Reckless Love

by Kelly Elliott

  Trevor stood, pushed his hands through my hair, and pulled me to him gently. When his lips pressed against mine, I nearly melted into him.

  The kiss was slow yet filled with passion. I wanted him, but I knew we still had six weeks to go before we were cleared for sex. Even though I wanted him, the thought of actually moving my body like that made me feel ill.

  Trevor broke the kiss and leaned his forehead to mine.

  “Come on, let’s get you in the shower and to bed.”

  Aurora was five weeks old and we had gotten a plethora of beads. One for her bath. One for the first feeding. That had been stressful, especially when she was trying to learn to suck, swallow and breathe all at the same time. Aurora for sure earned that little pig bead.

  We got one for her first clothes. It was a pink outfit with matching hat and socks. Her shirt said, “Parker Princess” and the hat had her name on it. I had asked Paxton to get it made the day Aurora was born. Scarlett and I couldn’t believe how fast she grew out of it. That was another thing she got beads for. Weight gain.

  Today she was getting a bead for a preemie open crib. Scarlett had been waiting for this bead—as had I. Actually, the bead I most wanted to get was the butterfly. It meant our princess was coming home with us, where she belonged.

  “Good afternoon, Mr. Parker,” Marge, who worked in the hospital cafeteria said. She wore a huge smile every single time I saw her.

  “Is it afternoon, Marge? Feels like evening already.”

  She chuckled. “Long day?”

  I yawned and replied with a sleepy, “Sure has been.”

  “How much longer will your little girl have to stay here?” she asked as she rang up two coffees.

  “Hopefully not too much longer. She’s breathing on her own now and has been for a few days. We just need her body temperature to stay where it’s supposed to, and they said we’d start talking about bringing her home.”

  She gave me a warm smile. “Well, you are a good father. Your wife is a good mother, too.”

  I returned the smile with one of my own. I’d stopped correcting people about Scarlett and I not being married.

  Lifting the coffees, I replied, “Thank you, Marge. Thanks for the coffee, too!”

  “Any time, sweetie! Any time!”

  With a long sigh, I leaned against the elevator wall as it brought me up to the fifth floor to the NICU. When the elevators opened, I saw Scarlett sitting in one of the chairs in the waiting room. Making my way to her, I sat down and handed her a coffee.

  “Here ya go. One black coffee, minus the shot of whiskey you asked for. I figured the nurses might frown upon us getting drunk.”

  She laughed, but it was barely audible.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, taking her hand in mine.

  “I’m tired, Trevor. I want to go home. I want to take our baby home. I’m sick of sleeping in a stranger’s bed when we do get a few quick hours of rest. I don’t want to ask to hold her, goddamn it. I want to be able to hold her whenever the hell I want. I’m tired of people asking me why my last name is not Parker. I’m sick of seeing other parents cry. I can’t keep tuning it all out. I want our family to all be able to hold Aurora and not stop to get badges and scrub in before seeing her. I want to have more than two people see her at once. I want this to all stop! All of it!”

  A woman who was sitting in the waiting room looked over at us when Scarlett raised her voice.

  “Baby, why don’t you head on back to the condo and…”

  “No! Stop telling me to leave. You leave. Why don’t you just leave. Because none of this seems to be bothering you, Trevor. You just smile and keep going. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t!”

  I leaned close, but she pushed me away. Balling my fists, I tried to keep my temper in line. I knew Scarlett was tired and stressed, and she was certainly due for a breakdown, but I was feeling the same exact way she was. I just took it out on the punching bag in the workout room of the complex each time I went back to the condo.

  Before I said something I would regret, I walked toward the NICU.

  I hadn’t made it to the door when my phone rang. Pulling it out of my pocket, I saw my father’s name.

  “Hey, what’s going on? Everything okay at the ranch?”

  “Everything is fine. How is Aurora?”

