by Jahquel J
“We’re like one big happy family,” he gleamed. The smile on my son’s face was priceless. To him, his world was complete and nothing or no one mattered.
“Thank you, baby,” he pecked me on the lips as I fed Yaya. “Look at daddy’s bugga boo,” he cooed at her.
“She’s so greedy,” I giggled. “Acting like a little piggy who hasn’t ate today.”
“All her little ass do is eat. Y’all gonna come down for a midnight snack and not wake me?”
“Boy, you were trying to feed the baby an empty bottle. Your midnight snacks go straight to my butt and thighs; I’m good with some water.”
“Shit, who said you can’t have ribs for a snack?”
“I can find a bunch of people who would disagree with you.” I placed the bottle down and put Yaya over my shoulder and burped her. Right away, she burped like she usually did. Gyan finished his milk and we headed back upstairs.
Gyan kissed Yaya and I tucked him in and placed a kiss in his forehead. “Love you, Mom.”
“Love you too, baby,” I smiled and closed his room door slightly. When I got back to the room, my laptop was put up, and Yoshon was in the bed smirking. “Oh no, I’m not being nasty tonight. You been wearing my ass out all week.”
“You right. Put the baby in the bed and come lay down with me,” he told me and I did what he said. Yaya was asleep in my arms for the walk upstairs. She would be asleep until around four in the morning. By then, I would be sleep and Yoshon could do that feeding. This little girl had me with bags in my eyes from all the night feedings. I was going to start keeping her butt up during the day so she could sleep through the night.
“She should be asleep for a few hours. I bought the bottle up and put it in the bottle warmer. When she gets up…” my voice trailed off because Yoshon covered my lips with his.
“Stop talking about the kids for a second. You always talking about what the kids need and not about yourself. I want to know how my woman is doing, how she feeling and what’s on her mind?” It was weird to answer that question because no one ever asked me that. Since Gyan had been born, I had been handling things, and no one ever asked me how I felt? When Yoshon asked me, it was so foreign to hear.
“I’m fine. I’ve been working on a book about my life. Well, not about my life, but it’s based loosely on my life.”
“Word? You gonna get it published?”
“I don’t know. It’s something I’m playing with right now. Other than that, I’ve been checking on your businesses, and they’re good. The tanning salon got a bad review the other day so I—”
“Golden, I wanna know about you, not my business. I want to know how you are doing, not anybody else, baby.”
“It’s hard, Yoshon. No one ever asks me that so I don’t know how to answer it.”
“Get used to having to answer that question. I want to know what’s going on with you and how you’re feeling. You’re not here to just raise our babies and help me run my business. You here as my sex slave too,” he joked, but I missed all of that with what he said.
“Our?”
“Yeah. Shit may seem like we’re moving fast, but what’s fast to others is our own pace. I’m about to be thirty-nine next month. I’m not trying to play these little cat and mice games with these women out here. I got something real staring me in my face. I don’t believe in coincidences, so I believe I was meant to cross paths with you that night.”
“I believe that too. I’m just so scared to love you. Loving you has the ability to destroy me if things go left.”
“Good thing we’re both right-handed,” he made light of the situation, as he always did when he knew I was about to get emotional.
“I’m serious. Our kids are involved. Yaya doesn’t know anything yet, so if we split, she won’t even know the woman she’s named after. With me? Gyan will question what happened to you. You’re one of his favorite people. I have everything to lose if this doesn’t work out.”
“Your problem is you’re so busy worried about what you have to lose. What about me? I’d lose another woman that I love and someone who loves and cares for my family like it’s her own. We both stand to lose a lot if this doesn’t work out. I don’t get into shit to fail, and this isn’t an exception. When I told you I loved you in California, I meant that shit. You got baggage? So what? I got arms to help you carry that shit. Long as you got me, I got you, baby.”
“You don’t know how much I love you, Yoshon. I’ve never felt like this about someone. The way you make me feel is unexplainable. When you have to go handle business, I’m waiting until I hear your car pull through the garage. I just love being with you.”
“Oh, you finally admitting you love me?”
“Shut up, stupid,” I hit him with the pillow. “Yes, I love you.”
“I gotta tell you something.” His face became serious.
“What? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” He started to explain to me all about his family’s cartel that he had just found out about. I listened to everything he said and didn’t past judgment. Yoshon never did come out right and tell me what he did for a living. I pulled the pieces together and figured it out myself. Here he was telling me everything that I had already knew.
“Wait what?” I blurted.
“I gotta go stay in Belize for a month or so to learn shit.”
“You’re going to actually take over?”
“Yeah. I have to.”
“Babe, this is what your family decided, not you. From how you describe it, Pit doesn’t even want it to happen.”
“She doesn’t, but she knows that I have to step up and take over. My uncle is in his seventies and wants to step down.”
“I don’t know. What about Yashleigh? What if something happens to you?”
“My uncle took over when he was twenty-five. You just heard me say he’s in his seventies,” he nonchalantly told me.
“You live in America, not Belize. It’s different here,” I panicked. I had finally got me a good man and didn’t want someone taking him away from me. This whole cartel talk had me worried and I didn’t want him to go through with it.
