Her Not-So-Secret Diary

by Anne Oliver

  She nodded. ‘We go back a long way. As a matter of fact, we’re still neighbours in the same apartment complex.’

  ‘You’re from Newcastle too, then.’

  ‘Yes. I moved up here four years ago.’

  ‘With family?’

  She shook her head and looked away towards the side window.

  ‘Boyfriend? Partner?’ he asked, glancing her way again when she didn’t elaborate. He saw her shoulders tense, her jaw tighten.

  ‘I needed a change of scenery,’ was all she said.

  Obviously it wasn’t only the scenery she’d wanted to change. Someone had hurt her. None of his business, Jared told himself. He didn’t need to know her life history. He was only interested in the Sophie who was sitting beside him right now. The one who smelled as fresh as the morning and dreamed about him.

  He couldn’t help the smile that threatened to give him away every time he thought about it. The idea of this quietly professional woman playing out those erotic fantasies with him had grasped him firmly between his thighs and wasn’t about to let go.

  Unless he did something about it…

  Change of scenery. If only it had been that simple. Sophie refocused her gaze on the safety of the computer screen. How could she have stayed in Newcastle knowing she might bump into Glen and his new lover—his new pregnant lover? Which was inevitable given their mutual friends and working environments. She hadn’t wanted their pitying glances and platitudes so she’d moved to the Gold Coast and taken a business course.

  But recurring childhood nightmares had continued to hound her, screwing with her life, making her ill until she’d had no alternative but to seek professional help. Her counsellor had suggested a dream diary and they’d used it to work through her emotional issues. Her abused childhood, her failure as a woman. Even the fact that she’d sought help was still, to her, a failure.

  She’d come a long way since arriving in Surfers but the past still haunted her at the oddest times. A word tossed out and she was back in her childhood purgatory, her disastrous marriage. Nightmares were few and far between these days but she still recorded her dreams. A security thing, she supposed.

  At least Jared had taken the hint and not pursued further conversation as the car sped south. It gave her a moment to shake off the bad. The bad was gone, over, done, she reminded herself. As Roma had told her at her final session, good times ahead. And that was what it was all about, right? Refocusing on the present, Sophie resumed her attention to the upcoming meeting.

  She reread the document on the screen for the umpteenth time. She couldn’t remember a darn word. It was as if her mind had shut out everything except her awareness of the man beside her. Right now his forearm relaxed on the steering wheel. Suntanned, sprinkled with dark hair and sporting an expensive-looking watch, ropes of sinew shifting as he swung out from behind a truck and changed lanes.

  She jerked her eyes back to the screen. This infatuation, or whatever it was, was not going to get her paid at the end of the day. She reminded herself he was unavailable. Involved with someone else. Focused on family and his high-flying career. And most important: she wasn’t interested in getting involved.

  It should have been easy to push it aside and if it hadn’t been for that stupid dream this whole attraction thing never would have happened. Would it?

  ‘No special guy, then?’

  The question asked in that deep voice jerked her out of her self-talk and put her immediately on the defensive. She focused her gaze on the road ahead. ‘I don’t see how having a man in my life is relevant to my ability to do my job.’

  He was silent for a beat, as if considering her snarky response. Then he said, ‘I generally find women in steady relationships make for more stable employees.’

  ‘Only women?’ How sexist was that? But she didn’t say it. She’d done enough damage in the past twelve hours. She just wanted to do her job with a minimum of fuss and attention and get paid at the end of the day. Then she never had to see him again.

  ‘Rest assured, I have a strong and committed work ethic, Mr Sanderson—Jared. And while we’re on the topic, how about women in no relationship?’

  And why the heck had she said that? Was her subconscious trying to get her into trouble?

  With smooth efficiency, he overtook a shiny red Porsche. ‘Which category do you fall into?’

  ‘Does it matter?’

  ‘It might.’

  A sharp excitement stabbed through her, followed closely by one of anger. She forgot her decision not to look at him. His profile—his very strong, very masculine profile—betrayed no clue as to what he was thinking. ‘What do you mean “it might”?’

