by Kristie Cook
Josh nodded, understanding. “So you are here to stay.”
“I am,” I replied.
“Does your continuing here have anything to do with the scars on your face and neck?”
Like a flash of lightning, my mind recalled the way Pock had shoved his hand down the back of my pants and how McNamm had straddled me, grinding into me. I shuddered at the sickening memories.
“You okay?” Josh asked.
“I’m fine.” I nodded and forced myself to smile. It felt fake and wrong on my lips. “Just going through a lot lately.” That’s an understatement.
***
“Well, if you stop trying to make Sheriff Weiss happy, you might find you have more time on your hands.” Josh cocked his head at me, a smile playing on his lips.
“I know, but when I see his face and how happy he gets when he can add on more hours of community service, I can’t seem to help myself. What can I say? I’m a giver.”
***
Every step I took toward the O.A.R. site that afternoon was agonizing. I was determined to hold my head high. I would not let a guy make me feel stupid for my actions, and I most definitely would not allow myself to think the reason Eli didn’t call me was because he was too busy beating someone to death or getting back together with Samantha. I would try to be mature about it all.
Yeah, sure. The inner-me really wanted to kick him in the shins and call him a poopie-head.
Sam was my biggest fear because of her threat, and I believed she’d stay true to her word. I didn’t want to think about if she found out what had taken place between Eli and me.
I’m going to throw up.
I was barely at the trails when my body started humming, signaling Eli was somewhere close behind me. It was as if he had his own ringtone or some kind of alarm letting me know he was near. I clenched my teeth, closing my eyes briefly, forcing all the insecure, panicky voices in my head to quiet down. I slyly scanned the group of students ahead for Sam. She stood not too far off, staring back at me. Her icy stare locked onto mine and told me all I needed to know. Rage, jealousy, and revulsion oozed from her narrowed eyes.
Oh, crap on ash bark. I lifted the hood of my sweater to hide my face—like that would do any good—and looked away.
Eli unlocked the garden shed and everyone headed over to claim the better tools. I hid behind Josh in line. Through my lashes I watched Eli. He looked incredible, but the baseball hat he wore concealed his expression—not that he would show me anything if he didn’t want to. He was good at that. Could this incredible looking guy be a killer? Wasn’t Ted Bundy supposed to be good-looking?
I shook the questions from my head as I walked to the door where Eli stood. As Josh went to grab two shovels, I took the opportunity to peer at Eli. From under his hat, his eyes found mine, causing the air to halt in my lungs. Any clue as to what he was thinking was absent from his face. If seeing me caused him any emotion, he kept it well buried.
Two can play at that game, I thought. As much as the power of his gaze weakened my knees, I would not show it. I would try—really, really hard.
“Hi,” I forced out, keeping my voice steady and non-emotional.
“Hey,” Eli replied as he flicked his chin up in a slight nod.
A pained expression twisted my face. Turning away from him, I tried to hide the emotions. I used to be good at hiding my feelings from others. I was not used to them being so near the surface. Breathing out deeply, I forced my face to go blank.
The sensation of someone’s eyes burning into me caused me to turn. I caught Sam’s intense, narrowed gaze looking at Eli and me. Unlike Eli, her feelings were crystal clear.
Eli was clearly trying to act like nothing had happened between us, or he was trying to forget something did. But his supposed “non-girlfriend” wanted to string my innards in the trees like Christmas lights. My fear, embarrassment, and anger came bubbling up from deep inside. The feelings came on so fast and so strong they almost knocked me on my butt.
Twisting in the darkest pit inside me was another flood of emotions, an oozing blackness. It felt like tar, pulling and pushing me down into its dense confinement. Something shifted inside me. No longer frightened of being sucked into it, I surrendered. Comfort and a sense of peace replaced my fear. It was not a calming peace. This new sensation made me feel exceptionally powerful, strong, and indestructible. My focus became sharper. A strange smile curled my lips. Feeling sad and embarrassed was for the weak. I would show them how strong I really was.
