by Angel Devlin
I don't want to do it. I don't want Rachel getting a repeat performance of everything I ever did with another woman. I want lots of firsts with her. This is going to kill me. But I run my digit in her wetness, and as I bring us to the brink with my thrusts I meet her final demand, and the finger goes where she wanted it. What does she do? Pulls my hand away.
"I've changed my mind about that. I don't want to be just another notch on a bedpost. Lie back on the bed, Evan."
I move her over, and she sits astride me. Then she raises herself up. A hand runs through her hair and then she trails a finger down her face, running it through the edge of her lip and biting it. She sucks on her finger, and as she begins to rotate up, down and around on my dick, she gets that wet finger, and she plays with herself. I thrust into her like a woodpecker trying to fell a tree. She moves her other hand to play with one of her tits. Jesus Christ. I grab the back of her arse as my balls tighten and I come inside her. I buck, my final orgasmic spasms taking place while still inside her warmth.
"Oh my God, Rachel. Oh my God."
"I know. It’s so good, isn't it? We're so good together. I knew we would be. I'm better than them, aren't I? You did your routine with me. Was I better than them all?"
I feel the need to be honest. She just let me cum in her. "There's no comparison."
"And we did new things too. Plus" – she looks at the clock – "It's six-thirty am, and I'm tired. Are you tired? Are you going to finally let me stay the night?"
"I am," I tell her, and I wrap myself around her, letting her snuggle into my chest I trail my hands down her body: down her arms, her neck, her hips, and she does it. She falls asleep, and I have to keep pinching myself to keep awake, but I need to know she has fallen asleep. After about twenty minutes, I move my arm to test the situation. She's dead to the world.
I slide out of bed, grab my clothes and sneak downstairs. I'm now going to prove I'm the biggest bastard ever so that Rachel can move on. My mother will be awake as she gets up for work at this time, so I'm going to head over to hers. Rachel will wake up and realise that we did not stay the whole night together.
She did not break my rule.
I just hope I don't break her heart.
Rachel
I hear a noise. Opening my eyes, for a moment I wonder where I am. Then I remember. I'm at Evan's. In his bed after a glorious bout of sex. I realise Evan isn't wrapped around me anymore. He probably got too hot. I turn over to look at him.
He's not there.
I look at the clock. Eight minutes to seven.
He's left.
I know if I look at the side of my bed, I'll find my discarded bra unwrapped and the key gone. There obviously is a way out from the back garden. He just didn't want me to know.
I lie back.
We didn't stay the whole night together.
He doesn't care.
We have nothing.
A pain hits my chest. I've become another of Evan's floosies. I was fooling myself. I didn't want what the others had had. I wanted what they'd had and more. Then I stupidly let him know that, and he's run away scared. Evan must not be capable of a relationship. Why I didn't realise that when he paraded one-night stand after one-night stand in front of me, I don't know.
I'm an idiot.
That's it for me. A tear escapes my eye.
I'm done with Sheffield. I need to move on. I can't go back to my bar job. There's no way I can watch a further parade of women. My heart hurts. I need to move away from my mother's. It's time I did anyway, and now my relationship with Callum is finished, I'd be under her’s and Adam's feet. It's not fair. They need time alone. A new place to live, a new town or city, a new career, and eventually, way, way down the line, a new man. A mix of Evan and Callum. A man who can rock my world in bed, but wants to give me the moon. That's what I deserve. I'm not the first woman to have her heart broken by a dickhead. Look at my Mum. My father was a charmer until he smacked her. At least I've only been embarrassed, not the victim of domestic violence. See? It's not so bad, I tell myself. I move out of bed. A massive yawn stretches my lips wide. I've had just over twenty minutes sleep all bloody night. Yet, I'm wide awake. I put my bra and panties back on, then head downstairs to use the bathroom and dress in the rest of my clothes. Finally, I walk back upstairs to get the front door key from under the carpet. With a final look at the rumpled bed and with a sigh, I bound down the stairs, open the door and move outside. I post the key through the letterbox.
