by Tony Abbott
Klatoo’s head sparked. “Then prepare to die!”
VLAMMO! A sizzling purple blast shot off the alien’s helmet and screamed through the air at Jeff.
Jeff ducked and the beam whizzed past him. “I’m getting out of here!” He shot another blue blast, then tore across the street and down School Road.
“I’ll get you!” Klatoo shrieked. “King Greblak commands that I succeed! And I shall!”
VOONG! SHOOM! The sidewalk blasted apart behind Jeff as he raced through the doors of W. Reid Elementary. His friends were waiting for him.
“Did you get him good?” asked Sean. “Is he, you know, finished?”
Jeff chewed his lip. “Uh, not quite, but I think I slowed him down a little.” He turned to Mike. “Cabbages?”
Mike handed him two leafy bundles.
“Duct tape?” said Jeff.
Sean tossed him a roll of shiny black tape.
Jeff smiled. “Props,” he said, mysteriously. “Now to the auditorium!”
“Ahem! Not so fast!” boomed a voice from the shadows.
Principal Bell stepped out, his hands on his hips. His eyes were glassy. “Klatoo is our leader and our friend!”
“Uh-oh, I’ve got to override Klatoo’s thought beam with mine!” cried Jeff.
Zzzzz! He zapped Mr. Bell’s brain.
“But …” the man protested. He blinked. “Klatoo is our enemy! We must stop him!”
“The whole alien cabbage-head army is coming!” Liz told him.
“Shocking!” Mr. Bell announced. “Grover’s Mill is the loveliest of towns! It must survive!”
“I think we all agree about that.” Jeff smiled when he thought of the next part. “But we need your help, Principal Bell.”
The tall man folded his arms and stared down at Jeff. “My help, young man? Fighting the aliens? Hmmm. Yes, that would help my career. What can I do?”
“How musical are you, Mr. Bell?” asked Jeff. Then he beamed another thought beam into Mr. Bell’s brain.
Everyone charged for the auditorium.
Suddenly—KA-ZANG! Klatoo the Mezmo Head blasted the front doors off the school!
“So, you’ve chosen the battleground!” said the raspy-voiced alien through his tight green lips.
Klatoo leaned forward and hurled a super-powered Mezmo energy bolt at Jeff!
KA-ZOW!
Jeff quickly tossed the cabbage and the duct tape to Sean. Then he stuck out his hands and created a force field around himself. Klatto’s energy bolt bounced off and hit a water fountain instead. Water sprayed all over the hall.
“Heads up, Klatoo!” Jeff snarled, hurling his own blue bolt of energy at the alien.
“There’s a brainy suggestion,” Klatoo retorted, sending another beam.
“I hope you don’t mind!” Jeff said, floating to the ceiling and zapping back.
“Watch where you’re headed!” the alien cried. Another purple bolt shot from his head.
Sean stopped outside the auditorium. “How long can they keep this up?”
“Not much longer I hope,” said Liz, sliding down next to him. “It’s making me mental!”
10
Klatoo the Destroyer
But the two helmeted super beings could keep it up! As the school blew apart, Jeff—otherwise known as Cosmic Boy—matched Klatoo the Evil Mezmo Head from Zaldoon blast for blast!
“I’ve been thinking of you!” said Klatoo.
KA-BOOM!
“Here’s a wave,” said Jeff. “A brain wave!”
BA-ZANG!
“I’ve got an idea for you!” blurted Klatoo.
KROONCH!
Jeff dodged the shot. “Your mind is a blank!”
BOOMF!
“I think, therefore I blast!” shouted the alien.
“STOP IT!” yelled Liz.
But they couldn’t stop it. The energy was too great. Powerful fireballs blasted off the two great helmets. Whole chunks were being blown out of the school walls. It was a mess!
Skipping and dodging blast after alien blast, Jeff made his way to the auditorium.
“Jeff, get in here!” yelled Sean, dashing out into the hallway.
“Children everywhere!” Klatoo shouted, his head popping and buzzing. “I’ll even up the odds.” A purple fireball of energy started to form on his Mezmo Head. He aimed it at Sean. The air sparkled and sizzled.
“No!” screamed Jeff. “My friends aren’t for frying!” He flew across the hall and took the blast meant for his best friend. He took it right in the antennas!
