by Nora Phoenix
A knock on the front door interrupted his thoughts, and he jumped up from the bed he'd been lounging on. He checked through the peephole to make sure it was Kean, as he had been instructed, and his heart jumped up in his chest when he spotted him.
He smelled his shower gel as soon as he opened the door, the pine fragrance Kean always used that smelled like a forest, like freedom. Ruari stared at him for a few seconds before he gathered himself and let him in. He wasn’t sure where Sando was, but it seemed they had the house to themselves for now, and he had every intention of making good use of that opportunity.
Kean closed the door behind them, and without saying a word, Ruari stepped in and offered his mouth. The kiss was slow, languid, a lazy, unhurried exploration. Ruari moaned a little into Kean’s mouth, tingles dancing over his skin at the erotic dance their tongues did.
When his neck started to hurt, Kean lifted him effortlessly, and Ruari wrapped his legs around his waist, putting his head on the man’s shoulder as he was carried to his bedroom. Kean lowered him on the bed, stretching out next to him, fusing their mouths together again.
It was magic they created, a song increasing in its intensity, every touch, every little moment, every slick move of Kean’s tongue creating a new note.
“You’re so beautiful,” Kean whispered reverently, his hand slipping under Ruari’s shirt, drawing slow circles on his stomach that made his skin break out in goosebumps.
He rolled on his back, pulling Ruari on top of him, and the omega loved being spread out on that sexy body. Kean’s hands continued their journey on his back, gentle strokes, soft caresses, random patterns that set his skin on fire. He was meticulous, slow, and the best torture Ruari had ever endured.
The downside of his position was that it was hard to find Kean’s naked skin, to touch him. So with regret, Ruari let go of his mouth, then slid down the man’s body until he reached the hem of his shirt. He pulled it up with his teeth, which earned him a low moan from Kean, then found that smooth skin with his mouth.
He closed his eyes as he tasted, licked, savored. The pine fragrance was on his tongue now, mixing in with Kean’s own smell and taste. He drew circles on his belly, pushing his shirt higher and higher as he made his way up.
“God, you have the perfect belly button,” he said, admiring it with a soft feeling in his belly.
Kean chuckled, the vibration echoing through Ruari’s body. “Thank you. I’m glad to hear it gets your seal of approval.”
His laughter transformed into a grown as Ruari’s tongue found the little valley. The man was sensitive there, Ruari discovered, which filled him with delight. He kissed it, sucked a little, then flat out tongued until Kean was squirming underneath him, his hands holding onto Ruari’s head with quite the pressure. If he got this excited about Ruari’s mouth on his belly button, Ruari wondered how he would feel when he sucked him off. Definitely something he wanted to try.
He took mercy on him and continued his journey north, only to discover that Kean’s nipples were equally sensitive. Ruari scraped his teeth along the little bud, and Kean almost bucked him off.
“You’re killing me,” he moaned, but it didn’t sound like a complaint.
Ruari smiled, then decided the other bud deserved equal treatment, and made Kean tremble all over again. Damn, the man was responsive, and Ruari was loving it. He didn’t need to ask Kean to remove his shirt. When it was clear Ruari couldn’t push it any further up, the beta rose up and pulled it off himself, then lowered back down again and pulled Ruari close.
“Give me a second to take something off as well,” Ruari said with a laugh. “I want to feel your skin against mine.”
Kean let him go, then watched with hungry eyes as Ruari took off more than just his shirt. Why bother with more interruptions when it was clear this was where they were headed?
“Ruari, baby, are you sure this is what you want?” Kean asked softly. “You know there’s no pressure, right?”
Instead of answering him, Ruari kneeled and pulled off Kean’s socks, his boots already on the floor where Kean had kicked them off before they had fallen on the bed. He unbuttoned Kean’s shorts, when the beta’s hands covered his.
“Ruari, baby, should we be doing this without Bray?”