Then I make my way to the bus stop and head on home. I feel like karma is getting her own back on me for dumping Callum, but it wouldn’t have been fair to lead him on.
Yes, I think a fresh start is exactly what I need.
human error
Evan
I really don't think I should have driven. I'm possibly still over the legal limit of alcohol, and I'm ready to fall asleep at any second. I need to get in my old house and crash in my old bedroom. It's now a spare room. I don't give two fucks that it's now done up in vintage pink and blue bedlinen. A bed is a bed and right now the back of the car would do.
I knock at the back door, making my mum jump a foot. She comes over and opens it.
"Jesus, Evan. I'd quite like to make my fiftieth birthday. You gave me a bloody heart attack."
"Can I crash in my old room, Mum?"
Her mouth curves up at the corner. "What's up with your own house?"
"I've got a girl there, Mum, and she won't leave. She even stole my key."
My mum blows out her cheeks, then releases. "And you've left her in your house on her own. She could steal everything. Are you mad?"
"Nah, she won't. I know her. She'll be pissed off and put the key through the letterbox when she goes home. At least I don’t have a pet bunny." I laugh. Then I sit at the table and think about it. Will she though? Or will she be that pissed off she takes the scissors to my clothes or sews fish into my curtains?" This is Rachel we’re talking about.
"You've gone very pale, Evan." Mum sits down beside me and plonks a mug of coffee on the table. "Right. Out with it and no bullshit. You've got one minute to come clean. Remember, no secrets. So, whatever dick move you've made, I need to know right now. Then never mind sleeping here, you need to get back to your house and make sure you've not been robbed or had your house set on fire."
I sigh. "I slept with Rachel."
My mum looks me straight in the eye. "Next door Rachel?"
"Yep."
Mum looks confused but not shocked. "So why would you want her to leave, and why have you left her in the house by herself?"
"Because, Mum. I messed up. You told me to leave Rachel alone, remember? And I did. I really did. I left her alone for years and years, but last night I had too much alcohol, and she didn't get engaged to Callum, and-"
"She turned Callum down?” My mum punches a fist in the sky. “Whoop! Oh, Sally will have a party. She can't stand him."
"Are you listening to me, Mum? I slept with Rachel."
"Well, I'm surprised it hasn't happened before now, love, to be honest, the way you're always mooning about over one another. Me and Sally thought you'd have got together by now. We wondered why you hadn't."
"Because you told me not to," I shout.
"Keep your voice down, your dad's still in bed," she says. Just as she used to do when I was a teenager getting ready for school. "What on earth are you talking about? You're a grown man. I can't tell you who to date."
"Mum. You said it when I was fifteen. To leave Rachel alone."
"Oh my God, Evan," she replies. "Of course, I did. She was fourteen, you were fifteen. I used to be a fourteen-year-old girl. I didn't want you falling out with her and ruining the camaraderie between us and next door over a hormonal urge on your part. But you're an adult now, that's different. It's up to you who you date. You and Rachel are grown-ups.”
I sit back in my chair and drink the whole mug of coffee.
"Oh my God. I left Rachel in my bed. I left her thinking she
isn't good enough for me. That's she's just another one-night stand."
My mum folds her arms across her chest. Oh shit. "Repeat that again, Evan, so we can be clear. You've been having one-night stands? I thought I taught you to be respectful?"
I find I don't need the coffee to keep me awake as my mother gets up to the sink, fills her mug up with cold water and throws it straight in my face.
"What the hell, Mum?" I jump back.
"I promised to never lay a hand on you, and right now I want to strangle you, so instead I've thrown water. I can't believe what you've done. Get back to that bloody house of yours before she wakes up." She comes over to me and shoves me. "Right now, Evan."
I dash to the door, ready to race home, but my mum’s not finished.
"You sort this out. It's your life. I guess I've no right really to judge how you conduct it. But Rachel's a lovely girl and deserves better than she's getting."
