by Kristie Cook
I knew what I wanted. Needed. Without second-guessing myself, I got up and walked steadily to him, stopping only when I was a breath away from his lips. He didn’t back away, but his expression was guarded, his eyes tracking my every movement. Without hesitation, I slipped my arms around his waist, leaning my head against his chest.
For a second he simply stood still, his body stiffening at my touch. I didn’t let go. His heat only drew me closer. He let out a ragged breath, gradually wrapping his strong arms around me as he pulled me into a tight hug, laying his cheek against my head. We remained silent holding on to each other, pretending for just that moment the outside world didn’t exist. His heart hammered against my chest, as mine slammed against his.
I felt safe, protected, and happy, and even though it wasn’t true, I wanted to believe it was. We embraced for a long time, neither one of us letting go. Finally, I pulled back a little and whispered, “Thank you.” He nodded as he let go of me, but he didn’t move away. My mistake was looking into his eyes. They burned so intently I felt heat rise into my face. He made me want to do things I really shouldn’t have been thinking about.
I stepped away, but his fingers curled around the front of my coat, pulling me back. I waited for an awkward, uncomfortable feeling to come over me. It didn’t. All I could sense was heat blazing through my body. “Eli …” I weakly put a warning in my voice.
A grin hinted at his lips. He was aware I didn’t really mean it. That roguish smile always caused my heart to jump up into my throat. I knew what it meant and felt helpless to stop it—I didn’t want to stop it.
He bent slowly over me, giving me plenty of time to object. His hands still gripped the front of my jacket, tugging me closer, causing me to feel dizzy and breathless. His lips moved down to mine. I wanted to feel his lips so badly it was almost painful. His top lip barely grazed mine when a shrilling horn blasted through the air. We collided into each other as we jumped in shock.
“Oooowwww!” I reached up to my face. “My nose!”
“Your nose? You clocked my chin,” he garbled as he put a finger into his mouth. “Oh, I think you made me bite my tongue.” I laughed when he pulled his tongue out to inspect it. “You think it’s funny?” He scoffed. “You are one seriously twisted girl.”
The horn blared loudly again from the parking lot up on the hill. I looked up to where it was. Even though I couldn’t see it, I knew the sound of Ryan’s horn and knew he was waiting.
“No, none of this is funny.” I became serious. “You’re with someone else. We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“No, you’re right, we shouldn’t be.” He looked off into the distance. “I also heard you’re deserting Silverwood soon.”
“How did … were you listening in on my phone call?” I demanded. Speaking of my phone, I remembered it was still confined deep in Eli’s pants pocket.
He shrugged, still not looking at me.
“But I didn’t say anything. How did you hear that?”
“I didn’t. Mrs. Sanchez told me.”
I looked at my feet. “Oh. Yeah, looks like I am leaving Silverwood.” I kept emotion from my face. I was used to showing people I was okay when I wasn’t.
“Good.” He nodded to the parking lot. “You’d better go.”
“Eli?” My eyes pleaded with him. All I really wanted was for him to ask me to stay, to tell me he had feelings, too. That would never happen. Another shrill blow of a horn from the parking lot cemented the feeling.
“Better run along, Ember.” His voice twisted into a cruel, mocking tone.
My armor snapped back in place. “My phone.” I held out my hand.
His eyes narrowed into glittering slits. He dug into his pocket, slapping the phone into my open palm. As I watched him walk away, it felt as if someone stabbed me in the stomach with a dull dagger and was wiggling it around until they ripped out my gut, piece by piece. Another honk of the horn brought me out of my pained trance. I moved up the hill toward the parking lot.
TWENTY
“Ember!” Mark yelped the next morning as he jumped back from the counter, coffee splashing out of my tipped-over coffee cup. “What is wrong with you? That’s the second cup you’ve spilled this morning.” He grabbed a towel to stop the spill from dripping onto the floor.
“Nothing.”
