Her Not-So-Secret Diary

by Anne Oliver

  ‘So this…’ she untangled her fingers, laid her palms flat on the table ‘…this…what we’re going to “explore”…is a fling.’

  He must have heard the doubt in her voice because he leaned across the table and covered the backs of her hands lightly with his—not soothing or reassuring so much as enticing. It sparkled all the way up her arms to her shoulders.

  ‘You’re not comfortable with that, are you?’ he said. ‘It’s only a word, Sophie.’

  ‘A word which conjures up other words like self-indulgence and irresponsibility.’ A good thing is only a good thing for as long as you enjoy it.

  He nodded slowly. ‘So call it whatever you like.’

  ‘A short term relationship,’ she said. ‘At least the word relationship implies a certain commitment, no matter how short-lived it may be. Don’t worry,’ she hurried on, ‘I’m not looking for long term any more than you are.’

  He looked at her kind of funny and she couldn’t remember if he’d told her he wasn’t looking for long term or whether she’d just assumed it. Of course he wasn’t looking for more, she told herself, still holding his unreadable gaze. He didn’t date the same woman for more than a few weeks.

  She didn’t date, period.

  And yet, with Jared, even knowing all that, she felt…different somehow. Apart from being sexy he was a nice guy. Genuine. The kind of guy you could maybe trust. Maybe.

  Turning her hands over so that his hard palms abraded her ultrasensitive ones, he laced his fingers through hers and his gaze seemed to reach down deep inside her to some unexplored place she’d never known existed. Maybe she was ready to take a chance on some fun with a guy. And since he’d enjoyed some fun at her expense, wouldn’t it be kind of fun to tease this workaholic back just a little?

  ‘So what do you say, are you with me?’

  She just smiled a flirty smile and said, ‘Tell you what, how about we have our coffee at my place?’

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  JARED leaned on Sophie’s balcony and watched the palm fronds move lazily in the allotment across the street. A car-chase movie wailed from an open window in an apartment somewhere below. High-density living in apartments where the walls were thinner than cardboard wasn’t for him. Then again, nowadays he could afford to be selective.

  He knew Sophie’s answer. Was one hundred and ten per cent certain. Didn’t know why he’d asked the question. The question he was more interested in finding out the answer to right now was when did this short-term relationship start?

  The brief drive back to her apartment had been…intense. Inside the car the tension had been so tight it had been almost explosive. Like sitting on a bunch of live wires.

  Or maybe that had just been him.

  She’d invited him into her cramped but cheerful living room with its hotchpotch mix of furniture and colour. Mostly maroon, cream and forest green with slashes of peach in the furnishings. She’d switched on a muted lamp then slid the balcony’s full-length glass door open to catch the night breezes and invited him to make himself comfortable. He’d nearly laughed aloud at that and chosen the balcony, thankful for its cool camouflaging darkness.

  She’d firmly refused his offer of help. Presumably, and somewhat to his relief, she’d wanted to make the coffees herself.

  He turned as she set two steaming aromatic mugs on her patio table in front of the open doorway. A muted gold light from the lamp spilled onto the balcony, leaving the far end with its potted palm draped in purple shadows.

  ‘I’m afraid there’s no such luxury as a cappuccino maker here. I…’ She trailed off as she looked at him, and stood perfectly still.

  Which gave him time to drink her in. Who needed coffee? She was glowing and beautiful and warmed his insides as no cappuccino could. She smelled of flowers in full bloom and hot velvet nights. Summer. No, he didn’t want coffee. He’d waited all evening to reacquaint himself with her taste.

  But before he could make his move she pulled the clasp from her hair and shook it free. An invitation if ever he saw one. He watched, transfixed, as the shiny black silk slithered loosely over her shoulders and down her back. The air between them smouldered with desire. With intent.

  He wasn’t aware that he’d crossed to her but here she was, an erratic pulse-beat away. In the half-light her skin was creamy smooth, her lips ripe and full, her eyes huge and aware. Then his fingers were skimming her jaw, angling her chin towards him. Up close he could pick out the subtle fragrance of sun-drenched petunias.