  “Precious as ever. It’s Scarlett I’m worried about. She just lashed out at me, and I have no fucking clue why. I mean, I know why, but I don’t know why. Christ, I’m not making any sense.”

  “I’m sorry, son. I know it’s hard on both of you.”

  “It’s okay, what’s up?”

  “Listen, I have double news for you.”

  “Okay, tell me it’s good news because I sure could use some.”

  “It is. First one, Cord and Maebh eloped and got hitched in Ireland on their own.”

  “What?”

  He laughed. “Yep. It killed Maebh that y’all weren’t going to be able to make it to the wedding, so they decided to go over, get married, then have another wedding ceremony here for family.”

  Raking my fingers through my hair, I said, “Wow. I can’t believe they would do that. Are they sure? I mean, Maebh has been talking about this wedding for months.”

  “And she’s getting married over there. Vi went with them.”

  That made me laugh. “Oh, holy hell. Aunt Vi’s got a thing for Maebh’s dad.”

  My father chuckled. “Ready for the best news, though?”

  “Hit me.”

  “Amelia went into labor last night.”

  “No shit!” I said, excitement washing over me for my baby sister.

  “Has she delivered yet?”

  “We’re at the hospital now waiting to hear.”

  “Damn, Dad, that’s amazing news. Is everything okay? No complications?”

  “Dr. Buten said she was measuring about a week-and-a-half farther along than they first calculated, so she’s really only a little over a week early.”

  Relief hit me. “That’s great. Tell Wade and Amelia we wish we were there to welcome John Michael into the world.”

  “I will, son. I’m sorry no one called you earlier. I wasn’t sure if y’all stayed at the hospital late last night or not. I didn’t want to call too early.”

  I rubbed the tightness out of my neck and turned to head back to the hallway chair but found Scarlett standing there.

  “Nah, Dad. No worries at all. You can call me anytime. Give Amelia my love.”

  “I will, son. Do the same for Scarlett and kiss Aurora Belle for me.”

  “Will do. Bye.”

  Hitting End, I looked at Scarlett. She looked white as a ghost.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked her.

  “Amelia had the baby?”

  I looked down at my phone and then back to her. “No, not yet. She went into labor late last night, I guess. Dad said everything is going good.”

  She gave a curt nod.

  “Why don’t you go be with her.”

  As she walked by, I reached for her arm. “Why are you pushing me away, Scarlett? What did I do?”

  Her chin trembled, and she looked away from me. “You didn’t do anything, Trevor.”

  “Then can you explain why you are acting like you can’t stand the thought of being near me? I don’t want to be anywhere but here with you and Aurora.”

  Jerking her head up, she looked stunned. Like she couldn’t believe what I had just said.

  “What?”

  “Well, hell, I don’t know. You keep telling me to leave. Seems to me you don’t want me around.”

  Her mouth opened then quickly shut before she pulled her arm from my grip and headed toward the NICU. With a frustrated sigh, I followed her. The rest of the day was spent with Scarlett acting like I wasn’t there. I was pretty sure even the nurses noticed. One of the moms even told me to not let it bother me, that it was normal. How in the fuck was that normal?

  I wanted to call my dad, but by the time I left the hosp
ital, without Scarlett, I was too exhausted to even talk. Wade had called me earlier this afternoon to tell me Amelia had delivered an eight-pound-one-ounce, healthy baby boy. I was so happy for them, but Scarlett seemed to shut into herself even more when I told her.

  Taking a shower, I grabbed a blanket from the hall closet and my pillow and headed to the sofa. I had no idea if Scarlett was coming home tonight but the last place I wanted to be was alone in bed. A feeling of absolute dread moved over me as I tried to understand why the woman I loved, the mother of my child, was pulling away from me.

  When I could no longer keep my eyes open, I fell asleep.

  The next morning, I woke up before the sun. Grabbing a pair of shorts and a T-shirt from the dryer, I headed out for a run. I never did hear Scarlett come home from the hospital, so I was sure she was still there. She hadn’t texted either.

