by Francis Ray
She could wail against fate for letting her fall in love with a man who considered love a liability, or she could take this time together to build memories. Angling her head up, her lips sought his.
* * *
Daniel and Madelyn lay curled up together in her bed. They had made love most of the afternoon and into the night. Earlier they had taken a shower, then fixed a quick meal before tumbling back into bed.
Madelyn was so responsive and giving, he hadn’t been able to keep his hands off her. She had been the same with him. The more he made love to her, the more his body wanted.
He loved the way her breasts responded to his mouth, his touch. Interestingly he also just liked looking at them—at her. The restless feeling he had with other women after sex didn’t come—he was content to lie there with her in his arms.
“Marry me,” he said, not realizing what he was going to say until it slipped out. He tensed, but hearing the words aloud didn’t bring the fear and uneasiness he always imagined.
His lips brushed the top of her head. Moving her things to his place would be simple. The teddy bear could go into the baby’s room. They’d have a good life—
“No.”
Daniel’s warm thoughts crashed to a halt with the softly spoken word. Jerking upward, he stared down at her in disbelief. “What did you say?”
“No.” She had the nerve to say the word again, this time lifting her small chin for emphasis.
He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You don’t want to marry me?” he asked tightly, knowing anger was no way to get her to change her mind, but unable to help himself.
“I didn’t say that,” Madelyn replied.
“It sounded like it to me,” he yelled, watching her through narrowed eyes as she pulled the sheet over her breasts. He felt an urge to snatch the bedding away. On top of rejecting him, she was hiding her body from him.
“Daniel, there’s no reason to yell.”
He stared at her. How could she be so calm when she had just blindsided him? She added insult to injury by patting his cheek.
“Come on and get dressed,” she told him, climbing out of bed and showing him a tempting picture of the elegant curve of her back and lush buttocks before slipping on her nightshirt he had hurriedly removed an hour ago.
He gritted his teeth. One day he was going to have her naked and keep her that way.
“Daniel, move.” She handed him his shirt. “I have to get rested for church early in the morning.”
“You’re throwing me out?”
She smiled as if she were talking to the simpleminded. “Don’t be dramatic. I need my sleep.”
He didn’t move. “You can’t sleep with me?”
“You might snore.”
“I don’t,” he snapped, affronted.
“How would you know?” Not waiting for an answer, she acted as if he were the simpleminded person again and put his arms into the shirt.
Finished, she handed him his black briefs with one hand and with the other patted back a yawn as if his naked body did nothing for her, while the sight of the narrow line of brown silken flesh between her unbuttoned nightshirt had him hard and throbbing. “I don’t snore.”
She picked up his pants and shoes and gave them to him. Once again he was the recipient of that smile. “Thank you for being so understanding.”
Standing, he pulled on his briefs, pants, then shoved his feet into his shoes. If she didn’t want him, he wasn’t begging to stay.
“Good night, Daniel.”
Brushing past her, he stalked to his car. She had thrown him out. No woman had ever thrown him out. Women had been trying to get him to the altar since he was eighteen, and the first woman he asked threw him out.
His jabbed the key in the ignition hard enough for it to snap, then he snatched it out and stalked back to her apartment. His fist pounded on the door. He was too angry for a doorbell.
Immediately the door opened. Her hands clutching her pink silk nightshirt, she stared up at him with wide eyes. “Why don’t you want to marry me?” he asked.
“Because you don’t love me.” The door closed.
His fist hit the door again. He was through the door before it opened completely. “How can you say that? I’d do anything for you.”
“I don’t doubt you’d fight the devil to keep me safe, but there’s one thing you won’t do”—a weary determination came over her face—“give me your heart, totally, completely, with nothing held back. I won’t trap you into marriage.”
“You’re not trapping me—I’m asking,” he told her, aware he hadn’t reassured her about loving her.
“You didn’t want to ask me, Daniel. You were feeling warm and magnanimous after some good sex. You stiffened like a board after asking me.” The memory still hurt. She had wanted to kick him out of bed—she had wanted to bawl her eyes out. Instead she had tried to act as if she weren’t dying inside.
“The sex was fantastic, and I admit to being thrown a little at first, but I meant it when I asked you to marry me,” he railed.
She had learned early when people were the loudest, they were often the most wrong or the most scared. “If I had said yes, you’d be back-peddling as fast as you could by now. As it is, you’re upset because I’m refusing you.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Daniel, I don’t want to argue.” She was tired to the bone and finally resigned to what she had to do. “I think it’s best that we don’t see each other.”
“You can’t be serious.”
“I am. I’ll let you know when the baby is born. You and your parents can visit as often as you want.”
Anger flashed in his dark eyes. “You expect me to just walk out and leave you and my baby?”
“You didn’t want me or the baby when I first told you,” she reminded him.
“I was a cynical fool. I’ll always regret not believing you, but the fact remains you’re carrying my child. I have a right to be a part of his life before he’s born. If I had the skill, I’d deliver our baby with my own hands when the time comes. Since I don’t, I’m going to do the next best thing—be there when it happens.”
She shivered. “No.”