  What about Melissa? Did he think she’d forgotten? Not noticed? No matter how gorgeous his looks, no matter what she’d fantasised, she did not play the other woman. She knew how it felt to be left for someone else.

  ‘I need to know whether you’re expected home this evening,’ he continued as they neared their destination. ‘I missed work yesterday, which means we’ll need to work late tonight to catch up.’

  ‘Oh.’ The barely audible word escaped her lips as the implication sank in. Just him and her alone in his office. To catch up on work. How ridiculously foolish and pathetic she was, to have assumed he’d had something more on his mind.

  ‘No one’s expecting me. I live alone.’ She hoped her face wasn’t as pink as it felt. Still, it wouldn’t have mattered since he didn’t even glance her way.

  ‘You don’t have other plans, I hope.’

  ‘No.’ And from his tone she rather gathered that she’d have had to cancel if she had. Pam had warned her the man was work-driven and focused and expected the same of his staff.

  ‘Which reminds me…’ He indicated his phone on the console between them while he adjusted his earpiece. ‘Get Melissa for me, please. She’s on speed dial.’

  ‘Melissa.’ Her stomach dipped, clenched, but she did as he requested, then turned away and watched the scenery slip by. High-rise apartments and businesses interspersed with strips of green and pandanus trees and now glimpses of blue sea. She wouldn’t allow herself to feel uncomfortable.

  ‘Lissa, hi, it’s me. I won’t be home for tea, I’m working back.’ Brisk and to the point. Pause. ‘I don’t have time to talk about that now, Liss. I have someone with me.’ He lifted his sunglasses to rub the bridge of his nose. ‘Later. And tell Cryssie I’ll call by the hospital tomorrow for sure. Yeah. Bye.’

  Sophie couldn’t pretend she hadn’t heard the conversation. The way that smooth tone had roughened with something that sounded close to exasperation.

  ‘My sister,’ he muttered.

  A tiny shiver danced down her spine and she remained motionless a moment, lips pressed together to stop the smile threatening at the corners of her mouth and trying not to feel ridiculously…what? Pleased? Excited? Delighted?

  She shouldn’t be feeling any of those things.

  Leather creaked as he shifted in his seat. She saw the movement from the corner of her eye, saw him glance at her as he exhaled an impatient breath through his nostrils. ‘I fail to see the humour. Ever tried reasoning with a seventeen-year-old girl?’

  Her smile bubbled over into a laugh and she glanced his way. Clenched jaw. Hands a little tight on the steering wheel. Speedo a little high as they cruised along the esplanade and into Coolangatta. ‘Can’t say I have. But I’ve been one, so I can tell you it does get better.’

  He made some non-committal noise as he pulled to a stop outside a four-storey apartment block and switched off the ignition. ‘It can be a challenge at times.’

  He spoke as if he were Melissa’s parent rather than her brother. Or maybe it was just that brothers were never meant to get along with their sisters. Yet she knew that wasn’t true. The dysfunctional household she’d been brought up in had tainted and distorted her perception of family life and love.

  ‘Do you have siblings?’ His voice interrupted her thoughts.

  ‘A b
rother. In Melbourne.’

  Somewhat surprised by her instant switch from bright and chirpy to gloom and doom, Jared reached for his jacket on the back seat. ‘You’re not close?’

  She followed his lead, gathering her bag and laptop. ‘I haven’t seen him in years, so no.’ She peered through the windscreen at the nondescript grey building behind a cyclone fence. ‘This is the place?’

  ‘Yep.’

  Jared had been itching to get another good look at her since they’d left Surfers but the traffic had been snarly and required his full attention. Now he took a moment. The brandy-coloured eyes had lost that desperation he’d seen in his office and he doubted the hint of blush on her high wide cheekbones was make-up—more likely her natural colour. And her lips…they were something else. Full, luscious-looking and caramel glossed…they promised to taste as sweet…

  Damn it, not now.

  He reminded himself this wasn’t a date, ordered his unruly body to cooperate and forced his attention to the building in front of them while he rolled down his sleeves. ‘You have to think potential, Sophie.’