  After running for two miles, I stopped and sat down on a bench. I pulled my phone out and checked it. Nothing from Scarlett.

  A woman with a large black dog came walking up. She sat down on the bench and took a long drink of water.

  “Seems like something heavy is on your mind,” she stated.

  Turning to look at her, I forced a smile. “Nah.”

  With a lift of her brow, she gave me a look that said I was full of shit.

  “Want to talk about it?”

  I laughed. “To a stranger? No, but thank you.”

  “Sometimes talking to a stranger helps to put things into perspective.”

  I rolled my neck. “Okay, well my fiancée won’t talk to me and is pushing me away like I did something wrong.”

  “Did you?”

  “No. We have a five-week-old daughter in the NICU, and yesterday she decided she didn’t want me around. I have no damn clue why.”

  Frowning, I faced the woman. “And I’m so sorry. I just unloaded all of that on you.”

  She laughed. “I asked you to. Plus, I have that kind of personality. I can read people as well. That’s how I knew you were dealing with something.”

  “What are you? A mind reader?”

  “Close. A psychiatrist.”

  This time it was my turn to laugh.

  “So, did I hear you right, you have an infant in NICU? Five weeks, you say?”

  I nodded. “Yes, she’s doing great. She’s even drinking from a bottle and trying to nurse. We had a small setback when she lost a couple of ounces, but she’s gained it back.”

  “Son, I’m going to go out on a limb here, and I could be totally off, but this is my advice to you. When you see her today, talk to her, because I promise you she’s scared to get close to you again.”

  Scoffing, I looked at the woman. “We’ve been close for the last five weeks. I don’t think we’ve spent more than a few hours away from each other or from Aurora.”

  Her face lit up, and she smiled. “Your daughter’s name is Aurora?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Well, I’ll be.”

  Looking up toward the sky that was slowly turning brighter, she laughed, then focused back on me.

  “Son, that’s not the kind of close I mean. What did the doctor say? Six weeks, no sex? You’re coming up on that. She’s scared. Maybe she’s worried about her body or the way she looks. Maybe she’s worried about being intimate with you like that because she’s thinking she needs to focus on being a mother, or maybe she’s just plain scared she’ll get pregnant again. Having a preemie will do that to a woman.”

  My mouth hung open as I stared at this woman. Her damn dog was sitting there staring at me. Almost like he was trying to read my mind, too.

  “Wait. You just met me, I told you very little about us, and that’s what you came up with?”

  The woman stood and shrugged. Then she gave me a wink. “It was just a thought. Unsolicited advice. Have a nice day.”

  She started to walk off, her dog trotting next to her. I went to start running again, away from the woman and her dog when she called out.

  “By the way, my name is Aurora! Aurora Jean Bell! Good talking to you, son.”

  I stood there frozen in place. There was no fucking way that was the woman’s name. Spinning around, I ran back to the condo. When I opened the door, I nearly dropped to the floor at the sight in front of me. Scarlett was sitting on the sofa, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders and her head dropped low.

  When she looked up, she burst into tears, rushed over to me, and threw herself against me.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?”

  Burying her face in my chest, she cried harder. I kicked the door shut with my foot, picked her up, and carried her to the sofa.

  “Scarlett, what’s wrong? Is everything okay with Aurora?”

  She nodded. “Yes, she’s fine. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you about her. She’s fine.”

  Framing her face with my hands, I wiped her cheeks with my thumbs. “Then why are you crying?”

  “I…came home and you were gone. I thought you had l-left me.”

  My eyes widened in shock. “I would never leave you. Why in the world would you think that?”

  Burying her face in her hands, she cried some more. “Because…I told you to leave. I treated you horribly yesterday and when I found out about Amelia’s baby, this weird jealousy thing came over me. I got angry, and in my mind, I was blaming you. But it was just a way to keep you at bay because I was scared. I didn’t mean to hurt you. When I came home, and you were gone…and you hadn’t slept in our bed last night, I…”

  She wiped her nose with the back of her hand. “I nearly lost it. I was so scared and the thought of driving you away about destroyed me.”

