by Kristie Cook
“Paul seems like a nice man,” Grey says as he turns the radio down.
“Yeah, he’s great. I was so happy when he and mom got married. I didn’t think she would ever find love and happiness,” I admit.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, my real dad sort of just left. I don’t think mom ever even got a chance to say good-bye, let alone tell him she was expecting me. Or maybe she did tell him and that’s why he disappeared? I don’t really know the whole story. All I know is she was sad for a very long time. Then she met Paul,” I smile. “He makes her happy and he has always been a great father to me. I feel pretty lucky to have him in my life.”
I really do know how lucky I am. But sometimes, I wish I knew what my real dad was like. What did he look like? What music did he listen to? What’s his favorite movie? But I would never say those thoughts out loud. I would never want to risk hurting Paul by making him feel like he wasn’t enough, because I couldn’t imagine a better dad than Paul had been to me.
“I am glad that he has been a good father to you,” he murmurs as we pull into the parking lot. He walks around to my side of his truck and opens the door for me, helping me down.
Though our Prom will be held inside Manhattan Town Center mall, our Homecoming dance takes place in our school gym. Various shades of blue and white crepe paper and balloons litter the entire space, and silver stars dangle from the ceiling in random places in a cheesy attempt to dress it up. Unfortunately, all the bling in the world can’t mask the funky smell that reminds you that it is, still, just a gym.
Tables are scattered strategically on the north side of the gymnasium where people can take a break from all the dancing and enjoy some refreshments. That is where I spot Hannah and Seth. We immediately make our way toward where they are sitting, but are stopped several times by girls wanting to compliment my vintage dress, though I secretly think that it is just an excuse for them to ogle Grey. Not that I can really blame them. I am doing a fair share of ogling myself.
As we make our way through the crowd, he doesn’t say a word. He seems to be too busy inspecting the room as though searching for something. He hardly acknowledges anyone, responding only with the occasional nod, all the while scanning the room as if he is in charge of surveillance or something. At first, I find this rather odd, but then I remember he doesn’t seem very comfortable in social settings. I was thoroughly surprised when he said he was going to attend the game last night. I bet this huge crowd of people packed in such an enclosed space makes him uncomfortable. He is probably just looking for the nearest exit.
I try not to feel disappointed or offended by that.
We finally make it over to Hannah and Seth just as a slow song starts playing. Hannah, still wearing her new crown, squeaks a quick apology and rushes off to the dance floor with her Prince Charming. Grey and I take a seat at the table. He does not look happy to be here at all. He isn’t much of a talker by nature, but he is never this silent. He just keeps looking around the room, scowling at everyone and everything. I am not sure what to make of his strange behavior.
After a few songs, Hannah and Seth return to our table out of breath and kind of sweaty.
“God, I’m, like, dying of thirst!” Hannah exclaims dramatically.
“I’ll go grab us some drinks,” Seth is quick to offer. “Want anything, Mia?”
“Yeah. Sure,” I answer.
“I’ll go get Mia’s drink.” Grey stands up and does this weird sort of half-bow thing before leaving with Seth to get our refreshments.
Hannah stifles a giggle.
I stare curiously at Grey’s retreating back, feeling all sorts of warm and fuzzy inside, but now even more confused about his previous grouchy behavior.
“Wow, you totally got it bad,” Hannah giggles. “Not that I blame you. Who wouldn’t be drooling over that fine specimen of eye-candy?”
I am a terrible liar, so I don’t even bother contradicting her.
“Not even going to deny it?” She elbows me affectionately.
“What’s there to deny?” I admit with a sigh. “It’s Grey.”
“Smart, good looking, a complete and total gentleman with a hint of mystery,” she smiles widely. “Yeah, I get it.”
“But don’t get any wild ideas. For the record, we are still just friends,” I consider telling her just how mysterious he has been acting tonight. What is with his bad attitude?