“Em, come on. I’ve never seen you this jumpy. You are wound extremely tight this morning.”
“I’m fine.” I was so jittery at breakfast that Mark tried to cut my coffee consumption after only half a cup, since the other one I poured ended on the floor. “What time is your flight again?” He had told me three times already, but nothing seemed to be registering.
He shook his head with a scoff. “It’s still at one-forty-five. Remember, you are dropping me off at my office. I need to do a few more things before I go. I’ll take a cab to the airport, which means you get the truck while I’m gone.” He set his coffee on the counter. “You know, I hate saying this again, but remember our ground rules. No one in the truck besides you. And most important, there are to be no boys in the house while I’m gone, except Ryan. He’s fine.”
I laughed. No boy besides Ryan was likely to be in the house. “You do know I am eighteen, right?”
“Don’t remind me,” he said, sighing while putting his cup in the sink. “But my house, my rules.”
“Wow, could you sound more like a typical parent? Very clichÉ of you.”
“I never thought I’d be saying these things, either, but they really do work when you need them.” He turned and looked at me. “I really don’t like leaving you for so long and being so far away, especially right now.”
“I’ll be fine.”
He sighed. “I still don’t like it.”
Fifteen minutes later, I parked the truck next to Mark’s office building. He turned to me. “I want to remind you of my itinerary, so you will be able to clean up from that raging party you’ll have while I’m gone. I will be back from Tokyo the Monday after next. Ten days is such a long time, but I will try to call every night. Okay? All the hotel contact information is on the fridge.”
I knew it wasn’t only me being on my own he didn’t like, and it had little to do with boys staying out of the house. He was mostly scared that my state of mind might worsen. After the car episode, where I saw him turn into Torin, he’d been watching me like I was on the precipice above crazy town, about to teeter over.
“I love you, Sunny D, so much.” He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. “Try not to get into too much trouble while I’m gone.”
“I never make those types of promises.” I hugged him. “Love you, too.”
It did make me nervous he was leaving. Part of me was afraid that without him there as my grounding base, I would flitter out into no man’s land. I could feel in my bones something was coming. Something was going to change, and it terrified me.
***
The morning passed smoothly, but I felt restless and edgy. It only got worse when Josh and I got to O.A.R.
Samantha addressed the group, her eyes landing frequently on me. “Today we have various types of seeds we’ll be planting. Each container is divided into sections and has a tag already there stating what should be planted. Eli and a volunteer will also be bringing over some sets from the hothouse.”
Girl’s hands darted into the air to volunteer, but Eli’s deep voice cut through the crowd. “Brycin.” I thought Eli would have ignored me after our “near kiss.” But just when I thought I had him pegged, he threw me another curveball, keeping me off-kilter. He had a gift for knowing exactly how to antagonize me. He turned, walking away, motioning over his shoulder for me to follow. I couldn’t stop my heart from sputtering, even though I was still hurt and angry at how he left—like I had forced him to “almost” kiss me.
“Eli, are you sure you want her? I mean, wouldn’t it be better if you took another guy with you? Better to help load?” Sam questioned. She tried to keep her tone level, but you could he
ar the panic weaving through her voice.
Eli whipped around, and his eyes pinned her to where she stood. Power and authority emanated off him. I could feel him communicating with her through his gaze. Her head bowed as she slunk back. It was clear she had overstepped her bounds.
“She can handle it,” he said and spun, again walking toward the hothouse.
Oooo-kay … that was weird. I looked at Sam, her face blistering with rage. An overflowing fountain of her resentment was directed at me. I scurried after Eli.
***
“Are you ever going to talk to me again or not?” Eli approached me as I placed plants onto the cart.
“I’ll pick the ‘or not,’” I replied without looking up.
“So is it going to be like that now?” He mimicked my phrase from earlier. “This is about yesterday, isn’t it?”
I didn’t respond as I loaded more plants onto the cart, acting like the work took every bit of my attention.
