Nathan released my hand and clasped his fingers at the back of his neck. ‘I’ve been so stupid. I should have known something like this would happen. Everyone told me to stay away from Alfie, but I didn’t listen.’
Nathan’s dark eyes searched mine while he waited for me to speak, but I had nothing to say and felt suffocated by the silence. I had to get out of the room. I couldn’t stay and watch Nathan’s Oscar-winning self-pitying performance. Did he expect me to feel sorry for him after what he’d put me through?
When I stepped out into the corridor, tears sprang into my eyes and trickled down my cheeks. As I walked, my tears flowed freely, and I struggled to hold it together. I leant against the window in the lobby and watched a magical sight. Steam was rising from the bright blue outdoor pool, while snow fell all around it. I wondered what it would be like to swim in water as warm as a bath when the air around you was below zero.
‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’ Alfie said as he came to a stop beside me.
‘Yes,’ I replied, still gazing at the pool and the view of the alpine scenery beyond it. Mont Blanc looked spectacular bathed in shades of pink by the setting sun. The mountain seemed to possess hypnotic qualities. As I watched the colours change, for a moment, I almost forgot all my troubles.
‘Why have you been crying?’ When Alfie touched my cheek with his fingertips, he brought me out of my daydream. ‘Nathan’s upset you again, hasn’t he? I’ve had enough of this. I’m going to sort him out.’
‘Please don’t.’ I met Alfie’s blue eyes with a panicked stare. I knew he was serious, and much as I was furious with Nathan, I didn’t want to see him come to any harm.
*
Dinner had been pure torture tonight. An awkward atmosphere hung in the air. The whole time we were eating, Alfie was eyeballing Nathan, silently challenging him, looking for any opportunity to start a fight. Nathan responded by drinking himself into oblivion while the rest of us sat back and watched. This evening couldn’t be over soon enough for me.
‘I’m going to bed,’ I said, pushing my chair back from the table.
‘Wait for me, Gem,’ Nathan slurred, stumbling to his feet.
I walked out of the restaurant, while behind me, Nathan was doing the drunken stagger of a man who’d had a few too many. Bundling him into the lift, I pressed the button for the third floor, then guided him along the corridor, to stop him from bumping into the walls. I opened our door and then helped my intoxicated husband get into bed. I wasn’t happy. What a waste of an evening. But the only blessing was, as soon as his head hit the pillow, Nathan fell sound asleep.
A knock on the door made me jump, and I hurried to open it, in case it woke Nathan. Alfie stood in the corridor, holding a bottle of champagne and two long-stemmed glasses.
‘Care to join me?’ he asked, leaning against the doorframe.
My head said, ‘no chance,’ but that’s not what came out of my mouth. ‘OK.’ I knew I shouldn’t go to Alfie’s room alone, but I wanted to get him as far away from Nathan as possible.
*
Once inside Alfie’s suite, he popped the cork, poured a steady stream of tiny bubbles into a glass and handed it to me.
‘I want to get to know you. Tell me about yourself, Gemma.’
Alfie ran a smooth finger under my jaw, and I flinched at his touch. Without taking his eyes off me, he took a seat in one of the plush velvet armchairs and relaxed into it. I sat down opposite him, bolt upright, feeling like I was about to be interviewed for a job.
‘What do you want to know?’
‘Everything. Start at the beginning. Where did you grow up?’
‘London,’ I replied, as I watched the bubbles in my glass race each other to the surface.
Alfie laughed. ‘You don’t give much away, do you? London’s a big place. What part?’
‘Richmond.’
‘Very nice, so you grew up rubbing shoulders with Mick Jagger and the likes, did you?’
‘Hardly.’ I swallowed down my anxiety lump. I knew Alfie wanted the warts and all full-length version of my life, but I was struggling to suppress my nerves, so all I could give him was one-word answers. I kept having flashbacks to the night I’d slept with him.
‘Daddy must have a few quid then?’
I shrugged and hoped he wouldn’t probe any further.