KA—ZZZZZZZZ!
Jeff’s head jerked backward as the purple fireball hit. His antennas were as hot as … as … something really hot!
“Whoa! Barbecued head!” Sean gasped, flat on the floor. “Thanks, pal.”
But the force of the blast knocked Jeff to the wall with a terrible crunch. He tried to fire one of his light blue beams back at the alien.
Fzzz-zzz. Sproing! A wire from his Cosmic Boy helmet whizzed down and dangled in front of his nose.
“No!” Jeff groaned. “My powers! My powers! They’re … gone!”
At that exact moment Klatoo charged out of the shadows and rushed toward Jeff. “Prepare to die!” he cried, his lips growling into a grim grin.
“No!” shouted Liz. “Prepare to be entertained!” The auditorium doors burst open and Principal Bell and Mrs. Carbonese strutted out, both with accordions strapped on them. And both playing terribly. Weee-ooo-weee-ooo!
Klatoo turned to look at the two grown-ups. “Could it be? The sacred music of Zaldoon!”
In that half second, Jeff scrambled through the double doors and into the auditorium.
“Everybody!” he cried. “My helmet’s busted. I need some help!”
Mike raced over and looked at the snapped wires on the Cosmic Boy helmet. “I can fix this. I just need some time.”
Jeff glanced at the auditorium stage. “It’s show time!”
KA-BOOM! The door burst open and Mr. Bell and Mrs. Carbonese raced in. “I don’t think we play well enough for him!” cried the principal, dashing over and huddling in a distant corner.
“Sean, up here with me! Mike, fix my head!” Jeff called to his friends. “We’ve got to do this!” He jumped up on the stage and nodded to Holly and Liz. “Places everyone!”
The two girls dashed over to the light box and threw a big switch.
The auditorium was plunged into darkness.
Sean and Mike scrambled behind the box on the stage with the curtain in front.
Jeff grabbed the cabbages and the tape and dived through the curtains and onto the throne at the back of the box.
Mike stuck his hands through the back curtains, grabbed Jeff by the helmet, and began working on the wires. Sean poked his head through next to Jeff’s. Everyone was in position.
WHAM! The rear auditorium doors swung open with a bang and Klatoo entered. His helmet sizzled and sparked in the darkened room.
“Where are you, earthling children?” the alien uttered, walking slowly down the center aisle.
“Lights!” yelled Jeff from inside the box.
FLINK! A bright hot spotlight shone down from the ceiling right on Klatoo’s green face.
“Bweeeep!” he screeched. “I can’t see!”
Whoosh! The curtains in front of the box on the stage were pulled aside. Sitting there in the dim light was Jeff. On his shoulder, poking through from behind, was Sean’s head. Both of them were covered with large green cabbage leaves stuck on with duct tape.
They looked just like an alien. Just like—
“King Greblak!” Klatoo’s wide yellow eyes grew wider and yellower. “You’re … here?”
“Yeah,” said Jeff. “I mean, yesssss!” he intoned in as deep a voice as he could.
Klatoo approached slowly. Liz and Holly kept the bright spotlight trained right on Klatoo. His big yellow eyes squinted at Jeff and Sean, trying to get a better look.
“But, King Greblak, why are you no
t dressed in the traditional Zaldoonian uniform?” the alien asked.
Jeff began to sweat. He felt the sweat seeping down under his cabbage leaves.
“Are you saying you don’t like my outfit?” Sean asked sweetly.
“No, no, my king!” Klatoo answered. “Forgive me, I—”
“Forgive you?” Jeff exploded. “But you haven’t conquered Earth yet!”
Mike continued to fiddle with the damaged wires on Jeff’s helmet.
Klatoo’s yellow eyes blinked in the bright spotlight. “There are hands behind one of your wondrous heads, oh great one.”
“Uh …” mumbled Jeff. “Uh … but enough about me! Why isn’t Earth ready?”
Klatoo bowed his Mezmo Head. “The earthlings … they are mighty, King Greblak.”
“We are?” yelled Sean from beneath his leafy disguise. “Yahoo! The cabbage dude thinks we’re mighty! He thinks—“ Sean stopped. Klatoo’s big yellow eyeballs began to burn. “Ooops,” said Sean quietly.
