by Matthew Fish
I nearly stop her from doing so—however, Noah does not push her away. Instead he continues to cry for a while. Then abruptly stops.
“Are we playing chess today?”
“Sure,” I say as with a reassuring smile, “I mean as long as Cherie doesn’t mind, let me just clean up.”
“I’ll clean up.” Cherie says as she begins to collect the plates. “You play your game.”
“That’s… kind of my job,” I say somewhat hesitantly. After all, I am the Sitter—aside from making sure they take their pills cleaning up is one of my only other real objectives.
“Kind of my job…” Cherie says as she disregards me and continues to clean.
As I sit across from Noah he waits for Cherie to leave and then begins to speak softly. “They don’t let her watch the news right?”
“No,” I say quietly in reply.
“You think that’s for the best?” He asks as he moves a pawn up two spaces.
“I don’t know, Noah,” I say as I give it a moment of thought. I mean, she is aware that she is different so it seems only right that she should get to know what is happening to people like her—however, that kind of information could be damaging. “That’s a hard question. I mean I feel like it’d be the right thing, to let someone know the truth—but sometimes when I get home and see what is going on… I don’t even want to know.”
“Not knowing doesn’t make it go away,” Noah says as he takes one of my pawns with his knight.
“Yeah,” I say let out a sigh. “I don’t know what the right answer is.”
Cherie walks into the room and sits beside me and fixates on the game board in front of us.
“Hey Ethan,” Noah says, changing the subject.
“Yeah…?”
“How many Amnesiacs does it take to plug in a light bulb?” He asks as he slaps himself in the knee as he loses another piece.
“How many, Noah…?” I say as I am once again disappointed that the game is going in my favor. It is a strange thing, to feel sad that you are winning—to actually want to lose because you know somehow that it will make you feel better.
“I forget,” Noah says as he begins to laugh heartily.
I shake my head and laugh, not to the extreme of Noah, but I humor his attempt. “That’s very nice, Noah.”
“I don’t get what is funny about that.” Cherie says as she shakes her head. “That sounds kind of sad.”
“I’m an Amnesiac,” Noah says as he turns to her and nods. “It’s self deprecating humor.”
“Is that why you are always sad?”
“Probably,” Noah says as he looks away and focuses back on the game. “Have you been around any others—like us?”
“Only a few times, I think.”
“You think?” Noah asks as he gives his next move a lot of thought. He attempts to move his king out of check.
“I think I can feel them near me, but it must not be real because I don’t feel anything now.”
“Strange,” Noah says as he loses the game.
Having won, I feel no sense of victory. However, I am happy that they are having a conversation that is much more normal than the previous one. This test seems to be going very well. I think that this friendship could be good for the both of them.
“I’ll win on Friday,” Noah says as he looks down for a moment and then lets out a short laugh. “You’ll see.”
“You’re getting better,” I say in an attempt to reassure him. I don’t know if this is true or not. It seems to be about the same as last time.
“I’m just out of practice,” Noah adds.
“Of course,” I say with a smile.
The rest of the day goes well. Noah slips into a few moments of incoherency but they pass like a breaking wave upon rock and swiftly recede just as soon as they appear. I leave early, Noah is content with the leftover pizza—after all, due to the delivery driver’s policy of not coming to the door—this is a special treat for him.
The drive back to Cherie’s apartment is uneventful. She looks out the window in silence as we make our way back into the city. Once we stop, I place my badge over my neck and walk her up to her apartment—as is procedure. I make sure that she gets into her apartment safely. “Do you need anything before I go?”
“I’m good,” Cherie says as she stretches her arms out wide. “I usually nap… I didn’t nap today—I think I’ll sleep extra well tonight. Maybe I’ll dream of Paris if I can’t be there.”
“Do you ever think of…?” I begin as I turn to face the large painting of the Eiffel Tower. “Do you ever plan on finishing this? It’s such a good piece…”
“I painted this…” Cherie whispers, almost as though she is informing herself of the fact.
“I just think you are really talented,” I add.
“It’s finished,” Cherie says as her eyes look saddened. “It’s as finished as it is going to be.”
“I’m sorry,” I say as I let out a heavy sigh. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“It’s incomplete though isn’t it… kind of like me.”
“I didn’t mean to imply any of that,” I say as I shake my head. I feel terrible. I should have followed my instincts and kept my mouth shut about it. Sometimes I forget that I’m dealing with someone with issues—I begin to realize that I am having a harder time making a distinction between Unstables and just normal people. “It’s perfectly fine the way it is… and you are too. Don’t think otherwise.”
“Don’t think otherwise…” Cherie says as she slowly nods her head and glances back once more to the unfinished painting. She yawns once more and a smile returns to her seemingly always happy face—it is only her eyes that betray how she really feels about things. I wonder if her last Sitter noticed that… or even cared to.
I linger in the doorway for a few moments.
“Groceries,” Cherie finally says, breaking out of her Mirror state. “Can we get groceries tomorrow—we just got back from Paris and we don’t have much for tomorrow. We don’t have to get much since we’re leaving on Sunday again.”
