by Nora Phoenix
They were sweaty after a round of flip-fuck sex where they’d switched off until they’d both come hard. That would make his hole nice and ready for Lidon to take him later, Enar thought. Vieno wasn’t healed enough yet to be sexually active, and though Lidon’s libido had receded somewhat as a result, he still came to Palani and Enar more than usual. Not that they minded, hell no, but it helped if they were ready for him.
“Kean told me you had an omega collapsing right outside the clinic today?” Palani said as he gathered Enar close and held him against his chest, an experience that still made Enar’s heart sing. How he loved to be held, especially by Palani who could be so tender.
“What else did he tell you?” Enar asked, wondering for a second if Kean had breached patient confidentiality. He wasn’t a doctor or a nurse, so technically, you couldn’t fault him, but it was something Enar would be bummed about.
“Nothing,” Palani assured him. “He said he’d seen an omega collapse and that he’d brought him into the clinic and had stayed with him for a spell.”
“Yeah, we had an emergency come in, a pregnant omega who went into early labor, so Kean stayed with the omega who fainted until I could see him. That’s why I said we need a pediatrician. He asked me to check out his baby, and that’s the fifth one this week. We need to find a pediatrician so we can offer free checkups for the babies as well.”
Palani kissed his head. “Okay, Doc. You know we can expand the clinic if we have to. It’s set up for that. Do you know anyone?”
“A few, but Maz may have some ideas.”
“Okay, we’ll see what we can do.”
Enar’s thoughts went back to Ruari. He’d been exhausted, and Enar was certain that had caused him to faint. He was waiting for the results of the blood work to come back, but he was sure the omega was anemic and malnourished, his pale skin and protruding bones clear indicators. Ruari had been open about his experiences and his pregnancy, but he’d been tight-lipped about his personal situation. Enar got the sense he was hiding from someone. His baby’s father, maybe? Or his parents, since Ruari had mentioned they were not on speaking terms since his pregnancy.
“I may have an omega we need to take in,” he said. “I’m pretty sure he has the gene. He doesn’t have a support network, and he has a ten-week-old son.”
“Hmm,” Palani said. “If he has the gene, he’d be best off in a self-contained unit, right?”
“I think so, also because he’s super protective of his kid.”
He understood that better now, that instinct to protect your child. He’d known it existed on a rational level, but since Hakon’s birth, he’d come to a whole new level of understanding. Hakon might not be his biologically, but he was his son nonetheless, all of theirs. Ruari had understood that, even if Enar hadn’t told him all the details.
The door to the bedroom opened and Vieno poked his head around the corner. “You guys done?” he asked with a strained smile.
“Hey, baby,” Enar said, his heart warming when he saw him. “I haven’t seen you all day. You want to come cuddle with us?”
Vieno seemed to hesitate, then closed the door behind him and made his way over.
“Hakon asleep?” Palani asked as Enar moved over to make room for Vieno in the middle.
Vieno kept his tank top and shorts on as he climbed in, Enar registered. It was one of the many small signals he’d picked up lately that something was off with their omega.
“Yes, Sven has the baby monitor,” Vieno said. He nestled between them, and they both cuddled with him, Palani from the front and Enar spooning him from the back. “He said I looked like I needed some downtime.”
Sven had been wonderful since the baby had been born, always willing to step up and take over for Vieno. And he had a way with babies, as he loved taking care of Hakon. Vieno should use him much more than he did, Enar thought, but for some reason, he was reluctant.
“Lidon is outside making his rounds, so he’ll be in shortly as well,” Palani said.
Enar couldn’t see Vieno’s face, but he felt his body tighten in response before he relaxed again. “I don’t think I can stay till he’s back. I don’t want to leave Hakon for too long,” he said, and Enar’s alarm bells went off. His eyes met Palani’s and while the beta didn’t react, Enar knew he’d picked up on it.
Palani kissed Vieno’s forehead. “I’m gonna take a shower. Why don’t you cuddle with Enar for a bit?”
