by Ava Harrison
“Don’t live in the past. Don’t be stifled by your previous fears. You can do this.” This saying sounds so familiar, but I just can’t place it. I take a giant gulping breath, and my fears begin to diminish. All the way to the top, I keep peeking at the chair behind me. I’m so completely distracted with the lust bubbling inside me—threatening to explode from me at any second—that I don’t even notice we’ve made it to our destination.
Getting to the top turns out to be an amazing experience. One of the best of my life. One for the books.
The views are more breathtaking than anything I’ve ever seen. We make our way away from the lift and head to the gardens. There we find a pair of chairs with a view overlooking the sea and the famous Faraglioni rocks, and enjoy the caprese sandwiches and wine we had picked up at the market below.
“So, what did you think?” Chase asks. The rich timbre of his voice makes me want to reconsider not having my way with him right here in public. What the hell has gotten into me? Chase Porter, that’s what.
“This is amazing. These are the kind of little destinations I need to add to my bucket list.”
“You have a bucket list?” His eyebrow arches.
“It’s not really a bucket list per se. More a list of places I need to go.” My mind begins to flutter with memories of Parker, but I nudge them away. I refuse to allow them to ruin this perfect moment. Chase studies me as if he wants to say something, but nothing comes out. “Do you have a list of places you want to go?” I ask him.
“Hmm, I’ve been everywhere already. I guess my bucket list would be to take you to some of the scariest places I’ve been, and make you push yourself past your comfort zone and try something new.” His expression is serious. His eyes tell me he isn’t lying. This is what he intends to do.
Crazy thing is . . . I want him to.
Chase’s fingers stroke my arm as we step into the little souvenir shop in Marina di Capri. As we walk through the doorway, the cool breeze from the air conditioner hits my bare skin and leaves a trail of goose bumps. I withdraw my hand from his and make my way to the far wall. Leaning down, my fingertips trail over the postcards. I pick one up and study the image. It’s of the Faraglioni rocks. I swallow hard and let my eyes roam the room to find Chase. He’s staring at me. The beginning of a smile tips the corner of his mouth. He must realize he’s been caught. I break into a wide grin at the thought. His beautiful eyes are brimmed with humor. Every gray speck sparkles with the light that reflects off them. The postcard grows heavy in my hand, and guilt washes over me. But not the guilt I expected.
This time I didn’t just have guilt over Parker. There’s a pang in my chest for how Chase would feel if he saw the postcards I sent to Parker. Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid. Chase doesn’t know I write to Parker, and Parker doesn’t need to know just how quickly I’m falling for someone else.
I recall Parker’s postcard from Costa Rica. I couldn’t contain my excitement when I found it lying on the marble countertop. My lips split so wide, they actually hurt. But then he crushed me.
Dear Ari,
How’s your summer been? I’m actually in Costa Rica. Everest was here, so I decided to bail on summer classes and head out and meet him. This place is crazy. You’d hate it. Horseback riding, ziplines. Hell, we even rappelled down a waterfall. I thought of you when doing it. I would pay good money to see you do something that crazy. So, I know I said I would be back for your mom’s Fourth of July party, but I won’t be able to make it. I met a girl. Her name is Melanie, and she goes to school by me. Mel wants to head over to Catarata Llanos de Cortes and then see Arenal Volcano. So I’m going to go with her. I think you’d really like her. Okay, we are leaving soon to go surfing, so I should get going.
Speak soon,
Park
The agonizing feeling was like nothing I’d ever felt before. Ice spread through me. Anger that he was with him. Of course Everest was there. Of course he’d followed him yet again. Rejection quickly following. The last time I saw him, I showed him how I felt. He rejected me. He said it was because of Owen, but deep down I assumed he was a typical guy, and he just wasn’t ready. But now I know that wasn’t the case at all. He was ready. Just not for me.
Everest probably gave her his stamp of approval, something I’m sure I would never get since I complained so much about him. This was the last time, I told myself. I was done putting my heart on my sleeve for Parker to crush. I needed to move on and concentrate on what really mattered. School, being successful, making Owen proud.
