by Sean Clark
We had to tell the service that someone had gone AWOL. I mean, he was permanently gone. The suits then had enough air for maybe up to three hours. I doubt he walked the entire time, especially in his state, but in any case, there was no chance to recover him, dead or alive. Chances are, he just ended up collapsing and getting buried by the sands.
The only response we got from Earth? Let it go, don’t tell anyone.”
Cecil and Alika look on to Niilo, leaned forwards in their chairs. His eyes travel back and forth between the two of them.
“So, what did people say when you came back?” Cecil holds out his palm Niilo. “Did nobody notice that your crew came back one member short?”
The old man takes a deep breath, shifting uncomfortably in the wheelchair. “Kids, we were out there for almost three years. Before we took off, there was more fanfare than we could have imagined. We were like rock stars, but only then. Three years is a long time for people to remember something, especially when there’s little news in between. When we came back, it was with a whimper, not a bang.
A spaceship taking off to leave the atmosphere is a sight to behold. Fishing an oversized tin can out of the ocean after it reenters the atmosphere? There’s not much to see. Other than survive, we didn’t do much up there. We just did our jobs. So… when we came back, nobody cared enough to pay attention. Saïd’s family was dealt with, but other than that, it was just a quiet affair.”
Alika shifts loudly in his seat, finally speaking up. “Did you ever think about saying something? If the space administration was able to push that under the rug, what else do you think they’ve been up to?”
“I think your friend knows the answer to that. Tell me son, how did you get those scars?” Nillo scans Cecil up and down.
“I had an accident, up there. They sent me home, and now I’m messed up even more. The agency treats us like we’re expendable.” Cecil sneers.
Niilo squints at Cecil menacingly. “I don’t think anybody signs up for a job like that knowing it’s going to be safe. Space is unpredictable. It was during my final years of college that I happened to be watching the tube when they televised the space shuttle Challenger breaking up in our atmosphere. Yet, I still ended up going into the program myself, volunteering to go to Mars.”
Cecil turns his head down, feeling defeated. He looks down at his hands, grasped tightly into the book. They are rough and calloused, dotted with tiny scars from the work he had done up there, day in, day out.
“Let me guess.” Niilo continues, grabbing Cecil’s attention once again. “You are one of the popsicles?”
“You mean put under cryo? Yeah. Pretty much everyone gets frozen to get up there nowadays. There are only a couple who are awake the whole trip, to monitor the systems.” Cecil watches Niilo’s eyes as they continue to study them.
“Me, I never did like the idea.” The old man sighs. “It’s a scary thought… basically being frozen alive. I mean, you’re just barely alive I’ve heard. Barely any heartbeat, or brain activity.” Niilo shifts around in his wheelchair uncomfortably.
“You’re not wrong.” Cecil drums on the book lightly.
Television show tunes start playing in the background from the lounge. “You missed it, Niilo.” A raspy voice from inside calls out.
Niilo looks back at the door, then returns his gaze back to Cecil and Alika. “Well, Cecil and friend. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
Cecil stands up and places the book back in his backpack, slinging it over his shoulder. “No.” He mumbles, quietly.
“Before you go… what are you gonna’ do know that you know all this? Do you think you’re going to stir up controversy from something that happened almost fourty years ago?” Niilo rolls his wheelchair up to Cecil, looking him dead in the eye.
Alika stands back out of the way. Cecil takes a deep breath before finally responding. “No, no. I’m not out for reprisal. I just wanted some vindication for my own self, and maybe some peace of mind. Thank you for your time today, sir.” Cecil bows his head down before Niilo.
The old man shakes his head, bobbles flying back and forth. Alika jumps backwards as the wheelchair is pushed back, almost running over his toes. They look on as Niilo wheels himself back into the lounge.