"I know that, Mum. I've bloody well cocked up big style. But you told me to leave her alone."
“Are you blaming me for the situation? Did I sleep with Rachel and run away?” She points at the door. I don't need telling again. I'm on my way.
Rachel
I wander up the road towards my house. I hope my mum and Adam are still in bed because I don't want them to witness my walk of shame and I don't want my mum to see my face. I will never tell her what happened between Evan and me. I'm too embarrassed, and I don't want to cause any trouble between my mum and Hazel. No, it's best if I keep quiet about the whole thing. Hopefully, I'll be moving on soon. I only have to serve a week’s notice at the pub, which I'll do because Dan is amazing and I want a good reference from him. I might even consider running my own pub. Something I never thought about before. Suddenly, the world doesn't seem as bleak, but full of opportunity. Like diving in a bucket of grapes (which I loathe) and coming out with a bottle of wine. Right now, my grapes are sour.
So, I'm at the bottom of my path when the very man I wish to avoid dashes out of his mother's house. I ignore him and carry on walking.
"Rachel," he shouts. "Wait. I can explain."
I turn around. From this angle, I can see his car parked behind a large white van. Very nicely obscured while I walked down the road, giving me no advanced warning that the shithead was here.
I won't show him any emotion. I turn around and put my key in the lock. I go into my own home, closing it softly behind me.
Evan
Oh, this is bad. Very fucking bad.
The Rachel I know gets very angry when hard done by, when annoyed.
I just received a blank look.
Totally blank. Empty. Devoid of all emotion.
Either she doesn't care about me, or I've completely broken her. Emotional numbness.
I can't stand it. I want to rewind time. Go back to tonight. In fact, back to the nightclub. Back to before all the one-night stands. I would take Rachel home that drunken night when she was seventeen, and I would see how she was the next day and ask her on a date. She'd never have been touched by another man, and I'd have been only ever hers.
This won't do. She can be my first at other things.
I hurtle up her path and bang on her front door. I don't care that it's early on a Saturday morning. I need to talk to Rachel, and I need to talk to her now.
After a few minutes, Sally opens the door looking bleary-eyed and wrapped in her robe.
Her eyes widen when she looks at me. "Evan. Is everything okay?"
"Can I speak to Rachel, please?"
She puts a hand on her chest. "Jesus, Evan, you scared the life out of me. I thought something had happened with your mum. You're all, like, panicked looking. Are you sure you're all right? What do you want Rachel for?"
Rachel stands in the doorway behind her mother. "Don't let him in. He's not welcome here anymore." She's tied her hair back in a ponytail, and she has a smear of dirt on her forehead. She's obviously been taking her anger out on the garden. That's better. She needs to be pissed off at me. I see that she's not blank after all.
"What's going on, Rachel?" asks Sally.
"We've fallen out," says Rachel. "I put up with him and stayed civil all the time he lived next door, but I'm fed up of living a lie. I think Evan Hale is a complete fucking turd. He treats women like shit, probably cos he's so familiar with it being A HUGE STEAMING DOLLOP OF MANURE." With that, she turns on her heel and heads back out into the garden.
Sally stands in the doorway, her mouth dropped open.
"Sally. Please let me in. Give me five minutes, and if she still wants me to leave, I’ll go."
"I don't know, Evan, she seems pretty mad. Might be better to come back another day."
"I have things to say, Sally, and she needs to hear them now."
Sally sighs. "Five minutes, Evan. Then I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to leave."
"Thanks, Sally." I kiss her cheek as I dash past her and out into their back garden.
All these years and I've only ever seen this garden through my bedroom window.
I walk down the path towards the vegetable patch at the very bottom of the garden where Rachel is digging vegetables up with gusto.
She stops and waves the spade at me. "Do not come any nearer."
"Rachel. Please, we need to talk. I made a mistake."
"Damn right you did. Had a top woman in your bed and you chose to walk away from her. You're a fucking idiot, now leave."