Ruari had debated this long and hard with himself while in the shower. Yes, he’d spent a long time there, enjoying the unbelievable luxury of a long, hot shower without having to worry his son would wake up. He didn’t see why they would have to wait till Bray came to his senses. He and Kean were officially dating, everyone knew, they had permission, and dammit, he was dying to get back into it, the first time since his pregnancy.
Plus, Kean deserved it, didn’t he, a one-on-one meeting with Ruari? He was such a sweetheart who’d been so kind and patient and perfect that he deserved to be treated special. Bray hadn’t earned that yet, Ruari felt, no matter if they were mates or not. He’d get his turn when Ruari’s heat started, but this round was between him and Bray.
He looked up, met Kean’s concerned eyes that showed his struggle. The man was hard as iron and Ruari could smell his arousal, and yet he’d stopped him to make sure they were doing the right thing. “You love him,” he said, filled with wonder. “You’re in love with him.”
One second of hesitation and then Kean nodded. “I am. He’s had my heart from the moment I met him, and the fact that he didn’t treat it with care doesn’t change that.”
“Oh, baby,” Ruari said, his heart filling with the soft and fuzzies. He crawled on top of Kean again to hold him, letting his head rest on the man’s chest. “Do you feel like this is cheating on him?” he asked when Kean’s arms came around him and he let out a deep sigh.
“It doesn’t make sense, right?” Kean said, frustration dripping from his voice. “I want you so much, and I can’t believe we’re here, together, about to make magic together…but I can’t let that feeling go that we shouldn’t.”
“Can you explain it?”
“If we didn’t know all three of us are mates, it would be different. But we do, and it feels like we’re cheating on Bray, like we’re excluding him. And it doesn’t make sense at all, because he’s not there yet and it could take a long time before he is, but as much as I want to be with you, I want him to be there as well. I don’t want to have to tell him that we both knew and went behind his back.”
Ruari wanted to argue with him, wanted to point out they didn’t owe Bray anything when he was being a stubborn ass, but he knew Kean was right. It didn’t make sense rationally, but until they were together, he and Kean couldn’t do this.
“Well, this sucks,” he said, rolling off Kean. “I was dying for a good pounding.”
He pouted as Kean turned on his side to watch him. “Are you angry with me?” the beta asked.
“No. You’re right. But can I say I admire your honor and hate you a little bit for it at the same time?”
Kean’s lips pulled up in a smile. “I’m sorry?”
Ruari decided that if they weren’t gonna have sex, they could at least snuggle and he scooted up the bed until he was nestled against Kean. “No, you’re not. But it’s okay. Let’s snuggle for a bit, okay?”
Kean’s arms around him tightened, pulling him closer until their bodies were melted together. “Snuggling is nice,” the beta whispered.
Ruari closed his eyes, willing his body to calm down. “With you, it is.”
21
Damn, he was tired. Knowing Ruari’s heat was coming, Kean worked his ass off to make sure he’d be able to take two days off. Lars had been willing to take over for the basic stuff, like feeding the animals, milking, and gathering the eggs, but he didn’t have time—or the skills—to do much more than that. Kean had made long days to make sure everything else was in tip-top shape. He’d gotten lucky the omega took longer than expected, so he’d checked off every item on his to-do list and felt confident Lars could manage. It had, however, reinforced his need for an assistant he could train.
> It had also reinforced his need for more caffeine, which is why he was in the main kitchen for his sixth cup of the day. They each had a coffee machine in their bunkhouse, but it wasn’t the same as the one in the main kitchen. Lidon had splurged there, and oh my god, it had been worth it. It was the single best coffee Kean had ever tasted, and he gladly walked over to the main kitchen a few times every day to get his fix. It wasn’t like Lidon or anyone else minded. Lidon had made it crystal clear that the main house was accessible to everyone living on the ranch. Even if you lived in the bunkhouses, you could use the main kitchen at any time.
He really should cut back a little, he thought. That much caffeine wasn’t healthy. But he’d needed it to keep his energy up when he worked fourteen-hour days. At least he’d be able to be there for Ruari and right now, nothing was more important than that.