‘Come on, Gemma, what’s the big secret? If you’d said you grew up in Tower Hamlets, I’d let it drop, but your family obviously have money. Tell me about them.’
I let out a long sigh. ‘There’s not much to tell.’ I didn’t want to go into details. If I told him about my childhood, it would sound like I was having a one-woman pity party, and I didn’t want his sympathy.
‘Are you an only child?’
‘No… I have a sister,’ I offered reluctantly.
Alfie straightened his posture. ‘So tell me about her. Is she older or younger?’
‘Rebecca’s two years younger than me. She’s married and has two perfect children.’ I tried to keep my tone light when I handed over the information but felt like I’d just introduced myself at an alcoholics anonymous meeting.
Alfie laughed. ‘Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m sensing there’s some underlying tension between you two. Don’t tell me she’s the golden child and your parents constantly compare you to each other.’
He’d hit the nail on the head, but I wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that. Rebecca had become a clone of my parents, and because I wasn’t, they thought I was the black sheep of the family. But if you asked me, I was the only normal one. ‘Sorry to disappoint you, but that’s not the case.’
‘So are you two close then?’
‘Not really.’ I didn’t want to add that I hadn’t seen her since I got engaged to Nathan twelve years ago when I was eighteen.
‘Why not?’ Alfie sipped his champagne and studied me like he was analysing me during a counselling session.
‘There’s no particular reason; we just don’t see eye to eye.’
‘Doesn’t that bother you?’
‘No.’
I used to regret the distance between us, but the emotional bond is missing, so you can’t force it, can you? I turned my head away, desperate to break free of his interrogating stare. Alfie leant back in his chair and studied me for a moment while finishing the champagne in his glass.
‘So if your family are wealthy…’ Alfie continued, refilling both our drinks. I knew what was coming next before he even asked the question. ‘Why haven’t you asked for their help?’
‘Because I didn’t want to.’
Even in the depths of my despair, I wasn’t tempted to reach out to my family. Severing the ties of the toxic relationship that brought me nothing but angst was the best thing I’d ever done. I’d never regretted my decision for one minute. The experience had been empowering, and no matter how desperate things had become recently, I knew that making peace with them wasn’t the answer. Alfie’s intrusion into my private life was irritating me. I couldn’t wait for the probing questions to stop.
‘Are you always this guarded?’
‘I’m not guarded.’
‘So let me in on the secret then. Tell me why you didn’t ask Mummy and Daddy to bail you out. There must be more to it.’
I could tell him the real reason, but I knew I wasn’t going to. I didn’t want Alfie to know that my family cut me off because they were disappointed in my choice of partner. They didn’t approve of Nathan and thought he was a liability. My parents told me that if I married him, they would write me out of their will. That was fine by me; I didn’t want their money. I hadn’t had any contact with them since that day, and I had no desire to rekindle our relationship. I was better off without them in my life.
‘It’s a long story.’
‘Luckily for you, I’ve got time to hear it.’
I let out another sigh and sat in silence for several minutes, hoping he’d get the message. I didn’t want to talk about it, but I c
ould see Alfie wasn’t going to let it drop.
‘In all honesty, we didn’t expect the debt to spiral out of control the way it did. When Nathan first borrowed the money, we didn’t know you were going to keep increasing the interest rate. If you hadn’t, we’d have paid off the debt by now. Anyway, I prefer to do things my way. If I allow someone to help me, it means I lose control of the situation.’ My barrier was firmly back in place.
‘I’m impressed that you don’t go running to your parents to fix your problems. You’re fiercely independent, aren’t you?’ Alfie’s face broke into a grin.
‘I suppose I am.’ I shrugged my shoulders. ‘I was taught to stand on my own two feet from an early age,’ I admitted.
‘I can see that.’ Alfie nodded. ‘You’ve been brought up on tough love.’ Alfie crossed his arms and looked at me.
My eyes began to mist up when I thought about it. If only he knew how true that statement was. ‘It hasn’t done me any harm.’ Hopefully, if I told myself that enough times, I’d start to believe it.