“Earthling children!” shrieked Klatoo. “You dare to impersonate the great King Greblak of Zaldoon? You … pish-posh!”
KKKK! The alien’s helmet began to pop and spark and sputter. It flared and flamed.
A huge fireball shot up from the Mezmo Head helmet at the same instant as Mike jumped up and shouted, “Jeff, your head is fixed!”
In a flash, Jeff bolted from the throne and fired his ultimate and final and ultra and mega Cosmic Boy blast!
KLA—BLAMMMMMMO!
11
Just Normal Weird
KA—WHOOOOOOOOM!
A ball of white-hot flame exploded in the auditorium of W. Reid Elementary School and blew out into the hallway.
Jeff’s plastic helmet took the blast hard. It burst into a thousand pieces, and he went hurtling out of the auditorium at incredible speed.
“Ugh! Ouch! Umph! Whoa! Crunch!”
When the explosion died down, a lone figure staggered up the hall. “Ohhh! My Mezmo Head! I have failed! I have dishonored my great King Greblak!” Klatoo’s futuristic Mezmo Head helmet was melted down and smoking on his leafy green head.
“Whew!” said Sean, crawling out into the hall. “What is that smell?”
“Burnt cabbage,” muttered Liz, picking herself up from the floor next to Holly.
“It’s Klatoo!” shouted Jeff, jumping up from the floor. “We zapped his head! We won! We shorted him out! We won!”
Suddenly—RRRRRRRR! An eerie sound penetrated the school from outside. Jeff and his friends ran out to the sidewalk and looked up.
“Whoa!” gasped Sean. “It’s big!”
Big? It wasn’t big. It was enormous! And round! With thousands of lights on it!
“Oh, no, a spaceship!” cried Mike. “We’re doomed. We defeated Klatoo, but we’re too late. His alien friends are here! All is lost!”
The enormous round spaceship billowed slowly out of the clouds like some special effect in a super-expensive Hollywood movie.
The ship hovered over Grover’s Mill. The entire town grew dark in its shadow.
VRRRT! An opening appeared in the bottom of the hull. Piercing green light flooded from the opening onto the sidewalk in front of the school.
“It’s going to fire!” yelled Holly. “Take cover!”
But Jeff didn’t move. He knew what was going to happen. He watched as the light flared brighter and brighter. Then a single beam of green light shot down at Klatoo, the Mezmo Head from Zaldoon.
“Now he’s going to get it,” Jeff said to himself.
Klatoo floated up the beam and into the giant ship. He moaned the whole way up.
“It’s taking him away!” shouted Holly.
Jeff could hear Klatoo being yelled at because he couldn’t control the kids’ brains. “Too full of stuff!” Jeff heard Klatoo plead. But it was no good. King Greblak was yelling really loud.
“Ahem!” Principal Bell stormed out of the school, his accordion still strapped on. “If they are trying out for our play, I’m afraid tryouts are only for students from our school.”
Sean raced over. “Hey, everybody! The song! I remember it now!” Sean sang as Mr. Bell played.
His fingers, they
Command the stars
From Pluto all
The way to Mars
Space Ahoy!
Cosmic Boy!
VOOOOOM! The spaceship left. It sucked up Klatoo’s alien tower with the saucer on top. Main Street uncurved itself.
Jeff smiled at his friends. “I’m not Cosmic Boy anymore,” he said, scratching his head for the first time since that morning. “But I’m sort of glad.”
“Amazing,” said Liz after it was all over. “We just can’t get away from it, can we? I mean, no matter what happens to it, Grover’s Mill is here to stay.”
“I always knew it would be,” said Mike.
Jeff kept scratching his head. It felt so good. He looked down Main Street, straight once again. People were starting to fill the shops, the restaurants. Soon it would look just as it had that morning. “Maybe it’s not so incredibly weird, after all.”
Bong! The Double Dunk Donut Den’s donut-shaped clock chimed the hour.
Sssss! Steam rose from Usher’s House of Pancakes’ giant pan into a cloudless sky.
A sky with no spacecraft in it. For now.
“Right, Jeff,” said Sean. “Just normal everyday weird.”
Turn the page to continue reading from the Weird Zone series
1
Non-Weirdness
Sitting alone on the top row of bleachers, Liz Duffey looked out over the baseball field behind W. Reid Elementary School.