“Keep telling yourself that Mia,” she mumbles under her breath because the boys have returned to the table with our drinks. Grey hands me a clear plastic cup full of some sort of sparkling punch. I narrow my eyes suspiciously. I’ve seen enough movies to know what happens to the punch bowl at school dances.
“Don’t worry Mia, Grey got your cup before I spiked the punch,” Seth laughs mischievously.
“Ha, ha. Wait....you are joking, right?” I cast a quick glance at Grey, and his dark expression makes me think that maybe Seth isn’t.
“Ooh! I love this song!” Hannah squeals, grabbing Seth’s hand and dragging him back onto the dance floor.
“Did he really put something in the punch?” I turn to Grey once Hannah and Seth are gone.
“I don’t think so.” Grey shrugs. “But I wouldn’t put it past him.”
He doesn’t say anything else, but simply goes back to surveying the room. I don’t really know what to do or say, so I just watch everyone else dance around me, awkwardly glancing up at him every once in a while to see if he still looks angry. Just when I am about to ask him if he wants to leave, he leans in closer with his warm, always smooth cheek pressed against my own, and whispers in my ear.
“Do you want to dance?”
Startled by not only the question, but also his sudden change in attitude and close proximity, I nod and let him lead me onto the dance floor. He conventionally wraps his hands around my waist as I place my arms around his neck. We begin to sway to the music, locked in each other’s eyes. He is visibly more relaxed now, and I find myself searching the depths of his eyes for some clue as to what was bothering him before.
“Can I cut in?” We are interrupted by a slightly irritated voice.
Ethan, standing way too close as usual, is smiling down at us. He looks as though he has a bad taste in his mouth, and immediately guilt washes over me because I know exactly what he must be thinking. I panic as Grey steps aside, nodding to him. Ethan takes his place, and as soon as Grey is out of earshot, he drops the forced smile.
“I thought you had to babysit tonight.” It doesn’t sound like a question, more like an accusation.
I’m surprised at how angry he sounds. He has never struck me as an aggressive person. I was expecting his feelings to be hurt, and that was hard enough to accept responsibility for. I was not expecting him to be so mad.
“Change of plans?” I try to lie, but I’ve never been very good at it.
“Why couldn’t you just tell me the truth? That you already had a date when I asked you?”
Huh. Why didn’t I think of that? That probably would have been a much better lie. Except that I didn’t have a date at the time, and what if Grey hadn’t asked me? And why does it matter? I know I hurt his feelings, but honestly it seems like he is over-reacting. It’s just a dumb dance, right? He tightens his grip around my waist to the point where it is painful to breathe. I am certain he is leaving bruises all around my midsection.
“Ethan, let go! You’re hurting me!” I plead. He is really starting to scare me, and I’m bewildered that nobody around me seems to even notice.
“Why do you have to be such a bitch? Do you think you’re too good for me?” He spits out, contemptuously.
Grey appears out of nowhere and throws Ethan off of me with surprising strength, considering Ethan towers over him by at least five inches.
“I believe she asked you to let go.” Grey’s voice is eerily calm and menacing. Ethan’s eyes widen in surprise as Grey stalks over to him and places his hand around his throat, lifting him a couple of inches
off the ground. “And if I ever see you so much as speak to her again, you will regret it. Do I make myself perfectly clear?”
Ethan falls to the floor in a heap, gasping for breath after Grey releases him, and then takes off running out the door. I glance around, wondering why nobody seems to notice what just happened between the two of them, but it’s like everyone is too absorbed in their dance partner to pay attention to anything around them. Even the chaperons are preoccupied. How strange...
“Are you alright?” Grey’s voice is much softer now.
“Yeah, I mean, I guess I sort of deserved that,” I admit.
“How can you say that?” He tucks the wayward strand of hair behind my ear.
“He asked me to the dance, but I lied and I told him I had to babysit because I didn’t want to go with him. Then I showed up with you. I’m sure I hurt his feelings.”
“Mia, it doesn’t matter what you said or did, nobody ever has the right to hurt you. As soon as I heard him get angry with you...” He shakes his head shamefully. “If I would have known he was going to harm you, I never would’ve left you alone with him in the first place. I would never let anyone hurt you. I’m sorry.”