“Of course,” I say as I nod. “We can do that.”
“Goodnight then, Ethan.”
“Goodnight, Cherie, I reply, despite it only being about six o’clock in the evening.
I arrive back at my apartment and kick off my running shoes into their usual spot. I shower, shave, and relax in my bed. My phone chimes twice. I reach for it on the nightstand and two new messages are displayed. One is a profile of a girl, 31, also a Sitter. According to her profile she has been a Sitter for 6 years… must have been among one of the first groups. She is attractive, long flowing brown hair and azure blue eyes. A little message at the bottom has an address to meet up at and a red button says no, and a green one says yes. I figure what the hell… at least it’d be good to meet someone who has been doing this longer than three days—the fact that she’s pretty definitely doesn’t hurt. I click yes. The second message is a simple plain text file from Katharine, the caseworker, she asks me to come in before I head to see Cherie in the morning. Probably just a checkup… or at least I hope it is not because I am doing a terrible job.
I think to turn on the TV, however I know what will be there—hopelessness, sadness, more injustices, and grief. Instead I stare out the window of my view of the city at night. There aren’t so many lights anymore—there aren’t as many people around anymore. Maybe the city has abandoned us… then again, maybe we deserved it. I don’t know exactly what I’m thinking about. I just know that we’re hurting ourselves by our actions. I hope that things will get better, but I know that the truth is that things will probably get a lot worse before they do.
5. Bending the Rules
I step into the C-Shapes Field Office. The same secretary smiles as she recognizes me. “Here to see Kathleen, aren’t you?”
“Yeah,” I laugh as I shake my head.
She presses a button on her console. “She’ll see you now… it’s 2B… just in case you forgot
that too.”
“I remember.”
“Ethan,” Katharine says as she shakes my hand.
She seems happy to see me. I take that as a good sign. “Katharine…”
“I contacted your cases,” Katharine says as she pulls out a small notepad of paper. “Don’t worry now, this is just kind of like a follow up—just making sure you’re doing okay and being safe out there. You’re not in any kind of trouble or anything… just wanted to go over a few things with you.”
“Oh,” I say as I nod. “So how am I doing?”
“Generally great,” Katharine says as she looks over her small notes. “I mean you seem to be interacting well with your two Unstables. You’re making sure they’re taking their Calm, which is the most important thing, and you’re not pushing them or being argumentative with them—which we both know is a smart move.”
“Anything I’m doing wrong?”
“You carried Cherie from your car into the apartment.” Katharine says as she bites the end of her pen and looks somewhat displeased. “You know that that kind of contact put yourself at serious risk.”
“She had an anxiety attack and I needed to get her back into her apartment where she would feel safe.”
“Next time force her to walk,” Katharine says as she nods. “I understand, I mean you’re new at this, but next time… if it happens again—do not put yourself in that type of situation. Remember a hand to the shoulder for comfort is fine, but keep your guard up and always keep a safe distance. I know that to you she may appear just a small, skinny, fragile, and even beautiful woman… but know that without warning she could turn Aggro on you and in that kind of compromised position, you would certainly have lost your life.”
“I understand,” I say, despite the fact that I still feel no regret for doing what I did. However, I get what she is trying to say. Perhaps I lack a healthy amount of fear that I should have… then again, as she said—I am new to this. “I won’t make that mistake again.”
“I think you just forgot. Which is okay, we all make these types of mistakes in the beginning… because, well, we don’t fully understand what they really are or what they’re capable of.”
“Is there anything else I’m doing wrong?”
“Your old friend Noah,” Katharine says as she nods. “I know that it must be really difficult because you had a past. I know that circumstance has led you to basically face each other once more, but I want you to know for certainty that your old friend is not there anymore. He may seem like the same person at times, or you may want him to be—but he will never be who you remembered him as.”
“I’ve been realizing,” I say as I look away for a moment.
“I could see about reassigning you.”
“No…” I say as I shake my head. “I’m good. I admit that first day I kind of hoped he was still in there somewhere, but I know that he is a completely different person now. I’m working to separate the past from the present and I think everything will be fine.”
“Good,” Katharine says as she places the pad of paper back in the drawer. “Aside from just those two concerns… they both think you are a great Sitter, and you’re doing a great job. You’re Sitting with Cherie today, what are your plans?”
“Groceries, I’m… going to take her somewhere. She thinks we just returned from Paris and that is why the fridge is empty.”
“Be careful, with what happened in East Chicago yesterday people are a little on edge.”
“What happened?”
“You haven’t been watching TV?” Katharine asks as though she is asking if I’ve been forgetting to breathe properly.
“I saw the thing about Texas and Alaska seceding, and Hawaii quarantining their Unstables… but last night I was beat—I just didn’t…”
“Texas and Alaska are no longer a part of the United States, they have stopped all traffic of C-Alysium into their states and are systematically killing all of their Unstables. The military can’t, or will not step in at this moment as we need to keep our forces up in case of a massive Aggro case. Plus, as the government sees it right now, there is no point in us normals killing each other—the president figures that once we release a cure everything will be patched up.