“Yes,” he countered, looking dark and menacing, a warrior refusing to be denied.
Madelyn refused to cower. Her chin lifted again. “You don’t own me, Daniel.”
He stepped closer, bringing with him the heat and hardness of his body. “I don’t own you, but you belong to me, just as I belong to you. That irrefutable fact has been between us since we first met, since our first kiss, since I first made love to you.”
“I belong to myself,” Madelyn said, her arms circling her stomach, glancing away.
“What’s the matter?” he asked frantically, his gaze swiftly running over. “Are you sick?”
“I’m just tired.”
“What a fool I am,” he said, picking her up despite her startled protests and depositing her gently on the couch. “I forgot what a long day you’ve had. I didn’t mean to make it worse.”
Slowly, carefully, she clenched her hands in her lap and looked away from his anxious face. “Daniel, I really think we shouldn’t see each other for a while.”
“Tell me what it is you want me to do or say,” he implored, frustration in every word.
“You’ll have to figure it out for yourself.”
“And if I can’t?” he asked.
Biting her lip, she finally looked at him. “Good night, Daniel.”
He didn’t move. He couldn’t. How did he prove to a woman he loved her when he wasn’t sure he knew what love was between a man and a woman? He wanted her, needed her—he didn’t know about loving her.
Love was infinitely scarier. Loving a person was dangerous. Jeanette, his parents, Dominique, too many friends to count had proved that.
“You’ve never said you loved me, either,” he said, aware he was grabbing at straws.
She gazed at him a long time before saying, “Yes, I ha
ve. With every touch, every smile, every gesture, every tear.” Her sigh was long and telling. “I loved you when you hurt me more than I thought I could bear, I’ll love you until the day I die—but I can’t love you enough for the both of us.”
His head fell, his hair falling over his shoulders. Despair, like a brutal fist, closed around him. “Why can’t you take what I can offer?” he asked in a hushed whisper.
“I deserve more.” The answer was as simple as it was complicated.
Madelyn was like no other woman he had met. She was loving and generous and fiercely loyal. She was also independent and a fighter. She could have taken a secure job with her brother; instead she had struck out on her own, using her intelligence and her skills to make her own way in the cutthroat business world.
Her strong work ethic enabled her to accomplish a great deal in a relatively short time. She eagerly sought to achieve more. Motherhood wasn’t going to stop her from reaching the top of her field.
Neither would a man called Daniel Falcon.
Pushing to his feet, he stared down at her downcast head. “I don’t know how, but I’m going to win you back.” Without another word, he opened the door and left.
* * *
Desolate, Madelyn curled up against the teddy bear, her cheek pressed against the prickly fur, her arms around the wide middle. She loved Daniel, wanted to marry him. But she wanted more than a “have-to” marriage.
Daniel was still holding back, protecting himself. Until he could trust her not to betray him, take the risk of being hurt, they’d never have a happy life together. As she’d told him, she couldn’t love enough for both of them. She’d grown up seeing how wonderful a marriage could be. Settling for anything less was unthinkable.
Madelyn wanted all or nothing. Untangling herself from the stuffed animal, she went to stand by the open doorway of her bedroom. The silent front door mocked her.
Looked like it was going to be nothing.
* * *
Daniel didn’t sleep at all Saturday night and he was sure Madelyn hadn’t fared any better. She had looked totally dejected when he left. The thought of her crying and upset kept him awake. It had taken every bit of his willpower to wait until morning to return and try to get her to listen to reason. The least she could do was not shut him out while they worked out their problems. There was no sense in them being this miserable.
Daniel pulled into Madelyn’s apartment complex with the firm belief she was in bed, bereft and heartbroken. Parking several doors down, he got out and started toward her apartment.
Madelyn’s laughter, light and teasing, reached him first, then he saw her as she emerged from her apartment. Dressed in a hot pink linen suit, she looked beautiful and joyously happy. Shocked, he stopped in his tracks. A well-dressed Sid in a light gray tailored suit came out behind her. In a matter of seconds, they were leaving in Sid’s car.
Daniel watched until the Lexus disappeared. Only then did he slowly make his way back to his truck. Madelyn wasn’t crying and waiting for him, she was going on with her life. He was human enough to admit he wished it hadn’t been so easy for her, but man enough to admit he was glad she had the resilience and courage to take control of her life, glad she had friends who cared. But he’d be damned if any other man was going to be her birthing partner when she delivered their child.
Madelyn might have gone on with her life, but Daniel was going to make sure there was a place in it for him. He paused and looked to where he had last seen Sid’s car, then concluded silently that making his wish a reality might be the most difficult thing he had ever done.
* * *
Daniel was in trouble, and he knew it. Pacing the length of his bedroom long after midnight, he discarded one idea after the other. Three days had passed since he had seen Madelyn and Sid drive away from her apartment.
Of course he’d called. She was coolly polite and continued refusing to see him. Since he didn’t want to upset her, he complied. But he wasn’t sure how much longer he could take not seeing her. He missed her, worried about her.
His parents had called, and he had given them the good news/bad news. His proposal; her refusal. He hadn’t gone into any other details. They were due back Saturday morning. If he was still clueless, he might have to ask his mother for advice.
