“Yessss!!!!” she yelled loudly, ensuring I was taking in her look of victory. “Blake! Millie! We made it!!! We’re on the team!”
“It’s going to be so cool!!!!” she continued.
Her enthusiasm sickened me to the core.
“Don’t cry, Julia! Whatever you do, don’t cry!” The words raced through my head as I desperately tried to put on a brave front.
I forced myself to speak. “Congratulations, guys!”
I was genuinely happy for Millie and Blake but the disappointment about not making the team myself, was too much to bear. So I quickly mumbled, “Sorry, but I’ve got to run or I’ll miss my bus. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
And with that, I took off in the direction of the bus stop, eternally grateful that I had an excuse to escape the looks of sympathy from my friends, not to mention Sara’s moment of glory.
Racing to the back where I claimed a seat next to the window, I could feel the tears in my eyes begin to fall. As I miserably wiped them away, I faced towards the window in order to avoid looks from the kids around me. I was unable to stop the flow of tears and I desperately wanted to get home to the security and safety of my bedroom.
The instant the bus pulled up at my stop, I was out the door, head bowed low and hidden from view. Approaching our front gate, I was totally dismayed to see it swing abruptly open. The sight of my brother, Matt was not one that I welcomed at all.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, genuine concern showing on his face at the sight of my puffy red eyes and tear-stained cheeks.
“Leave me alone!” I replied angrily and barged straight past him.
I didn’t want to see or speak to anyone right then and I bolted up the stairs, taking them two at a time. Then, rushing into my room, I slammed the door shut behind me.
Two choices…
Throwing myself onto my bed, I grabbed hold of my teddy and burst into tears.
“It’s not fair!” I sobbed as I thumped my fist into the pillow.
Sobbing even louder, I yelled again, “It’s not fair!!!!!!!!!!”
The humiliation I felt was just all too much.
I tried so hard! Why didn’t he choose me? And Sara Hamilton of all people!!!! How could he have picked her and not me?? I even beat her in the race we had at training yesterday, so why didn’t I make the team?
These thoughts raced wildly around and around in my head. I was so distraught, I couldn’t lie still. Getting up off the bed, I began to pace around the room. This had meant everything to me but had been whipped away in the blink of an eye, when Mr. Thompson put up that list.
I couldn’t bring myself to accept what had happened. It just wasn’t fair!
A soft knocking on the door caught my attention and I heard my mother’s voice. “Julia, are you ok?”
I didn’t even know that she was home from work and wondered if she had heard me crying. But I did not feel at all like talking to her and announced through the closed door that I was fine.
The last thing I wanted was my mom telling me not to worry about it.
“Don’t worry, Julia!” she would say. “You can try out again next year!”
As if that would make me feel any better!
I sat back down on my bed and stared into space. I felt miserable and just wanted to be left alone.
Then, as my vision came back into focus, I caught sight of the dream board on my wall. My first impulse was to rip it down and tear it into shreds.
It took almost super human strength to resist the urge to reach for it and do just that. I forced myself to take a deep breath. And then another and another. With my breathing finally at a steady rhythm, I began to feel calmer. It was then that I looked up at my dream board again.
My list of goals was staring down at me. The words I had carefully written and the scenes I had constantly visualized in my mind were all there.
“I am now on the school running team, competing in the regional event and I have won my race.”
The decorated strip of paper where I had written that goal had been moved to the very center of the board and underneath it was the picture of me crossing in first place over the finish line.
I stared at the image and thought about the vision I had created many times already in my mind.
Then, almost like a light bulb glowing brightly in a darkened room, some familiar words flashed through my thoughts.
‘The important thing is to never give up,’
I repeated those words in my head as I remembered where I had seen them written. It was in the book of dreams that I had read the previous year and the words had been repeated throughout in several places.
‘Never give up!’
Sitting there, I considered that phrase. And then I was struck with another thought. I really had two choices.
The first choice was to focus on being miserable and dwell in self-pity. But where would that get me? Would it make me feel any better and would it change anything? I knew for certain, that you get what you focus on and if I continued dwelling on those negative thoughts, then I was doomed to misery.
Then I reflected on the alternative. I had worked so hard to achieve my goal. Was I really going to give up now? Hadn’t I created several miracles already? Hadn’t so many wonderful things happened to me since I had decided to be a more positive person? And wasn’t the idea of a positive mindset much more rewarding than a negative one?
Suddenly I was struck with a fierce sense of determination. I desperately wanted to be on that team. I was going to make it happen and I didn’t care what anyone said or thought. With that conviction in mind, I lay back on my bed and visualized the scene I was determined to create.
A short while later, I opened my bedroom door and went downstairs for dinner.
The surprise…
When I arrived at school the following morning, Millie, Blake and Sara were nowhere to be seen. I guessed that they were still at their morning training session along with the others who had made the team. So I sat down at my desk and organized myself for our Math lesson.
