I wasn’t sure with whom I was more angry, Alfie or my mum. The morning couldn’t come soon enough for my liking. I needed to confront both of them. If Alfie’s version of events was correct, I’d grown up believing a lie. That was unforgivable. My mum would have some explaining to do. I deserved to know the truth.
I’d only ever heard my mum’s side of the story, and there was a good chance that wasn’t accurate. So now I didn’t know what to think. I’d grown up believing my dad was a bad man and spent most of my childhood completely hating him for abandoning me and not being part of my life. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. If my dad had been behind bars during my childhood, that would explain why he didn’t keep in contact with me. Why hadn’t my mum let me go and visit him? His absence had affected my whole life.
Now I was convinced my mum had been lying to me. The issues I had been holding on to for all those years were her fault. I stopped asking about my dad because she’d get upset if I mentioned him. Mum had made it clear she didn’t want to rake over painful memories. The experience had been so awful, she wanted to forget it. Out of loyalty to her, I respected that.
Anger was building up inside me. I wasn’t sure how I would react when I spoke to my mum. I needed to hear her out, but it was going to be hard to keep a lid on my temper if I found out she’d lied to me.
Even if Alfie’s account turned out not to be true, I was suddenly curious to find out about the father I never knew. I wanted to contact him and hear his side of the story. I hoped it wasn’t too late for us to start building bridges.
As I lay in the dark staring at the ceiling, my thoughts turned to Alfie and his family. The Watsons had taken my dad away, they had almost put an end to my marriage, and now they were going to destroy my relationship with my mum. What else did they want from me? When would their grudge be settled?
85
Gemma
It was barely seven o’clock in the morning when Nathan began hammering on Alfie’s cabin door with his fist. He still had his hand clenched when Alfie opened it.
‘What the fuck do you want?’ Alfie said, getting up in Nathan’s face.
‘Is it true?’ Nathan asked. His eyes blazed with fury.
Alfie beamed from ear to ear.
I stood behind them in the corridor, watching the drama unfold.
‘I need to phone my mum.’
‘Feeling homesick, are you?’ To taunt Nathan, Alfie began sucking his thumb.
Nathan flew into a rage and pushed Alfie backwards into his cabin. By the time I made it into the room, they were taking it in turns to shove each other in the chest. No words were spoken, but their rivalry had reached a new height. I got between the two of them so I could stop the fight before it started. Turning my back on Alfie, I put my hands on Nathan’s forearms and looked up into his face.
‘Please calm down.’
Nathan couldn’t disguise the look of fury on his face. His eyes burned with hatred for the man in front of him.
I turned back to face Alfie. I was well aware that if I asked a favour, it was going to come at a price, but I’d have to worry about that later. I needed to help my husband. ‘Please let Nathan make a call. He needs to speak to his mum urgently.’
I looked Alfie straight in the eye while I waited for his reply. There was something about the way he stared at me that set an alarm off in my head, but I pushed my unease to the back of my mind. Finally, he broke eye contact, walked over to the far side of the cabin and after entering the combination on the safe, he opened the door to it. Alfie took out Nathan’s mobile. He stood with his back to us while he considered whether to give it to him.
‘You can phone Rosa as long as you put her on speakerphone. Go out to the saloon,’ Alfie said as he crossed the room.
Nathan took the phone out of Alfie’s hand, but when he took a seat at the table, he realised his phone was out of charge. It hadn’t been used for months. He rolled his eyes and let out a loud sigh. Tossing the mobile in front of him, he put his head in his hands. Alfie went to get a charger, and while he waited, Nathan drummed his fingers on the polished wood. I sat down next to my husband and covered his hand with mine. Nathan pulled away and placed his hands behind his head to stretch out his neck. It seemed to take an eternity for the phone to boot. As soon as it came to life, he selected WhatsApp, scrolled down to Rosa’s entry, hit the video symbol and called her number.
‘Put her on speakerphone, Nathan,’ Alfie said, taking a seat opposite him.