“How I move will have to change and shit. This is something I’m not asking your permission on. I have to do it and there’s no way I can decline. All I want to know is that you’ll be right there beside me and if something ever did happen to me, you would hold Yashleigh down?
“Without a question.” I stared into his eyes. “I still don’t like this.”
“Baby, God’s blessing all the trap niggas,” he chuckled and I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t stand this man. In this serious moment, he found a way to cause me to laugh and forget why I was worried in the first place.
“You make me sick.”
“Nah, I make you in love… I didn’t forget you said you love me,” he pointed out and I rolled my eyes.
“How long will you be gone for Belize?”
“How long we’ll be gone? Probably a month or two.”
“We? How do you expect me to uproot Gyan to a foreign country for two months? Babe, I don’t know about this. And what about Yaya? She’s a new baby traveling out the country.”
“Chill, mother hen. We’ll get Gyan’s tutor to come, and Yaya will be fine. I’m gonna make sure she’s straight.”
I sighed some and relaxed. No matter what, Yoshon was going to do what he needed to do. As his woman, he took my feelings into consideration. Still, he was going to do what needed to be done. I didn’t complain because I knew this man would never make a move that could end up hurting us. Everything he did was for his family, so I didn’t expect anything less. If me and the kids had to follow him to Belize, it was something that I was prepared to do. I could work and check on his businesses anywhere, and Gyan had a tutor we used in California that he loved, so I made a mental note to call and ask her if she was available. In the end, my man was going to take the role of being the head of his family’s cartel. I had to be there for him, and if it mean
t me getting a stamp on me and the kid’s passports, then so be it.
15
Hazel
Eight weeks. I was eight weeks pregnant and didn’t know what the hell to do. The little tiny thing had a heartbeat and it was strong too. That thing in there sounded like it was going to come busting out of my stomach. I couldn’t believe something so small could sound so large. The nurse had to keep assuring me that it was my baby and nothing was wrong with the baby. Denim was all smiles as he held Tailor and she tried to grab the machine the lady had in her hand. The moment was special, and if I wasn’t so freaked out and my anxiety wasn’t through the roof, I would have appreciated it more. Since we got back from Vegas, it had been back to business. We had things that we needed to handle with the baby and me getting the rest of my things from Yolani’s house. We hadn’t spoken since I left the house after she pulled the gun out on me. She didn’t know I actually went and got real married. This time, it was official because we got the certificate sent to us in the mail.
“You don’t just go and do things without your best friend,” Mo brought me back to reality as I did her nails. She had a date tonight and I had to make sure my girl was looking good. Lately, she had been dating one particular man that kept a smile on her face. Seeing her with a smile fixed on her lips did something to my soul. Mo had this glow about her recently that just set my soul on fire. She refused to bring him around and I understood. She didn’t want to jump the gun yet, and I respected that about her.
“I’m sorry for the tenth time. I’ve been back a month and you’re still bumping your gums about it.” I pulled on her hand.
“Every time I see that damn rock on your finger, I’m reminded of what your sneaky ass went and did.”
“It…It just happened. I’m not going to lie; I was scared. Not that scared that causes you not to do something. The scared that you get when you want to do something, but don’t want to mess it up.”
“Oh, that’s how you know this was meant to be. Did you tell your parents yet?”
“No. They’re coming over to the apartment to have dinner with us. Denim told his mother and she was so damn excited about both the marriage and baby.”
“Your mother didn’t question why she was going to Denim’s apartment?”
“She doesn’t know it’s his apartment. She thinks it’s mine and we’re having dinner tonight as a housewarming. She tried to get out of it three times.”
“Your mother loves you, Haze.”
“She sure has a funny way of showing it. I just want to get this out so I don’t feel like I’m hiding something from them. Despite if she approves or not, I’m happy about it.”
“I could tell. You come into work every morning with a smile on your face. Denim is making you real happy over there.”
“Shut up,” I giggled.
It was true. Denim was making me happier than I had ever been. He sent me flowers for no reason at all, had my bath running when I came through the door from work and brought me lunch when I wasn’t expecting it. This man did things that I had never witnessed in my entire life. He made me feel like a queen whenever I was around him, and when I wasn’t around him, he called and checked on me. Marrying him was the best thing I could have ever done, and no one could convince me what I did was wrong. We did things our way, and I wouldn’t change a thing about what we did. God was funny with the way he blessed us. Everything I wanted, he handed to me in the wrong order. The pregnancy was the first thing and now being married was the second. The things I wanted didn’t happen on my terms; they happened on when he decided I needed them.
My baby, business, and husband were all that I was concerned about these days. I didn’t do anything except head to work and then back home to watch Netflix and lay under Denim. Tailor had gone back to California for a few weeks until her mother went on vacation again. It was her birthday this time, and she was going on a cruise in Europe for a month. Me, as a mother to be, couldn’t see myself being away from my child that long. Then again, my child was still inside of me and not running, crying and throwing tantrums, so I understood. While she was gone, she was going to be staying with us. It was going to be more practice for me. Tailor was still in diapers, so I got plenty of practice when it came to changing those.