  His heart seemed to stutter, his throat dried up. Right now he had no words to tell her how gorgeous she looked, how desirable. How much he wanted her. He lowered his mouth to hers.

  Her body softened instantly against his, allowing him to pull her closer, to slide his hands beneath her hair and over her bare shoulders, down her spine to where the top of her dress fitted just below her shoulder blades.

  She shifted with a moan that vibrated through his senses and settled in his throbbing groin. Her arms slid up and around his neck as she fitted herself against him. Her breasts rubbed against his chest. Her legs tangled with his. The smouldering heat threatened to spontaneously combust them both right where they stood.

  And then, on the little table, his phone buzzed.

  He almost lifted his head but suddenly something inside him rebelled. Years of putting everyone else first. Being there. Taking charge. He tightened his hold. Always-on-hand Jared was, at this moment—and for however many moments it might take—unavailable. With his fingers splayed against her back, he pressed her nearer, as if that might make the noise disappear.

  But Sophie wasn’t of the same mind. She drew back breathless, her hands still on his shoulders, and looked up at him. ‘You want to get that?’ she murmured.

  ‘No.’ No way. No. Not in a million years. ‘It’ll go to voice-mail.’

  The offensive sound ceased. He slid a finger along her collarbone, turned on just watching her lick her lips, wet from their kiss. ‘Now…where were we…?’ Putting her arms back in place around his neck, he nibbled at her mouth, not thinking about whether whoever-it-was had left a message and whether it might be important.

  But, no matter how hard he tried, the moment was spoiled. He wanted to howl. Years of owning a business, and, more importantly, being there for his younger siblings, made it impossible to disregard the phone no matter how badly he wanted to make it with Sophie.

  And he could already feel her cooling off. There was a tiny tremor of tension that hadn’t been there before, as if she’d suddenly realised where this had been heading and come to her senses.

  He only wished he felt as cool.

  With a sigh he touched his forehead to hers. ‘I’m going to have to see who that is first so I can ignore them guilt-free.’

  She drew back. ‘Timing,’ she said, nodding as if she knew what she was talking about. ‘Maybe it’s a good thing it happened after all.’

  ‘How can it be a good thing?’ he muttered, stalking to the table. He swiped up the phone. One missed call from Lissa. His pulse spiked in a different way when he remembered she’d gone out tonight. She’d left a message…

  ‘Um, hi, Jared. Are you coming home any time soon? This is real dumb and I’m sorry and all, but I’ve locked myself out of Fort Knox. Any chance you can swing by and let me in?’

  He closed his eyes and prayed for patience and understanding. Because right now he didn’t have much of either.

  ‘Is everything okay?’ Sophie’s soft voice reminding him of what might have been.

  He opened his eyes but he turned away, didn’t look at her. ‘Melissa’s managed to lock herself out,’ he clipped, already returning her call.

  Melissa answered on the first ring. ‘Jared. Good, you got my message. Um…did I disturb you?’

  He unclenched his teeth before they cracked. ‘Why didn’t your friends wait with you?’ And why so early? She didn’t usually stroll home till three. He fisted his free hand against his trousers and tried to main
tain an outwardly calm and composed façade.

  ‘I’ve got a headache so I caught a cab home and it was gone before I realised I’d forgotten my keys,’ she said. ‘I didn’t notice because I left first and wasn’t the one who locked the door tonight—you were. Sorry, are you…busy? I can—’

  ‘Stay right there. I’ll be home in ten minutes.’ He swung around to Sophie. He wasn’t going to make it with her tonight. ‘Lissa’s not feeling well, I have to go.’

  ‘Yeah, you do.’

  ‘I’m sorry about the coffee. I’ll ring you.’ He paused on his way to the front door to look back at her. She was still watching him with that wide expressive and slightly stunned gaze. ‘What are you doing this weekend?’ He realised he’d never asked his PA that question in quite that tone nor with the same interest and expectation.

  The rush of surprised excitement in her eyes was quickly doused. ‘I’m going to keep Pam company since she can’t go out in public. I’ve got chick flicks, calamine lotion, chocolate ripple ice cream and a book of cryptic crosswords.’