“Wait a minute. What do you mean you heard him? You were all the way over there by our table and it’s so loud in here,” I ask. “How did you hear him when no one else seemed to notice anything?”
“Perhaps nobody else pays as close attention to you as I do?” he asks tenderly, causing my heart to flutter. “It’s my job to protect you.”
“Your job? As my date?” I tease him.
He pauses momentarily before saying, “Something like that.”
“Because I am pretty sure ‘personal hero’ isn’t in the job description.”
He gives me a slight smile, and for a moment, I think I catch a flash of longing in his eyes, but I quickly push the thought aside. After all, I am probably just projecting my own feelings. As I close my eyes, willing myself to get over this silly crush, he places his finger under my chin and guides my face gently upwards towards his own, forcing me to stare into his indigo eyes once more.
“Don’t look down,” he whispers, “I like looking into your eyes.”
My breath catches in my throat as he pulls me close, then slowly leans in until there is virtually no space between his lips and my own. I close my eyes and hold my breath in sweet anticipation, but he suddenly pulls back.
“I’m sorry, Mia. But I can’t. I shouldn’t. Not like this.”
He doesn’t stop dancing, but shifts so there is a more appropriate distance between us. Hurt and, quite frankly mortified, I remain silent for the rest of the song.
“Are you ready for me to take you home?” he asks when the song ends.
“Yes,” is all I can choke out as I turn around and walk to the door, praying that I can contain my tears until I make it to the safety of my bedroom.
The car ride home is long and silent. I am pretty proud of myself for holding it together when all I really want to do is cry. I realize I am being a bit over-dramatic though. After all, what did I expect? I knew we were going as friends. I just got caught up in the moment and let myself hope. The bitter disappointment stings.
“Can I walk you to the door?” he asks me quietly.
I really don’t see the point since I only have to take five steps from his car to my front porch but whatever.
“What for?” I barely whisper as I step out of his car and into the suddenly chilly air. I wrap my arms around my chest, hugging myself for warmth. When did it get so cold out?
He gets out and follows behind me anyway, and five uncomfortable steps later, we are right in front of my door. I don’t really know what to say to him, so I just give him a tight-lipped smile and turn to unlock my door. He places his hand on my arm, stopping me. I turn around, but I look down at the ground instead of up at him. I fear if I have to look into his indigo eyes I will lose all control and start crying like a baby. He reaches out and gently lifts my chin up, forcing me to look at him. His expression seems pained, like a combination of frustration and sadness. Is he mad at me for ruining our friendship? Does he regret asking me to go with him tonight?
He pauses a moment, as though trying to figure out what to say.
“Mia,” he pleads. “I need you to understand that I care a lot about you. You have no idea how very special you are. But I can’t let it become anything more than that. I just can’t. It wouldn’t be right.”
I feel the flood gates start to open, so before I embarrass myself any further in front of him I duck inside, shutting the door quietly behind me. I’m even more confused than ever. I knew we were going to the dance just as friends. Heck, he flat out said that we were going just as friends. Yes, it seemed like maybe he wanted to kiss me while we were dancing, but obviously that was all in my head. I probably made him feel really uncomfortable. Great! Now I’m not only broken-hearted, but completely embarrassed that I practically threw myself at the guy. I need to get over this idea that we’re ever going to be anything more. He has made it abundantly clear that we’re only ever going to be friends.
This wasn’t exactly how I was expecting Homecoming to go. First, I get assaulted by Ethan, then I am rejected by Grey. What a night! I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. I know Mom and Paul aren’t expecting me home this early and I don’t really want to talk to anybody, so I sneak up the stairs to the safety of my bedroom. The book Grey gave me sits unopened on my nightstand and is a bitter reminder of Grey’s rejection. I throw it across the room not caring where it lands. I never want to see that book again. Then I crawl under the covers and cry myself to sleep.