I take a step closer to her.
She frees a huge mound of potatoes, and leaves, stalks, roots, and potato come flying at my head. The whole lot lands atop my head and dirt runs down and off my face.
I'm a real life fucking Mr Potato Head.
"Come on, Evan. It's best you leave." Sally's voice comes from behind me. "I know from experience that there's no reasoning with Rachel when she's in a temper."
I turn to her. "When she calms down, will you tell her I'm sorry, and that I'm not giving up."
She nods, and I walk back through the house where Adam escorts me out of the front door. I drive home, and despite having not slept all night, I can't sleep and pace the house thinking of my night with Rachel.
i want what she's having
Rachel
I sleep away the rest of the day until I have to get ready for my shift. Saturday night. I'm glad. It's the busiest night of the week, and I won't have time to worry about Evan Hale and the fact that I now need to leave Sheffield. Maybe I won't. Perhaps he should leave. Let's face it, he must have shagged half the population of Waterthorpe by now so he should move on to fresh pastures to swing his dick.
I look at my jeans and tee and think sod it. Instead, I put on a tight black lacy dress, tons of makeup and half pin up my hair. I tong the rest so curls fall around my face. If he dares to show his face in the Nag's Head tonight, he can jolly well see what he's missing. What he chose to turn down. My mind wanders to Callum. I know how shit he must feel now, and even worse, we'd been dating for a year. He imagined spending his life with me, and I turned him down. He was a good bloke, just not someone who set my heart on fire. I made the right choice though. I'm not settling. It wouldn't be fair to him. Maybe out there is a woman who will feel for him like I feel for Evan.
Correction.
Felt for Evan.
Past tense. You've got to move on, lass.
I feel very self-conscious as I walk into the bar and half the male heads turn to stare at me.
"Whoo, Rachel's sister, where's Rachel?" yells Dan.
"Very funny," I reply.
"Well you look hot, is that for lover boy’s attention?"
"No, it most certainly is not," I spit out.
He holds his hands up. "Okay, okay. Thought you two had finally got together. He's done a Heavenly Evan on you, has he?"
"How do you know…?"
"I hear the same things you do, Rachel. However, I also see him staring at you when you're not looking. It's been going on for years now. I also see you looking at him. I thought when I saw
you last night that you'd finally stopped pissing about. So, what happened?"
"It was a mistake. It won't be happening again. There will be no more staring at Evan Hale from me. I'm dressed up because I'm moving on."
"Right, you'll not be interested to know that he's just come in then."
I stand up straighter and stick my chest out and hold my head high.
"Nope. You serve him. I'm going to serve this group of handsome men that have just walked in."
The local rugby team have just come in. They tend to mainly use the bar down the road, but tonight they've decided on a change. Lots and lots of fit men and because I look hot tonight, quite a few give me the patter, chatting me up and trying to hit on me.
"If looks could kill, tonight would be the end of the Waterthorpe Warriors," whispers Dan in my ear.
"I don't care," I answer.
"Well, the most amazing thing has been occurring all night. Every woman that has approached him has been turned away."
"Really?" I ask, still in the full flow of sarcasm.
"Really. He's pulled up a chair and is basically just staring at you."
"Well, I won't be staring back."
"Atta girl. Treat em mean to keep em keen."
"Dan, have you nothing better to do than give me a play by play account of dickhead's actions? Go and serve, we're busy."
"I'm the boss, so if I want to have fun winding up my staff, I say I can."
"You need to get laid yourself."
"Yeah, well, that's not going to happen anytime soon. My heart is still broken."
Dan had got divorced six months ago, and his head wasn't back in the game yet.
"Sorry, Dan. You'll get there." I pat his arm.
"Yes, well, until then, I'll live my life through you. So, did you shag him? What went wrong? Surely he didn't ask you to leave?"
"I got the full treatment. It's my fault. I did request it. I thought I might be different. Silly me. But I wasn't, so that's that."