by Carol Grace
Sarah spread her notes in front of her and checked with the man who would project the photographs onto the screen from his computer in the back of the room. Her boss Trudy met her in the hall before introducing her.
“Sarah, we have to talk,” she said, taking Sarah’s arm and clutching it tightly.
“Is it…how is everything going?” Sarah asked, searching the older woman’s face for tearstains or dark circles under her eyes. She hadn’t seen her for weeks. Trudy had called in to say she was taking some time off and would Sarah be able to handle some of the administrative work while she was out.
Sarah assured her it was no problem and then reluctantly told her the bad news that Max wouldn’t be able to take her case. When she offered to find her another hotshot lawyer, Trudy turned her down flat. Sarah was relieved to see that today Trudy looked as if she was back to normal. She wore a smart black pantsuit and a silk blouse. Sarah concluded she must have found herself a lawyer without Sarah’s help.
“I’ll explain later,” Trudy said in a low voice.
Sarah had a moment to look around the room and smile at the familiar faces in the audience. One was her aunt who was in the third row, beaming proudly at her, others were colleagues or friends. Her parents were in the last row. She’d only spoken briefly to them since she’d been back. When they called she begged off, saying she was too busy to talk. She was afraid they’d get onto the subject of her swimming lessons or some other worry over her health, and she no longer had the time nor inclination to argue with anyone, especially them.
She gave her introduction, beginning with the discovery of gold at Sutter’s Mill when she looked up and saw Max standing in the back of the room. Her heart caught in her throat. She stumbled over a word or two then caught herself. What was he doing there? Had her aunt told him about it?
She forced herself to look away. She looked at anyone and everyone else and made herself concentrate on her subject. It wasn’t easy but she did it and after the talk, the applause was loud and long. She breathed a huge sigh of relief and answered questions from the floor. She tried not to seek out Max at the back of the room, but she couldn’t help catching his gaze. Just once and then she looked away. She wanted to see him, talk to him, and just hear his voice again, but she would never approach him. She didn’t know what she’d say. She was afraid she’d break down and fall apart, just when she’d spent a month getting over him. She tried to remember why it was she had to break things off. Oh, yes, it was…no future. Too different. Her health problems. His job. His attitude toward love and marriage. He’d said he wouldn’t take no for an answer, but obviously he had.
After the talk and the questions she was immediately surrounded by friends and colleagues who all said nice things about her speech. The next time she looked around, she didn’t see Max at all. Her heart sank. He was gone. She’d never see him again. Then why had he come, if he didn’t want to talk to her?
“Aunt Mary, how good of you to come,” she said after her aunt, looking lovely in a beige wool Chanel suit, hugged her.
“I wouldn’t miss it. You were wonderful.”
“I thought I saw Max at the back of the room.”
Mary turned around. “I wouldn’t be surprised. I told him about the talk.”
But where is he now? Why didn’t he stay? If he didn’t want to talk to me, why did he come?
After most of the audience had left, and Max had never reappeared, she greeted her parents who were waiting for a chance to talk to her.
“How are you, dear?” her mother asked anxiously. “We’ve been worried about you. You aren’t doing anything dangerous, are you?”
“Nothing dangerous at all,” Sarah said firmly. “I’m making good progress swimming.”
“But I thought…” her mother began, chewing on her lip and frowning at Sarah.
“You thought I couldn’t do it, but I can. I’ve been taking lessons at the Y here in the city, and you’d be amazed at my progress. Oh, my backstroke is still weak and my freestyle…you wouldn’t want to see that. But my teacher says I’m ready to go off the high diving board. Then one day I might even join the polar bear club, get a wet suit and swim in the Bay.”
Her mother gasped. Her father opened his mouth to protest, but she didn’t let him. She kept talking about her plans until they gave up and said goodbye. A goodbye to the old Sarah, one who never took chances, one who was afraid to fall in the water and especially afraid to fall in love.
No more. Buoyed by the enthusiastic reception of her speech, encouraged that Max had come to hear it, even though he’d disappeared as fast as he’d appeared, she was going to take matters into her own hands. Maybe she wasn’t the type for an affair, but she knew now she loved him. It was up to her to do something about it. But what?
Gathering her notes and stuffing them into her briefcase, she looked around to see Trudy waiting for her at the door to the hall.
“Sarah, I’m sorry I’ve been out so much. You’ve had to do all my work and yours, too.”
“It was no problem,” Sarah assured her. “Maybe I shouldn’t ask, but how are things with you and Graham?”
“Much better. Not that we’re getting back together. After I left the house and pulled myself together, I realized that things hadn’t been good for a long time. It was almost a relief to have him out of my life. He’s a very judgmental person and perhaps I was tired of being judged. Now I do whatever I want, when I want to do it. I know I must have sounded like a basket case when I called you, but I was in shock. When the shock wore off, I decided that life could still go on. What I want to say is that Graham fired his lawyer and we’re dealing with a mediator.”
Sarah set her briefcase down on a chair. “What? How does that work?”
“It saves us a lot of money for one thing. And for another, there’s no bitterness, no recriminations and it’s fair. Because the mediator doesn’t take sides.”