Millie and Blake had both phoned me the night before, each of them saying how bad it was that I hadn’t been chosen. I appreciated their support and was grateful that they cared enough to ring, but I didn’t stay on the phone long and made excuses to end the calls fairly quickly. The truth was that I hadn’t wanted to talk about not being selected. And I knew they’d think I was crazy if I told them what I was actually focusing on.
When I’d eventually confided all the details to my brother, Matt, as well as my goal to still be included in the tournament, he just looked at me in a weird way and shook his head. I knew he thought I was strange sometimes but I didn’t care. After that, I decided to just keep my thoughts to myself.
The smirk on Sara’s face as she entered the room that morning was directed towards me. Then she made a point of loudly sharing her news with our teacher.
“Miss Watson!” she had exclaimed. “Guess what! I made the running team! So I won’t be at school on Friday because I’m competing in the regional tournament!”
It was incredible to watch…the manner in which she drew attention to herself as if she were the only one who mattered.
Millie, who had entered the room right behind her, quickly added, “Lots of us made the team, Sara. You weren’t the only one!”
But this didn’t bother Sara. She simply made her way to her desk at the back of the room and sat down with a proud grin.
I knew that she had every right to be proud though and I tried not to feel jealous. Then the friendly wave and warm smile that Blake gave me as he walked in the door was like an instant ray of sunshine and all my fears and concerns just seemed to melt away.
I reminded myself to feel thankful right then. I was so lucky to have Blake in my life as well as my best friend, Millie who had just sat down beside me. And with those thoughts in mind, I smiled gratefully and focused on the Math that Miss Watson had put on the board.
During our morning tea break, I ca
ught sight of Mr. Thompson who nodded towards me in recognition. It appeared that he was heading in the direction of our group, and I assumed he needed to speak to Blake, Millie and the others about the event that was scheduled for the coming Friday. However as he approached us, it was me he wanted to speak to.
“Julia,” he said. “We’ve had a change of plan. Jodie Milford saw me this morning and apparently her grandmother is very ill, so her family is leaving tomorrow to spend time with her. They will probably be gone for several days and this means Jodie will not be here for the tournament.”
I looked at him questioningly, trying to comprehend what he was saying to me.
“So now I’d like you to be our reserve runner. But I need you to realize that you’ll only be going as a reserve, so you’ll just be there as a back-up.”
Instantly my hopes soared. “Oh my gosh, that’s fine, Mr. Thompson. I’m just happy to be going!” I could barely suppress my excitement and as he handed me the permission note, I simply stared at it in wonder. My goal was getting closer. I could feel it! And once again I pictured myself crossing first over the finish line.
Millie and Blake were overjoyed to hear that I would at least be able to attend the event with them but the look on Sara’s face when I turned up for training the following morning showed that she obviously did not feel the same way.
Ignoring her, I joined the others on the track and focused on my goal as I ran.
“I’ve won the final race! I’ve won the final race! I’ve won the final race!”
I chanted the words in my head, over and over, all the while visualizing the image I wanted to create.
I knew that if Millie or Blake or any of the others knew what was going on in my mind, they would definitely think I had a mental problem. I chuckled with amusement at the thought of that, and focused on my goal once more.
The tournament…
Finally, Friday arrived and we found ourselves at the tournament grounds. We were all in awe of the beautiful facilities that were available to us for the day. It was a professional track where serious athletes trained on a regular basis and it was suddenly clear to everyone that the competition was going to be strong.
I joined in with the others to do some warm-up exercises, thinking that I may as well be prepared. Sara’s look of disdain had no effect on me and I could see that she was realizing this at last. I knew it was because she was not getting a reaction and would soon grow tired of trying.
Deep down, I was also aware that for some reason she felt an ongoing need to compete with me. Millie said it was because she was jealous, but I still couldn’t understand why. Sara’s parents gave her everything she ever asked for. She wore the nicest clothes of anyone in our grade. Everything she owned was expensive. She had a beautiful house and her family had heaps of money. And as well as that, she was really pretty. Of all people, I could not work out why she would be jealous of me!
But pushing those thoughts aside, I focused on what was important right then, and tuned into what Mr. Thompson was saying. The boys’ relay team event was scheduled first, followed by the boys’ individual event. After that, the girls would compete.
As the boys headed over to the starting point to prepare for their race, we wished them luck and watched as they moved to their assigned spots around the track. Blake was the last runner because he was the fastest. Because Josh, the boys’ sports captain, was the second fastest runner in the team, he was the first to run. This was to help them get a good lead.
The instant the starting gun was fired, the crowd erupted. We joined in, cheering loudly as we watched the boys exchange the baton. Baton changes are tricky in a relay and everyone’s biggest fear is that they might drop it and let the team down. But each of the boys’ exchanges were perfect and we found ourselves jumping up and down in excitement as Blake grabbed hold of the baton and raced for the finish line.
“Go, Blake!!!! Go, Blake!!!! Go, Blake!!!!” We all chanted continuously and I could feel my stomach churn as he crept up behind the first place runner. They were almost neck and neck and the finish line was only about 75 feet away. Then all of a sudden, Blake had a burst of speed and like a bullet, he sped ahead to victory.