Vieno dutifully turned toward him as Palani got up and headed into the bathroom. There was little of his usual joy in the omega’s face. He didn’t look exhausted, Enar noted, more lifeless.
“What’s wrong, little one?” he asked, his voice soft. “Won’t you talk to me?”
Vieno’s eyes filled with tears. “I don’t know what’s wrong,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotions. “I’m just…sad.”
“Okay,” Enar said. “That’s okay. Can you tell me what you’re sad about?”
Vieno gave a frustrated gesture. “My head is a mess. It’s so full of thoughts that I can’t think, you know? I know that doesn’t even make sense, but I don’t know how to explain it.”
Enar took his hands and kissed them, then held them against his heart while his mind was busy analyzing what Vieno had said. “Can you share one of those thoughts?”
Vieno’s bottom lip quivered and Enar’s heart broke a little, seeing him so sad. “I’m scared you’ll get upset… Well, not you, but Lidon.”
“Honey, you know how much he loves you, how much we all love you. I can’t imagine you could ever do anything that would make him or us upset.”
A big tear rolled down the omega’s cheek and Enar wiped it away. He patiently waited till Vieno was ready.
“I don’t feel like me, it’s like someone else has taken over my body. I’m fat and my belly is still so flubby and I’m just so sad all the time…”
“Oh honey,” Enar said, gathering him close as Vieno burst into tears. He knew better than to counter anything his mate had just said. “Tell me everything. What else?”
Vieno sobbed against his shoulder, his body shaking with the force of it. “I’m broken… I want to so badly, but I can’t. It doesn’t feel right. Nothing does.”
“What doesn’t feel right?” Enar asked, already guessing the answer, but Vieno needed to say it.
“You, me, us. Everything. Like, you’re naked and holding me and I’m supposed to want you but I don’t… I really don’t, and I’m broken. What happened to me? How do I fix this? I don’t want you all to start hating me…and Lidon needs me, but I can’t. I just can’t.”
And with that, Enar had his diagnosis, or at least a part of it. But before he could say anything, the door opened and Lidon came in. Vieno reacted to his presence as if he’d been slapped in the face, withdrawing from Enar, pushing him back with both hands. “I have to go,” he said.
“What’s wrong?” Lidon asked, hurrying over to the bed, picking up on Vieno’s distress.
At the same time, Palani walked in from his shower, a towel wrapped around his waist. Vieno looked from Lidon to Palani and then to Enar, his eyes showing an intense despair.
“Sweetheart, talk to me, what’s wrong?” Lidon asked again.
“What happened?” Palani asked.
Vieno sank to his knees in the middle of the room, then clamped his hands over his ears and started rocking back and forth, and Enar knew he had to stop this.
“Lidon, back off,” he said. “Let me handle this.”
Lidon frowned. “I want to—”
“Back off,” Enar repeated with more force. “Please, alpha,” he added to placate him.
Lidon’s eyes blazed with indignation at being overruled, but with a look at Vieno, he stepped back and allowed Palani to drag him to the side.
Enar focused on Vieno, who still sat rocking himself, his eyes closed. He lowered himself on the floor, not caring he was still naked and still had Palani’s cum dripping out of his ass. “You’re not broken, honey,”
he said softly. When Vieno didn’t react, he said it again. “You’re not broken, I promise.”
Finally, Vieno looked up with tear-stricken eyes. “But something is wrong with me.”
“I wouldn’t call it wrong, but yes, there’s something happening in your body and your mind.”
“Can you fix it?” Vieno asked and the mix of hope and despair about killed Enar.
“We’ll make it better, I promise. The four of us, honey, we’ve got this.”
“W-what is it? What’s wrong with me?” Vieno asked, and for the first time, Enar saw a spark of something in his eyes.
“You had one hell of a delivery, and it’s going to take a while for your body to return to normal. So all those things that are feeling off, they’re a sign you’re not healed yet. Your body went through hell to deliver Hakon in such a short time, so it'll take longer for you to recover compared to others who had normal deliveries. It’s not even been six weeks since you gave birth.”
