Kroll nods as I hand him a touchpad with the code on it.
“We can communicate through this. There is a scrambler built into it,” I say. “Only my machine can decode your messages.” Kroll nods at everything I say. Even knowing all that I know about Sliman and alien brides, it’s still pretty disturbing to accept that this fierce, menacing warrior has turned into a pet.
Right then, Gritu returns with a confused Finn.
“What’s going on?” Finn says when he sees the monstrous Sliman leader kneeling in front of me.
I touch Kroll’s shoulder. “Kroll, this is Finn,” I say. “He will be your master while I’m away. You will obey him and do as he says.”
Kroll nods. “I swear on my life,” he says.
Finn is so astonished. His jaw drops and he doesn’t even yell at me.
*
FINN FINDS ME ON THE GRASS staring up at the stars. Kroll has been sent back to Plantation-15 to reach out to the Dark Legion. As soon as I hear from Kroll that the legion has heard the code, I will set my plan in motion.
“Can’t sleep?” Finn asks.
“Nope. You?”
“I was looking for you,” he says. “Zoe said you’d be out here.”
He lies down next to me crossing his hands underneath his head. He stays silent for a moment but I can hear his brain working. Finn’s thoughts are like birds clamoring to be free of their cage and meet the chilly night air.
“Why did you do it?” he finally says. “Why did you put Kroll and the Dark Legion under my command?”
I feel the need to meet his eyes. To be honest and let him know that I understand how I betrayed not just him but also our lifelong bond. But it’s too late. Too many broken promises means the next promise is just a reminder of painful memories.
“This might be your only chance if I get captured,” I say. “An army of your own. They will protect the Saviors. And you’ll have to send someone to kill me if that happens, Finn. You know that. Nobody will be safe if the aliens get their hands on me. Promise you won’t let that happen. If anyone has the chance, I must be killed before they have hidden me away.”
“Stop talking like that. Nothing will happen to you, Tick.”
“Promise me you’ll take care of Tobi and Pip,” I say.
“You’re the most resilient person I know,” Finn says.
“Really? Resilient? That’s the best you can come up with?”
“Okay, you’re right. You’re powerful and you have loyal friends. Together we will make sure nothing happens to you.”
“Just promise you’ll protect Tobi and Pip, okay?”
“Of course, I promise,” he says, “but you already know I would take care of them. What are all these words about?”
He reaches out to take my hand in his. I feel his warmth and close my eyes. I love it when he calls me Tick. I feel flustered and breathless. I wish I could tell him that if he kissed me, I wouldn’t pull away. Not tonight. But my mouth will not say the words and my heart sinks deeper into loneliness.
“Look, Tick,” he says, “a shooting star.”
I open my eyes to take in the sparkling beauty of the night sky. I bring his hand to my lips and kiss it gently. If this is my last night with him, I want him to remember me as little Tick. The girl who meant the world to him. The girl who would have done anything for him.
14
I’ve become an adrenaline junkie. I’m not sure what that means, but Doc explained it to me. I feel most at home on the edge. He says it’s in part caused by the receptor and the crazy near-death situations it’s gotten me into.
In two days I will have to walk through the gates of Plantation-8, the place that created most of my nightmares. They didn’t pick this meeting point randomly. They know what it can do to me. Doc calls it a psychological hold. I’m preparing mentally to walk through those gates, but physically there’s nothing left to do. The hours move mercilessly slow.
At night, I go out to practice in the forest. The receptor blazes in my hand as if it’s on fire. I target a thick branch lying on a bed of leaves. I lift it off the ground and turn it into ashes.
The next moment, I create a rainbow of light with all its seven colors and let it reach out to the dark sky before it falls to the ground like a silk scarf.
I sense movement in the trees. I spin around holding the receptor out like a sword with a short, pulsating blue beam sharp against the chest of Joshua. The fabric on his shirt burns ever so slightly before I quickly turn off the dagger of light.
“Sorry about the shirt,” I say.
Joshua nods still a little in shock. He touches the burned hole in his shirt. “Better the shirt than me,” he says.
“How long have you been watching?”
“Only a moment. Long enough to have been rendered speechless.”
“You were almost rendered shirtless,” I say with a wink.
He walks closer to me unable to take his eyes off the receptor. “You made it like a lightsaber,” he says as if making a joke.
“A sabertooth? Rabbit told me about them,” I say.
“No, not an animal. A lightsaber was like a laser sword. There was this old movie. Never mind.”
“Are you okay, Joshua?”
“I know this machine in your hands is dangerous,” he says, “but don’t they have an endless supply of them?”
“They are running out of hands to hold them,” I explain.
“Even so, the few hands they have, would surely be more powerful than you. Am I not right?”
“They are dying. Their energy is unstable. I have seen them with the receptors. They grow weaker by the second when they use them.”
“I see,” he says. “Do you think, Freya, that we can prevail?”
My least favorite question. I cannot see the future. The only one I knew who could do that has long since disappeared into the light.
“What will be, will be, Joshua,” I say dismissing his flimsy question with a flimsier answer.