“They’re just going to kill them all?” I say as I shake my head. “What if a cure is found soon—then that is just murder.”
“They’re even eradicating the vegetables, I guess a few too many Aggro incidents have pushed them over the edge—they were never really truly onboard with the C-Shapes plan to begin with. This is an unfortunate, but eventual thing that was going to happen. Alaska was lost days ago… the news is just slow to report on it. Then again, they were never really onboard with us either. Hawaii is doing the most humane thing they can think to do, given how afraid the population is… at least they’re still administering Calm, they’ve just relocated them all in case things take a turn for the worse… if you’re going to be a good Sitter—you really have to keep up on this.”
“Got it,” I say as I nod. I’ve never been a fan of news nor politics. It all starts to seem like a giant cluster-fuck in the end. “What happened in East Chicago?”
“An Amnesiac went Aggro in one of the most violent cases we’ve seen. He tore his sitter apart and killed about six other people before the hunters were able to take him down. They estimated they fired about twenty rounds before he was finally brought down. So people in the Chicago are a little on edge—just take that into consideration, for yourself and your Unstable.”
“Thanks for the heads up,” I say. “Is there anything else?”
“Good luck on your date on Sunday.”
I laugh for a moment as I get up. “Thanks… you guys really keep on an eye on us—don’t you?”
“I like to think I choose well. She’s pretty yeah?”
“Definitely,” I say as begin to walk away.
“One more thing,” Katharine says as I place my hand on the doorknob.
“Yeah?”
“What’s your date’s name?” Katharine asks.
I look back and she is folding her arms beneath her chest and a smirk is spread across her face. “Melissa Sydney.”
“Michelle Sydney…” Katharine says as she shakes her head.
“I’ve never been very good with first names,” I admit as I let out a sigh. “Sorry.”
“Just don’t forget on Sunday—memorize it,” Katharine says with the tone of a schoolteacher handing out an important assignment.
I reach Cherie’s apartment a little later than expected. I knock once and she immediately answers. She throws her arms around me and embraces me. I push her away as politely as I can.
“Are you upset?” She asks.
“No… no,” I say as I step away. She is already dressed for the day. A long pair of white jeans, brown boots with fur lined tops, a long white t-shirt with brown flowers and a matching brown scarf. I begin to wonder if she has any clothes that are not fall or spring appropriate. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“I was just worried, you were late,” Cherie says as she meekly steps away and begins to put her gloves on.
“It’s actually pretty warm outside,” I say as I attempt to stop her. “You probably don’t need the scarf either.”
“No scarf or gloves?”
“You’ll be more comfortable without them,” I say as I shrug my shoulders. “I mean look I’m wearing a short sleeved dress shirt and I thought it was pretty warm today.”
“Strange,” Cherie says as she looks at me for a while as though she is trying to gauge whether she should listen to my advice or not.
She eventually tosses the gloves upon the table and unfolds her long brown scarf. Although she is smiling the entire time, her eyes carry that familiar sense of sadness.
“I’m sorry I made you worry.” I feel terrible for pushing her away when she was trying to give me a simple hug—but I remember the danger that I’ve already put myself in. I cannot allow that to happen again…
even if she seems like a perfectly normal, harmless person.
“It is okay, Ethan,” Cherie says, although continues to hold that saddened look in her eyes.
“Is there anything bothering you?” I ask attempting to fix the situation I know that I have caused.
“Is there anything bothering you?”
I wait for a moment as I look outside the window. It is a beautiful summer day. A tree outside the window fills the living room with a soft emerald light. It makes for the perfect shade so that it does not get too hot in the apartment… that must be why she’s always dressed like it is fall, then again, she does keep it rather cold inside here.
“It just…” Cherie says as she pauses and looks at me confused, “seems like there is something different about you today.”
“You were asking me?” I say embarrassed. I was sure she was mirroring me. I immediately feel terrible. “I thought you were… I thought you needed a moment.”
“You’re a good Sitter,” She adds as she looks down to the ground and nervously kicks one foot against the other. “My old one, she used to slap me in the face when I would repeat things—I could never help it though. You don’t do that. You’re patient.”
“I’m so sorry,” I say as I forget about my past thoughts. I embrace Cherie tightly in my arms. There is no fear. “I had no idea that was going on.”
“I thought you were afraid of me today,” Cherie says as she wipes her small red nose with a tissue from her pocket.
“No, it’s just that something happened recently and people are a little on edge—so when we go grocery shopping today, we just have to be a bit more careful. Don’t worry though I’ll take care of you.”
“I’ll take care of you.”
“Now you’re doing the thing right?” I ask, just to be sure. I do not want to come off as an ass again.
“…doing the thing right?”
“Got it,” I say as I nod and gesture towards the door. “Are you ready to go?”
“Got it… ready to go…?”
“Wait…” I say as I embarrassingly forget to do probably my only main duty as a Sitter. “You haven’t taken your pill.”