Squealing and screaming, we all went running over to him. It was one of the most exciting things I had ever witnessed and I was so happy to see him win.
The other boys raced over and started jumping on his back and hugging each other crazily. They were completely overcome with the thrill of winning, especially after all their hard work, but it had certainly been worth it. We stood back cheering them once more as they headed to the judges’ tent to claim their medals.
The next races were run by older age groups so we joined the boys under the shelter where we’d stored all our gear then admired the medals and ribbons they’d been presented with. We only hoped that the girls’ team could do as well as the boys had.
Before too long, the boys were called for the individual races and were organized into heats. Blake and Josh had to run in the same race which meant they’d be competing against each other. But with a friendly rivalry, they wished each other luck and lined up to run.
It was awesome to see that both of them had made the finals and it was an incredible effort for two of our boys to get that far. It was even more amazing though, to see Blake come in second in the final event and that was when I got the chance to hug him proudly. I was thrilled that he had done so well and was also extremely grateful that I’d been given the opportunity to be there to watch.
Before long, it was time for the girls’ relay and I walked over to the sideline with the boys so we could cheer them on. At the last minute however, Mr. Thompson swapped their order, but we really weren’t sure why.
He had decided to place Millie in the first runner position and Sara in the last. And we watched anxiously as the gun was fired and the runners all took off. Millie had an incredible start and our team was in the lead. Jumping up and down excitedly, we cheered on as we watched the smooth baton changes where the girls grabbed hold of the metal tube and ran like the wind. It seemed that Amy’s timing was really fast as she gained distance on the runner behind her. Then with the speed of lightning, she raced towards Sara, who was ready for her turn to run.
Reaching out to grasp the baton, Sara started running, the way we had practiced so many times at training. We could see her focusing on taking a firm hold of the shiny metal but just as her hands wrapped around it, she seemed to stumble. Looking on in horror, we watched as the baton fell to the ground.
“Nooooo!!!” we screamed in disbelief, knowing that dropping the baton meant instant disqualification. And as Sara bent down to pick it up, the other teams raced past her.
Hobbling over to our tent, she collapsed into a chair red-faced with shame.
“I twisted my ankle!” she declared furiously as we all approached her.
“It’s not my fault, the stupid track is uneven. It’s dangerous! Surely they could make sure the track is safe before letting us run here!”
“Never mind, Sara,” Amy responded quietly. She was obviously very disappointed but resisted the temptation to blame Sara for the loss.
It was clear that they would have been sure winners, if Sara had not dropped that baton. They had practiced the exchanges so many times, there really was no excuse. But what point was there in freaking out at her. It wouldn’t achieve anything now.
It was then that Millie stated the obvious. “If you’ve hurt your ankle then you’re not going to be able to run in the individual races!”
The realization of that statement abruptly dawned on Sara’s face.
“Oh, I’ll be fine,” she quickly replied. “It actually feels ok now, it barely hurts at all.”
“No, Sara,” interrupted Mr. Thompson who had just joined us and overheard Sara’s comments.
“I don’t want you to risk doing more damage to your ankle. We’ll get it checked by the first aid officer just to be sure, but you won’t be running again today.”
Looking towards me he then said, “Julia, you’d better get warmed up, because you’ll be running in the individual race. And the heats are due to start in about fifteen minutes.”
With that, he took off to find a medical officer to look at Sara’s foot. And, standing riveted to the spot in shock, I gradually comprehended the scene around me.
Shaking me into awareness, Millie grabbed my arm and said, “Come on, Julia! Let’s get you warmed up. You’ve got a race to run!”
Trying to process what had actually happened right then, I spotted the look of envy and disgust from Sara, who sat there shaking her head in disbelief.
But Millie dragged me away so quickly that Sara’s evil stare was whisked into oblivion and I had no time to think about it further.
Still in shock at the unexpected turn of events, I lined up alongside several other girls for the heats and with my heart racing a million miles per minute, I suddenly found myself taking off at the sound of the gun. Keeping stride with the girl next to me all the way around the track, I noticed her picking up speed and she then raced ahead, making it to the finish line in first place. Panting, I managed to come in a very close second and after pausing for breath, we made our way to the judges’ tent.
But we had an agonizing wait for all the other heats to be over before we could find out which girls had made the finals.
Sitting alongside Blake and the others, we waited impatiently for the names to be called and when they announced Amy Mitchell and Julia Jones amongst several other names, I sat there in shock. Although over the moon to be in the final, the way I had dreamed, I felt bad for Millie and looked at her almost guiltily.
“Oh, my gosh! You are in the finals, Julia. This is insane!!!” Millie was beside herself with genuine admiration and I looked at her gratefully. She was the best friend anyone could wish for and right then, she meant more to me than ever!
Julia Jones' Diary - Boxed Set - Books 2 to 6 Page 15