“He must be a saint,” Sarah muttered.
“No, he isn’t. He’s a very attractive man. You’ll have to meet him. Or are you seeing someone?”
“No, not really. Not now.”
Sarah’s knees suddenly buckled and she sat down on a folding chair. What had happened? Did Max blame her for his getting fired as Graham’s lawyer? Was that why he didn’t stick around after the talk? Was that why he’d never called her?
“Are you okay, Sarah?”
“I’m fine. It’s just a little letdown. I got keyed up over my talk and now it’s over. Time to get back to work.”
“Don’t work too hard, Sarah. That’s what I learned during my hiatus. I’ll be back on Monday and you can take some time off.”
“Hmm. Yes, maybe I will. There is something I have to do. Some loose ends to tie up.”
Sarah turned to leave, feeling relieved about Trudy, but disappointed about Max, when he suddenly appeared at her side.
“You gave a great talk, no big surprise there,” he said soberly.
She smiled. “I’m so glad you stayed. I thought…I thought you’d left.”
“I had to congratulate you.”
“I want to tell you something. Do you have a minute?” He nodded. “I’ve got something to tell you, too.”
“I changed my mind.” So what if he wasn’t looking for love and marriage. She’d take what she could get, because whatever it was, it was better than nothing.
“What?”
“Yes, I want to get to know you. I want to see if…”
“If there’s something there between us. There is, Sarah, I know it. I’ve missed you so much.” He hugged her so tightly, she dropped her notes and her briefcase. Neither one noticed. “When should we start getting to know each other? Because I haven’t got much time. I’m thirty-five years old and I want a future with you.”
“What?” Her knees were so weak she sank into one of the folding chairs.
“I won’t press you for an answer now, but I just want to warn you, I’m serious.”
“What happened?
” she asked. “What happened to your suit of armor, your determination to avoid any entanglements.”
“You happened,” he said simply.
“Then how about getting started now?” she asked, feeling like laughing and crying at the same time.
He grinned at her, then bent down to kiss her. A kiss that said it all. I want you. I love you. Then he picked up her notes and her briefcase and carried them out for her.
Over coffee she said Trudy told her that Graham had fired his lawyer. “That’s you, right?”
“That was me. But this week I’ve been in the city taking classes in mediation and I’m going to hang up a new shingle—Max Monroe, Mediator.”
Sarah set her cup down with a bang. “I don’t believe it. You’re a mediator?”
“It’s so much less stress,” he said. “I feel like I’m helping both parties, instead of taking sides.”
“But what about the money?”
“I’ll do fine,” he said. “It seems mediators are in big demand. It makes sense. I’m not licensed yet. I have two weeks left to go. While I’m here I want to see you every night and every day. How does that work for you?”
“Let’s see, I work during the day and my swimming lessons are at noon, but I’m free in the evenings.”
“Swimming lessons? Someone else is teaching you to swim?”
“Just perfecting my stroke, so I can show off.”
“I look forward to that,” he said, with a huge smile on his face.
Three weeks later
Once again there was a light breeze and a full moon over Max Monroe’s house in the quiet suburb of Vista Valley, California. Once again Max stood on his patio smoking a cigar and pondering the past and the future. A future, he had to admit that worried him right now.
He’d made major changes in his life over the past month, but still there was a gaping hole in the middle of it. After two weeks in the city seeing Sarah every evening, he’d felt more and more sure with every day that he was on the right track at last, both personally and professionally.
His classes went well, and more important he and Sarah grew closer. Every evening he’d picked her up from work at the historical society and they’d go somewhere different, take a walk around Chinatown and eat a bowl of noodles at a tiny hole-in-the-wall restaurant or climb the Filbert Steps to the top of Coit Tower, then get takeout and eat at her place.
They laughed and talked and grew so close, Max felt confident enough to buy a ring and had it in his pocket on his last night in San Francisco. He took her to dinner at a little Italian restaurant in North Beach where he ordered champagne.
“Champagne?” she said, her eyes bright and her cheeks flushed. “Oh, I know, we’re celebrating your new career.” She held her glass up and tapped it with his.
“That’s not all. There’s something else I want to celebrate. I love you, Sarah, I want to marry you.”
Her eyes widened. “But, Max…”
“I know, I know.” He reached for her hand across the table, and held it tightly as if he was afraid she might get away. “All that talk about avoiding marriage so I could avoid divorce. But that was the old Max talking. The new Max is a believer. A believer in love and marriage…with you. If I hadn’t met you, I might still be battling lawyers and ex-wives and husbands in court.”
“Max, I…I don’t know what to say.”
“Say yes. Say you love me too. Say you want to spend the rest of your life with me. Say you want to have children with me. You’ll teach them about history and I’ll teach them to swim and…”
“Wait, wait,” Sarah said, her lower lip quivering. “I thought I’d told you. I don’t know if I can have children. Because of my asthma.”
“But you’re fine. You haven’t had an attack in how long?”
“A few years. I know. But that’s because I’ve been careful.”
“Careful? You’ve almost drowned, you work hard and you’re taking swimming lessons and still you haven’t had an attack.”