  He’d made his fortune by seeing possibilities and making them happen. He’d been a millionaire at twenty-seven because he dared to dream and didn’t let others tell him it wasn’t possible.

  ‘I’m afraid I’m not very imaginative.’

  His gaze swung back to her just as she turned to him with a stunned tell-me-I-didn’t-say-that expression and their gazes locked and for a beat out of time the spectre of that dream fantasy smouldered in the tiny space between them. ‘I don’t believe that for a moment.’

  ‘Believe it,’ she muttered, and, pushing out of the car, she started walking.

  He shrugged into his jacket, grabbed his briefcase from the back seat and caught up with her along the path. Without further comment she accompanied him to the main door where they met the owner, Sam Trent, and Ben Harbison, an architect who’d worked with Jared on several projects. After a briefing in Sam’s office, they spent half an hour inspecting the premises while Sophie took notes. For the remainder of the meeting, she worked unobtrusively at one end of the table, the only sound the quiet click of her keyboard.

  Unobtrusive? For the second time in as many minutes Jared looked up from the plans in front of him, his gaze unerringly finding Sophie. Focused on her task, she wasn’t giving him a second’s glance.

  How did she manage cool concentration when he couldn’t? Her fast, efficient fingers with their clear-varnished nails were the cause of the clicking and Jared couldn’t stop thinking about them being fast and efficient in other ways, as she’d described in her dream. And whenever the breeze wafted through the open window, it wasn’t the sea air but her fragrance that floated to his nostrils.

  The meeting wrapped up at nine-fifteen. He was glad his ten o’clock appointment didn’t require his PA. And his eleven-fifteen would keep him busy until lunch. Only the afternoon to get through, he thought, watching the little hollows behind her knees as she bent over to retrieve her bag from the floor.

  Swinging his gaze away, he focused on Sam’s conversation while he stuffed a couple of files into his briefcase. Reminded himself again that he didn’t get involved with employees.

  However, a couple of hours of working back this evening would clear yesterday’s clutter and when the work was finished Sophie’s two-day fill-in for Pam would be over. She would no longer be in his employ…

  CHAPTER THREE

  ‘YOUR ten o’clock cancelled,’ Sophie informed Jared as they walked to the car.

  A hunger fist clenched around her stomach. She hadn’t had time for breakfast. And she’d refused Sam’s offer for refreshment because she hadn’t been sure she’d keep it down she was so uptight, and had stuck to her bottled water. ‘He’ll ring back this afternoon and reschedule.’

  Jared aimed the remote at the car and the alarm blipped. ‘In that case, I’d like to make another stop before we head back.’

  She’d been hoping for some time and space back at the office. Alone at her desk. She didn’t want to be anywhere near him, inhaling his scent, listening to his voice and wondering… This on-the-edge-of-the-seat feeling that Jared might have read her diary was killing her. In a way it was almost worse than knowing. At least if she knew, she could make some attempt to deal with it. But she wasn’t going to risk asking.

  It was a beautiful day with the sky’s blue dome reflecting on the sea. Ridges of surf scrolled along the sand, already dotted with beach-goers. Right now Sophie wished she were one of them. No boss to stress over, just a day of relaxation stretched out to enjoy. Or better still, to be one of the gulls wheeling high and low over the ocean.

  As she watched Jared open the boot she reminded herself she’d be as free as those gulls in just under four weeks. He dropped his gear in, motioned her to do the same with Pam’s laptop. He shrugged out of his jacket once more, then to her surprise he yanked off his tie and tossed it in the boot with the rest of his stuff, and said, ‘What do you say to fish and chips?’

  Now? What was wrong with muesli and fruit and a nice hot coffee? ‘It’s only nine-twenty—’

  ‘First off, do you like fish and chips? And I’m not talking the fast-food skinny-mini deals but the old-fashioned crisp on the outside, soft in the middle and wrapped in butcher paper kind.’

  ‘I do, but—’

  ‘So forget the office—and the boss—for an hour and take a break. I know a little seafood shop here that’s open early. They do take-away cappuccino too, if you need your caffeine fix.’