Chapter 14
The drive back had been quiet. Cecil stares out the window at the sun that had been headed in the direction of the horizon. “When I was up there, after my accident, I felt the weight of the planet on me.” Cecil speaks up, gaze still fixed forward. The daylight had started to fade, the sky turning purple.
Alika jumps slightly, surprised by Cecil’s sudden speech.
“Everyone was doting on me. I couldn’t stand it. Everyone kept trying to make sure if I was okay. I wasn’t. After hearing his story… I can’t imagine how Saïd must have felt.”
“It’s… nightmarish, almost.” Alika focuses on the road, despite it being mostly deserted. A pair of headlights pass them with a whoosh on the opposite side of the road. “They had to put him in quarantine, all alone.”
“He must have felt like he had been given up on.” Cecil twiddles his thumbs.
“They wanted to help him though. That’s the sad part.”
“I imagine that’s what when through his head when he decided to leave the base on his own. He knew he couldn’t be helped, and he wanted to take the burden off the other crew members who couldn’t do anything but feel helpless.” Cecil continues. “I must have done the same thing to the others when I was up there.”
“How so?”
“Agrippa… I told you about him a bit. The older guy, took over the base down there in the caverns where we began to expand our power generation. He was there on the expedition where the accident happened, along with one other person. I think he felt sort of responsible.”
Alika turns his head towards Cecil slightly, still keeping one eye on the road. “You must have told him that it wasn’t his fault, right? It was an accident, right?”
“It was an accident. However, Agrippa took it upon himself to try to keep me mentally sound while I recovered. That’s when I started hearing the voices. At that time, I only wanted to listen to them… nobody else. It probably felt to him like a huge betrayal. Like he had lost any possible progress he had with me.”
“How did you reconcile with him?” Alika asks.
“I didn’t.” Cecil looked down. “At least, not then. When they discovered the tumor up there, I got put back into the freezer so as to stop it from progressing. I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye to him.”
“And since then?”
“I’ve been hesitant to send any messages his way, but I did get a message from him. Well, it was in my things when I found myself back here on Earth. He had slipped it in with my other belongings.”
Chapter 15
“Dear Cecil,
I don’t understand you, and I probably never will. I barely knew you. But I know you’re one of the most capable people I’ve met. Both in regards to you work, and in facing your emotions.
Despite all that, trying to work with you here on Mars was one of the most frustrating things I’ve done in a long time. I put myself through it because I knew I couldn’t lose you, and that the Earth couldn’t afford to lose you. I pulled my hair out trying to deal with you, to console you, to no effect. I had to remind myself that you were acting that way because weren’t okay. You weren’t in your right mind. I know hearing that hurts, but it's true.
I hope you find yourself in a better position there on Earth. I hope you get better. I hope you are able to do what you need to do, both for yourself and those around you. Don’t concern yourself with the goings on here on Mars. We will be just fine without you. Rather, I hope you forget all about your time here, in his horrible, toxic place.”
“You didn’t follow his advice, did you, Cecil?” Alika quips.
.
“No. But this is important. For me. For them.”
Chapter 16
&nb
sp; “You probably get tired of this question, but how do you feel, Cecil?” The doctor speaks, pulling on the tendons up and down Cecil’s leg and thigh.
Cecil shifts to the side to put his other leg up in the air. “It’s been so long since I’ve been able to get a read on what on what ‘good’ is supposed to feel like…” Cecil groans as the doctor extended his leg hard in the air. “But I don’t feel bad.”
“I’m glad to hear. Your muscles mass about the same as the reading we took before you left planet originally.” The doctor lets go of Cecil’s leg, picking up his tablet to start jotting down notes. His eyes scan the page. “Your weight is on point, a little bit above what it was. That’s normal for someone for someone with limited mobility. Just make sure you watch it.”
“My aid, err friend, out there in the waiting room… he’s always making sure I eat enough.” Cecil sighs.