“Em?” I heard Josh’s wary voice next to me. “Your eyes. Th-They’re black …”
I never had the chance to ask him what he meant when a firm hand clasped my arm and pulled me quickly away from the group. Eli showed no gentleness as he moved me deeper into the forest.
“Ow! Eli, what the hell?” I yanked my arm away from his grasp. I could already see a slight bruise forming in the shape of his hand around my bicep.
He scanned the thick forest and grabbed my arm again. “Not far enough,” he muttered to himself as he tugged me roughly, plowing further into the foliage. When he was content we were far enough into the woods, he stopped. He was silent as his eyes moved quickly over my body. I wish I could say it was in a way that would get my blood flowing, but the worried, critical way he examined every inch of me only made my blood turn cold. Whatever feeling of power I had experienced earlier disintegrated as dread began to prick at my skin.
“Eli?” I looked at him for an explanation. He didn’t answer, only continued to stare at me. “Eli.” I raised my voice. “What the hell is going on? Why did you pull me away?”
He held my gaze before looking down, mumbling. “This is not good.”
“What is not good?”
“Nothing.” He shook his head.
“Really? It didn’t seem like nothing. What’s going on?”
“Seriously, nothing.” He took off his hat, running his hand through his hair before replacing the cap on his head again. He seemed to do that a lot when he was frustrated.
His silence drove knives deep inside me as we faced each other. My voice was shaking when I finally spoke. “Did you kill those men from the Hells Angels?”
“What?” He looked at me, startled.
“Tell me the truth, Eli. Did you kill them?”
“You mean those two low-lives who attacked you?” His eyes darted between mine. “I heard they were killed by a rival gang.”
“I’m certain I never told you who they were. H-How did you know?”
“There are things you’re better off not knowing.”
I stared at him, my eyes narrowing as I mulled over his words. Even if Eli hadn’t known the names of the men who attacked me, I had a feeling he’d find out somehow. There was war in Eli’s eyes as he struggled to come up with an answer, which I hoped I would be able to stomach. I felt like Alice, who was about to fall down the rabbit hole. I didn’t know or understand what was going on, but I realized there was so much more to everything than what I knew or saw.
“You can’t imagine the things I’ve done in my past. I’m not a good guy. I won’t ever be. I will never be someone who will bring flowers or candy or meet the parents. I don’t do anything normal guys do for girls. I’m not like that, not even close. There is no white horse and certainly no knight in shining armor in this story.” His tone was ardent. “Does this make you want to run?”
I looked deeply into his eyes, searching his face. “No.” It was the most honest I had been with myself all day. Nothing in me wanted to run from him.
A half-smile pulled on his lip.
A gust of wind blew my hair and rustled the leaves, reminding me the two of us were alone together, in the middle of the woods. Anxiety tugged at me as I thought of what happened last time we were alone together in the forest. “So, really, why did you pull me out here?”
“I wanted to get you here alone,” he said, stepping closer to me.
“Bullshit,” I replied, my heart picking up speed.
His
body pressed against mine. “You think I’m lying?”
“I think you’re being dishonest about a lot of things,” I replied, feeling his body against mine. “What about Sam?”
“What about her?”
“By the looks she’s giving me, I’d say you’re clearly together.”
“If we were, you’d be dead right now.” He slid his hands up my neck, cupping the back of my head, bringing me closer to his lips. Dead? Somehow, when it came to Sam and her possessiveness over Eli, I believed it to be true.
“Don’t,” I whispered against his lips with such little conviction it was laughable. His mouth met mine and again a zing of electricity raced up through my body, making the hair on my arms stand on end. It made me feel alive. “You think you can use this pathetic tactic to distract me?” I mumbled against his mouth as we gasped for air.
“Yep,” he said as he smiled wickedly and pulled me back into him. I couldn’t argue with his extensive, in-depth logic.
Our kisses became deep and thorough. I couldn’t seem to get close enough to him. His hands moved to the back of my head, crushing me into him even more, as if he couldn’t get close enough either. He kept his hands there, and I knew he didn’t want to venture anywhere near my tattoo. We both seemed okay with continuing to ignore it. The way his tongue curled around mine and the way his lips pulled at mine, I was willing to ignore anything.