  Forget the office? Take a break? She’d barely done an hour’s work. Forgetting the boss wasn’t going to happen and fish and chips at nine-thirty on a weekday?

  Was this happy-looking, suddenly smiling man the same man Pam said was all work and no play? There had to be a catch.

  ‘O-k-ay.’ She smiled back, blinded by that knee-weakening crease. It really should be registered as a deadly weapon.

  One block back from the esplanade and a few moments’ walk brought them to a row of shops. They passed a bakery and its rich scent of coffee and fresh bread. Sophie slowed her steps, all but drooling at the window selection, but then Jared laid a casual hand on her shoulder.

  She jumped at the startling contact as he steered her past the shop with barely there persuasion. It seemed an easy relaxed gesture, except that she was super aware of the slight pressure of his fingers on her collarbone, like a low-grade current tickling her flesh. Aware also of the sun-warmed fragrances of clean cotton and masculine skin surrounding her.

  As if he knew she’d been about to forgo chips in ten minutes in favour of a sticky bun right now, he dipped his head and said, ‘It’ll be worth the wait.’ His voice was lazy and layered with all the richness of the Black Forest gateau she’d just salivated over.

  ‘Is that a promise?’ She heard her own voice echo that same tone and her suddenly dry tongue cleaved to the roof of her mouth. Her heart rate accelerated as she turned and looked up at him. They were talking food, weren’t they?

  His expression revealed nothing…but had his eyes gone darker? ‘You can tell me afterwards.’

  ‘Right.’ His eyes were darker. And up close she noticed the distinctive olive green was ringed with a fine rim of navy. She also noticed they’d stopped walking. He was still touching her and her flesh was still tingling.

  She hitched her bag higher so that his hand slid away, and resumed walking, but he was close enough so that their arms bumped, a too-delicious friction of firm flesh, crisp shirt and masculine hair.

  A moment later he slowed again, this time outside a bright shop called The Baby Tree with teddies spilling out of prams and the cutest little baby outfits suspended from colourful chains. ‘Come on. Help me choose something for my new niece. Thirty seconds. What do you think—a teddy or that fluffy red kangaroo?’

  For one trembly moment of indecision Sophie stared at the pretty window and the pair of tiny overalls covered in roses with a matching sunhat. The rainbo
w selection of lace booties. And yearned.

  Then the familiar chill that accompanied such visions swirled through her heart and she shivered in the balmy air. She hadn’t set foot in a baby shop since— In a long time.

  ‘I’m not really a baby person.’ She spun away from the window and gazed at the shop across the street, but didn’t see it. ‘Don’t let me stop you, though.’ Without looking at him, she dredged up a smile from somewhere and pasted it on her lips, while groping in her bag for her sunglasses. Hoping she looked more careless and indifferent than she felt, she waved in the direction they’d been heading. ‘I’ll go ahead and order.’

  She slid on the glasses, turned and walked. One foot in front of the other. Her smile dropped from her lips and she was conscious of the residual sweaty palms and heavy heartbeat. Of all the shops he could have chosen, he’d stopped at The Baby Tree.

  It had caught her off guard. With most of her friends down the coast in Newcastle, over the past four years it had been easy to avoid the baby trap. Pam was seriously single and Sophie’s focus was her upcoming overseas trip. Not making babies and playing happy families.

  Those things hadn’t worked for her.

  She’d be ready next time he pulled that trick. Next time? She coughed out a half-laugh. Hardly. After today she wouldn’t have to see Jared Sanderson again. She kept her eyes peeled for the fish shop, but she hadn’t gone farther than a couple of metres along the footpath when he caught up.

  He fell into step beside her. ‘Hey.’

  His tone was bland and she couldn’t decide if he was annoyed or concerned. Please, God, anything but concern. She could deal with annoyance, indifference, even anger, but concern… Concern could weaken her resistance, leaving her vulnerable. Again. She refused to allow anyone too close. Giving your love, your trust, yourself to someone else only brought heartbreak. She’d learned that lesson too.