“Maybe you could try getting over yourself,” he replied, “and grasp that nothing happened. I had a moment of insanity, but it will never happen again.”
It was like someone punched my gut. My anger flared quickly to the surface. “Excuse me?”
“I don’t think I stuttered.” Eli returned my glare. “I said nothing happened between us, and nothing ever will.”
“You have noooo idea how grateful I am about that,” I seethed as I shoved the cart. “And you know what? It’s a little difficult to ‘get over’ myself when you’re constantly in my way. How can I stay away from you if you won’t let me?”
Eli sputtered. “In your way? Think you got it backwards, sweetheart.”
“Fuck you!”
“Right here?” He crossed his arms. “That definitely wouldn’t help your getting over me.”
I needed to get away from him before I did something rash. I spun and took off without any real thought to where I was going.
“Brycin!” Eli yelled from behind me.
I kept going, having a feeling of dÉjÀ vu from every other interaction Eli and I had. Walking away from each other was all we seemed to know how to do—and we did it well.
Eli growled, “Damn it, woman, I swear you’re going to be the end of me.”
I stopped short and whirled, making him stumble back. “I am?” I laughed wildly. “You know what, Eli? I’m over this.” I motioned between us. “It’s the same cycle with you over and over. I think we make headway to becoming friends, and bam, you’re back to being a dick again. One step forward and nine back.”
His powerful eyes were fixed on me. I couldn’t keep having these confrontations. I forced myself to back away. I shook my head, exasperated, and turned to walk from him again.
***
He grabbed my hand to stop me, but then quickly let it go. He let out an exasperated noise sounding more like a growl. “It’s better this way. It’s safer for you. You need to be as far from me, from here, as you can.”
“What?”
He took in a breath. “Let me make this clear once and for all. I don’t want to be friends or anything else with you.” His voice curdled into a deep, soured anger. “Go back to your other school. You’re not wanted here, little girl.”
The cold resignation in his voice made my heart plummet. His stony face looked down on me. Closing his eyes briefly, he turned and stalked off, towards the O.A.R. garden.
Wh-Wh-What? My head and heart screamed. I wasn’t expecting the force behind his final rebuff. My emotions shifted so fast that I couldn’t keep up with what had happened. It was like he had drilled through my chest, ripped my heart out, and stormed off with it still beating in his bare hand. I wanted to call to him, and beg him to stop, but my throat was too thick and blocked my words.
Get it together, Em. You’ve known him for less than two weeks. You’re not even friends.
Then, why did I feel like this?
Having opened up to him more than I had with anyone else, I felt the stab of betrayal. As turbulent as our relationship was, I had oddly come to count on him, and the sudden loss felt like a vast empty void. How did I let this happen? How did he slip over the wall I kept around myself? Why was it so easy for him to walk out of my life? And, more importantly, why did I care so much?
Man, I’m so screwed up!
There was no way I was going back to O.A.R. I couldn’t face anyone. Most of all I couldn’t face Eli, especially if he was unfazed by our interaction. I cut through the woods and headed for the parking lot, so I wouldn’t run into anybody.
***
I was almost there when wariness crept down my back. I paused mid-step. My skin prickled. I was being stalked—again.
A loud snap and the rustling of leaves made me jump. I spun, feeling a pair of ice-cold eyes on me, but not knowing where they were located. I paused one more second, sucking in a deep breath before breaking into a run, fleeing as fast as I could. The ground crunched underfoot as I scrambled through the forest. Branches whipped across my face, slicing at my skin.
My heart battered ruthlessly against my ribs, almost drowning the sound of something smashing through the brush behind me. Almost. Whatever was there, it was moving in closer, ready to jump out at me. I cringed in anticipation, preparing for the pain of the attack.
Adrenaline coursed through my veins, making my legs and lungs pump harder. Ahead I could see the parking lot through a break in the trees. Almost there.
