by Jaci Burton
“What do you want, Lisa?”
That was the million-dollar question. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, this vacation will end.”
“Yes.”
He stared at her expectantly. God, how was she going to say this? She supposed the best way was simply to put it out there. “And I don’t know how to . . . end things with us.”
His lips curled. He laid his hands on her thighs, leaned forward, and pressed his lips to hers. “Do we have to?”
“I don’t know, Rick. I don’t know where we are. Like I said, this has been a fantasy. It’s been wonderful. I’ve enjoyed the time with you so much. But it’s not reality. It’s not our lives, not who we are, who we’ve been for the past fifteen years.”
He leaned back. “You mean divorced. Separate.”
“Yes.”
“Is that what you want?”
Did she? She didn’t know anymore. “I can’t say.”
“I arranged this week as a way for us to reconnect, Lisa. To rediscover each other, to see if we still had the magic.”
There was definitely magic between them. More so now than there ever had been before. But was it enough to sustain a relationship, to build a future on? She reached for his face, sliding her palm along his jaw. “It’s been amazing. More than I could ever hope for.”
“But?”
She sensed his tension, knew anger simmered just under the surface. But she owed it to him, and to herself, to be honest. “I just don’t think it’s enough. I think we’re trying to recapture something that’s long gone, Rick.
“I think our time is past. I think it’s time we both move on with our lives.”
His jaw clenched, the parts of his body touching her tightening, too. All the joy, the relaxation she’d felt tonight, evaporated in the steam rising from the water.
She’d hurt him. And that tore her up inside, made her stomach clench with pain.
“Is that how you really feel?” he asked, not making a move to rise from the tub, but draping his arms over the sides. He seemed casual and relaxed, but Lisa knew he was anything but. “Do you really feel like we’re over, or is that the line you’re using because you’re afraid?”
Defenses up, she lifted her chin. “I’m not afraid, Rick. I just don’t think you and me together is a wise idea.”
“Because?”
“Because it’s too much history.”
“All bad?”
“No. Of course not. We have Kayla.”
“We have more than just Kayla between us.”
She rubbed her head, knowing where this was going. “Do we? There’s always been Kay between us. She was the reason for our marriage, the reason we fought it out for three years before finally giving in and divorcing.”
“We divorced because we were too young, not ready, not able to handle a relationship and a child. We needed that separation until we both grew up.”
She nodded. “Yes. But still, would we have stayed together if Kayla hadn’t come along?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know, Lisa. I think we would have. We’re still together now.”
She let herself smile. “Not really. We’re divorced, we share custody of our daughter. We raised her together. But everything has always been about Kayla. Now that she’s heading off to college, I’m afraid there’ll be nothing left for us to build on together.”
“There’s a lot we can build on, Lisa. We have amazing chemistry, we love being together.”
“Great sex doesn’t make a relationship. I’m afraid we’re both holding on tight to the past because we’re afraid to move into a future that doesn’t include our little nuclear family. Maybe it’s time we consider it.”
He took in a breath, blew it out. “You’ve dated other men since we’ve been divorced, haven’t you?”
“Yes.”
“Slept with a few?”
“Yes.”
“Find that magic with anyone?”
She looked down at the water, then back up at him. “No.”
“I dated a few women, slept with a few. No one . . . no one gives me what you do, Lisa.”
How could she feel so giddy and so awful at the same time? “I’m the mother of your child, Rick. I can’t help but think your feelings for me are tied into Kayla.”
He pushed off the sides and stood, water dripping down his body as he stepped out of the tub and grabbed a towel, not bothering to dry off. He dragged both hands through his wet hair and turned to her, his eyes gone storm dark with anger.
“Our entire life isn’t about Kayla. At least mine isn’t. You and I aren’t together, didn’t come together and stay together, simply because of our daughter. And if you’d step back from the past twenty years for just a few minutes, step away from your fear of being alone, your fear of losing your daughter, of losing who you are, you might just see that I’ve always been there. And I wasn’t just there for Kayla. I was there for you, for every step you took, every time you fell, every time you needed me.
“Not just for our daughter, but for you. That divorce decree was just a piece of paper, Lisa. I never left you. But you know what? I think you’re right. I think it’s time I did.”
He opened the door and closed it behind him, leaving Lisa still sitting in the tub, his words ringing in her ears and tears sliding down her cheeks.
What had she just done?
Ten
Stupid. God, she’d been so damn stupid.
Tears racked Lisa’s body until she had nothing left to give. It hadn’t gone the way she’d envisioned at all.
But what had she expected? That Rick would just say that things would go on the way they had always been? That she could live in her safe little cocoon and nothing would ever change? She knew that couldn’t happen. Not anymore.
By the time Lisa had gathered her composure enough to get out of the tub, dry off, and throw on some clothes, Rick was packed and gone.
Cold dread filled her at the realization that he’d left her, and she had no idea where he could be, no way to track him down, no way to reach him. She could try his cell phone, but would it work down here?