“When are you going to get the rest of your things?”
“I know I need to call her and talk, but I don’t want to. Part of me wants to leave that shit there, but some of my family’s memories are there, and if I don’t take anything else, I need to grab those.”
“Yep, that doll your grandmother got you when you were a baby is there too.”
“See, so this is why I have to suck it up and just go and talk to her. Enough time has passed, and I think we can have a conversation together without it being heated.”
“No, I think you can have a conversation without it being heated. Do I think she can? No, I think she is still harboring some feelings about how you both ended. I mean, you ended years of a relationship almost instantly.”
“Mo, stop trying to make me feel like the bad guy. Wouldn’t you end a relationship if you found out you weren’t legally married, and your husband also had a coke habit, not to mention pulled a gun on you?”
“Woah, wait!” she pulled her hand and I pulled it right back. “You didn’t tell me that she pulled a gun on you. Hazel, promise me that you won’t go to the house alone.”
“Nobody didn’t need to know that. I’m here, right? Yolani wouldn’t hurt a fly. She loves to act tough, but once saved a fly I was trying to kill in the house.” I giggled. Yolani was harmless and I wished Mo understood that.
“Promise me, Haze.” She made me promise her I wouldn’t go there alone. Mo was dramatic and I knew Yolani. I knew she wouldn’t hurt me, and I trusted she wouldn’t. Even if we couldn’t be together, we were friends and I wanted to continue being her friend. Whatever she was going on, I wanted to help her through it. She didn’t need to go on a downward spiral; we could get the help she needed now.
“I hear you, Mo. What color your annoying ass want?”
“Orange, please. I got this bomb dress that has orange in it,” she perked up and left the subject alone.
Baby, we gotta postpone the dinner tonight. I gotta catch the red-eye to California tonight. We got an investor for the business and he wants to meet tomorrow morning.
I saw the message that came through from Denim. I was angry because I knew he had to handle business. Shit, I was relieved because I hadn’t pulled anything out the freezer to cook tonight. My mother wasn’t thrilled about tonight in the first place, so she would be excited that she didn’t have to come over.
Babe, business comes first. Handle yours.
Nah, you come first. I’ll see you before I head to the airport. Love you.
Love you too.
“Heifer, don’t be stopping my nails to go and text your hubby back. Get to doing what I’m paying for.”
“Um, Mo, you don’t even pay me so shut the hell up.” We both broke out in laughter. With how much Mo did for me around here, she wasn’t allowed to dig in her purse and pay for anything. I covered her nails and I was the only person allowed to do her nails. My friend came through for me so many times, and if doing her nails so she looked bomb on her date was the least I could do, it was as good as done.
Me and Mo stuck around and chatted for a bit before she had to run and grab the kids to take to the sitter. Once she was done, I shut the shop down and headed home. I was tired as hell and just wanted my bed. While chatting with Mo, I sent my mom a quick text, and she told it was fine, and she was tired anyway. I knew she didn’t want to come and the sad part was that it didn’t bother me that she didn’t want to come. Keeping this secret from her felt food. It was like I was keeping a piece of happiness for myself without her being negative about it. I sat in my car and look at Yo Yo’s nail sign and sighed. I remember when Yolani surprised me with this shop. She had evil ways about her. Still, she had a heart so big that I didn’t kno
w how it fits in her chest. You had to know her to witness that side of her. We didn’t have all bad times. There were more good than bad. Except the bad was so bad that it ruined the good times we had. The things she has done to me was stuff I couldn’t forget.
Before I knew it, I had pressed her name and the phone was ringing. It rang a few times before she answered the phone. “Yo.”
“Hey.”
“What’s good?” her tone was dry. Yolani was more emotional than what she let on. She liked to act like she was tough and bad. In reality, she was a big emotional mess.
“How are you?”
“Chilling. You know how I am. What about you?”
“Whew, a lot. I think we need to sit down and talk. Enough time has passed and we’re friends before anything else,” I was the first to bring up what we both spend this conversation avoiding.
“Shit, I’m free whenever. Let me know.”
“I need to come grab the rest of my things, so I’ll come by there if you don’t mind.”
“Cool. When?”
“Tomorrow afternoon, good?”
“Said I’m free whenever,” she repeated.
“Okay. Cool.”
“Bet.” She ended the call quickly and I held the phone to my chest. While she thought I was happy about this, I wasn’t. Yolani was my best friend. Fuck the whole fake marriage; this was a woman that had been a friend to me before we got together. Anytime I needed something, she was there for me and never complained. I just wanted my friend back more than anything. I wanted my friend to be alright and to get cleaned. Yolani needed to be right for herself before she thought of a relationship with anybody. Right now wasn’t the time for her to be focused on someone other than herself. When I met up with her tomorrow, I was going to be sure to mention her getting clean. I wanted her to know that I was going to be there for her through anything. I loved her and wanted the best for her. Wiping away a tear, I put my car in park and pulled off toward home. You couldn’t want more than someone wanted for themselves. In the end, I had a child and a husband I had to worry about. We both had different priorities now.