‘That still doesn’t explain why you didn’t borrow the money from your parents in the beginning.’
Alfie was like a dog with a bone. He was never going to let this drop, but no matter how much he persisted, I wasn’t going to tell him the truth. ‘I’d never ask for their help because they’d see it as a sign of weakness.’
‘You’re not weak, Gemma; but you’re stubborn. Look at the situation you’re in because you were too proud to ask Daddy to open his wallet.’
‘I’d rather be in this situation than ask for a handout.’
‘I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe you’ve put yourself through all of this instead of just asking for your family’s help. Poor little rich girl.’ Alfie threw his head back and laughed.
I felt the hairs stand up on the back of my neck, so I pushed my chair back from the table and stood up. ‘I would never stoop so low as to ask them for money.’ The words tasted bitter. Sometimes I hide behind a bolshie exterior because I have a deep-seated fear of not being good enough. Other people’s disapproval terrifies me. I have my parents to thank for that.
‘I was only joking,’ Alfie said. Reaching up, he covered my hand with his, realising he’d overstepped the mark.
I pulled my hand away and gave him the evil eye. After taking a deep breath, I sat back down and continued to speak. ‘It was never an option to ask them for money, so do me a favour and just drop it.’ I needed to steer him onto a different subject. I didn’t want to have this conversation. ‘I told you about my family, why don’t you tell me about yours?’
Alfie wagged a finger at me and the corners of his mouth lifted. ‘All in good time.’
Taking that as my cue to leave, I stood up from my seat and glanced at my watch. It was late. ‘I should go.’
‘What’s the hurry?’ Alfie said, taking another bottle of champagne out of the ice bucket and popping the cork.
Alfie was making me flustered, so I weaved my fingers through my hair and swept it back into a ponytail. Then I let it fall over my shoulders, hoping I’d appear relaxed. Alfie put the bottle down, pulled me towards him, and placed his hands on the table either side of me, pinning me in front of him.
‘Are you sure I can’t persuade you to stay?’ he whispered in my ear.
Alfie’s breath felt hot on my neck. He ran his fingers up my thigh. Panic gripped me with an iron fist when he slipped his hand under my dress and pulled my knickers down. It was all happening so quickly. One minute we were talking and the next he was taking my clothes off. It was time to leave.
I couldn’t betray Nathan again, so I pushed him away as hard as I could before retrieving my underwear from the floor. I felt like a hooker. Alfie raised an eyebrow and studied me intently as if he was trying to see what was going on in my mind. I was all fingers and thumbs as I hurried to put my underwear back on. Alfie kept eye contact with me while he poured us both a drink. He gave me a lust-filled look as he handed me the glass.
‘You asked me about my family earlier, what do you want to know?’ Alfie said carrying on as if nothing had happened.
I didn’t want to engage in small talk with Alfie, I wanted to go back to my room. But I knew if I didn’t tread carefully, he’d make sure Nathan would find out that we’d slept together. So I pasted on a false smile and took a sip of my drink instead.
‘Everything, but I’ll settle for whatever you’re willing to tell me.’
Alfie laughed. ‘That’s a good answer. Let’s start with Rosa. My dad was in love with her. He never gave a shit about my mum the whole time they were married, because he was obsessed with Rosa.’ Alfie knocked back the contents of his glass. ‘He’d make us sit in the restaurant for hours on end when we were kids just so he could be near her.’
‘Mamma Donatella’s?’ I asked, raising an eyebrow.
‘Yeah, my dad owns the place.’ Alfie refilled our champagne then sat down on the velvet chair.
‘I always thought it belonged to Donatella and Bernardo.’
‘No, it happens to be one of Jethro Watson’s legitimate businesses.’
His answer brought another question to my mind. ‘Does Nathan know your dad owns it?’
Alfie shrugged his shoulders. ‘I doubt it.’
I smiled across at Alfie. ‘You were so tight-lipped about how you knew Rosa. I thought there was going to be a mysterious dark secret behind it, not a simple case of infatuation.’