“Is that why my body feels so different?” Vieno asked, and Enar had no trouble picking up the veiled reference.
“Baby, if you don’t feel ready yet for any sexual activities, that is okay. None of us expected you to jump back into that within weeks after your delivery. Your body went through a lot, and you need time to heal, both physically and mentally.”
“But I looked it up, and it said most omegas are sexually active within four weeks of delivery. I’m so scared,” Vieno said. “I’ve never felt this way, to look at one of you and not feel the attraction.”
Enar wanted to hold him so badly, but he knew he would have to wait until Vieno indicated he was ready for that. But it broke his heart to see the omega so dejected and sad. “I know, baby. I can’t even imagine how confusing that must feel for you, but you need to know none of us blame you for this. You take as long as you need to heal, and we'll be here. And those are just averages, and they’re not based on precipitous labor.”
Vieno’s eyes were full of tears once again as he lifted his head to face Enar. “What if it never comes back? What if I am broken forever?”
“You won’t be, baby, I promise. But even if that were the case, we would still love you. We don’t love you for your body, as amazing as it is, or for the sex, as much as we enjoy that. We love you for who you are. I won’t deny that it would be hard for all of us to adjust if that were the new reality, but we would find a way.”
Vieno shook his head. “I hear you say the words, but somehow, I find it hard to believe. It’s not just my body that’s struggling. There’s more, right? I’m thinking my depression has returned?”
Enar hesitated. He wasn’t sure how much to tell Vieno. The omega had every right to know, but there was a balance to be struck between comforting him and scaring him. Then he saw Vieno’s face, looking up at him with a mix of hope and horror, and Enar knew he had to tell him.
Before he could say anything, Vieno spoke up again. “I’m so scared it will come back. You don’t know how much I struggled before we met you. Those dark days, when I would wake up, not sure if I would have the strength to make it to the end of the day. That black darkness that sucks all your energy and joy, I don’t know if I can face that again.”
“I know, baby. That must’ve been hell for you and for Palani, having to watch you struggle. But you’re much stronger now, and you have all three of us. You have a big support system here, all these people wanting to help you every way they can. Plus, you have Hakon.”
Vieno’s shoulders dropped. “It’s back then, my depression?”
Enar had to be honest. “In a way. It’s not the same, but I think you have the symptoms of a postpartum depression. It’s not uncommon after precipitous labor, but I am so sorry you have to go through this. But we are here for you, baby, you know that.”
Even as he spoke, Enar heard a double gasp coming from the two men behind him. Lidon and Palani had not seen this coming, that much was obvious. He hated to spring it on them this way, but he had no choice. He owed Vieno the truth. Plus, they were in this together. This was not a battle Vieno would have to face alone.
“Is that why everything feels like a struggle?” Vieno asked.
Enar nodded. “Your body isn’t fully healed, that’s a fact. But your depression complicates things, because it makes it hard for you to distinguish between what’s physical and real and what your mind is telling you. Your judgment is clouded, so to speak. Like, I told you we would love you no matter what, and you found that hard to believe. That’s your depression talking, because a few months ago, you wouldn’t have doubted that truth. But it’s okay, baby. We understand, and we will help you through this.”
Enar saw emotions flash over Vieno’s face. It was a lot for the omega to take in. But at least they were talking about it now, and it was out in the open. That was an important first step, and the next would be to get Vieno to accept help. He had been struggling on his own, not sharing this with them, and that was unacceptable. The only way they would get through this was together. That thought triggered something in him, and he cocked his head.
“This is in no way an accusation and please don’t take it that way, but am I right that you’ve been avoiding us? I’ve barely seen you the last two weeks, and I know that every time the three of us were intimate in some way, you weren’t there. Is it too hard for you to watch?”
Vieno’s eyes dropped to the floor, and it took a long time for him to answer. “It hurts to see you and not be a part of it. But at the same time, I don’t want to be a part of it, and I’m scared that if I join, you guys will expect me to… I didn’t want to have to say no, but I didn’t want to be a cock tease either, I guess.”