Rosa picked up after a couple of rings, and her face appeared on the phone’s screen.
‘I’ve been so worried about you. Are you OK?’ Rosa asked.
‘Why didn’t you tell me Dad had been sent to prison?’ Nathan’s tone was so frosty it had a Siberian winter’s edge to it.
Colour rushed to Rosa’s face before she adopted a deadpan expression. Then she took a deep breath to compose herself. ‘It happened a long time ago when you were a baby.’
Nathan crossed his arms and glared at his mother. Her admission confirmed that Alfie was telling the truth. ‘So, Dad didn’t leave us to set up home with another woman then.’
Rosa looked away as a wave of embarrassment swept over her.
‘Why did you tell me that?’ Nathan asked through clenched teeth.
‘I didn’t want you to know the truth. I thought it would be easier for you to accept.’
‘Easier for you, maybe. I’ve got no time for Dad because I grew up thinking he’d abandoned us.’
‘He had.’ Rosa threw her hands in the air.
‘Why was he sent to prison?’
‘I’m sorry, but I don’t feel comfortable talking about it.’ Rosa looked sheepish.
Nathan locked eyes with his mother. ‘I think I have a right to know.’
I glanced over at Alfie when I heard him crack his knuckles. He was relaxing back in his chair with a smile on his face.
Rosa let out a long sigh.
‘Please tell me what happened. It’s not fair to keep this from me.’
‘Your father attempted to rob a Securicor van while it delivered cash to the bank. He punched the guard so hard it knocked his helmet off.’ Rosa’s eyes glazed over as she spoke.
Rosa’s words appeared to hit Nathan like a steam train. He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. ‘You accused me of keeping secrets from you, and then you drop a bombshell like that. I think it’s about time you told me the rest,’ Nathan replied, struggling to keep his tone calm.
‘Gareth and his partner pointed a loaded, sawn-off shotgun at the poor man. They demanded money and threatened to blow his head off if he refused to hand it over,’ Rosa sobbed.
It was horrible to see Rosa break down. I wished I’d been able to comfort her. Nathan clearly knew their conversation was distressing her, but he needed to know the truth.
‘When the guard told them there wasn’t any money, Gareth shot him.’ Rosa began to tremble.
‘Did he survive?’
‘Yes, the bullet went through his hand and into his thigh, but they could have killed him.’
Nathan shook his head. He didn’t know what to say. ‘Did Dad get sent away for a long time?’
‘Yes, following his trial at the Old Bailey, he was sentenced to twenty-four years.’ Rosa let out a long breath as she finished her sentence, clearly relieved that her confession was over.
‘I wish you’d told me the truth about Dad instead of letting me grow up believing a lie.’ Nathan crossed his arms in front of his chest.
‘I was trying to protect you.’ Rosa looked into her son’s eyes.
‘By letting me think Dad had deserted us?’ Nathan’s brows knitted together in a frown.
‘He had, twenty-four years is a lifetime. Your father wasn’t going to be part of your life. Does it matter that I didn’t tell you the real reason?’ A flash of anger crossed Rosa’s face as she spat out the words.
‘Of course it matters. You lied to me; you said D
ad left you for another woman.’
There was a tense atmosphere between mother and son. Nathan’s nostrils flared. I knew he was close to flying into a rage, but instead, he clenched his jaw to stop himself from saying any more. Rosa’s body stiffened as she glared back at him.
‘In some ways, it would have been easier if he had. I had to raise you on my own, Nathan. You’ll never understand how hard that was.’ Rosa spoke after a lengthy pause. ‘I don’t like talking about this. It brings back lots of painful memories.’ She hesitated. ‘I wouldn’t have got through it without Donatella and Bernardo. They’ve been a fantastic help over the years, both financially and emotionally.’
Although he was inwardly seething, Nathan didn’t want his silent anger to build up because he might say something he’d regret. ‘I feel gutted that I never had the chance to get to know Dad.’
‘You were better off without him.’ Rosa’s words had a bitter edge to them.