God, he was infatuated with him. He could be sweet like Sven, but he was as strong as Vieno, if not stronger, and sassy as fuck. Kean loved it, loved that he was stubborn as hell and not afraid to get into a debate with Kean if he thought he was wrong.
And he was honorable. Even though his cock had cursed him for it, Kean stood by his decision to refrain from sex with Ruari until his heat, so their first time would be with Bray. Ruari had fully accepted Kean’s viewpoint, hadn’t tried to change his mind on that, and all they had done was snuggle—which had been the sweetest form of torture. And Kean hadn’t wanted to jerk off, since he figured Ruari would need his stamina, so he was pretty sure that if Ruari’s heat didn’t start soon, his balls would explode.
“Nothing from Ruari yet?”
Bray’s voice broke Kean out of his thoughts. He turned around, facing the alpha who looked at him with genuine concern.
“Shouldn’t it have started by now? He told me it would be about a week,” Bray said.
“I know. It’s taking longer than he had expected, but Enar says that’s normal for a first heat after a pregnancy.”
Kean took a sip from his coffee, leaning against the kitchen counter.
“Oh, he’s talked to Enar about this? That’s good to know. I was getting worried.”
Kean studied him, but everything in Bray’s expression told him he was serious. Wasn’t that something? He was genuinely concerned. Maybe the times were a-changing.
“Yeah, Enar went to check him yesterday. For obvious reasons, Ruari doesn’t want to leave the bunkhouse anymore, so Enar went to him. He says everything is pointing toward his heat starting any day now.”
Bray walked over to the counter and turned on the machine to make himself a cup of coffee.
“This coffee really is to die for,” Bray said as if reading his mind from earlier.
Kean grinned. “Totally worth spending some time in the main house for.”
As the coffee machine sprang to life, rattling and coughing as it produced a double espresso for Bray, they waited in companionable silence.
“He must be getting antsy by now,” Bray said.
“He’s stir-crazy,” Kean confirmed.
The machine gave a last cough, and Bray shut it off and grabbed his coffee. To Kean’s surprise, he didn’t walk out of the kitchen, but leaned against the wall, opposite from him. They stared at each other for a bit, but it didn’t feel weird, more like they were assessing each other, reconnecting, somehow.
“Are you okay with me helping Ruari?” Bray then asked.
When Kean didn’t answer right away, mostly because he was surprised by Bray’s thoughtfulness, the alpha added, “I promise I will take good care of him…and of you. I’ll do what I can to make it a positive experience for the both of you.”
Now what did he say to that? It was not what Kean had expected Bray to say. At all. It burned inside him, this knowing that they were supposed to be together, that this was how it was supposed to be, Bray, Ruari, and him, but he couldn’t say it. Bray would never believe him and they’d lose him. No, he had to wait until the alpha saw himself, until he was willing to see the truth.
“Thank you,” he said simply. “I appreciate that more than I can say.”
Bray took a sip of his coffee, his brown eyes never leaving Kean’s. “This must be hard for you,” he said.
“Why?”
“Because he’s your boyfriend? Because I’m Jax’s father? Because I’m an alpha and you’re not?”
“I don’t have a problem with the fact that you’re an alpha and I’m not,” Kean said.
Bray lowered his cup of coffee. “You don’t?”
Kean frowned, not understanding. “Why would you think I want to be an alpha?”
“I’m sorry, I must’ve misunderstood.”
Kean saw Bray close down, saw him pull up the mental barriers and walls the alpha used to keep others out.
“I am not upset or angry, Bray. I’m just curious why you would think that.”
With an abrupt gesture, Bray emptied his coffee cup and put it on the table next to him. “Forget I said anything.”
“Bray, please, don’t walk away,” Kean pleaded.
“If I explain my line of thinking, you’ll get angry or upset with me again, and we’ll fight all over again. I don’t want that, especially not when Ruari’s heat is about to start.”
It had taken Kean a little while to figure out what was going on, but then it hit him. “I hurt you,” he said slowly. “When I broke things off with you and I explained why, I hurt you much deeper than I had realized.”