My hands had a mind of their own, running freely up and down his stomach. Those funny little buggers had discreetly found their way underneath his t-shirt and wanted to do more—a lot more. I had a sudden impulse to rip his clothes right off. Normally the thought of “going further” would scare the shit out of me. With Eli I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I wanted him—badly.
“Eli?” A familiar, feminine voice rang through the air. We jumped apart, looking around for the intruder. He held a finger up to my lips, telling me to keep quiet. I nodded. I envisioned Samantha stepping around the corner, catching us. What would happen if she did? I didn’t want to find out.
“Eli? Where are you?” Sam’s hard tone drifted over the trees.
He spoke with his eyes again. Don’t make a sound.
I concurred. He had no idea how much I didn’t want Sam to catch us out here.
“A ghra?” Her voice moved closer to us. “I know you’re out here—with her.”
Somewhere deep inside me, I seemed to recognize her words. My love? Something possessive in me roared back: He’s mine!
He turned his face back to mine. I couldn’t tell what Eli was feeling, but his eyes regarded me intensely.
“Eli, don’t hide from me.” Anger tightened her voice. “Don’t lower yourself. Remember what she is. She is not one of us.”
His lids lifted to look at me again, and for a brief second I saw revulsion flicker through his eyes. I felt gutted. I gritted my teeth and stared back at him, trying my hardest not to show my feelings, but the image of me pounding both their faces—Sam first, then Eli—flittered across my brain. I stuffed my balled-up hands into my jacket, astounded at my violent, jealous thoughts.
I moved my body around his. He grabbed my arm; his expression remained neutral, but there was an unspoken question on his lips I didn’t want to answer. I yanked my arm from his grip and continued silently through the forest, away from him. Wanting to be alone, I wandered around the woods for a while, gratefully accepting the tranquility settling within me.
Eli was wreaking havoc in my life.
***
By the time I got back, O.A.R. was over. I hurried out of Silverwood to avoid dealing with Eli. I would drive myself to the ropes site. I just stepped onto the parking lot when I saw Sam leaning against Eli’s car. Spotting me, she pushed herself off the Bronco and strode toward me. I sighed, closing my eyes briefly.
This is not my week.
“You slutty, little whore.” Her lips twisted cruelly. The sun hit her eyes and reflected a flaming red color, her pupils narrowing.
***
I should have been terrified, but instead I only felt exhausted and really, really annoyed. I took a deep breath, anger wrapping around my muscles. I was done—so done—with this bullshit. I marched toward her.
“Little?” I said. “If you’re going to insult me, at least make me a big, slutty whore. Little makes me sound so incompetent.”
“Shut up,” she snarled. “Didn’t you think I was serious about my threat?”
“I think you were completely serious,” I said evenly.
She sputtered at my response. “I warned you not to mess with me. But you couldn’t stay away from him, could you?”
“Our friendship is really none of your business.”
She blinked. My calmness unsettled her. I wasn’t someone who usually got into fights, but I did inherit my mother’s passionate temper. When I was little, kids used to tease me ruthlessly. One time I lost it, getting so mad I broke the nose of one of the boys who had taunted me. Mom had been upset and alarmed upon hearing of this, but I could also see the secret pride she felt because I had defended myself. I was usually too clumsy to be a fighter. I could walk into a room and fall on my face, but that didn’t stop me from trying.
Sam looked too pretty and prim to get down and dirty; she didn’t seem as if she could get scrappy. At the same time, there was something about her telling me I shouldn’t challenge her.
When did this ever stop me?
“Do you know how easy it will be for me? Your kind is disgusting. You are scum. You shouldn’t even be here.”
“Your kind?” She had said this a few times now. “What are you talking about?” Heat rose in me. My temper was getting close to its breaking point. “What do you mean ‘my kind’?”
She laughed, making her look wild and more than a little bit nuts. “You are a disgrace. Trash.”