“That’s right, but pregnancy is different. There are hormonal changes that happen during pregnancy that can effect the nose, sinuses and lungs. I’ve read a lot about asthma and I know what I can do and what I can’t. That’s why I don’t know if I’d want to chance getting pregnant. Asthma can cause serious complications like high blood pressure, toxemia and premature delivery.”
“Then we’ll adopt. I don’t care. I want you, Sarah. If you don’t feel the same, if you don’t love me, tell me now and I’ll drop it.”
He stared at her, his heart sinking. Could he really be the only one here who’d fallen in love? Could he have mistaken her interest in him for something else? Just interest, that’s all?
Her eyes filled with tears. “I do love you, Max. I can’t deny it. I’ve never felt this way before. You’ve changed the way I feel about life and about myself. I want to marry you and spend the rest of my life with you, but it wouldn’t be fair to you. You should have kids, your own kids, kids who will look like you and…”
“Stop. I don’t care about that.”
“Maybe not now. But you will some day. Please don’t make this any harder than it is.”
He pressed his lips together to keep from blurting out something he’d regret. “Okay,” he said. “You know how I feel. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
She nodded and wiped a tear from her cheek. He took her home. Neither one of them said very much. He kissed her goodbye, and left the city to go home to his Portola Valley house. And that evening was the last time he’d seen her or heard from her.
So he was waiting. Waiting for what? For her to make up her mind. For her to realize how much he wanted her. How much he loved her. How much he needed her. He was prepared to wait a long time. But not forever.
He hadn’t been sleeping well lately. Maybe that’s what caused him to see the mysterious figure at the back of his garden under the trees. Afraid to believe what he’d seen, he closed his eyes and hit the side of his head with his palm. When he opened his eyes, the creature was still there, her gown billowing in the breeze.
It couldn’t be. It couldn’t be her. She was far away in the city. Unless she’d sleepwalked all the way here. No, it must be his imagination. He stubbed out his cigar and walked slowly and quietly toward the vision. When he got up close his heart stopped beating for a long, long moment. It was Sarah, looking so unbelievably beautiful he thought he must be dreaming. Her hair was dark and soft, her skin was pale as alabaster in the moonlight. Her gown was so sheer he could see her creamy breasts and beautiful body as if she was wearing nothing. It was a dream come true.
He was afraid to speak. Afraid to break the spell she was under. More afraid to break the spell he was under. Instead he put his hands on her shoulders and bent forward to kiss her.
At the first touch of his lips, Sarah drew in a short breath of surprise. He nibbled at her lips, so gently, so softly, she thought she might die of happiness right there on the spot. Even before she’d said what she’d come to say.
Then he deepened the kiss and she threw her arms around him to answer with kisses of her own.
“Sarah, Sarah,” he murmured, his lips against her cheek. “You’re not asleep. You came back.” He pulled her close and she clung to him as if she’d never let him go. He felt so warm, so solid, so real. He pulled back and gazed at her, to make sure this was not a dream. Then he reached out to touch her cheek and trailed his hand down her neck and across her breasts.
She nodded. Too moved to speak. His touch, his voice, were everything she’d dreamed about. Everything she’d ever wanted.
“I came to tell you I’m sorry. You were right. I was wrong. I’ve been doing my research. I’ve learned a lot I didn’t know before. Yes, it’s true some women with asthma have a hard time during pregnancy. Some women without asthma have a hard time, too. But that doesn’t stop them for getting pregnant and having babies.
“There are all kinds of safeguards like careful fetal monitoring d
uring delivery. The majority of asthma patients do fine. I can’t worry about everything. If you’ve taught me anything it’s to take chances. I’m going to lead a normal life. Better than normal, if I have you.” She threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. Hoping against hope that he hadn’t changed his mind.
He held her by the shoulders and looked deep into her eyes and she saw his love burning brightly for her. He took her hand and pressed it against his heart. “Hear that?”
She heard it. She felt it and she knew the answer to the question she’d come here tonight to ask. “Will you marry me, Max?”
He grinned, his smile dazzling in the moonlight. “I’ll marry you right here in this garden where we met, my Sleeping Beauty.”
“I’ve changed since then,” she said, looking deep into his eyes. “I’ve learned to swim for one thing. And I’ve learned to take chances. If you want children, we’ll do whatever it takes.”
“I’ve changed, too. I’ve learned to deal with the past. I’ve learned that growing up with parents who should have gotten divorced wasn’t reason enough to give up on love and marriage. I knew I didn’t want to be unhappy like them, or poor like them. But when I got enough money it still wasn’t enough. What I needed was love and understanding. I never thought I’d find it until I met you.”
She hugged him tightly. Her throat hurt with the tears she choked back. “I’ll never let you down, Max. I’ll love you forever.”
After a long time when they finally came up for air, Sarah stepped out of Max’s arms. “I’ve got something to show you,” she said. Then she pulled her pale gown off over her head and walked to the edge of the pool, her bare body gleaming in the moonlight.
He gasped at the sight of her long legs, her hips and her breasts silhouetted against the night sky.
“Last one in is a rotten egg,” she said. With that she dove into the deep end.