Bray, who was already halfway to the hallway, stopped. “I don’t understand why you would want to be with me in the first place if you hate me so much,” he said without turning around.
He had missed this, Kean realized. He had not understood how deeply he had cut Bray, unintentionally, but still. His goal had been to give the alpha a wake-up call, but not to hurt him to the point where it affected his self-esteem, as it had clearly done.
That was something else he had misjudged, the alpha’s self-confidence. He’d thought Bray was arrogant, thinking too highly of himself, but he had been wrong. How had he not seen it was a defense mechanism, a way to hide how insecure he was on the inside? His belly weakened as he re-assessed the situation.
“I don’t hate you, Bray. I never could. Quite the opposite, in fact.”
That was as close as he could come without blurting out the truth. Bray turned around slowly. “You don’t?”
There was a hope in his voice, and more than anything, that told Kean how wrong he had been about this man.
“No, I don’t. I promise you, Bray, I don’t hate you at all. I just wanted you to see some things, but I went about it the wrong way. I shouldn’t have said it when I was still emotional myself, because breaking things off with you hurt.”
“But you had Ruari,” Bray said.
The man had no idea of the depths of Kean’s feelings, he realized all over again. “I didn’t have him at all at that point, but even if I did, it still would’ve hurt. It pained me to break things off with you, Bray. A lot. It wasn’t what I wanted.”
Bray stood there for a long time, but Kean waited patiently. Finally, the alpha took a seat at the kitchen table. “I talked to my dad about this, about you and what you said.”
Wow, that was not what Kean had expected him to say. The man was full of surprises today. “What did he say about it?”
“I think he agreed with you.”
“You think?”
Bray let out a sigh, a long one. “I was pretty upset and emotional, so I’m not sure I understood everything correctly. But my recollection is that he shares your assessment that I’m an alpha-asshole.”
The pain of those words hung in the air, and Kean’s heart broke a little for this proud alpha. He took a spot opposite from him.
“We went about this wrong,” he said quietly. “Or at least, I did. Because you hurt me, I confronted you with something in a way that made you hurt as well, and for that, I’m sorry.”
“My remark about you not being able to give Ruari more kids was hor
rible,” Bray said.
“It was,” Kean agreed. “We both said things we shouldn’t have.”
Bray bit his lip, a gesture that was so uncharacteristic for the alpha that Kean wanted to tell him to stop. It made him uncomfortable, seeing Bray so insecure. Instead, he waited, giving Bray the time to formulate his thoughts.
“I don’t understand what you’re all trying to tell me,” Bray said, avoiding his eyes. “But I want to. I don’t like it, this idea that I'm seen as some arrogant asshole. I want to be a part of my son’s life, Kean, and I want to be respected here on the ranch, within the pack. The idea that I’m not, that I’m just tolerated, it’s...”
His voice cracked at the end, and the alpha closed his eyes for a few seconds, before he opened them again, still studiously avoiding Kean’s.
“What am I missing? What am I doing wrong that I am not the person I think I am? The person that I want to be, that I thought I was? Why is everyone else seeing someone I don’t?”
If Kean acted on what he wanted to do most, he would walk right over to that big guy and hold him, try to take away some of the pain that hung so thick in the air. But he couldn’t. Even though he knew Ruari would have no problem with it, Bray wouldn’t understand. He would see it as cheating, and Kean knew the alpha had strict standards on that one.
“If you really want to know, if you really want to learn and are open to trying to see things from another perspective, I will help you. We will help you.”
When Bray did lift his gaze to meet Kean’s, his brown eyes looked suspiciously moist. “You will?”
Kean nodded. “Gladly. And I promise you I will have more patience with you, Bray. I was wrong to expect you to get it instantly. Let me try again, okay?”
“Thank you.”
Bray’s voice was barely above a whisper, and it was layered with emotions.
“It’s my pleasure. And Bray, just so we’re clear, I do like you. We like you. Everyone here on the ranch likes you. We may have issues with your attitude and behavior at times, but no one here hates you. I want you to know that.”