“Funny. It looks like you were the one who got dumped.”
Her eyes flashed red, and her irises seem to stretch vertically. I stepped back blinking in disbelief—did I really see that? In the same instant, she came flying at me.
“You stupid bitch,” she screamed. “You’re the fool. He is only using you.”
Still startled from what I thought I saw, I was blindsided by her attack. Her hand whipped across my face with a thunderous crack. Burning pain seared through my cheek. It was the same side McNamm bruised, and this hit brought new pain.
Blood instantly pumped through the side of my face, making my eye pulsate as if it was going pop out of its socket. I reached up to touch my face, but stopped when I saw her hand heading back toward me again. This time I wasn’t caught off guard. I ducked, her hand grazing the top of my head as it swung over me.
The momentum threw her off balance when she didn’t hit her target, allowing me to step away as she stumbled. It would have been a good opportunity to hit back, but I was still trying to avoid it. She was an instructor at the facility, and I didn’t need any more community service hours. When her nails scraped the other side of my face, ripping at the tender scabs where shards of glass had been shoved into my cheek, any notion of taking the high road went out the window.
I swung up hitting her in the gut. My hand crunched with pain as she doubled over. A low growl escaped from her throat, which seemed at odds with her angelic face.
I could hear a crowd behind me as Silverwood students gathered to see what was happening. Their voices and gasps rumbled together in my ears.
“Holy shit! Is that Samantha and Ember fighting?”
“Fight!” a girl yelled gleefully.
“Someone go get Mrs. Sanchez.”
I had to tune them out as Sam’s reflexes were too fast for me not to be completely focused on her. The darkness, which had come over me earlier, seemed to bubble happily to the surface, sharpening my focus. I felt calm, cool, and oddly giddy. A happy giggle ripped out of me as she took another swing.
I barely had time to get out of the way. She was amazingly fast, but the fact she hadn’t hit her target pissed her off eve
n more and triggered another level of fury from her.
When she came at me again, my previous giddiness evaporated as her fingernails morphed into daggers and headed for my neck. Her sharp nails sliced my skin as I fell back, kicking out my leg and getting her right in the stomach. Adrenaline put power into my legs I never knew I had. They slammed into her, sending her flying back onto the gravel several yards away.
Drops of blood splattered onto my shirt from where she caught my neck. I didn’t feel any pain, although there was no doubt I would later. She jumped up and hurled back at me, her fist ready for their target. I rolled to my left, missing the force of the blow, but her foot and her fist caught my right side, clipping my hip and shoulder.
I twisted, getting my feet under me as I hopped up. She grabbed my leg, ripping through my jeans as she dug her nails into my leg. The pain made me crumple to the ground. Rage hit me like a brick as I felt her fist come down on me again.
The darkness in me, which had been so patient, was done waiting. Playtime was over. I let myself go. I felt no pain, no fear. All other emotions were gone from my body, and I was left with incredible power. Instinct took over. I got up, plucking her off me as if she was a mere bug and flung her to the ground.
She quickly recovered and leapt to her feet, and blood dripped from her mouth. Her face twisted into a hideous canvas of rage. She sprung, but I didn’t move. She was dropping down on me when I held out my hand. Her body stopped in mid-air, changed direction, and flew across the parking lot, landing on Eli’s windshield with a crunch.
The impact made the windshield shatter into a million pieces. Void of emotion, I watched as she stirred and twitched. I headed for her, wanting to finish this fight—to finish her.
“Ember.” A voice broke through my resolve. I turned my head slightly, realizing I hadn’t heard any sound for a long time, except for the sounds of the fight. My focus had blocked everything else out.
“Ember, stop.” The voice came to me again, but it still sounded faint and distant. I swung around to see someone standing not too far away from me. The man’s green eyes went wide as they looked into my face, but his mouth was set in a strong line. The tall, muscular man took a step toward me. I recognized this person as a possible threat, but not my biggest one at the moment. I turned back to look at the girl. The need to end her was still raging inside me. I headed toward her again.