“He’s a good to watch out for you. Your notes tell me that you had a hard time keeping things down in the past. All those drugs they give you up on Mars probably didn’t help either. I mean, I’m no expert on that stuff specifically, but I would assume for that environment you need something with a punch to keep your workers operating healthily. I would imagine you had some withdrawals, whether you knew about them or not.”
“Are you familiar with staph, doctor?” Cecil shifts on the cold table, the paper crinkling beneath him.
“What’s with that all of a sudden? Well, in any case I do know a little bit.”
“Specifically, about meningitis.” Cecil asks unassumingly. “Untreated, how long would it take a person to die from it?”
“About two to three weeks. It has flu like symptoms, so dehydration is a is concern too, which can speed along the process.”
“I’ve heard it causes a person to go crazy too.” Cecil moves to sit on his hands, trying to look around the room in the most vacant way possible.
The doctor takes his place down on his stool, scraping it against the tile floor to slide it closer to Cecil. “That’s one way to put it. This is a very specific line of questioning, Cecil. However, I don’t want to pry, so I’ll leave it at that. If you or someone you know has it, they should seek medical treatment, preferably as soon as possible.” The doctor laughs disarmingly before starting to fiddle with his tools. He continued speaking with Cecil.
“You know, there are plenty of carriers of the bacteria. However, the risk of actually being infected nowadays is low. You, probably even the least. Since the days of the first space flights, you guys have been ‘sanitized’ right before leaving the planet.” The doctor pauses for a moment while looking into Cecil’s eyes with his light.
“I mean, you could never get rid of all the bacteria living on a human being. But you don’t want stuff like lice getting on board a spaceship. That’s just a bad time for everyone. You never know though, there could be contaminates on Mars that you could pick up from outside. Although you never go outside without a spacesuit, right? The airlock takes care of the rest. I imagine there wouldn’t be any worries.” Cecil attempts to open his mouth to speak, but the doctor shoves the tongue depressor his way. “Say aww.”
Following up, the doctor began to fiddle with his stethoscope, sticking the ends in his ears. He reaches up under Cecil’s shirt and pats him with the cold bell on his chest. “Breath in, deeply please.”
The thoughts run through Cecil’s mind with each breath. The pool. The mask cracking open. He remembered falling, and blacking out.
“How do know if you’re a carrier?” Cecil allows himself to ask.
“Huh?” The doctor hesitates, surprised. “Oh well, we just have to swab for some cells, usually in your nose. Then we send it to the lab which can take several hours at the least.” The doctor leans back away from Cecil, giving him a funny look.
“Could you do that for me… Rather, I want to have that done. I think this is important.”
Chapter 17
“What do you think you’ll get from this?” Alika sits cross-legged on the floor by Cecil who had been staring at the phone.
“I just had a weird feeling.” Cecil states coldly, still fixated on the handset on his table. The room goes silent once again. After a long pause, Cecil turns his head and breaths loudly out his nose. As he stands up from the chair, the phone finally rings.
“Hello?” Alika peers at Cecil as he picks up the device and starts speaking into the receiver. Cecil listens intently to the voice of the doctor speaking into his ear.
“Mr. Ruiz? We have your test results… or rather what we made of them. There are some foreign bodies we picked up from the swabs, but it doesn’t seem to be staph, or any other common bacteria our tests account for.”
“Can you try any other tests? Is there some other people you can contact to cross reference it?” Cecil asks quizzically.
“I wish we could. Unfortunately, the samples we were able to obtain were of pretty poor quality to begin with. I would say that the cells are inert though, so they don’t really pose a threat, whatever they might be. We could try to extract a sample from another region of tissue, but we would be unable to do that unless the higher-ups allow it.”
“I understand. I’ll… see what I can do, I guess. Goodbye.” Cecil chimes before pulling the phone away from his ear, hitting the button to end call. The phone beeps and the lights turned off.
Alika’s eyes remain fixed on Cecil. “What did they say?”
“I’m carrying… something.” Cecil looks back at Alika blankly.