I shudder inwardly at the memory. No, it was better to not send this card. I knew how it felt to know the person you loved had moved on. I put the card down and look back at Chase. He’s still watching me. His eyes widen ever so slightly. The blue pierces me from across the distance that separates us. They flash an emotion, and it looks a lot like concern. Stepping away from the card display, I make my way to join him. His arms capture me to him, and I bury myself in his shoulder.
“Let’s get back to the boat.” His silky voice sends chills up my spine. I know what he wants, and I want it, too. The anticipation to get back is almost unbearable. Every time his gaze meets mine, my pulse accelerates and shudders with a sense of urgency. I long to be wrapped in his arms, to feel the electricity from his touch. His nearness is overwhelming, and when we finally arrive, he hauls me into his arms, violently as if he wants to consume me. As if he wants to banish any memory of anyone else.
My limbs tremble against him, desperate and needy for release. The mere touch of his fingertips leaves me panting. His mouth covers mine with a hunger I didn’t know he was capable of. Demanding me to submit to him and I do. Over and over again.
We spend the rest of the afternoon making love in my cabin. He ravishes me so many times I almost lose count before I finally fall asleep in his arms. I awake alone some time later and my body is sore in the best way possible. Stretching my hands above my head, I look around the room for Chase. I feel the boat moving, hitting the waves, and I realize he’s obviously on deck. He and Luciano must have decided to start our course to Positano. I smooth my hair out of my face and put on Chase’s discarded shirt and a pair of leggings, then make my way up to the cockpit. I find Chase and Luciano taking turns at the helm. My cheeks warm as I watch him.
A terrifying feeling washes over me . . .
More.
I want more.
Ten days since I met Chase.
It feels as though I’ve known him a lifetime
LAST NIGHT WE MADE it to Positano much later than we expected. I guess we left later than anticipated. My cheeks heat when I recall our reason for running behind schedule. By the time we arrive, it’s too late to get off the boat, so we drop anchor about 300 meters off the coast. Fatigue settles into our bones. We’re both exhausted, so we crawl into bed and pass out.
I feel refreshed this morning as I turn down the hallway to find Chase has set up a makeshift picnic on the deck of the boat. Two cappuccinos, some fresh strawberries, and yogurt are set up to eat before we start our day. This man . . . I can no longer deny that he has buried himself deeply in my heart. He makes everything else fade away. We click, he understands me, he wants me, and most importantly, he wants to see me happy. It’s an awakening experience to realize that for the first time, a man has connected to me, just for me. He isn’t tethered to me by my past, by a friend, or by my brother. He’s here for me.
As Chase and Luciano pull the sailboat up to the dock that’s only available for drop off, I peer up at Chase with confusion.
“How does this work? I thought you needed two people to sail this bad boy?”
“Since it’s technically intended for two, yes, that would be ideal. However, since it has a standard engine, Luciano can use the motor to pull away from the dock.”
“Has he ever done that before?”
“Come on, Princess. Now you’re just being silly. Of course he has. In order to get a license, you have to be able to perform a man o
verboard drill.”
“A what?”
“Man overboard drill. Basically, I would jump off, and Luciano would have to prove that he can pick my sorry ass up and save me, if it was just him and me on board.”
“And could he do it?”
“I’m here, aren’t I? If Luciano couldn’t do it, I wouldn’t be.” I shrug and turn my attention back to the dock as we pull closer. Luciano brings us alongside the dock, and Chase grabs my hand to help me off. As we make our way toward the street, the intricate buildings loom above us from the village of Positano. Beautiful houses appear to tumble down the mountainside leading into sea. Sun-kissed peach, pink and multiple terra cotta colors cascade down the mountainside, as they seem to reach for the water below. It’s a heavenly enclave set deep within the hills.