He breathes in the damp, night air. “Sometimes I just want to escape thoughts of what is and what will be.”
I consider his words. I like them. “Is this why you like your old movies full of laser swords?” I ask.
Joshua smiles. “It’s nice to let go of routine, let go of everyday life, having a job, going to school, eating too much or too little.”
“Those are nice problems to have,” I say.
“We cannot judge from a distance,” he says simply. “One person’s heaven is another person’s hell. Life is what you feel in the moment. It’s not what you’re told of another’s life or what you imagine the future could bring.”
I laugh before he has time to realize that his words have touched me. “I think I disagree with the last part,” I say and I turn on the receptor. I create thousands of tiny silver stars that float and dance around us.
“What do you believe?” he asks as the stars sparkle in his eyes.
“Life is best when you use your imagination,” I answer. “If you forget that, you become a slave to necessity. All that’s beautiful and horrible will never stand in line. Your heart and mind should always have room to be wild.”
“The wilderness is a savage place,” he says.
“So is the heart,” I say. “But you already know that.”
“What do you mean?” he says confused.
“There must be a reason you don’t dare to love anyone.”
I see him travel back to a place in time. “How could you possibly know about my life?”
“You are twenty-nine and unmarried,” I answer. “There was a day that love turned too savage for you. Was there not?”
He stares deeply into my eyes astonished.
“You are an amazing girl,” he says as he walks closer. “The depths of your soul fascinate me.”
It finally hits me why he’s here. I raise my lightsaber and place the edge against his chest to stop him from getting any closer.
“I know what you’re doing,” I say.
“It’s called flirting.”
“You are right about everything, but you have one thing wrong,” he says with what I can only describe as a hungry smile.
“Don’t take one more step,” I warn him. “This can never happen.”
“I no longer am afraid of the savagery of love.”
“Ah, no. Yuck,” I say.
Joshua steps back hurt. “Am I so hideous to you?” he says. “Am I too old and weak and human for your taste?”
“You’re not hideous. You’re very good looking. Just ask Zoe.”
“Zoe?” he says dismissively. “She’s just a girl.”
“She’s a year older than I am.”
“I don’t measure age in years,” he says.
“You don’t? It’s kind of the standard way to measure age,” I tease him.
“Where’s your sense of poetry?” he says not giving up.
“My poetry is on Exodus L21,” I say. “His name is Tobias.”
“Forgive me, Freya,” he says. “I just thought, you know.”
“No. What did you think?”
“That there was no man in your life.”
“Well, there is,” I tell him. “Now you know and won’t make that mistake again.”
I walk past him in the direction of the base. He catches up with me.
“Who is it?” he says.
“Where does this sudden interest in me stem from? You just found out I’m different and now you’re fascinated?”
“Just tell me who it is. What’s the big deal?”
I make up my mind. “It’s Finn. Happy now?”
“Finn? Really? Now I know you’re lying. Finn’s not into you.”
I’m beginning to lose my patience. I don’t know what he means by that and I don’t care. I push him aside determined to put an end to this meaningless conversation. He reaches out and takes my hand. Then he pulls me closer and puts his lips on mine. It’s a short, non-invasive kiss but enough to alert my reflexes. I slap him hard across the face and he has to take a couple steps backwards to steady himself.
“What’s gotten into you?” I say. “I went through this once. I don’t need any more pushy suitors. Try that again and the receptor will have something to say to you. I’m happy as I am. I don’t need any men.”
“Freya, I’m sorry,” he says. “I was under your spell. I’m a jerk. Please, forget this ever happened.”
I see honesty in his eyes. “You want forgiveness?” I ask him.
He nods.
“Take Zoe on a date, a real date,” I say. “And you better be more of a gentleman than you were tonight.”
“Sure. Yeah, I’ll do it,” he says.
“And give her a chance,” I insist. “She’s more than you deserve.”
I walk quickly back to the base. When the cool, filtered air hits my skin, I realize how sweaty and clammy I am. Before I hit the shower, I decide to stop by Finn’s room. He’s the only one who can calm me when I’m restless.
I reach his door and open it slowly in case he’s asleep. But he’s not asleep. He sits on the bed with Ella in his arms, their lips locked together. They pull away from each other when they see me.
Ella smiles at me. “Hi, Freya,” she says. “I didn’t hear you knock.”
“Freya never knocks,” Finn says. “It’s just how we are. Since we were children.”
“No, Ella’s right,” I mumble. “We’re not children anymore. I should have knocked.”
I turn to go.
“Wait,” Finn says. “What did you want?”
“Nothing important,” I say faking a smile.
I shut the door quickly behind me. I stagger down the corridor to my room. I don’t know why I am rocked to my core by what I have seen. Finn has a private life. It never crossed my mind that he’d have a secret and tender relationship with another girl. I thought he was mine alone to sneak around the woods with and to hide in the quiet corners of the unforgiving world.
She had his shirt off. That one is hardly a girl. I can feel my childhood dying while Ella’s fingers lay upon Finn’s bare chest.