“What do you mean by that? Did they not tell you?” Alika leans in.
“They don’t know what it was. It wasn’t staph, but apparently, it wasn’t anything they had seen before either.” Cecil drums his fingers on the table next to the silent phone. “It must be something… out of this world.”
“From Mars, you mean.” Alika shakes his head in disbelief. “You think you picked up something strange from Mars? If that were the case, there could have been other people infected.”
“Maybe there have been. Maybe it wasn’t staph that got Qaseem, but some sort of Martian bacteria instead?”
“You’re just making up things now, Cecil. From what you’ve told me, your symptoms weren’t as bad as what Niilo described. You’re just trying to find lines where they don’t exist. I think you just want to find fault somewhere so that you can go on a goose chase to make yourself feel busy. It’s time to stop. We honestly should have stopped after we talked to that old man.”
“There has to be some connection though.” Cecil starts to pace around the room, stomping with each step. Alika stands up and marches in Cecil’s way, grabbing him by the shoulders forcefully
“The connection you’re looking for is Mars. You want to blame everything on that planet. You just want to be vindictive because the thought, the memories of that place frighten you. You should have listened to the words in that letter… the one from Agrippa. No amount of running around and exhausting yourself is going to change anyone’s minds.”
“Let me go!” Cecil struggles against Alika’s grasp, but finally relaxes.
Alika’s piercing gaze digs into Cecil’s eyes, tears beginning to pool. “Listen! I’ve been here all this time to make sure you stay well, mentally. Allowing you to do whatever you fancy isn’t going to do that for you, though. I figured driving you out to meet that old guy would help bring you some closure. Now… I have to cut you off. I’m heading home for the day, okay?” Alika’s voice sounds belittling. “I have some things to do tomorrow, so I won’t be coming by. Your fridge is stocked, and your laundry just needs to be folded. Make yourself something good to eat, and get a good night’s sleep. Remember, you can still call me.”
Alika releases his grasp, tentatively. Cecil stands in the middle of the room, unmoving. Picking up his bag, Alika heads for the door. As he closes it behind him, he peers back at Cecil, still motionless.
◆◆◆
Cecil found himself unable to pick himself up from the apartment floor. The pile of clot
hes on his bed seem so distant. The carpet on the floor still had neat lines running back and forth from where Alika who had vacuumed earlier. The fibers are soft, and the sun casts a crooked rectangle of light through the window and across the floor. Tiny particles of dust dance in the beam. The floor emanates a warmness. Rolling along the ground, he stretches out in the spot, closing his eyes to block out the bright light.
Cecil awakes some time later, curled up in a ball. His arms had produced goosebumps. The sun had disappeared from the sky and the apartment had become dark. Getting up and flicking on the light, Cecil’s stomach rumbles suddenly.
Finishing the last bite of his dinner, he picks up the plate and places it in the sink with the used pan. He takes a step away, but hesitates, turning around to begin washing them. Finishing the deed, he returns to the bedroom where the pile of clothes lay. They smell fresh. He carefully lays each article out, folding them nicely. His drawers had hardly been opened, and were still mostly empty. Placing the stacks of clothing neatly into the vacant drawers felt satisfying.
The familiar book they had checked out of the library had been deposited atop the dresser. It was the one they had brought to Niilo, “The First Martians.” Cecil thinks to himself, pondering how to return it. He quietly laments having to depend on Alika to be productive. Shifting his thoughts, he grabs the book off the dresser and sits down on the edge of his bed with it.
The writing on the pages feels juvenile; short paragraphs, arranged with various photographs the astronauts had taken, and artist’s renditions of the station they had lived in. Cecil flips through the pages absentmindedly. Arriving at a shot taken from above the surface, the illustration superimposed over it shows the location of the station and where the original crew had landed and had set up base. A few other points are illustrated on the map; scattered markers from where unmanned rovers had arrived on the planet over half a century before.