  “Hey, look at me,” I gently demanded.

  Scarlett lifted her swollen eyes and looked right at me.

  “Do you remember what I told you all those months ago? I’m not going anywhere. I swear to you. Now, do you want to tell me what’s going on? What was the matter yesterday?”

  Scarlett chewed on her lip. “Dr. Buten’s office called for my six-week check-up reminder.”

  I waited for her to keep going. “Okay. And?”

  She gave me a look that said I should know what was wrong.

  “Scarlett, baby, you’re going to have to give me more information than that. Why did that get you upset?”

  The words from the lady on the bench came rushing back. No freaking way was she right…

  “Scarlett, are you afraid to be with me again? Sexually?”

  Her eyes answered before she looked down at her hands. They were wringing together like mad.

  “Why?”

  She shrugged. “I figured you had a countdown on your phone and when I realized it yesterday, that next week we’d get the all clear, I freaked out. I’m afraid, Trevor. A part of me doesn’t want any more kids. I overheard a mom talking the other day and she said her second child, she had six weeks early. Then this baby who was in NICU. She had him four weeks early! I can’t do this again. I don’t think I can do this again.”

  I grabbed her hands and brought them to my lips. “Stop. Take a deep breath, and just relax, will you?”

  She did as I said. Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath and slowly let it out.

  “First, I’ve been a bit too busy to worry about the six-week countdown. Even though I’m ready to be back inside of you, and I was kind of hoping you felt that way too, I’d totally understand if that was the furthest thing from your mind, babe.”

  “I do! I look at you sometimes and I get so turned on. Especially seeing you with Aurora. You don’t know how many times I wanted to jump your bones the last few weeks.”

  Laughing, I shook my head. “Okay, well, I’ve wanted to jump your bones, too.”

  Scarlett smiled for the first time since I walked through the door.

  “Second, Scarlett, you’re on the pill, and I can use a condom if you’re worried about another baby. I think what we need to do is talk to Dr. Buten next week and ask him about the risks of another premature l
abor, if and when we get pregnant again.”

  Scarlett chewed on her lip, then dropped her gaze to my lips. I knew that look in her eyes.

  “I’m sorry I acted like that. I think my emotions are all over the place, but that doesn’t make what I did to you yesterday right.”

  “It’s okay, baby. Let me jump in the shower and then we’ll head over to the hospital.”

  She reached for my hand. Kissing the back of it, she whispered, “I love you so much.”

  “I love you more.”

  Quickly heading to the shower, I stripped out of my running clothes and stepped into the hot water. I knew it the moment she was there. The air charged with electricity, like it always did when she walked into a room.

  Glancing over my shoulder, I smiled when I saw her step into the shower, naked.

  “It hasn’t been six weeks, baby.”

  “It’s close enough.”

  Her arms wrapped around my neck, and I gently lifted her up. Wrapping her legs around me, she started to grind against my cock.

  “Scarlett, I don’t have a condom.”

  “No condom. I’m on the pill.”

  Our lips pressed together in a fierce kiss that was passionate, yet gentle.

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” I whispered against her lips.

  Drawing her head back, the corner of her mouth rose in a sexy smirk. “Then go slow.”

  I gently pushed my cock into her warm, wet pussy. We both moaned as I buried myself slowly inside of her, and then I just stood there, feeling her warmth all around me.

  “Trevor. Oh God, I’ve missed you.”

  My lips peppered kisses along her neck as I slowly moved in and out of her, making sure I didn’t hurt her. Scarlett had started going to a mommy yoga class at the hospital with a few other of the NICU moms and had recovered beautifully from her C-section. I still didn’t want her to hurt herself, so I took it slow, even though I wanted to pull out and pound back into her, she felt so damn good.