Alfie glanced up and met my eye. ‘There’s a bit more to the story than that.’
‘Don’t keep me in suspense then.’ I was eager to hear more.
Alfie smiled. ‘Maybe some other time.’
62
Gemma
Nathan was sitting up in bed, waiting for me when I open the door of our suite. My heart began pounding when I saw him. I thought he’d still be asleep.
‘Where have you been?’ Nathan asked in the tone of an angry father.
‘I went for a walk.’
‘Dressed like that! There’s snow on the ground, Gemma.’
Realising the red satin cocktail dress and high court shoes I was wearing had exposed me as a liar, I had little option but to offer another explanation. I couldn’t tell him where I’d been. ‘If you must know I was having a drink with Alfie and Tommy,’ I snapped, feeling the need to fabricate the truth. Hopefully, Nathan wouldn’t be suspicious if he thought the three of us had been together.
‘Until five o’clock in the morning?’
Nathan went silent. I was sure he didn’t believe me. The way he stared at me with his sad, dark eyes made me nervous. Doubt was written all over his face. I lay down next to him and turned onto my side, so I didn’t have to look at him. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep; my mind was buzzing, replaying the conversation we’d just had. My gut instinct told me Nathan knew about Alfie. Why had I cheated on him? I might have been drunk, but what was I thinking of?
For a huge portion of my life, Nathan had been the only person who mattered to me. I was seventeen when we met, and within two months we’d moved in together, much to my parents’ horror. He gave my self-esteem a much-needed transfusion, filling my heart with so much happiness, it lifted me up and made everything better.
I lay in the darkness, trying to sleep when the phone on the bedside table buzzed as a new message came through.
You and Nathan have got no future together. Come to my room. We need to talk x
‘What does he want now?’ Nathan asked.
‘He didn’t say, but he wants to see me.’
Hurry up, Gemma x
*
My feet dragged along the corridor as I made my way back to Alfie’s room. I didn’t want to go, but I was scared he’d tell Nathan about us if I didn’t.
When Alfie opened his door, his eyes lit up at the sight of me. He pulled me into the room and tried to kiss the side of my neck. I swerved sideways and stepped back to put some distance between us.
I let out a long sigh. It was har
d living a double life. I hated lying to my husband. My emotions were engaged in an internal battle. Would he forgive me if I came clean and told him I’d had a drunken one-night stand with Alfie? Deep down, I knew the answer. It would destroy him if he found out.
‘Things would be a lot easier for you and me with Nathan out of the picture. Have you ever thought about leaving him?’
I stared at Alfie with wide eyes. I thought I’d made it clear that there was no us. I wasn’t going to leave my husband for him. Nathan was my first serious boyfriend. We’d become so ingrained in each other over the years, as far as I was concerned – in spite of my recent doubts – splitting up wasn’t an option. I just hoped if Nathan found out he would agree with me.
The pulse began pounding in my temple. I couldn’t bear to think about losing the love of my life. It was true our marriage was in trouble, and I’d spent a worrying amount of time questioning our future before I’d ended up in Alfie’s bed. But I knew now I’d slept with him in a moment of madness. I’d made a terrible mistake, and I bitterly regretted cheating on my husband. It had made me realise how important Nathan was to me, and the last thing I wanted was for us to go our separate ways.
‘I can give you the best of everything; you’ll never have to worry about money ever again.’
There was more to life than money. Everything was crystal clear in my mind now. I wanted to get my marriage back on track and stay with my husband. I didn’t want to be with Alfie. The most frightening thing about all of this was I knew he was going to use the fact that we’d had sex as a weapon against me. Why had I been so stupid?
‘I’ll make sure you have an amazing life,’ Alfie said.
I knew he was waiting for me to speak. The problem was I couldn’t think of anything to say, so the silence dragged on. I needed some space to try and process my thoughts. I looked back at Alfie as I left his room, and he flashed me a pure white smile.
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