What would she even say to him if she called him? She’d told him it wasn’t going to work, her intent to thank him for a wonderful time, but to make it clear she didn’t want to continue a relationship with him beyond their vacation. So he’d left. She’d gotten her wish, hadn’t she?
So why was she so freakin’ miserable? Why did she feel she’d just made the worst mistake of her life? Why did it take such a cold slap in the face for her to realize how much she cared for him?
He was right. Dead-on accurate with everything he’d said to her. She had been hanging on to Kayla, on to her role as Kayla’s mother, afraid to take a step into adulthood and try life on her own. As a woman. She’d kept Rick at a distance all these years, still feeling that pang of longing for him but too damn afraid to say or do anything that could shatter the perfect world they’d created for Kayla. So they’d done this careful dance around each other, remaining friends—close friends—when they could have been so much more. All this time they could have been more.
And now, this week, Rick had given her that opportunity again, and she had thrown it back at him and told him it wasn’t at all what she wanted, because again, she’d been afraid. Afraid that it wouldn’t be perfect, that it wouldn’t meet her expectations, that she would fail, just like she’d failed him the first time, like she’d failed Kayla the first time.
Better to take no chance at all than fail at the chance you take, right?
But what if she and Rick tried, and it didn’t work out? That would kill Kayla.
Wouldn’t it?
She lay on the bed and dug the heels of her palms into her tear-swollen eyes. Oh, God, she couldn’t think anymore. She had to talk to someone. She needed advice. Someone had to tell her what to do.
She stared at the phone. Connie. Kayla maybe? She’d really love to discuss this with her daughter, get Kayla to weigh in on this.
Only she could decide what path to take next. And from the way her heart twisted, it was clearly obvious how she felt about what she’d done. Her feelings for Rick went way beyond guilt at hurting him.
Great time to figure that one out, Lisa.
She’d screwed this up so badly. A week of romance, sex, spending time with a man she—
Loved. Yes, she was in love with Rick. She always had been, had never stopped loving him. She’d depended on him to be there for her, and as he’d said to her before he walked out, he had been. Every time she needed him, he’d been there. Not just for Kayla, but for her. And she’d used him, had never given anything back to him, but had only taken. Even this week, she’d taken, and instead of shouting out how she’d felt, she’d crawled back into her shell of fear and complacency and announced that she didn’t want what he offered.
What a bitch she was. How could he love her? How could he care for her? She wasn’t worth it.
Fresh tears sprung in her eyes, but she swiped them away, refusing to feel sorry for herself. Dwelling in misery wasn’t going to accomplish anything. She’d spent the past fifteen years letting Rick take care of everything, take care of her. That was going to change. It was time she grew up and took charge of her life. It was time to make some decisions about her future. About their future.
She knew what she wanted now, even though she’d been an utter dumbass and the truth had hit her about an hour too late. But maybe it wasn’t too late. She had an idea. A wonderful, impossible, romantic, scary-as-hell idea.
Their flight back to the United States wasn’t for two days. Unless Rick was so pissed he decided to grab an earlier flight . . .
She picked up the phone and called the front desk, confirming her suspicions. He’d checked into another room, but he was still in the hotel. It figured Rick wouldn’t just leave her there alone. Even as angry as he was, he would stay there to look out for her, would still be there at checkout time to fly back with her.
She so didn’t deserve him. It would serve her right if he laughed in her face and walked out on her when she presented her plan to him.
She lay down on the bed, knowing she’d get nothing done the remainder of the night. She fell into a fitful sleep, waking nearly every hour, hoping Rick would walk through the door so she could apologize and tell him how wrong she’d been. When the sun rose and filtered through the bedroom balcony, she got up and called room service for a pot of coffee, eager to start on her plan. There wasn’t much time and a lot to do. She was going to look ridiculous if Rick said no. She didn’t care. After what she’d put him through, what she’d said to him, she deserved it if he turned around and walked out on her.
After breakfast and a shower, she dressed and went downstairs, making arrangements, hoping like hell she wouldn’t run into Rick. Not yet anyway. She coaxed the front desk clerk into keeping tabs on him and letting her know if for some reason he checked out. She didn’t think he would, but just in case he did, she’d have to know. Her plans would be ruined. Everything was going to take place tonight. The coordinators were wonderful considering she was throwing this all together at a moment’s notice, but since it wasn’t a weekend, everyone had openings. She found a dress that fit perfectly at the designer shop in the hotel, and it was all scheduled. She was giddy with excitement, nervous with anticipation, and also dreading facing Rick again. But she had to if this was going to work. She had a hair and makeup appointment in an hour. All she had to do now was write the invitation, have it sent to Rick’s room, and hope he showed up. If not, she’d go to his room and beg him in person.
She had a lot of apologizing to do. And a lot to accomplish before eight o’clock tonight.
Rick stared out the balcony of his room, tired of pacing, tired of his own thoughts. He’d spent some time on the beach today—too long, walking a couple miles in one direction before taking a long swim, climbing out, and walking back. It had helped clear the cobwebs somewhat, but he had no more answers now than he did when he left the room earlier.
He still didn’t know what to do about Lisa, how to convince her they did belong together.