We venture upstairs so steep, that I’m not sure how we’ll be able to make it to the top. Of course, that’s where Chase is leading us to the very top. To where the view is ‘awe-inspiring.’ It better be. Because as I look up at the sharp lines of what appears to be a vertical cliff, I decide we’ll never make it. It’s just too damn far, but wow, is it beautiful. The lofty distance before us is filled with terraced rows of lemons and olives, and I can see why he would be inspired. Intermixed within the plush vegetation, sit cliff-side mansions. I imagine a world where we sit among the vines on the patio of one of the houses. We would enjoy the bright morning sky in our very own courtyard. My heart swells with the idea.
Continuing up the pathway, we now have to walk along the road amidst festive locals and excited tourists. The road is also cluttered with fast driving cars, motorcycles, and Vespas. The energy is great, and being among all the people is definitely one of my favorite parts of the trip thus far.
We stop along the way to shop, poke around in a few galleries, and continue to compare and contrast gelato flavors at a few local favorites. We take many photos. Some of me, some by me, but most are taken from the nook of my neck. Whatever he sees from that angle doesn’t matter because I love the way it feels when his body is pushed up close to mine. It’s intimate and personal.
Sometime later, we finally reach our destination. Il San Pietro Di Positano is a beautiful hotel built into the hillside with an epic view of the Tyrrhenian Sea. It’s a multi-sensory experience, filled with delicate colors and scents.
We decide to sit on the terrace and enjoy a cocktail, one of their world famous Bellini’s. The terrace is vibrant with color, and we choose a yellow and mosaic bench overlooking the coastline. My hair floats around my shoulders like mist with each pass of the breeze.
“I can’t imagine being here with anyone but you.”
“Me neither.” His voice is calm, and his gaze steady. He seems to grow more serious, and the sunlight in his blue eyes reflects my image back at me.
“Is it weird that I feel this way after such a short time? It’s like I’ve known you my whole life.” His eyelids slip down, hooding his eyes.
“No, I feel the same way. Come here,” he commands in a hoarse voice as he pulls me into his chest. He grips me tightly as if he’s scared to let me go, and somewhere inside me, I hope he won’t.
After cocktails, the hotel manager comes to give us a tour of the beach restaurant. The establishment is accessed by a rickety enclosed elevator that runs down through the rock four hundred feet. I look at the elevator and then at Chase, and I can’t help myself—I burst out laughing. This man is trying to kill me. He smirks at me. And he knows it.
“I know, I know. Comfort zone,” I mutter.
As the elevator descends, and we make our way through the rock, I feel a little claustrophobic, but it’s over soon, and as the elevator doors open, I’m taken aback. My breath comes out in a rush of surprise. There in front of me, I’m met by the most beautiful private beach I’ve ever seen.
It’s just gorgeous. Under the cerulean blue of an endless Positano sky, I think life can’t get much better than this. I turn toward Chase and notice the camera lens staring back at me. I blink my eyes at the sun gleaming down at me from behind Chase and hear the familiar snapping.
“Stop taking pictures of me, Chase. I look like a sweaty mess.”
“Inside and out, in every way possible, you could never look like a mess. You’re magnificent.” My heart swells with a feeling I realize I’ve never felt before. Complete and utter adoration. It’s a different feeling than Parker used to evoke in me. I’ll always love Parker but this is unique. He’s making me doubt everything I thought I knew. For so long I’ve felt adrift, but this crazy man makes me feel anchored.
His mouth moves against my shoulder as I lean back in his arms—light, feathery kisses across my bones. This man is pure temptation. I look around the beach and wonder if anyone will notice if I straddle him under the canopy of stars that blankets us from above. Would anyone notice? Would anyone stop us? I’m fighting a battle within myself to find restraint as the firework shows begin. The sky lightens in a festival of colors. I haven’t seen such colors since my parents’ Fourth of July party.
I opened the door to Parker’s apartment and let myself in. As I made my way further inside, I spotted Parker in the bathroom, brushing his teeth.
“Running late, are we?” This man was never on time.
“Sorry about that, Ari. Mel just left.”
Mel . . . Melanie, the girl he abandoned me for last summer. No such luck ditching me this year. I made it very clear that if he made me go to Mom’s party alone, I would beat him within an inch of his life. As I contemplated how close he got to losing a limb, I noticed something across the room that grabbed my attention and made my stomach drop. Boxes. Shit. Where was he going? I could feel my heart pounding erratically in my chest as I imagined the possibilities. Melanie.