“First day of summer vacation,” she said to herself. “First Monday with no school. First baseball game. Incredible sunshine. This is all so—”
“Odd!” yelled a voice below her. “Odd-odd-odd!”
Liz frowned. “That’s not what I was going to say … for once.” She turned to see Mike Mazur and Holly Vickers standing behind home plate.
“I’m odd,” Mike insisted, holding one hand behind his back, ready to choose sides for the game.
“You’re odd, all right, Mike,” Holly said with a laugh. “So I guess I’ll be even. Ready? Set. Go!” She thrust out her hand, showing three fingers.
Mike stuck out two fingers. “Ha! The odd team wins! I choose Liz and we’re up first.” He smiled up at Liz.
Liz made a face at him as she jumped down the bleacher steps to the field. “Oh, goody, I’m on the odd team. What I always wanted.”
“Don’t let it get you down, Liz,” Holly joked. “Odd is pretty normal around here.”
Holly’s brother Sean strolled up to the plate with Jeff Ryan. “Odd, even. Why do we have to do math during the summer?”
Liz chuckled and handed a glove to Jeff.
“Baseball is the absolute coolest game,” said Sean. He dropped a pair of bats and ground a brand-new baseball between his palms.
Bong! The Double Dunk Donut Den’s donut-shaped clock on Main Street chimed the hour.
Sssss! The pancake pan sitting high above Usher’s House of Pancakes steamed the hour, too.
“And now it’s official,” Liz said, picking up one of Sean’s bats. “Time to play ball!”
Holly pulled on a glove and took up her position at first base. Sean trotted to the pitcher’s mound and began to stretch. Jeff strode out between second and third to his favorite position of shortstop.
“Blast one out to left field,” Mike said, crouching behind the plate to catch for Liz. “You’ll get a good triple at least.”
Liz swung the bat around and nodded. “My dad told me that centuries ago this field had all kinds of caves running under it. Tunnels and pits and stuff that people used to live in.”
Liz’s father, Kramer Duffey, was an archaeologist who dug holes and found prehistoric fossils and artifacts all around Grover’s Mill.
“Caves?” Mike mumbled. “That’s weird.”
From home plate Liz could
see all the way north of town to the secret army base. Jeff Ryan’s mother worked there. In the east was the Humongous Horror Movie Studios where Mr. Vickers made scary low-budget films. And in the west was one of her father’s archaeological sites.
“Sure it’s weird.” Liz tapped the plate with the bat. “That’s because Grover’s Mill is right in the center of a giant triangle of weirdness. It’s obviously been that way forever.”
Mike laughed, pounding his glove with his fist. “At least since people used to live in those caves. Hey, wouldn’t it be great if today turned out to be the first non-weird day? I mean, there’s a first time for everything.”
Liz tapped the plate again. She knew what he meant. Their town had had a lot of first times.
The first time zombie Martians attacked the earth was in Grover’s Mill. The first time a prehistoric dinosaur egg hatched out a living dinosaur was there. The first time octopus monsters from Planet X landed was there, too.
But the first non-weird day?
Tap! Tap! Liz tapped the plate again. The sounds echoed beneath her.
“Get ready to strike out!” Sean yelled, starting his windup.
Liz pounded the plate again, a little harder.
Boom! The ground rumbled deeply beneath the plate. It shuddered and quaked.
“Whoa! Did you hear that?” Liz said.
Mike stood up and frowned at the ground. “Sounds hollow …”
Liz pounded the plate some more. Boom-boom-boom! The ground around them started to shake and shift. Their legs wobbled as they tried to keep their balance.
“This isn’t right.” Mike threw down his glove and picked up the other bat. He started to pound the plate, too.
“Hey!” Jeff shouted. “One batter at a time.”
But with every hit of the two bats, the ground rumbled and boomed louder and more deeply.
“Stop joking, you guys!” Sean yelled. “My fastball is gonna slow down if we don’t start!”
“But—it’s hollow under here!” Liz shouted.
RRRRR! The earth rumbled sharply. It swelled under the plate and shifted with a suddenness that caught Mike off balance.
“M-M-Mike, watch out! C-c-c-cave in!” Liz stammered. “The g-g-g-ground!”