‘How can you say that?’ Nathan suddenly stood up. The anger he’d been trying to contain was now at boiling point. Without a proper release valve, he looked like he was about to explode. ‘I spent my whole life thinking he wanted nothing to do with me. That’s not fair, Mum. Why didn’t you take me to see him?’
‘I couldn’t.’ Rosa’s face appeared drawn, and the colour drained from it. ‘I wanted no part of the life he’d chosen for himself.’
‘So you made the decision to cut him out of my life, without stopping to consider how that would make me feel.’ Nathan narrowed his eyes, unable and unwilling to hide his fury.
Rosa looked at her son with sad, hollow eyes. ‘What Gareth did made me sick to my stomach. I couldn’t condone his behaviour, and I didn’t want you to spend your childhood visiting him behind bars. We never saw him again once he went to prison. I divorced him while he was serving his sentence.’ When she finished speaking, she lowered her face to the floor.
Nathan stared at his mother, and when she glanced up, they exchanged dark looks. He had always adored Rosa and found her a constant source of inspiration. He knew she’d struggled to bring him up alone and for that he respected her. But she should have told him the real reason his father wasn’t part of his life. Instead of letting him believe a lie. Nathan searched his mother’s face.
‘I know you found it hard to accept that Gareth wasn’t around, but you were never going to be able to have a normal relationship with him. He was behind bars the whole time you were growing up.’ Rosa’s lip twitched, and she tried to blink back tears.
‘Even though he was locked up, he was still my father. He always will be. Stopping me from having contact with him won’t change that.’
Rosa had tried to be both a mother and a father to Nathan so he wouldn’t feel like he was missing out on anything. But it was inevitable he’d find his father’s absence painful. She couldn’t shield him from that.
‘Maybe I shouldn’t have cut him out of our lives without consulting you, but you were only a baby. At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing.’ Rosa had an anguished look on her face that made her appear vulnerable.
‘When I was a kid, I resented you for letting him leave.’ Nathan saw his mother shed a silent tear and realised there was no point arguing with her. They were never going to agree on this. He put his hands behind his head and stared into the middle distance as he tried to come to terms with Rosa’s confession.
‘I’ve had many sleepless nights trying to work out why Gareth would do this to us. It took me a long time to come to terms with what he’d done. Even after all these years, I’m still angry with him. He let us both down.’ Rosa’s fragility dissipated as she spoke about her ex-husband. She regained her fighting spark when she talked about the situation that caused her so much pain.
‘Is he still in prison?’ Nathan asked in an emotionless voice.
‘I don’t know, and I don’t care.’ Rosa straightened her posture, and her barrier went back up as she retreated behind the emotional wall she’d built up over the years. ‘After what your father did, I had to start my life again without him.’
‘I wish you’d told me this sooner,’ Nathan said with disappointment written all over his face.
‘I intended to, but it never seemed to be the right time. I hope one day you’ll be able to forgive me.’
Rosa stared at her son on the screen. She wrapped one arm around herself while she waited for him to respond. But Nathan had no words, so he ended the call without replying. His mother had just broken his heart.
86
Nathan
Mixed emotions were coursing through my body, so I retreated to the cabin. I needed some privacy. So much had changed as a result of that phone call. I was having trouble processing it all.
My upbringing had undoubtedly left its mark on me. Growing up thinking one of your parents has abandoned you has a powerful effect on a person. It filled me with insecurity. I’d battled my demons all my life. Couples get divorced all the time, but that doesn’t mean the father stops seeing their kids. I’d never understood why mine had deserted me. Now I knew the truth.
I felt cheated. I’d been denied a relationship with my dad because of a decision my mum made when I was a baby. I realise that she couldn’t have consulted me at the time, but as soon as I was old enough, she should have told me what happened. The fact that everyone else found out before me only added to my pain. It felt like somebody had just poured salt on my open wound.
I couldn’t believe she’d bottled this up for all these years. I never had a clue she was keeping something so important from me. I could feel anger building up inside me when I thought about it. Then a pang of guilt pricked my conscience when I remembered my mum’s tortured face. Her brown eyes filled with tears when she finally came clean.