A low snarl erupted behind me.
I wanted to laugh at the idiocy. It was so my luck to be this close to safety and not make it. I waited to feel hands or claws tearing at my body.
I broke through the trees and looked over my shoulder. There was nothing behind me. No rabid animal or deranged man ready to attack me, only the trees swaying peacefully in the wind.
I didn’t stay around to find if this was something else I had simply imagined. I scrambled into the truck, locked the doors, and tore off down the road for home.
TWENTY-ONE
Without Mark around to comfort me or make me laugh, my mood was like PMS on crack.
I got ready for the concert, deciding against any of the outfits I would normally wear and instead going for something edgier. I pulled on skintight black jeans, a pair of extremely sexy, sleek, knee-length, black-heeled boots, and a white tank top with necklaces of varying lengths I had made out of copper and recycled glass. I wore my hair down and loose. The braids from earlier made it a little more wild than usual. I grabbed my red, faux-leather jacket and headed out of the room.
I was walking a thin wire of sanity. I needed to have fun tonight. That didn’t mean I didn’t need some help to achieve it. I walked to Mark’s liquor cabinet, and without wanting to think about the good and bad or the right and wrong, I searched for the best thing to help make the pain go away. I grabbed the bottle of tequila and took a shot straight from the bottle. I was a teenager who was going to make a lot mistakes, and tonight was looking like it was going to be one of those times. I pitied anyone who pushed me the wrong way. I was in a fighting mood. I’d fight or I’d fall apart.
By the time Kennedy and Ryan came to pick me up for the concert, I was all over the place—mad to sad, frustrated to hopeless. Reckless.
“We better go. Ian just texted, saying the line was getting long. So let’s get our butts down there now,” Ryan said. Ian was Ryan’s cousin. He went to a different school but hung out with us sometimes on the weekends.
Kennedy looked at me curiously, sensing something edgy was going on with me. “You okay?”
“Yeah … sure … why not?”
She had an unsettled look on her face. “You seem different tonight. There’s a strange darkness around you.”
Kennedy always said odd things like this, but tonight it hit extremely close to home.
“I’m fine.” I smiled.
“Well, okay or not, you look hot, girl.” Ryan wiggled his eyebrows.
“Thanks. Now let’s get going before the line gets too long.” I herde
d them out the door, trying to ignore my swirling emotions—and the darkness stirring in me.
***
“Ugh, I hate waiting.” Ryan nodded toward the endless queue of concert goers wrapping around the block. “I didn’t think this many people even knew about this band. It’s going to take forever to get in, and Ian’s already waiting for us inside.”
I stared at the crowd. The Poisonous Mushrooms were playing in one of the more popular clubs in downtown Olympia, but I was not going to freeze my ass waiting outside. I proceeded to the back of the building.
“Follow me, guys.”
“What are we doing?” Kennedy asked wearily as I led them down a dark alleyway.
“Skipping the line,” I replied, looking for the back door of the club.
“How are we going to do that? Every door will be locked back here, and if you haven’t noticed, I can’t shimmy into a drain or through a small, bathroom window.” Ryan motioned to his body. “Plus this outfit is to be seen and envied, not abused.”
Finally, spotting the door I was looking for, I moved to it. It was unguarded but locked. “We’re going to walk right in.”
I held up my hand for them to stop, not wanting them to see what I was about to do. I moved deeper into the shadows and stood close to the door. I had never tried this before, except on the leaves, but it had worked then. With the mood I was in, it would work.
I concentrated on the doorknob, imagining my energy flowing into the lock, acting like a key. Heat rose within my body as my determination stayed focused on the door. The knob twisted, fighting against the latch. It creaked and then, with a clinging pop, the lock snapped. I pulled at the door—it opened easily.
“Come on, guys.” I motioned them forward. They moved in closer, their gaze shifting from me to the door. I shrugged. “Someone must have left it open.”