quickly changed into the pajamas provided for me and made my way into the kitchen.
Oh… That smell. It was beyond wonderful. Magic even. Homemade chicken Alfredo, garlic bread, and a side salad with freshly grated Parmesan. It looked amazing. My stomach was trying to jump into my throat. At least, that’s what I imagined it was trying to do with all that noise it was making.
“Alex,” I said. “It looks delicious. It smells unbelievable.”
“Wait until you taste it,” he said. “Sit down. I’ll get you a plate.”
I began to protest, but he stopped me right there.
“I don’t think so,” he scolded. “Sit. Now. You spent the whole day helping other people. Someone needs to take care of you now.”
I could kiss him. He was so sweet.
Hmm… That actually sounded like a wonderful idea. With the blood, dirt, sweat, and tears of the day washed off me, and the stress melted away with the hot water, suddenly I was hungry for much more than just yummy Alfredo. I found myself staring at the beautiful man in the kitchen preparing a plate of the food the he’d made for me. Kind. Smart. Thoughtful.
Sexy.
So… so… sexy.
Alex handed the plate to me and I smiled, doing my best to hold back my lecherous thoughts. I hoped that he couldn’t see the want in my eyes. That conversation from the night before was replaying in my mind. Over and over I watched him make his case. Over and over I saw that dirty look in his eyes when he’d spoken with passion. If I didn’t get my mind on something else, he was going to get his wish.
“What’s on TV, I wonder.” I grabbed the remote, trying to take my mind off anything sexual.
“I’ll look,” Alex said, snatching the remote away from me. “I’ll look and you eat.”
“Yes, sir,” I said as I rolled my eyes.
Alex narrowed his eyes at me, a grin playing across his lips. “That was very rude of you. Rolling your eyes. Have you no manners? Be nice now, or I’ll have to teach you some. I’m trying to help you relax after all.”
I gasped a little, my eyes widening. Had he seen the look in my eyes when he handed me the plate? Was he just responding to my own desire? Or was he totally clueless and just being naughty himself?
I didn’t linger to find out.
Turning my eyes toward my plate, I grabbed the fork and dug in.
Oh, hell.
Oh, heaven would be more appropriate. The Garden had nothing on that. My, my, my. The sounds coming from my stomach was both embarrassing and telling of how good it was. I wasn’t certain if the food was actually that good, or if it was the fact that I hadn’t eaten in so long. It didn’t matter. I ate it with great haste.
I heard a light laugh. “Like it?”
I looked up, a noodle hanging out of my pursed lips as I sucked it into my mouth like a vacuum.
“What?” I asked.
“Do you like it? You sound hilarious over there. With the sounds you’re making, I couldn’t tell if you were eating or doing something else over there.”
I swallowed, embarrassed.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s so good. Really.”
“I’m glad you enjoy it. When you’re finished, we will move on to the next activity.”
“I'm sorry. What? What activity? We have activities?”
He smiled. “Don’t worry about it. Just relax and eat. The night is about making sure you go to bed already rested and wake up feeling great before work tomorrow. Okay? Just relax.”
It was my eyes turn to narrow then. What exactly did he have planned?
Once I finished my food, Alex came to get my plate and take it to the kitchen along with his. My belly was full. My body semi-relaxed. I was a happy girl.
“Come with me,” he said, extending his hand.
I hesitated for a moment before taking it and following
him to my bedroom. My belly immediately skipped. That Alfredo was doing some dancing with the anxiety that I suddenly felt. I’d thought a lot about his idea, but I hadn’t yet decided. I wanted him, but I needed more time to think.
“Relax,” he said, apparently having read my mind. “Nothing like that. No sex.”
“I got nervous. I’m sorry.” I stood there, looking him in the eyes with what was certainly a guilty expression.
“It’s okay. I understand. I still want you to strip, though. Then lie face down on the bed.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
The tips of his fingers brushed the hair back out of my face. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead.
“Trust me. I’m not going to do anything that you don’t want. I promised you no sex. That’s what I meant. I’ll even turn on the TV. Lie there with your head toward the foot of the bed so you can see. Just trust me. Strip down. Underwear is fine, but I’d like for those to go as well.”
Ooooh, my. My chest was heaving a bit with my rapid breaths and heart rate. I was scared to remove my clothes, especially my underwear, but I was just as intrigued. I wanted to see what would happen.
In the end, I did as was requested of me. I stripped down to my underwear. Then, as I turned to look at my bed, curiosity got the best of me and I stripped those off as well.
“Beautiful.” It was the only word that he uttered, but it made me smile as I climbed onto the bed and got comfortable.
As promised, he turned on the TV. It went a long way to calm my nerves.
“I know this will probably be uncomfortable, but I want you to spread out, like a starfish.”
I’d come that far. I took a deep breath and spread out. There wasn’t an inch of me that wasn’t bare for him to see. It was nerve-racking, but it also turned me on. A lot. Being that vulnerable in front of a man like him. I had to be honest; I never saw that coming with him. He was very… Alpha.