But upsetting her was unavoidable. If I hadn’t made her relive the experience and revisit the past she’d battled so hard to leave behind, she might never have told me about it. If she’d shared this with me, it might have helped her come to terms with it. I knew it hadn’t been easy for her either. My mum had lost her husband because of the Watsons.
My biggest regret was that Mum didn’t tell me the truth before I heard it from someone else. Keeping this a secret had damaged our relationship and, I’m sorry to say, I wasn’t sure we’d ever recover from it.
87
Gemma
The next few days passed by with as much excitement as watching paint dry. To say the atmosphere on the yacht was tense was an understatement. Nathan had withdrawn into himself, which was understandable given the size of his mother’s betrayal. I wanted to help him through the pain, but he needed to come to terms with the news on his own. So the best thing I could do was be patient and give him some space.
While we waited for Terry to collect the jewellery, we tried to kill time, but with nothing to do, it was testing everyone’s patience. Even though I hated staying in hotels, at least there was plenty to keep me occupied. I could feel my stress levels rising, now that I didn’t have a fully equipped gym and an Olympic-sized swimming pool at my disposal.
‘I’ve had enough of this shit,’ Alfie said.
Nathan and I glanced at each other, but nobody said a word.
‘Tommy, get Terry on the phone and tell him that if he doesn’t get his arse over here today, the deal’s off.’ Alfie moved his cigarette to the corner of his mouth as he paced up and down the saloon, frustrated by the delay.
‘Consider it done,’ Tommy replied. Pulling out his mobile, he went on deck to make the call.
‘Do you want me to get the yacht ready to sail, boss?’ Knuckles asked.
‘Yes, fill her up with fuel and get some supplies in. We’ll leave Boulogne tonight.’
‘Tonight?’ I questioned. Alfie’s words sent a shiver down my spine.
‘Yes, Gemma. Is that a problem?’ Alfie glared at me.
‘No,’ I replied, biting the side of my lip. I was shocked by his response. He never usually spoke to me like that. The stress was o
bviously getting to him.
*
I put my elbows on the table and locked eyes with Nathan. We knew what that meant. The time had come to put our plan into action. Nathan had come around to my idea of jumping ship. As it was already mid-afternoon, we’d need to get a move on. We had to be ready before the Lady Nora departed.
Tommy came back down the stairs, walked across the saloon and went to stand next to Alfie.
‘So what did the slimy little fucker have to say for himself then?’ Alfie asked before taking a long drag on his cigarette.
‘He said he’d be here around six.’
Alfie checked his watch. ‘That’s hours away.’
Nathan and I stared at each other. No words were needed. We knew we had to bag as much cash and jewellery as we could carry before Terry arrived so that when the opportunity presented itself, we could make a run for it. The idea sounded simple on paper, but it was full of pitfalls. Getting off the yacht without anyone noticing was going to be easier said than done. I pushed that thought to the back of my mind and forced myself to focus. We couldn’t afford to mess this up; we’d waited too long for this moment.
Alfie took another cigarette out of the packet and lit it with the butt of the one he was smoking, then he continued to pace backwards and forwards like a caged animal.
‘You look so stressed. Why don’t you try and relax?’ I said, turning around to face him.
‘If I wanted your opinion, I’d have asked for it,’ Alfie replied.
Narrowing his eyes, he glared at me, and I straightened my posture in response. When he got into my personal space, I suddenly wished I hadn’t said anything. Now would be a good time to learn to keep my mouth shut, I thought. Alfie looked like he was about to explode with anger and suggesting he should try and calm down had obviously had the reverse effect. Even though my intentions had been good, he was spoiling for an argument.
I was determined to stay strong, but my breathing became rapid, and I struggled to keep my emotions in check. This wasn’t the right time to show weakness. Alfie was a predator and thrived on overpowering his prey. On the verge of tears, I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down before I replied. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to annoy you. I was just stating a fact.’
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