Making my way to them, I kneeled closer to get a better look.
“Umm—are you moving?”
“No. Why would you think that?” he shouted over the splash of the running water.
“I totally thought you were moving in with Melanie,” I say from beneath my breath.
“Oh, God no. Actually, I just broke up with her.” My shoulders visibly dropped with relief.
“Why?”
“I realized she wasn’t what I wanted.”
“Oh? What is it you want?” Please say me. Please.
“Not sure yet. But not her. Maybe just to be single, play the field.” It felt as if I’d been sucker punched. It was time to admit Parker would never see me as anything more than a friend. It was time to retire my plans of him having an epiphany that he was madly in love with me and he dreamed of growing old together. No more. This time I meant it. I was moving on.
“So if you aren’t moving, what the hell are these?” I pointed to the open boxes on the floor.
He peered his head out the door and followed my gaze. “Everest’s shit.”
Parker shut the bathroom door, so I took the opportunity to look in some of the boxes. I picked up an interesting stone. The rock appeared to be limestone, but I couldn’t be sure without asking Parker, and I knew he wouldn’t approve of my snooping. Next, I pulled out a handmade and mostly brass-plated Buddha. Who the fuck was this guy? I knew little to nothing about him. All I knew was he was a thorn in my side since Parker’s freshman year of college.
They had been roommates back then, and I had still never met him. He was always traveling, going places, and dragging Parker along. Never around whenever I visited, making Parker miss trips home to travel with him instead. Honestly, I was starting to take it personally. As though he was purposely evading me so he didn’t have to hear the hatred I wanted to spew at him. I was sure Parker had told him my thoughts on him. Recently I had not been quiet about my feelings over this friend I had never met. The toilet flushed, and I silently replaced the mini statue.
“So . . . Everest . . . you’re storing his stuff here because—?” I couldn’t hide the disdain in my voice.
“He’s moving in.”
“What? Are you serious?” My fingers g
ripped at the skin on my arm, turning my knuckles white and aggravated.
“Well, not so much moving in as storing his shit here. He travels a lot for work and needs a home base, so I figure it’s a win-win. He’ll pay half the rent and never steal my food.” Typical Parker, always about the food.
“Figures you have some ulterior motive. So, when will I finally get to meet this guy?”
“Oh, you just missed him.”
“Seriously? This is ridiculous, already. I really want to meet him! We’ve been friends for years so how the hell have I not met this guy?”
“We could wait for him to get back, but your mom will freak if you’re late. Next time.”
“It’s almost like you never want me to meet him. Is he hot or something and you’re afraid I’ll fall madly in love with him?” His eyes became insanely dark. Was he jealous? My hopes began to rise. Little butterflies danced in my stomach.
“God, no,” he said, crushing my heart. The feeling coursing through me stung. It hurt worse than ever before because after telling myself I should never hope for anything more than friendship from Parker, I had gone and believed, only to be shot down again.
“It’s just that we’re in a rush. I promise next time. Okay?” I shrugged.
“Sure. Whatever. I’m never going to meet this guy. It’s not even like you told me why the stupid nickname.”
“He climbed Everest, That’s why. Okay, seriously. We’ve got to go or we’re going to be late.”
Pulling Chase’s arms tighter around my body, I sink into his embrace and enjoy the explosions of color above us. Everything I need right now is here with me, and I won’t allow myself to get lost in my memories.
Eleven days since I met Chase
Ten days since my life completely changed
I WAKE UP THIS morning and realize that yesterday was the first day I hadn’t counted the days since I spoke to Parker. My brain sorts through numbers, and I realize I can’t even remember how many days it’s been. I feel guilty, but then I feel Chase stir under my body, and I turn my head to burrow myself into his nook. Chase Porter is my salvation. He’s opened my eyes to so much in such a short time. It’s insane. I can thank him for the rest of my life and it will never be enough. Through him, each day, I’m learning to live in the moment.