Even as the idea came to him, he rejected it. Somehow he knew he had to come up with the answer himself. Obtaining help from an outside source would diminish whatever plan he put into action. The usual things that enticed a woman—flowers, candy, expensive gifts or trips—wouldn’t work on Madelyn. But what would?
She kept on saying it had to come from his heart. So he was reasonably sure it had to be something just for her, but again what?
He tried to think of what his married friends did and drew a blank. He had made a point of staying away from weddings since he didn’t believe ninety percent of them would last ten years. He sent his gift on the happy occasion and his condolences on learning of the divorce.
Staring down at the landscaped, lighted backyard, Daniel tried to think of something. His business was ideas. But at a time when one was the most important, he drew a blank.
The thought went through him like an electrical shock. His body tensed. It couldn’t be. Yet he knew it was. He had been running from the idea since their first kiss.
It was important because he loved her.
He loved her: totally, irrevocably.
Daniel went to sleep thinking of Madelyn. He woke up thinking about her. She occupied most of his thoughts during the day. He worried, he wondered, he ached with a loneliness for her that nothing else could appease.
Usually, at this time of year, he was getting ready to begin his documentary on African-American and Native American history and contributions. This time he had assigned someone else to the project. The thought of leaving town and not being near Madelyn if she needed him made him physically ill.
She had become the most important thing in his life.
His parents were acting like lovesick teenagers, his wandering sister was due home soon, his business was flourishing, he had friends, he was in good health—yet he didn’t remember ever being so … so melancholy and lonely.
Damn! It had to be true. He laughed with the sweet knowledge. “Look out, Madelyn, I’m coming after you. And I know the perfect day.”
Chapter 19
“Happy birthday, Madelyn,” yelled her family. All of them—her parents, Kane and Victoria and the twins, Matt and Shannon—were crowded in front of her door.
Surprised, pleased, and lonelier than she thought possible, Madelyn couldn’t keep the sparkle of tears from her eyes. Her palms covered her mouth and nose. She had felt so sorry for herself lately, she hadn’t remembered her birthday.
“I think she thought we forgot,” said Kane, holding a huge boxed sheet cake in his hands.
“We’ve never forgotten one in the past,” said her mother, her hands holding a beautiful gold-foil-wrapped package. “Are you going to ask us in, or are we going to have this party in the doorway?”
Stepping aside, Madelyn brushed back tears. Now she wouldn’t have to spend a miserable Friday night by herself, thinking and aching for Daniel. It seemed an eternity instead of only six days since she had last seen him.
The twins came barreling through the door dressed in matching jumpers appliqued with apples and ABC’s. “Happy birthday, Auntie,” Chandler said, a beautiful replica of her mother. “I helped picked out the cake.”
Not to be outdone, Kane Jr. said, “Me, too.”
“Thank you both.” Leaning down, she hugged them both. She thought of holding her own child one day. Her throat tightened.
“I picked out your gift by myself,” Victoria said, handing her sister-in-law a box wrapped in lavender-colored paper with a silk orchid on top.
Another box was handed to Madelyn, then another and another until her arms were full. Although she knew tradition forbade her from opening the gifts until after they had dinner at some
exclusive restaurant and cut the cake, the outpouring of her family’s love caused her throat to constrict just a little more.
“Hurry up and go change,” Shannon said, eyeing Madelyn’s T-shirt and sweatpants. “I’m starving.”
Matt threw his arms around his wife and hugged her to his side. “You always are these days.”
Something clicked in Madelyn’s brain. “You’re pregnant?”
Her sister-in-law beamed. “Isn’t it wonderful? We decided to wait and tell you in person.”
“You’re going to be an aunt again,” Matt told her proudly.
Her parents looked at them lovingly. Kane pulled Victoria into his arms. That was how it should be. Her eyes closed in adjunct misery.
“Kitten, what’s the matter?” her father asked, coming to her.
Tears flowed down her cheek. “I messed up, Daddy. I let all of you down.”
“Kane Jr., Chandler. Why don’t you go outside on Aunt Madelyn’s patio and ride her stone elephant,” asked Kane quietly.
“Me first.”
“No, me.”
Madelyn swallowed the knot in her throat. She didn’t want to see the disappointment in the faces of those she loved. “I’m pregnant.”
She expected the broken cry from her mother, the sizzling epithet from her brothers. The tears in the eyes of her father broke the last of her restraint. “I’m sorry. Please, please don’t hate me or the baby.”
“Oh, my baby,” her mother cried, drawing her daughter into her arms. “We could never hate you or the baby.”
“I’m going to kill him,” Matt growled.
“Not if I get to him first,” Kane said.
Madelyn heard the threats and lifted her head from her mother’s shoulder. “Please, just stay out of this.”
“I warned Daniel, and he didn’t listen,” Kane said.
“It … it was too late then,” she confessed, her voice strained and embarrassed.
Her brothers’ faces hardened. They turned as one toward the front door. Clearly they weren’t going to listen. Dread swept through Madelyn. “Let it go. It’s over between us.”
“Are you defending him?” asked her father, his voice and gaze cutting.