*
WHEN I OPEN MY DOOR in the morning I find Damian waiting right outside. I jump out of my skin a little. I wouldn’t even know where to start if somebody asked me to make a list of all the reasons why his presence at my doorstep is so disturbing to me.
“What do you want?” I say abruptly.
“I need to talk to you,” he says in a dispassionate voice. Too dispassionate maybe. I’ve often wondered if his indifference to most of the things that go on with the Saviors and our future is merely an act.
“What about?” I say.
“What about? Have you been living under a rock? You’re starting a war tomorrow.”
“We can discuss all that during the scheduled meeting later today.”
I take a step outside the room. He blocks my way.
“Some things I’d rather discuss in private,” he says.
“Like what?” I say touching my forehead.
“Like why did you put Finn in charge of the Dark Legion instead of me? Didn’t I earn that right when I brought in Kroll?”
“I see. This is all about your ego. No surprise there. We need someone who can be levelheaded for this job. Does that answer your question?”
“Why are you so snappy with me? Is it because I refuse you?”
“Damian, is your sole purpose on Earth to push my buttons? Because if it is, you are a great success. But at this moment, the little drama we once had is the last thing on my mind. In fact, I’m so over anything having to do with romance. You have no idea. Now can you get out of my way?”
He steps aside and then walks beside me. As tough as I try to be, I’m worried about him.
“I’m not good at talking,” he says.
“You’re really not,” I agree.
This does not hurt him. Nothing can. “I want to contribute in the best way I know how,” he explains. “And you won’t let me. It’s frustrating.”
“You don’t have to lead to contribute,” I assure him. “The greatest heroes are the soldiers not the generals.”
We both laugh. “I used to tell Finn that.”
“Yeah. He hated it,” I confess.
“I can see why,” Damian says and for a moment he seems like his old self.
“Prove yourself in battle,” I say. “Show us your heart more.”
“I remember a time when you begged me to let you fight.” He grins.
“At least I’m letting you fight,” I remind him. “You never did.”
“What if I don’t have a heart to show?” he asks. “Don’t you think I would love you if I still did?”
I stop in my tracks thunderstruck by his words. I look at my feet. I cannot bring myself to look into his eyes. I am tired of embarrassing myself. I’m the biggest fool on Earth.
“If I had anything to give you, Freya, I would,” he says softly.
“I don’t blame you,” I say. I find the strength and lift my eyes to meet his. “You just need a little humility and patience. You can fight what they did to you. You want to prove yourself in battle. This is the battle you need to win. You need to find yourself again. You can be who you want to be. Not for me. Not for Tobi. For you, Damian.” I reach up and softly touch his rigid jawline.
“And I need humility for this? Humility is for beggars. I’m a leader,” he says and his face goes red. “I want to be who I am now.”
“And there you go. I knew this whole vulnerable act was too good to be true. You’re just trying to manipulate me. Again.”
“You have to admit, you make it too easy,” he mocks me.
The way I see it, I have two choices: I can either zap him off the ground with the receptor or I can zap his soul naked with my words. One thing’s for sure, I can’t let him walk all over me ever again.
“This is the last thing I am going to say on the subject, so listen up. I don’t blame you, I swear I don’t. And I know how hard it must be to live knowing t
hat you disappointed the one person you loved the most.”
“I didn’t love you. The Sliman in me did,” he snaps. “How many times do I need to tell you that?”
“I’m not talking about me, you idiot. I’m talking about Daphne. Remember her? Daphne? What would she think if she knew how you have given up on yourself and everyone you ever cared about?”
Mission accomplished. He goes pale, then turns and leaves without saying a word. And I feel all the worse for it. Because he is right to some extent. I treat him unfairly because of what he came to mean to me once. And because of the way he took all that away from me whether it was his choice or not.
I find Zoe in the dining-hall and drop on a chair next to her.
“There are eggs this morning,” she says before she notices the sour expression on my face. “Nerves?” she asks.
“Yeah, that. And the last four people I’ve come across have ripped my heart out. Not their fault. Mine. Why can’t I just be happy to be me?”
“Because we need people in our lives. There’s a Damian-sized hole in your heart.”
I shake my head. “It’s beyond that now. Everything’s changed. It’s not just Damian. It’s me, too. I’m a different person, Zoe.”
“When this is all over, I’m going to talk to Joshua,” she says.
Joshua. I forgot all about him. “I guess that’s one more reason why I should win this fight,” I say. “To give you time with Joshua.”
Zoe smiles and gets distracted for a moment. Probably thinking of that day when she will finally have a hand to hold. “Ella was here earlier,” she says when she returns to the present. “She was looking for you.”
“Did she say why?” I say. Could things get any worse? Apparently, yes.
“No. She said she’d be in the Labs if you want to find her.”
I’m not sure if I want to talk to Ella right now but my curiosity gets the better of me. I walk to the Labs and find her in a white lab coat handling blood samples. She waves me over when she sees me.
“Having fun?” I ask.
“I need to stay occupied or I will lose my mind,” she says. “Doc is nice enough to let me help.”
“I know the feeling. It gets boring down here,” I say. “You could go back.”
[scifan] plantation 03 - shadow empire Page 11