He couldn’t make her love him.
That was the worst part. He’d gotten this all wrong. Maybe his feelings were one sided, but he didn’t think so. It was fear holding her back, not her feelings for him. But there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. He’d done all he could. The rest was up to her.
At least he’d tried. This vacation was his attempt to get them alone so they could talk, get away from everyday life, and become a couple again. It had worked, too, for a while. But he knew it was just a matter of time before Lisa would start overthinking everything again. Why did he think he could change her? That’s who she was, who she’d always be. He was either going to have to accept it, or walk away.
Which was what he’d done last night. Not a very smooth move on his part. Instead of staying with her and talking through her fears, he’d gotten pissed off and stormed out. Way to be mature, Rick.
Maybe they hadn’t grown up enough yet. Either of them. Maybe they both needed to take a step back and really think things through.
Maybe Lisa was right.
He was pushing her. Too much too soon. His expectations had been too high. He was rushing her. After they got back home, they’d talk, take things slow. Lisa wasn’t the type to rush into anything—he knew that about her. With time . . .
He turned at the knock at the door, frowning. No one knew he was here and he hadn’t ordered room service. When he opened the door, a bellman stood there with a sealed envelope. Rick took it, tipped the man, and closed the door, staring at the handwriting on the envelope.
Lisa’s. She’d found him. He arched a brow and slid his finger under the seal to open it, scanning her elegantly printed words:
Rick
Words can’t express how wrong I was. How sorry I am.
Sometimes I have to lose something to realize how much it means to me. Maybe it’s taken me fifteen years to understand, to realize what was right in front of me the entire time, and I was too blind to see it. You’ve been everything to me. Friend, lover, and husband. You were right. Paper means nothing. We have always been meant for each other, I just didn’t see it. I do now and I don’t ever want to lose you again.
Meet me on the terra cotta terrace, beachside, under the white canopy at eight p.m. tonight.
Wear your suit.
Marry me. I love you. I’ve always loved you.
Lisa
He read the message several times, unable to believe what it said.
She loved him.
Marry her? Here? Now? Tonight? Was that even doable? Was she insane? It was so impulsive, so not Lisa at all.
Jesus.
He dragged his hand through his hair, glanced down at his watch. It was six o’clock. He headed to the shower, cleaned up and dried off, then went to the closet for a suit, shirt, and tie.
He couldn’t believe Lisa was doing this. So impulsive. His lips curled.
Maybe she could change, after all.
He grabbed his clothes and started getting dressed. There were a few things he wanted to do before eight o’clock.
Lisa stood under the white canopy, gardenias spread all around, their sweet scent helping to relax the giant butterflies in her stomach.
What if Rick didn’t show up? She’d be mortified, crushed.
And it would be no more than she deserved after the way she’d treated him last night.
The way she’d treated him for years, actually.
Her hands shook as the hotel’s wedding coordinator handed her the bouquet of creamy roses.
“You look gorgeous,” Amanda said, her bright pixie face lit up with a smile. For som
eone so young, Amanda was incredibly organized. She’d pulled this wedding together in one day, from minister to marriage license—and oh, the strings she’d had to pull to get that together—to the tent to music to probably more details than Lisa even knew about. Lisa owed her a debt of thanks. As well as the astronomical bill she was going to have to pay for everything, but she didn’t care.
She turned, the cream silk shift she wore swirling around her knees. God, she loved this dress. It was actually her first official wedding dress. She and Rick had gotten married at the court house the first time. Lisa had been ill with morning sickness, had worn an old dress, and the entire event was a cloudy blur of nerves and nausea.
This one—if it actually happened—would be different.
Her hair was piled up on top of her head, loose ringlets cascading alongside her face and along her neck. She wore a pair of matching stiletto sandals that made her legs look long and sexy. The outfit was amazing.
Now all she needed was a groom.
When she spotted Rick coming around the corner of the building, her heart rammed against her chest. Tears welled in her eyes and she almost sank to the floor. Her legs were shaking as he stepped under the tent and took her hand in his, kissing her knuckles.
“I’d love to marry you, Lisa. I love you, too.”
Just like that, she was forgiven.
“I don’t deserve you,” she whispered, fighting to keep the tears back.
He pressed his lips to hers. “We deserve each other. We deserve this.”
She sniffed, smiled up at him, unable to believe how happy she was.
“Are you sure?” he asked. “Kayla’s not here. Your friends, our families.”
She placed her fingers at his lips. “This is just about us, Rick. No one else needs to be here.”
One side of his mouth curved upward. He nodded.
“Shall we begin?” the minister asked.
The ceremony was short, but achingly sweet. The minister was perfect, spoke to them about love and commitment, and how important it was to remember to value each other. Lisa cried and she was certain her makeup was a mess, but she didn’t care. Rick surprised her with rings for both of them. He would think of that—she had forgotten. Matching platinum bands that were simple, but absolutely stunning. When the minister pronounced them husband and wife, Rick pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers, kissing her with a brief, dazzling kiss that left her breathless. The flash of a camera popped around her, they toasted with champagne, and then they were finished.