“Oh baby,” Enar said. “You can always say no to us. We would never be upset with you for that. And you know we would never put pressure on you to do anything you don’t want.”
Vieno’s eyes rose from the floor to look at Enar, and there was something in his look at that Enar didn’t like at all. “Do I? Have you ever tried saying no to the pack alpha? You know what he can do, how strong his powers are. He could make me do anything he wanted, and we all know it.”
Lidon had gotten hurt in the line of duty multiple times, including a few injuries that had been rather painful. But the pain he felt in that moment as Vieno’s words registered with him was so intense that it took his breath away. His heart felt like it was being stabbed with shards of glass. Cold, sharp glass that hurt deeper than he had ever thought possible.
Palani reached out to him, but Lidon stepped away, unsure if he could trust himself right now. He felt like his world had just fallen apart. How was it possible that after everything they had shared, Vieno would feel this way about him? When had the omega he loved so much that he would die for him become afraid of him? And not just intimidated, but scared to the point where he feared Lidon not only could force him to do anything, but that he would?
“I need to go,” he managed, surprised that he could even still talk.
“Lidon, don’t. It’s his depression and anxiety talking. He doesn’t mean it,” Enar said, his voice pleading and emotional.
Lidon refused to look at him, too afraid he would have to face Vieno and that the fear and rejection on the omega’s face would literally bring him to his knees. Without another word, he left the room, breaking into a run once he was in the hallway. He needed to go, outside, somewhere where he was alone and that no one could watch him fall to pieces.
He had just stumbled through the back door when his body started tingling, and he recognized the feeling. God, yes. He embraced it, the drive of his alpha to take over, surrendered to it fully while whipping off his shirt and kicking off his shoes. He was still wearing his underwear and shorts when he shifted, ripping them to shreds.
Darkness was falling outside, but he didn’t care. It was perfect, because no one would be able to see him. All he wanted to do was run as far away as possible from everyone.
He heard someone call his name, but he ignored it. The first t
ime he’d shifted, he’d been surprised that even in wolf form he could still understand language. Somehow, he had expected to lose that, to become fully animalistic. But apparently, that wasn’t how it worked. Even as a wolf, his human side was still there.
And so he ran, cutting across the pack land in no time at all. He hesitated when he came to the border. Wolves weren’t common in this area, so if he went outside of pack land, he better make sure no one saw him. He didn’t want to end up getting shot by a hunter looking for a deer or something. Still, he had to run, had to get this deep emotion out of his system.
He left the pack land behind him, choosing to head to the mountains that were still in the distance. They were in a designated wilderness area, all but desolate and devoid of any human interaction. People were allowed, but few ventured out that way because there was nothing there. If you wanted to hike there, you had to bring everything, as even water was hard to find. It suited him well, and as he stretched his legs and broke out in a wild run, he marveled at his own speed.
It was such freedom, being in this form, uninhibited by a human body with all its limitations. He could see much better, his eyes having no trouble in the dark, even with only a pale moon guiding him. His hearing was stronger too, and his sense of smell was even better. A few miles in, he smelled wildlife before he ever saw the deer, and he smiled mentally. That would make hunting so much easier. But he didn’t want to hunt now, he wasn’t hungry for food. He kept running until he had reached the foot of the mountains, and it wasn’t till then that he slowed down.
He found a spot to lie down and rest, amazed that his brain worked the same in this shape, even if his body and senses were different. His alpha still functioned as well, and he could sense Vieno’s distress, even at this distance. That was interesting, he noted, that distance didn’t make a difference in how he was connected to his omega.
Had he hoped differently when he ran this far? Had he hoped to disconnect from Vieno for a while, to escape the stress and anguish he knew his sudden departure would bring to his mate? He wasn’t sure, but maybe he shouldn’t ask himself that since he wasn’t convinced he wanted to know the answer.