  He had to grin at the cosy scenario. ‘Sounds like you’ve got all bases covered there.’ So Sophie was the kind of person who was willing to put her weekend on hold for a friend. She knew what he was offering but she’d turned him down because she was needed elsewhere. Putting her needs aside. Not so selfish as you profess, are you, Sophie Buchanan?

  He understood all too well. He also knew she understood why he had to leave now. He opened the front door, stepped onto the common balcony. ‘I’ll be in Brisbane first thing Monday morning and back late Tuesday.’

  Sophie caught up with him, curled her hand around the door. ‘Have a successful trip.’

  He nodded briefly. ‘Any problems, ring me.’ His tone sounded brusque to his own ears as he turned abruptly away. Abrupt because he had to force himself not to touch her again. Because if he kissed her goodnight, he’d not want to stop at one and Liss was waiting and it was well past midnight.

  Sophie was glad to have something to do over the weekend. During the day, Pam’s companionship took her focus away from Jared. It was a different story at night when she lay on hot sheets and her body itched and burned so that she had to wonder if she was coming down with chicken pox too.

  She watched the stars track across the night sky. She knew she and Jared would have ended up in bed if he hadn’t been called away. Overwhelmed by the burning tension between them on her balcony and his obvious intention to take things further, she’d let her hair down. Literally.

  She’d never played the seductress role but with Jared…well…it was different… And there’d been just enough wine in her system to loosen her up and free that inner woman she’d denied for so long.

  Maybe he was the best thing to ever happen to her.

  No. She shook her head against her pillow. She couldn’t allow herself to think that. Would not. She had to keep her focus on her future. Hers. She was going overseas. Her goal, her life. He was just that fling she’d fantasised about.

  ‘Yes, fling,’ she declared into the darkness. And, as she’d stated to him on her opinion of flings, it was going to be self-indulgent and irresponsible. And risky, a little voice whispered.

  But didn’t she deserve one self-absorbed, giddy and reckless performance before she turned thirty? Only two years away.

  She pushed away the melancholy thought that by that age she’d always expected to be happily married with her boisterous brood of three kids and assorted pets.

  Circumstances changed, expectations changed accordingly.

  Back at the office on Monday morning there was a mountain of work and preparation to be done before Wednesday. She shook her head when she reread the report she’d written, jabbed the delete key and started over. It seemed that every two minutes Jared popped into her mind. His name, the way he kissed, something he’d said, making her flustered and forgetful and somehow rendering her incapable of stringing together a coherent sentence, let alone transferring it to the computer.

  What was this? There didn’t seem to be any room in her mind for anything else but him. Nothing like it had ever happened to her before. Not with Glen, and he’d been the only man she’d dated seriously and she’d married him at eighteen.

  Jared phoned on Tuesday afternoon to make final arrangements for their trip. Because she hadn’t been expecting to hear his voice, her heart did a stop-start and her pulse rat-a-tat-tatted. He made her feel like a ditsy teenager, self-conscious and giggly.

  She couldn’t wait to see him again. Since when had she felt that way? It was dangerously like missing someone. Nowadays she made sure her happiness didn’t depend on other people. So how was it possible? And she’d only known him a few days.

  And then it was Wednesday.

  Jared was picking her up soon after lunch, which gave Sophie time to ransack her bag and cull unnecessaries. To add an extra jacket. At the last minute she fretted over today’s choice of attire. Casual or business? She eventually decided on something comfortable yet feminine. She was changing her monotone white trousers and blouse for a more vibrant silky knit dress when he knocked.

  Her heart jumped into her mouth at the commanding sound. He was early again. She’d wanted to be super relaxed and in control when he arrived and she was anything but.

  She sucked in a deep calming breath before opening the door. ‘Hi.’ Her voice still came out more breathless than she would have liked.

  ‘Hi, yourself.’

  His eyes met hers and seemed to brighten to the colour of moss. She raised a hand to the door jamb. There really was something about that creased cheek that made her weak at the knees and tipped her off-centre. Which was why her gaze took a quick southern slide…

  And ooh, yeah…what Jared did for a pair of jeans. Dark denim faded in all the right places and tight where it counted.