Chapter Five
When I had hoped that the Homecoming dance would be a turning point in our relationship, this was definitely not what I meant. Ever since that night, things between Grey and I have been strained. He still waits for me every morning before school and walks me to my car every afternoon. He still asks for my help during work like he did before, but it’s different now. Instead of always standing so close that I can feel the warmth of his body and smell his heady scent while we wait for patrons to exit the dark theater rooms, he keeps his distance from me. I don’t know what to think about it. There is definitely a newfound tension between us, and not the good kind of romantic tension like before. He hardly speaks to me, but for some reason he’s still going out of his way to be around me. I don’t know whether to be thankful that maybe he still wants to be friends, or if I should be embarrassed for wanting to be more when he doesn’t. Mostly I am just angry that he seems completely apathetic. Everything is ten shades of awkward now.
Aside from my relationship with Grey being completely messed up now, I have another problem weighing on my mind. Ethan hasn’t been back at school since the day before the dance. At first, I thought it was just a coincidence. Maybe he got sick or had a family emergency or something. But weeks went by and he still didn’t show up. I finally asked Mrs. Coleman, our English teacher if she had heard anything from his family, but she acted like she had no idea who I was talking about. She even went as far as checking her roster, and sure enough, no record of an Ethan Dexter was listed. In fact, nobody seems to have any recollection of the gangly boy with a dandruff problem. I could have asked Grey since there is absolutely no way he could deny knowing who I was talking about after the way he threw Ethan off of me at the dance. Surely Grey would remember him and prove that I’m not completely losing my mind. But since he hasn’t been talking to me much other than a simple ’hello’ or ’good-bye’, I’m not going to make the effort to engage him in conversation either.
Homecoming proved to be much more pleasant for Hannah than it was for me. She and Seth, now “official”, are sickeningly cute together. You would think that their frequent episodes of PDA would eventually wane, but so far, no such luck. Sometimes it’s hard to stomach … especially during lunch. While I am very happy for her, I would be lying if I didn’t admit to being a tad bit jealous. Even though I tried to convinc
e myself otherwise, I really was hoping something would change between Grey and me. Well, I guess, something did change. Just not the way I hoped. With things being so weird between us, and Hannah being so preoccupied with Seth, I’ve been spending a lot of time alone. I’m used to being a little on the introverted side, but lately I have been downright hermit-like. Despite my utter moroseness at the turn of events, the semester seems to fly by.
The football team choked during the first play-off game, ending our season much earlier than we would have liked. It would have been amazing to make it to State our Senior year. Now that football season is over, I’m able to work Friday nights so I don’t work doubles on Saturdays anymore. But sometimes I volunteer anyway, just for a distraction from the lack of events on my social calendar. This means I still see a lot of both enigmatic Grey and creepy Brian. Even though I know I don’t owe Grey anything, I do believe he has my best interests at heart. So despite everything, I keep my word and don’t pick Brian up anymore. But that doesn’t stop me from feeling a little guilty about it. I hate to see him walking along the highway in the suddenly freezing-cold weather we are experiencing now that December’s here.
I had hoped with such an unseasonably warm fall that winter would follow suit. Alas, I was disappointed. It has already snowed once and the National Weather Service is forecasting an ice storm to hit sometime this weekend. On the bright side, it’s the weekend before Christmas break and I have actually accepted an invitation to go on a ski trip with some of the girls from school. We’re going to be staying at the Breckenridge Ski Resort in Colorado. I’ve never been skiing, but I figure it can’t be that hard. Hannah is beyond thrilled that I decided to go. I didn’t tell her that the reason I jumped at the chance was to escape from the awkwardness of my current situation with Grey. Hannah has been so blissfully wrapped up in Seth that she hasn’t noticed the obvious coolness between Grey and me. I couldn’t make myself tell her about the almost kiss and the rejection that broke my heart. We aren’t leaving until Sunday, so I just have to get through seeing him today and then I’ll have two whole weeks hopefully filled with plenty of distractions.