  She dragged her gaze up—and over a blinding white Ralph Lauren polo shirt with Sanderson’s logo screen-printed in navy over one solid-looking pectoral. Top two buttons undone, a few wisps of dark masculine hair, prominent Adam’s apple, a tiny C-shaped scar where maybe he’d nicked himself shaving once upon a time…

  ‘Nice dress,’ he said, and she realised while she’d been eyeing him up he’d been returning the favour. ‘Orange suits you.’

  ‘Orange.’ She screwed up her nose and clucked her tongue—such a common and inadequate word for such a beautiful colour. ‘Stormy sunrise.’

  ‘Even better.’ He grinned. Another blinding moment. Then his grin sobered a bit and his eyes took on a sexy silvery glint as he reached for her rolling suitcase at her side. ‘Maybe we’ll see one of those together in the next couple of days.’

  ‘Oh?’ she replied, casually ignoring his meaning as she locked her door. ‘Did they forecast bad weather?’

  ‘Blue skies all the way.’ He smiled, then headed for the elevator.

  She followed him inside the lift without comment. Ridiculous not to now when they’d already shared more than just air and were about to get even closer in the next couple of days.

  A moment later she settled into his luxury convertible for the three-hour drive. It was, as Jared had promised, blue skies, and a lovely day to be on the road rather than stuck inside an office somewhere.

  Before they turned onto the Pacific Motorway, which would take them past Brisbane and on to the Sunshine Coast, Jared asked, ‘Do you mind if we call in at Crystal’s place on the way?’

  The question seemed to come out of the blue and jolted Sophie right out of her comfort zone. ‘No, of course not. Is she okay?’

  ‘Fine. She came home from hospital on Saturday and Ian took a few days off, but it’s her first day on her own with the bub and Ian’s working late tonight to catch up. She asked if I’d drop by.’

  ‘If you ask me, I think Jared just wants another look at his niece.’ Sophie smiled his way and saw his mouth kick up at the edge.

  They pulled up outside a cream brick home surrounded by several palms and a high fence. ‘I
’ll just wait here…’ She didn’t want to intrude, nor did she want to see a newborn baby and experience the associated emotions that went with it.

  He turned in his seat to face her. A puzzled frown puckered his brow. ‘Crystal’s expecting to meet you. I told her we couldn’t stay long.’

  ‘You told her about me?’

  ‘I told her my temporary PA was accompanying me to Noosa, yeah.’

  Oh. Of course. A tinge of embarrassment stung her cheeks and she smiled casually to cover it, glad she was wearing her sunglasses. ‘This is a family time…I mean there’s a million things she’ll be catching up on—sleep, or feeding…’

  ‘She’s not. I spoke to her just before I picked you up.’ He tossed his sunglasses on the dash and swung open his door. ‘Come on, five minutes.’

  Sophie followed. What else could she do? She didn’t want to see the baby, or, worse, to be asked if she wanted a hold. And she just knew neither of them would understand. They would think her rude. Still, she could be lucky. New babies slept a lot. Didn’t they? Sometimes.

  Tension snapped her spine straight all the way to the door, where they were greeted by a gorgeous golden retriever who raced around from the side of the house.

  ‘Meet Goldie.’ Jared ruffled the dog’s fur. ‘Hello, girl.’ Her eyes drooled adoration up at him as he caught the expressive face in his hands, and was rewarded with a sloppy kiss.

  ‘Oh, isn’t she beautiful?’ Sophie crouched beside Jared to join in the petting. ‘Do you have pets?’

  ‘No. Our much-loved and ancient Betsy died a few years back. I’m too busy to train a new puppy and now that Lissa’s home less and less…it wouldn’t be fair on the dog.’

  But Sophie saw the fleeting shadow that crossed his gaze before his sister opened the door.

  ‘Great meeting you, Sophie.’ A remarkably hassle-free-looking Crystal led the way to her kitchen. ‘I’ve heard a lot about you.’

  Sophie looked to Jared, who shrugged his shoulders and blamed Lissa. He set the bag of supplies on a table crammed at one end with baby products and a florist’s arrangement of pink blooms that were starting to wilt, then promptly disappeared down a hallway, presumably to see his niece.